June Alex-isms!

"Mom, can I sleep with you?"

Alex, why do you want to sleep with me?

Because.....because I didn't have a chance!

(Needless to say...he slept with me!)

***********'

Alex was trying to tell us about a movie he saw in school about the "holy-cost" (holocaust) and we were having a hard time understanding what he was talking about. We just couldn't figure it out and Austin told him he had never heard of such a thing to which Alex retorted "Well, you watched the wrong holy cost!"

*************

The other night Alex was insisting he was born in Russia.
Me: No you weren't.
Alex: Yes, I was.
Me: Really? Then why do I have your birth certificate and it says Dniproprotrosk, Ukraine.
Alex: I don't know but I was born in Russia.
Me: How do you know?
Alex: I remember big building when I came out.

What more could I say then but to just laugh out loud!

*************

Alex: Want to hear my plan?
Me: sure
Alex, Well, first I go to high school. Then go on mission to Japan. Then come home and go to college.
Me: Japan huh? You want to learn a third language?
Devree: Japanese is hard
Austin: Yes, I think it's one of the hardest languages.
Me: Besides you don't pick where you want to go on your mission, you go where the Lord wants you but there are foreign missions you can go on and speak English. Like Australia or England.
Alex: Like where Harry Potter live?

**************

And this is so Alex....

For example, after losing screen privileges for the day (after an excessive day of screens the day before and a skewed sense of time on screens) we were having a lesson on "soul searching" we covered a lot of ground, talked a lot about Alex's past and the anger he has inside about it. It was a hard, hairy one hour talk with me learning a few new things about his past and he verbalizing things he has never done before. (Like, why didn't his older brother get him out of the orphanage? Why did he have to go there?) As we were wrapping it up I asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell me or talk about?  Alex says, "Yes.....(big sigh from him and I say a little prayer in my heart that whatever he tells me I will say the right thing and be able to help him with it).....why can't I have screens today?

In need of helping hands? How about Kambree's?

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What he missed.....

I am NOT a perfect parent but I think I am adequate and after having four children -one actually graduate from high school, become a legal adult and attend college, I got the delusional idea that I had this parenting thing all figured out.
Wrong.
I have never parented a previous orphan and all the "rules of thumb" often times have to go out the window. That's not to say I don't try all my tried and true techniques and kick against the pricks for awhile trying my old ways before I slow down, listen and learn.
Those of you that follow this blog (or just know me in general) know I run a pretty tight ship. I like order, I like schedules, I like to check off my "to do" list  and I like things to go according to plan.
You would also know that I spend a lot of time lecturing/talking/teaching Alex. Often times after lecture/talk /rant #14 or #15 of a particular topic, it will sink in and he'll master or at the least comply with the topic at hand.
But one reoccurring lecture/talk/rant topic has been sneaking and lying.
Man alive. I just don't think there's another story or lesson in me that I can come up with about why we shouldn't sneak or the consequences of lying. I feel like pull my hair out and I take it so personal. "How can you lie to me Alex? I love you so much." It just hurts my heart.
Now, he doesn't lie about important things. 

Nope.

It's dumb stuff. 

Thing's like; "Yes, I did my job." when he didn't. "Yes, I practiced piano." when he hadn't "Yes, I did my reading." when it wasn't done. The only trouble he'd get in for telling the truth would be a "Then go do it!" reminder. Yet he chooses to lie time and time again,  get's caught, get's in trouble, get's some sort of consequence and a talking to only to turn around and do it again the next day.

This week I think Heavenly Father must have been tired of watching us go around in circles and sent me a little glimpse of understanding.
An epiphany  if you will.

It dawned on me that most of Alex's lies are because he wants to play, or have fun and lying just seems easier to Alex than complying. He takes the risk of getting caught and 99% of the time he ALWAYS gets caught.

Yet,  he just keeps on doing it. 

So the other morning I was doing some soul searching  (while standing in a hot shower  which is where I get my best inspiration. Probably because it's the only place I am ever truly alone?)  after yet another lecture with Alex about doing the things he's suppose to do (get dressed, get chores done, get piano practiced) before playing (computer and video games) and realized that all his lying has everything to do with playing and having fun. Then it was like a little window opened up and I know these were not my thoughts but thoughts placed in my head; Alex never had a carefree childhood. He never had a time where he could just play and not worry about his safety or where his next meal would be coming from. His life up until the orphanage was wrought with neglect and abuse. His life in the orphanage offered regular food and routine but not safety from big kids, mean teachers or caregivers, there was no nurturing or love.  He missed so much.

He didn't get to get up early in the morning and sit in front of the TV in his pajama's watching morning cartoons. He didn't get to spend the day building Lego buildings, playing super hero, or making forts out of all the blankets and chairs in the house. He didn't get to go to the fridge or pantry and grab a snack whenever he felt hungry or bored or pass out Popsicle's to his friends on a hot summer afternoon.  He didn't have help with his school work or to encourage/reminded to get his homework done. He didn't have a family that piled on the couch and watched movies and popped popcorn. A trampoline to jump on, a bike to ride, a garage full of tools to build inventions with. He didn't have a mom to remind him to brush, bath tuck him in, tickle his back and kiss him goodnight. A dad to rough house, throw balls with and teach him how to change a bike tire. He didn't have siblings to play board game, shot hoops with and be bored with during the summer.  He didn't have an environment to grow and blossom in. He was too busy taking care of his basic needs when most children his age are busy thinking about playing with friends, family vacations and the latest video games.
Remember how his baby teeth were during the hosting program? The dentist remarked on how he must have been under a lot of stress at a young age to grind his teeth down to little stubs like that.

So now, here we are. A twelve year old turning thirteen next month and yet having the desires and direction of a much younger child. Sometimes he's maturity and emotional level is that of a four year old but mostly I can see him wavering between 6 and 8. That need to play, play, play at all costs. The focus on fun.
Now, you might think. "Ah-ha! She's got it! She just needs to let him be little and make up for lost time? She needs to let up, loosen up, and let him live out those lost years!"
Easier said then done my friends because what my glimpse really did was help me to understand him and why he does what he does and for that I am so grateful. I really was taking this all so personal and having a hard time loving Alex unconditionally because he hurt my heart so much when he would lie to me. That's why I needed this glimpse and understanding.
Why can't he go back and relive his lost childhood?
You see, Alex wants all the perks & privileges of being almost 13 and yet can only handle the responsibility & expectations of being much younger. If he were younger, he would have much easier chores & study requirements (because scary 7th grade and Junior High wouldn't be looming in front of us), reminding him about brushing his teeth, washing his hands, taking a bath, doing his homework, and completing his chores would be a standard. But he would want to play with TOYS (Lego's, toy guns, cars etc) and not just video games and electronic toys because if he were truly that young, the video games that he loves to play would be forbidden and off limits. He would be playing things like Putt-Putt Goes To The Circus on the computer, not Mindcraft or Halo. He would also go to bed earlier, have less freedoms to roam, use power tools, not own an I-pod or wish for a cell phone.
So what to do?
Yep.  You guessed it.
Another talk.
I had started out asking him if he knew what soul searching was?
No.
I explained that it was when you think hard and deep and look for inspiration for ways to improve on something that is troubling  you or you are worried about. I went on to tell him I had been doing some soul searching  about him and his issues with lying and sneaking. Had he ever done any soul searching?
No.
Never? Don't you think about how you can stop lying?
No.
Don't you just take time to think about your problems or try to come up with a way to improve things you struggle with?
No.
(Sigh)

I explained that at his age, this is something he needs to start doing but I didn't want to dwell on that topic.

We then talked about all the things Alex might have missed from his childhood, I mentioned a few and I got words directly from his mouth (with a little coaxing). His biggest complaint - besides not having enough to eat - was he missed out on playing video games and having money. (Apparently many parents would visit the orphanage and give their children money? Alex's mother never came.) We talked about how maybe because of him missing out on all this playing and having the freedom to just play and have fun when he was younger that his focus is always on playing and having fun now? So much that he might lie and sneak to get more funa and playing in? He agreed that might be true. 

Then I explained my parenting problem.
Do I parent him like a little kid - how he acts sometimes?
Or a boy almost turning 13 - which he physically is?
He immediately chose teenager.
I told him he couldn't tell me verbally (with his words) how to parent him, he had to show me by his actions.
A boy of his physical age should be able to follow simple instructions, get his things done and then enjoy playing. That at his age he should not be so consumed with fun and play that he sneaks and lies.  That I don't care if he wants to go back and act 5 or 6 years old, that is okay. I will hold him, rock him, sing him songs and he can have easier jobs, less responsibility, lower expectations and more time for play and fun. But he will need to play things that 5 and 6 year old's play and get the privileges that 5 or 6 year old's get and let me parent him like a 5 or 6 year old.(I said all this very kindly - not in a threatening or angry way. Really. If he wants to act that way, I'm okay with it, he just can't have it both ways.)
Nope.
He wants to be 12 almost 13.
Okay. Good.
Then show me.

And so far he has.
He's told the truth when he could have easily lied a few times. He still focuses on fun - the minute we finished our talk the next words out of his mouth - before he even stood up and or I had a moment to move forward in my thinking - were about the X-box and focused on fun and play. But like all things, it's baby steps with Alex. I do think we'll work on some "soul searching" activities this summer. That ought to be fun. We worked on a "descriptive" writing assignment last week in his journal. His tutor is working on descriptive writing and giving details and telling a story in a sequence so I had him write what he could remember about his Ukraine home, the orphanage and his life in Ukraine. It was challenging for him but once he got going, he did really well. So well, that I didn't even go back and correct spelling or sentence structure. I learned a few more things about him that I didn't know, like on Christmas they would go around begging for money when they were in the orphanage. He wrote that he felt in his heart that it wasn't right. He's not sure why but something inside him told him it wasn't right to beg for money. Interesting huh?
 I'd love to let him make up for his missing childhood and re-live those ages he missed but the fact is he's not 5 or 6 and he doesn't want to be treated as such. However, there are some days we have moments of missed childhood  like last week when he wanted to sleep with me or last night when he let me help him bath as he had hurt his leg on his bike. Moments and glimpses where he gets to know how it feels to be little and safe and loved.  He loves to be hugged and at least two or three times a day comes in for a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. When we watch a show,  he always tries to sit by me, lean against me and get me to tickle his back, or hold my hand just like little boys who are small and not worried about their image and being big. Moments like that are priceless and I hope we have many more of them because a carefree, loving childhood is a terrible thing to miss.

Babies Don't Keep

Just six months ago Rylee was asking for Barbies & Webkins for her birthday. 

She just couldn't get enough. Having two older sisters she has a most impressive collection of Barbie paraphernalia and between birthdays, Christmas and saving her allowance she has close to 15 little Webkin animals. And she loves them. Her Barbie house is arranged just so and her "special" Barbies have places where they are meticulously posed  in between being played with. Her Webkins all have special names and she even has a rotation order as to what Webkin sleeps with her each night. (I believe we even took ALL of them on vacation last year!)

This week (insert sounds of angels trumpeting) we got new carpet in the basement!! Hurray!! I was finally able to put the toy room/closet back together. (Everything's been stacked in the storage room for a couple months. We looked like crazy hoarders when you walked in that room.)

It was late Wednesday when I offered to let the kids stay up if they help me put the toy room back together. Alex was "YES! ME! I WILL HELP!!" (He LOVES to stay up late.) So we started. I asked Ry if she wanted to keep the Barbies and Barbie house in her room for awhile because if she didn't, now was the time to tell me so I can plan the toy room accordingly. She nonchalantly and without heistiation said, "Put it downstairs. I don't like Barbies any more." 

What? I stiffled a gasp. 

Who was the pre-teen girl child?

We moved everything down and began sorting and organizing. We have WAY too many stuffed animals and considering NO ONE plays with any of them. Every single one is too many so we packed them up with a plan to find a good home for them. Then Rylee drops bomb number two,
"I don't want my Webkins either."
My eyes bulged and I asked "Are you sure?" 
"Yes. They're dumb. I don't ever want to play Webkins again."
In hindsight I didn't realize that I haven't had to kick her off the computer for playing Webkins for months. I should have clued in. She was moving on.  

It hurts my heart to realize that this toy room is not for my children but for my nieces and nephews and my future grandchildren.

For almost 19 years I have children playing with toys.

And now we're pretty much done.

Oh, sure. They play. They play on the computer. They play video games. They play on the trampoline but no one plays houses, cars, guns, dress ups, princess, cops and robbers. No one wants to build with blocks, or have me dress their Polly Pockets, put Barbies arm back on, build Lego towers, or have a tea party. No one wants me to hold their babies bottle or babysit their stuffed elephant. 

We're too old for that now. 

We moved on to the need for cell phones, facebook accounts and night games.

*Sigh*

I just realized I will have FOUR teenagers in my house as of July 28th and one 11 1/2 year old who looks, acts and wants so much to be a teenager too.

*Shakes Head*

Knowing how fast these 18+ years  have gone, I realize just how precious the next seven years are. Yes SEVEN years until my baby graduates from high school. Until they're all gone. Off to college. On their own. Moving forward with their lives.

Seven years.

That's like a blink.

And then our home will be empty. Empty of kids crowding around the computer laughing at the latest Youtube video, piano practicing, beat boxing, tramp jumping, night games, face booking, dance practicing, boxing matches, pounding their own composition on the piano over and over again, corny Disney channel sitcoms on Netflix, I-tunes, firecrackers, outdoor fire pits with s'mores, piles of shoes, coats and backpacks, water fights, movie quotes, sing a longs, late night homework blitzes, driveways full of cars and a yard full of friends.

*Sniff*

But just think how my life will be:

• I will be able to read my book and turn off my light at ten pm and no one will wake me up two or three times as they come home and check in and/or tell me about their date/night with friends or their excuse for being late for curfew.

•  I will not wake up in a panic at three in the morning only to run down and shake awake a sleeping teen that forgot to check in.

• I will wake up to a house that looks the same as when I went to bed without crumbs and dishes strewn on the counters in the kitchen.

• I will not come home to four or five friends eating us out of house and home, I-tunes blaring and girls and boys giggling and chasing each other in and out of the house.

• I will not buy Popsicle's.

• Milk will probably go sour and a batch of cookies will last more than a few hours. 

• I will not trip over long boards and roller blades in the garage.

• I will not find fishing sinkers, lip-gloss, and candy wrappers at the bottom of the washer.

• I will not vacuum up air soft bb's and hear them rattle around until I empty the canister.

• I will not be forced to come watch and perhaps be talked into purchasing the newest and coolest gadget being advertised on TV.

• I will not know the top hit songs, dance moves, newest fashions or hippest lingo.

• I will not drive any carpools or be the "cool" mom that drives both ways to parties. 

• I will have a couple of batches of laundry and no longer get confused over who's underwear/socks/gym shorts are who's?

• I will not be chasing down keys, homework, shoes and backpacks for children who are late due to such lost items.

• I will not be running to the school with forgotten lunches, tampons, and homework.

• I will not walk by a room so covered with shoes and clothes that I cannot see the carpet.

• I will not have a constant list of things we are out of like "good" shampoo and conditioner, contact solution & frozen burritos.

• I will not lecture about chores, modesty, crude humor, being kind, and grades.

• I will not find my calculator, tweezers, favorite sweater or mascara missing.

• James and I will not have to lock the door. 

• I will not be door bell ditched at midnight by some boy or girl that has a crush on one of my kids.

• I will not have piles of boots and gloves and snow pants piled in front of the fire (for days on end) drying after sledding.

• I will not listen for coughs, throwing up or sneaking out.

• I will not get texts reporting where there are, that they got there safe or they are on their way home now.

• I will not get failing notices in the mail and/or invitations to attend assemblies where my children will be recognized. 

• I will  not find the chocolate chips opened and almost gone, the cold cereal boxes empty but returned to the pantry, and the jug of empty milk sitting in the fridge.

• I will continue to be the only person that knows how to change the toilet paper roll.

• And I will not catch their scent as they kiss me on the cheek and leave smelling of cologne or perfume and lotion.
And I know - just like their childhood of toys and play things -  I will miss and mourn these teen years when they are over....

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

P.S. We are sending one bag of small stuffed animals to an Ukraine orphanage with a friends heading there next month. The other we sent to Hugs for Haiti to be distributed to children in Haiti. (www.lovinghugs.org) But before I sent them off, I asked Kambree if she thought we should keep any. (She loved her stuffed animals the most.) I was sure being almost 19 that she would just shrug but she immediately dug through the bags and retrieved her favorite three stuffed dogs. (Daisy, Daffy and a dog Austin gave her years ago.) Upon seeing her attachment,  I told her I was sure I could find room in the toy room for them. Nope. She decided she'd just like to sleep with them for now.

A Day With Mom!

Last night I escaped to an overnight retreat with a few of my friends.

Two crazies running the Ragnar Race and one lovey that just happens to live in Logan where the race started. My job? To pick up the two crazies and take them to Logan where we took the one lovey out and treated her to dinner and games -because she always does so many nice things for us and never lets us pay!

So....I left my legal adult daughter in charge. 

I'd been planning this for weeks.

Mom over-nighter's don't happen very often and although a quick trip....so worth it!

However, my two "brilliant" teens thought, "Great mom is gone! No rules!" and both broke their curfew and didn't report where they were and who they were with. (I may not be home but I am not stupid!) I thought long and hard on my drive home from Logan about a consequence for them. Grounding and sitting home playing X-box or computer doesn't sound like much of a punishment but keeping them away from their friends is  so, what can I do? 

Introducing, Day With Mom!!

When I got home this morning I got them up and told them to get their stuff done and get their suits on, we're going to the pool. They don't like the pool. It's geared to 5 year old's BUT I explained that since I cannot trust them on their own, they will need to stay with me ALL DAY AND NIGHT! (And if they do this with a good attitude, it will be a ONE day consequence. If not it will continue until a good attitude is found?)

After the pool I took them to grocer shop with me. So fun.
Then they helped put it all away and Austin made dinner. (He missed his Tuesday night. Yes. I am mean. I make my kids -once 14 years old - make dinner one night a week during the summer. MAKE dinner. Not heat something up or serve sandwiches.)

And now - much to their dismay - we're headed to an outdoor musical!!

Woot!

When you have a Day With Mom you get to do the things Mom does (grocery shop) and loves (musicals)!!

Do you think they'll miss their curfew again? Or not report their whereabouts?
Probably not but I can hope! Because, I have lots of musicals I want to see and I've honestly enjoyed having them with me today!

Alex's First Track Meet!

My sister and I signed our boys up for track this summer. I have never had a child participate in track and not being a runner myself (until sort of recently) I had no idea what it actually consisted of.
Well, last night was our baptism by fire, welcome to track & field, track meet!

Let me back up, when I approached Alex about it, he was less than thrilled, telling me "I get tired!" Well, yes. We all get tired when we run but I just went with, "Oh. Okay. Well, your Dad thinks you run really fast - like a gazelle - and you might do really well?" I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Oh, and did you know that if you run REALLY good and run on the track team in high school that you can get a SCHOLARSHIP for college? But you would need to start running now to figure out if you like it and if you're any good at it but if you don't want to, then....okay."

"I will do it!" he proclaimed.

Game on!

So they've been going to track for a couple of weeks and last night was our first track meet.

Here's my cute nephew Tyler. He took first in his heat but didn't end up placing in the top 5. 

Alex planned on doing the long jump and high jump.

"What, you're not running?" I asked.

"No."

"But I wanted to cheer and yell 'Run Alex run!'" 

"Mom you will just have to say 'Whoohooo Alex!'."

"Okay."

But when we got there he had to pick THREE events! He went with the long and high jump and the 400 meter! (One time all the way around the track.)

Here he is lining up:

Walking up to his starting line:

And here's a close up of that cute one eyed squint!

And crossing the finish line!

(He's in the white shirt - and yes in my excitement, I keep losing him in the frame. Hey! Give me a break. I'm an excited mom, not a videographer!) 

He came in 2nd in his heat and 4th over all.

Whoot!

Afterwards he was clutching his heart.

It made me sort of nervous.

I gave him water, and rubbed his back and Kammy had him do some deep breathing and he recovered just fine.

Later he told me he's never running that far again. He'll just do the 50 meter.

I think he thought he was going to die after that 400 meter. 

I told him he just needs to build his endurance and stamina. 

I didn't get any pictures of the other events because I would need some super duper zoom to get a decent picture across the field. (They don't allow parents on the field.)

The meet was long. 

Very long. 

We got there at 5 pm and went home at 8:30 and some events were still going strong!

We found out around 9 that Alex placed 4th - Kam was still there waiting for Brach's last event so she text the news to us.

Nope. That didn't change Alex's opinion about running a 400 meter again.

We stopped and picked up a pizza to celebrate.

(Which we figured was cheaper and yummier than the pizza they were selling at the track meet.)

Note to self: Bring a blanket - if not to sit on then to wrap around yourself when the sun goes down and bring something for the boys to do while waiting for hours on end for their event. Like a DS!

Well, see how next Tuesday's meet goes....

Cupcake Summer Is Upon Us!

As mentioned, Rylee is REALLY into cupcakes this summer. Not just normal cupcakes but fancy decorated cupcakes.  Here are her first two attempts. Keep in mind she is eleven and I did NOTHING (besides purchase the supplies) in the creation of these delicious & darling cupcakes. (And they are completely edible!) 

1st Batch: 

Flamingo's

Next Batch:

Scotty Dogs

Devree even got into it and decorated one!

And here is my little Betty Crocker....

I told her we have to limit cupcake creation to once a week besides special holidays/events as this newest hobby is not only fatting but getting rather expensive! 

But totally worth it. 

See that smile? 

Yep. 

Totally worth it!

Bowling!

So in my brilliance (I kid) I signed up with kidsbowlfree.com and got all my children two free games of bowling everyday this summer! Amazing!
(We also bought Raging Water passes but it's just not been hot enough to go yet!)

It was totally free for all the kids (except for shoe rental) but there was a charge for James and I, I think it was $24 for both of us for the entire summer? Since the last time we went bowling as a family was before we adopted Alex and it set us back $60 dollars for one game, I figured I had nothing to lose as long as we went once! 

Well, we went today!

Yeah for us.

We did have to pay for shoe rental but $12 for the six of us wasn't bad!

Now, let me preface, we are not bowlers in any sense of the word but James came down sporting this shirt.

And proclaiming that he was going to be Champion!

Austin told him he already claimed Champion - no battle. He was already wearing his Champion shirt!

James said whoever wins will get to wear HIS shirt and he will wear the winners shirt! (He was pretty confident in his bowling skills and based on the previous knowledge he had of our bowling abilities, it was a pretty safe bet!)

So, we were off to a nice clean, pollen free bowling alley!

 Dev after one of her many gutter balls....

 Falling down!

Alex reminded me that the last time he bowled was in Ukraine when I took him and his brother Ivan, his wife Snezhana and our driver/landlord Constantine bowling for the first time in their entire lives!

Yes. That would be the last time I had bowled too. 

Over two years ago!

Concentrating hard. 

The best score would be....

ME!

(Yo Mama)

And this is the shirt James gets to wear.....

Teeheehee!

My blog friends and Alex musings....

I love my blog friends.

They are so inspirational.

For so many reasons.

One blogging friend blogged about how she is not saving her adopted children but they are saving her. So true. 

One about how it's hard to like a child when you know they can do so much better and how Heavenly Father must feel looking down at us and realizing that we too could do so much better.  

Another of my blog friends, heading to Ukraine next week, blogged about a dream she had about her soon to be adopted child. It just gave me chills. 

Yet another blogger I read this week talked about her adopted son having a birthday and she said age is more about experience than an actual number. 

BINGO!

That is so well said. Alex looks like a 12 almost 13 year old and sometimes even acts his age but we have moments - often - of a much younger age. Sometimes as young as 3 & 4. But when you think about how much LIFE experience Alex has had - as far as values, maturity, trust, responsibility. He really hasn't had much. And that explains some of the "babyish" behaviors we see and/or that he says. 

Here is an example. (Think about a 3 or 4 year old that thinks he is Superman or super strong and he is showing you his amazing strength):

"Mom, my arms are getting  so strong!"

Me, wondering where this came from, "Really? Why?"

Alex beaming,"I can lift long board better. It was so heavy. Now not so heavy."

Not an almost 13 year old thing to say and trust me, when his siblings hear things like this they just look at him with a look of bafflement and often mockery. It's hard to not be sarcastic sometimes. Even for me. 

Add to that his love for corny babyish cartoons (that drive his siblings nutty), his over exaggeration, ("It was 102 degrees at scout camp!" When it didn't climb above 75.) his need to win (which he is getting way better at these days), his inability to focus on ANYTHING when a screen is on, how he can practice the piano for ten minutes and claim it's 30 yet play the computer for 2 hours and claim it's been forty five minutes, forget to brush his teeth for days on end, and of course the silly little lies he tells and there are days I think I'm raising a 5 year old! And it truthfulness, I think age FIVE would be easier! I could put him down for a nap, give time outs and put him to bed early!

We have had a couple of  "baby" discipline experiences. Times when I would treat Alex like the "baby" he is acting like. Hold his hand walking down the stairs, put a bib on him, give him a sippy cup, cut up his food, tie his shoes, ask if he needs to go potty before we leave. Yeah. He didn't like it too much. Last Sunday we had one of those days after finding out he had just wet his toothbrush and NOT brushed his teeth. My "baby day" backfired when he refused to go pass the sacrament at church. He was trying to call my bluff and I just went with it. When I made him spit out his gum because he's too little he might choke and then fed him fishy crackers one at a time from my hand, he had had enough! He was getting ticked! I told him the minute he could look me in the eye like a 12 almost 13 year old and apologize for not brushing his teeth and promise to start brushing his teeth on his own, I would stop treating him like a baby!  It took a minute for him to compose himself but he did it. I then hugged him to me and whispered how I know he doesn't like to be treated like a baby but sometimes I think about what he must have looked like and how cute he must have been and how sorry I am that I wasn't there to take care of him when he was a baby. He just melted into me and sighed, then looked me in the eye and said "Mom, it would be so cool if you could come get me before first orphanage." "Yes, Alex, that would have been so cool."

This morning we had "mom" school. His tutor comes three times a week and today was a day off. We did a couple of worksheets that he whizzed through and as he bent his head over his worksheet I thought about how far we'd come in two years time. I often don't give him as much credit as I should. I told him as much this morning. He was pretty proud of himself.

We also had a talk about languages. I asked him to name all the languages he knows. Ukraine & English. No, all the languages you've ever heard of. He had a pretty good list. Then I told him about a language that he was fluent in that he hadn't mentioned. BODY LANGUAGE. Yes. He's very fluent. Since day one of the hosting program I could understand this boys body language. There is nothing subtle about it. We talked about how he doesn't have to say "I don't like you." to make someone feel like he doesn't like them. That his stomping, eye rolling, sighing, glaring, all tell people loud and clear what he's thinking and even if his actions are a reflection of something else going on and not geared to the person he's delivering them too, that person can easily mistake him for a unfriendly, mean person. We talked about how this could effect him in school, church, with friends and of course at home. 

He had no idea. 

I then explained that this body language might be why friends don't come over to play? That they're thinking he's unfriendly and mean?

He agreed with me on that too.

 So, we came up with a secret sign for him to check what his body language is saying. Not change it, just to check it.  Baby steps.

He came up and laid his cheek against mine later and told me that he will try to have better body language and he is sorry that he has hurt my feelings in the past.

So that's how things are going. A few steps forward, a couple of steps back but as long as at the end of the day we 're at least one step ahead....we're progressing....right?

First Week of Summer!

Alex is off to scout camp! 

He's terribly excited. 

"Mom, I don't need shampoo or soap!" 

"Really?" 

"Yep, no bath!" 

Scary.

I will probably need to hose him off before he enters the house on Saturday.

Here he is before he left this morning...

Tutor has been wonderful.

She is patient and full of fun ideas and I just LOVE having her. She is working with both Alex and Rylee. The first thing she had them do was write a paper about "If I could go back in time, I would..." She had Rylee read her paper out loud and then turned to Alex and asked what she had read? 

"What?" Alex asked.

Ah-ha! He so tunes everything out that does not pertain to him. I heard her do this a number of times. Call him to the table. I love it!

My wisdom toothless teens have been hurting and grumpy. They're tired of soft foods and sore mouths and just over all a "joy" to live with. Yesterday they were picking on Alex for his choice of baby-ish Chinese cartoons on Netflix. Truly the show he watches is terribly annoying and geared for 5 year olds but I'm sure it only adds to their frustration to be sitting home hurting and having to listen to this cartoon. Luckily the series is over. Whew.

This was Austin the second day....yes long boarding!

Devree was still down but could at least smile...

 But the THIRD day....look at how swollen Austin is! (He only had three wisdom teeth. Two on the top and one of the bottom. You can tell which side that bottom tooth was on, can't you?)

Rylee is having a "cupcake" summer. She is so into making gourmet cupcakes. She's ordered a book off of Amazon and checked one out of the library. Her first batch wasn't much of a success because the frosting was too soft but they sure tasted good anyway. Between her cupcakes, the fudge and flan I made for the sore mouth kids, this might just be the summer of ten pounds!

James has been working like a crazy man. He's painting the basement, fixing cars, planting gardens, fixing sprinklers, fixing more cars. Here he is in my favorite outfit. No seriously. I love it when he wears clothes like this, it means something is getting fixed or improved. Poor tired guy.

Kambree is working a lot. She's nannying for a friend of mine with 2 Ukrainian imports. She's loving it and she really needs to work. We just don't see her much. 

I have been sick. Like really sick but I'm now on the mend. (I coughed so much it made my should blades ache.) Not sure what this is, but it's a long lingering ailment and I will be happy to get back to my normal self. Any. Day. Now. (That's what I've been saying for the last ten days!)

We're trying a new discipline tactic with Alex. Not sure it's a good one or not.  He got in trouble for lying yesterday. Again. We'll see if this works. When I asked him how he felt about things his reply was "normal". We talked about what is normal for some people is not normal for others and came to the conclusion that his normal = in trouble and that it doesn't have to be that way. So hard to give up lying when you've been doing it for so long.....

On a sweeter note, I made warm chocolate chip cookies per Dev's request -she figured she could mush them against the top of her mouth and eat them without chewing - late last night. Alex came down all showered and I offered him a cookie. He asked if I wanted to hear his dream? Sure? (He's getting ready for bed here, not so sure what dream it is he's talking about.) "I dream of having family and yummy, yummy cookies." 

Oh....

I think he was meaning that he was living his dream? Having a family and cookies?

That or maybe he's dreaming about a different family (one that maybe tolerates lying better?) and makes better cookies?

Nah....I make a pretty mean chocolate chip cookie.

My Wisdom Toothless Teens!

1st day of summer and what fun and excitement is going on at the Richhart home? 

Why, what could be more exciting than wisdom teeth extraction?

Poor Austin & Devree.
(And poor us.....as in a one thousand dollar deductible per child!)

The surgeon was fabulous.
We were in and out with both within 2 hours. 

Devree came down weepy.
Tears streaming down her face.
"I don't know why I'm crying...."

Austin?
Totally happy.
Wanted to long board and jump on the trampoline.

Devree - throwing up.

Austin - goofing off.

I'm suppose to keep them down for 3-4 days.

Yeah.
Right.

Not going to happen with Austin.
On the way home he was sticking his head out the window yelling incoherent things at strangers we passed with ice strapped to his face and gauze hanging out of his mouth. Luckily most the people we saw were runners with headphones on! (Whew!)
 He's went on a test drive with a friend in his (the friends) new car about an hour after we got home,  had friends drop by and wanted to jump on the trampoline with them but I nixed that idea so they got out clay and made clay people. (Yes, four 17 year olds playing with clay.) Later the same three kids came and took him to Roxberry for a smoothie and are now playing cards. I did manage to keep him off his long board at least so far. The day's not over yet.

Devree has not moved off the couch. Poor thing.

Devree's sweet girlfriends dropped by with a Jamba Juice which - knock on wood - she has managed to keep down so far. 

In Recovery....

In the car....

Austin playing game boy....Devree trying not to throw up again!

And what is going on right now?

Here's Austin:

And here's my poor Dev:

Here is recovery video. 

It's entertaining to us, but not so sure it will be for everyone else.

Yes, that is Austin singing in the back ground...

Alex Update

For  a promotion gift, Alex got a little book light from my parents. He was thrilled with it. It's just a little light to hook on your book to read at night. I knew he wouldn't use it for reading and was not surprised to find it stashed under his covers when I went to tuck him in at 11:30 at night! I took it away explaining it was too late for "reading" and since he didn't have a book in his bed that he wasn't really reading anyway.

The next day I gave it back and told him after eleven pm was too late for using this light. 

Today he brought down my Kindle and showed me how his light could hook to my Kindle. 

"That's cool Alex. Maybe I can borrow it when I need to read on a late night road trip or something?" and I gave it back to him.

Later he came into my room and told me that I should keep his new little light next to my bed and if he needs it, he knows where it is.

I agreed but thought, how strange? He was so excited for his light. (Not to mention that I can read with my light on any old time. James is gone half the time and when he is home, he can sleep with the light on.) Then I realized that Alex sharing this light, is his way of showing love. He loves me so much that he thinks it's more important to leave his light with me, in the event I need it?

I guess I'll need to start reading in the dark, just so he can see me using this little light.

And while I'm sharing sweet Alex stuff. Last week he wrote in his journal,

"I am grateful for a home that mom gave me because I feel very safe."
Safe is his comfort word.

I guess living in an orphanage would be very unsafe and scary. I forget that sometimes. Safety is important and I've started using this word with explanations as to why we have some of the rules we have. We want to keep him safe. He will nod and grin. He's all about being safe.

 

Rylee was watching some video clips on YouTube and found some Disney music clips in Russian. I asked Alex if he could understand them? Yes, he told me. I asked if they were the same words as they are in English as I would think the words would change so they would rhyme? He got kind of uptight and didn't want to talk about it and I could see his countenance fall. Just the sound of his native language bothers him. I gave him a hug and asked him about it? Yes, he hates the sound of it. I told him he didn't have to listen to Russian anymore but wouldn't he like to remember his language? Wouldn't it be cool to be able to understand two languages? No. He does not want to remember. He just wants to be American. I told him he needs to remember this conversation. That I tried to help him retain his language but he chose not too and when he grows up and asks "Why didn't you help me remember my language" I will remind him about this conversation.

James overheard our conversation and pulled him into the garage for a chat while he worked on a project. He asked Alex about his aversion to his native language. "I just don't want to remember orphanage!" was his answer. Then James shared that he has good and bad memories about his small hometown and rather than think of the bad things when he visits, he tries to remember the good things. He got Alex to think of good things about Ukraine and even the orphanage. The things he could come up with about the orphanage were his friends and that sometimes the orphanage workers let them stay up late and watch movies. (Probably all those horrid rated R movies that now give him nightmares or makes him cringe when something triggers them in his mind....but hey! At least he found joy in staying up late!)
We'll see if this little talk changes his attitude about hearing and or remmebering Ukrainian/Russian.

I've got a new job chart and list of summer rules posted.

I-yi-yi!

Is it already that time of year?

I'm being a stickler about screen time. ONE HOUR a day but you can earn more time, minute for minute but reading, piano practicing and extra chores. 

Today, being the first full day of summer, Alex is already grounded from screens for 24 hours as he watched two hours too much!  (James and I were out on a date and came home to find Alex glued to the MAC watching his animated Chinese cartoons.)

Now, to be fair, I told my children that family screen time does not count as part of their precious screen time. That as long as there were three or more watching the same show/video/computer screen together. It didn't count. My thought is that even if they're not communicating, they're sharing and could later talk about the show or tell jokes from it or what not. That they are at least being together? Alex has a hard time being part of a "group" and I find him often on his own, in his own world. I noticed it at the 6th grade social, when I drive by and see him at recess and the fact that rarely anyone comes over and asks to play makes me thing he's a bit socially introverted. Not to mention, if given a choice of doing anything, he'd sit in front of some screen alone for hours on end. 

The funny thing is he doesn't get mad when he gets grounded. He just agrees to it, not even in a shrug-I-don't-care-manner. Just in a  okay-I-deserved-it manner. And he's not lying to cover up his over indulgence of screen time so that's good too. 

 

We start with his tutor on Monday. A darling girl named Andrea. I'm having Rylee included for thirty minutes or so each day so Alex won't feel like he is completely picked on but she's coming two hours at a time, three times a week. I'm hoping to get him caught up a little more in reading comprehension, sentence structure and retain/brush up on math skills.

Well, like it or not. Here comes summer! Wish me luck.....

P.P.D. (Parent Pay Days)

Rylee receives the Clove Award at school:

Devree's 9th Grade Promotion:

(Where she was awarded the Presidential Gold Award for having a 3.5 or higher GPA & 85% on her SAT's. She was also recognized for having a 4.0 for the first three terms - she had one all year actually - she sang her solo again with her choir and she announced the names of the graduates. She also download all the music and DJ'd the dance after promotion.)

A clip of Devree announcing names and then getting her advancement:

Dancing....

Alex's Promotion from 6th Grade:

Here is a song from Alex's promotion. (It has a really long intro - sorry - and I think I quit filming before the chorus) It's the chorus that is hit's home to me not only because Alex belts it out while showering (often times singing in a high falsetto voice) but because of the words and where Alex came from and where he is now. 

Here judge for yourself: 

We are the leaders of tomorrow
We are the builders of the American Dream
We'll raise our voices so the whole world can see
Because of you America we're free

I'll give back to America

Who gave so much for me

A land of freedom and opportunity

Build a bridge to the future

With hope and liberty

And I'll give back to America

Who gave so much for me.