A First!

Today was a a first. 

A special, out of the ordinary, never done that, been there or felt this before first.

Today, I took Kambree, my oldest and first born daughter shopping. 

That in itself is nothing new. We've been shopping for almost 20 years - more if you count the months I carried her with me and she could hear my heart beat from the inside as I held up onsies and ruffly dresses and frilly socks.

Today we were shopping for a dress. 

Again, not that extraordinary, we shop for dresses usually twice a year, at Christmas and Easter.
When she was little she never made a fuss, I could pick out the frilliest, girly-est dress and she'd twirl and whirl and wear it with joy. (Well, she was fussy about it's twirl-ability it had to twirl just right.)

As she got older her taste changed and she wanted something more fashionable, or a certain color, cut or latest trend. We argued, we begged/pleaded (both of us), compromised and eventually came to terms.

So shopping for a dress really isn't all the momentous or out of the ordianry.

What made today so special?
We were shopping for......The Dress.

Yes.

Her wedding dress. 

My baby is getting married.

It's not offical yet, so I will not publish this until she's wearing the ring on her finger proclaiming the fact she is indeed getting married (even though we all know she is) but I wanted to write down my thoughts and feelings on this, the very day that we went shopping for The Dress.

We decided to just run to the closest bridal store and get a feel for what she likes, prices and the what not. The first dress she walked out in was beautiful - most wedding dresses are - but she looked so fabulously happy and glowing and I gasped and covered my face because I could not control the tears that sprang to my eyes. 

There she was. 

Standing in front of me.

All dressed in white.

 My beautiful daughter and I was so happy.  

So happy that she has found such a wonderful young man - we love Cameron - and more importantly, we know he really loves our Kambree. So, happy that she found someone worthy to take her to the temple and that she is worthy to go.  That she found somebody that we actually like and is such a good fit in our family. (Do you think we knew our children's spouses in the preexistence? Because seriously, I really like this young man. There is something about him that is vaguely familiar. A feeling that this is right? Are mothers entitled to such witnesses?)

Yet despite my happiness......I burst into tears? 

What the heck? 

I just looked at Kambree and thought, "How did this happen?".

Where is my beautiful infant that fit in the curve of my arm like an extension of myself? The baby that was six long days late, with cooing round lips and dark lashes against her chubby cheeks? 

Where is  my blond, curly haired toddler, humming songs, dancing to her own music, watching Barney and her sweet smelling neck I loved to bury my head in making her giggle and squirm?

Where is my independent child who refused to play dolls but always played dogs, like to make snails her pets, and who told me "It's every girls dream to have a horse!" sure that a horse could happily live in our back yard?

Where is my young teen with her mouth of braces, and silly friends making hauted houses, carnivals and running babysitting clinics out of our basement and backyard?

Where is my high school daughter that I could never take my eyes off as she danced on stage? My darling teen that could never make her bed or keep her clothes off her bedroom floor, was obsessed with the length of  her lashes - using three different mascaras daily -  and always squeaking  in minutes before (and often after) curfew? 

 I do recognize this driven college daughter that takes on all those medical classes rattling off words I cannot spell let alone pronounce, dancing weekly at western swing, drill team performing and dating (and dropping) a new boy on a weekly bases. 

I just wasn't prepared for this sight.

All grown up and dressed in white and just as beautiful as the day she was born and every day since standing in front of me, asking me what I thought of this dress? 

I had to hold my hands to my face - peeking out between my fingers nodding that it was beautiful as tears streamed from my eyes and a sob escaped my mouth.
I didn't see it coming. 

Yes, I thought maybe I'd tear up a bit?
Not out and out sob!
Oh my goodness.
The clerk brought me a box of tissues.

 Luckily it takes awhile to change from dress to dress and I was able to get my emotions in check for the next dress and actually be able to be a constructive part of finding The Dress - rather than a blubbering, over emotional, hot mess. 

We found a stunning one but decided we should check out at least one more recommended store.

At the second store we didn't see anything on the rack that we liked more than our first favorite but since we had driven all the way to Provo we decided to try on a few?

The 2nd one we tried on there was The Dress. 

A bit simpler but just so perfect - or at least will be after a visit to the alternation lady - we're adding loop buttons over the zipper and a lace sleeve to make it her own.  (So, don't think I got off the hook that easy, I've got to track down coordinating lace, loops and buttons!)

Luckily we had our personal wedding planner, Rylee with us to share this day. She's got a big wedding book with a check list and has taken it to heart to read to us (while driving back and forth to Provo) not only about where all our silly wedding traditions came from but what still needs to be done and how far behind we are!

Yes, I have pictures but just in case her cute Cameron is savvy to my blog, I will not be adding them to this post until AFTER the big day.

I just always want to remember this day.

This first.