Round One...ding, ding, ding!

So the dreaded meeting with "the powers that be" at the elementary has come and gone. (Teacher, principal, speech therapist, language specialist and special ed teacher. Funny-no ESL teacher.) I wasn't too surprised at the outcome.
The "language specialist" (a.k.a. young guy with bed head hair wearing sandals on this blustery 30 degree day) sat down and immediately pulled out an article that shows the parallels of lack of language skills and learning disabilities. It basically concludes that until a child has been in the country speaking for 2-3 years he is not articulate enough to assess for a learning disability. I can agree with this-somewhat. I'm not really thinking Alex has a learning disability-a speech disorder? Perhaps. Regardless can't he qualify for more one on one help during school?
(Hum? Grr....)

I was proud of myself for being vocal and not emotional. I explained that my son was from an orphanage for children with "heavy speech disorders" and that I assured the court I would have his disorder assessed here in the States and follow up on it. We have been here almost ten months. Of course I don't have any documentation as to what sort of speech disorder he has. Nor do I have anything documenting precise learning disorders-only told he was a terrible student and hates to study. But my Alex is sometimes difficult to understand and I don't know it that's just a lack of language and his palate struggling with new sounds OR his speech disorder. One of the reason's for this meeting. I would like him tested so we can determine one way or the other. Is it his disorder or he just needs time to grasp the language? The speech therapist was very sympathetic but with the recommendation of the language specialist to wait for two-three years it doesn't look like we'll be getting a speech assessment anytime soon. Apparently testing cannot be done without the approval of this entire committee and I certainly don't have Mr. Bedhead on board. She further pointed out that perhaps if we point out his articulation issues that he'll feel self conscious and just stop talking or trying to communicate. I can agree with this to a point but what if some of his sounds that are hard to understand could simply be solved with a session from a professional that can show him were to put his tongue or move his lips or there's a simple, easy technique-that I don't know-to help him with certain sounds?
(Grrr...frustration)

Everyone was oh so nice and offered to give ME any and all of the resources needed for ME to help him outside of school. Which is a lovely idea in itself except I ALREADY help him outside of school. Each day we work on his spelling, vocabulary, write in his journal-working on sentence structure, punctuation and more spelling-read & study his Lucky Listener in addition to read out loud for twenty minutes.
While walking with the special ed teacher to her room to get said materials I asked her how much time I could reasonably expect out of Alex outside of school for studying and she told me forty minutes to and hour......hum....we're already doing that and sometimes more!

I got a little defensive when the principal told me "I realize Mrs. Richhart that you might be disappointed, that Alex might not be learning as fast as you'd like and that you are frustrated." I'm frustrated? I'm disappointed? "Let me be perfectly clear. I am not disappointed in Alex. I think he's doing fabulous-but he needs more help-one on one during school." His poor teacher cannot give him this-she is fabulous and so in my corner. (Which is what I felt like-like I was in the ring and fighting Mr. Bedhead. Without his approval, nothing can be done?) I further went on to explain that unlike most ESL students, Alex's native language is not spoken at home. In fact he cannot remember how to speak Ukraine. He can understand some of it in his head but cannot find the words to speak back. Totally normal for his age and given he doesn't have anyone to speak to in his language on a daily bases. So it's not like if he doesn't understand something WE can explain it to him in his native language and at this point-explaining it to him in his language may or may not be any clearer than explaining it to him in English!

Mr. Bedhead referred to the many older adopted kids that are currently at the Junior High. I pointed out that they are ALL significantly older, from a gifted and talented orphanage (or at least I was once told that) and that they have a network of children all from the same school living in the same area and have retained their language.
We don't have this.

Now in all fairness, he DOES get some help already. He has thirty minutes three times a week with the ESL teacher, a special computer program in his class room that he does when the subject being taught is just way beyond him or when he has some free time, and sometimes he has a tutor listen to him read. But in my mind-correct me if I'm wrong-I cannot expect more than an hour more of study outside of school-why can't we make his time IN school more productive? Why can't he be pulled out to work on English comprehension or fractions or sentence structure by trained and qualified individuals. (Unlike me. Theater major. Mom. Real Estate Agent. Anyone who's followed my blog for long can attest that English is not my forte!) Why can't he get more than a hour and a half a week of additional help? Why not make his day at school specific to his needs?

I was hoping for help during this last year and three months he has remaining in elementary as I know how junior high is. Seven classes, seven teachers with hundreds of students. He's going to get chewed up and spit out. Heaven help us.
But as it stands, no testing or assessments until he's been here for at least two years-which will be just a month shy of getting out of elementary.
(More Grrr..)

I did tell them that I'm not trying to pawn him off on them-and expect them to take care of it all. We DO work at home, EVERYDAY! But there are so many subjects covered during the day-like history-that he's not grasping and sits there bored and/or bothering his classmates. Why not get him some further language comprehension help or address some of the math skills he's lacking?
Later, I emailed everyone this article about language and the older internationally adopted child.
http://pages.towson.edu/sglennen/Olderchildrenandlanguage.htm
One line in this article cries out to me and certainly applies to our situation- and is why I pushed for the meeting in the first place!
Parents need to advocate for their children and remind professionals that
the internationally adopted child’s first language, and only language, is
now English. If the child is not proficient in English, the child is not
proficient in any language and therefore at significant academic risk.

Am I done? Heck no! I fortunately have a fabulous friend who just happens to be a speech therapist and she's agreed to test him as a favor to me. It won't be official but it will be something. My hopes are that he'll test well and whatever speech disorder he has doesn't manifest its self in the English language. (I was told by our adoption facilitator that the sound he struggles with is not a sound needed in English?) Then I can relax a little and know "in two to three years" he will be articulate. If not I can at least take my results back to the school for round two in the ring.

We've adjusted a few things at home to incorporate more English into our routine. We've eliminated him reading the "Lucky Listener" which was reading out loud long passages about the Constitution or the US government. We've replaced that with 2nd grade worksheets with a lot of basic English concepts. Three of them each day.
Tuesday night I asked a certain older sister to help Alex with the worksheets as I had church commitments. When I got home-late-everything was done incorrectly. Big sis DID give him the assignments but apparently little or no instruction. The next morning before school I sat down with him and we went back over and erased and re-did. I realized that each morning Alex-who is a morning person-gets up, gets ready and has 30-40 minutes of unstructured time that is usually spent playing on the piano or petting the cat or dog. This morning I got him working on his worksheets. He did AMAZING. One worksheet had words grouped together like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and then a list of words that described the group of words (flavor being the answer) and he did great! Mornings are defiantly the time to work on this.
Standing beside him as he sat at the bar, I told him how awesome he did and reflected.
Me: Alex, where were you last year at this time?
Alex: In Ukraine.
Me: Yes, and look at you now. Less than a year later. In America. Doing English worksheets so very, very well. You should be so proud of yourself. You are amazing. Are you proud of yourself?
Alex: (Beaming with a big grin nodded and wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned in to hug me) I proud of you Mom, teach me English.
Me: I'm proud of me too!
Later, I clarified that if we do our worksheets in the morning then we won't have to do them at night, freeing up some time and craziness at night. He was relieved to learn my new morning study session idea was not in ADDITION to what we were already doing after school and at night. As he finished up the last worksheet he said:
"I'm good with that!"
Like he'd been speaking English forever....

Selling Alex

The other night Alex was talking about when we sell him...
Me: What?
Alex: You know, when you sell me?
(Confused and concerned on my part.)
Alex, we're not going to sell you.
(Frustrated sigh from Alex)
You know at the temple....when you sell me?
(Light dawning for me.)
Oh, you mean when we have you sealed to us at the temple?
(Look of "finally you figured it out" from Alex)
Yes!
The word is sealed Alex, not sell! Big difference.

((Good grief))

For those that are unfamiliar.
Sealing: An ordinance performed in the temple eternally uniting a husband and wife, or children and their parents.
For more info about LDS Temples visit this link.

A Card Laid is a Card Played!

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I don't know if Kambree will appreciate this but I'm posting her school assignment on my blog. I just loved it!

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A Card Laid is a Card Played

There are a few things my whole family does together. We are pretty good at showing up for most birthdays and holidays. However, if you mention Lake Powell vacations aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents make room in their busy schedules to be together. We try to fill each moment with as much fun and laughter as possible. Our favorite things to do are water skiing early in the morning on the glassy lake, reading a good book (mostly my mom, grandma, and myself), cliff jumping, and so much more. However, my very favorite thing to do at Lake Powell with my family is play cards.

The best thing about playing cards with my family is everyone plays even the younger cousins. There are very few things in this world that involve people age five to age sixty. I love seeing the sun burnt happy faces of my family around the card table. You can see in our expressions that we love this time together and we play for hours and late into the night. As time passes one by one the weak will leave the table and go to sleep. Only the true card masters remain diligent enduring to the end of the game. These masters are usually my uncles, my aunt Kammy, my mom, and I. However, there is only one true card master in my family and that’s my uncle Troy.

My uncle Troy has mastered the poker face. Usually you can read peoples expressions and you know what kind of hand they have, but not Troy. When he is dealt a hand he has the same facial expression every time, so don’t even try to read him because you won’t be able to. Troy is also extremely anal about rules. Some of his favorite rules to enforce are you must deal cards and rotate turns in only one certain direction, you must keep cards in order when dealing and drawing, and his favorite saying is “a card laid is a card played”. He isn’t all that bad if little cousins’ mess up, he will let the rules slide. However, if you are twelve or older, then no way, each rule must be followed. I hate to admit it, but he wins most card games that have to do with strategy because he keeps special track of what cards everyone draws and discards. He’s not very good at luck games where it doesn’t matter what you strategy is, but it all depends on which cards you are dealt. Troy makes our card games fun and he keeps the game moving because we usually get side tracked. Getting side tracked isn’t always a bad thing when my family plays cards together. This is the time where we laugh, share stories, and talk extremely loud. There is usually two or more conversations going on at all times, which means we are usually yelling over each other so we can be heard. The funny thing is we tell the same stories every time. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the story about how my brother got his nick name Soggy Augy or when we ran out of gas and had to camp on a random beach. Then we made my brother Austin, and Uncle Arron sleep on the rocky beach and not the boat because they snore like grizzly bears. But no matter how many times we have heard these stories they still make us laugh.

I love playing cards with my family at Lake Powell. You might wonder why playing cards is my favorite thing to do when there are so many more fun things to do at Lake Powell for instance cliff jumping, hiking, tubing, etc. Also, you might think that I can play cards anytime at home with my family. The thing that makes playing cards at Lake Powell so fun is that the whole family is there and no one has to leave early so they can get to work in the morning. We are all stuck together with nothing better to do so we can focus on the family and not the world. Card games bring my family together and I am so excited for our next family vacation.

Hum....anyone have connections for a Lake Powell time share?

Kambree's Valentines Serenade

I just had to share this.

This happened on Valentines Day.

Last year she was serenaded by four of these cute boys but this year their numbers grew!

(They actually serenade A LOT of girls-making them even more cute!)

So cute.

Makes me have hope for the future.....so sweet!

Pillow Talk

Last night the kids and I watched "Amelia"-the story of Amelia Earhart. Alex asked how come I always rent boring movies? In all truth it was very boring. There's a part when Amelia is proposed to and I asked Alex-in an effort to make the movie more exciting-just how he planned on proposing to his future wife and he told me laughingly that he would not tell me. Like he already had a plan and everything. I convinced him-with a few tickles-to tell me but he didn't want Rylee to hear so he whispered in my ear. "I get two rings and say 'will you marry me?'" Very sweet and simple and such a tender whisper. I assured him that any girl he asks will say "OF COURSE I WILL!"
Everyone except Alex fell asleep before the movie ended. I got Rylee and Dev into bed and went to tuck in Alex. He asked me for a story so I gave him the Three Bears. He loved it but said in the Ukraine version Goldi Locks cleans the house. "Are you sure you're not thinking about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?"
"No."
Hum...maybe Goldilocks is more considerate in Ukraine? After hugs and kisses I went to leave and hear a little:
"Mom, may I sleep with you?" (Yes, just perfect like that.)
Yes. I said.
"Really? Whoohoo!!"
And he jumped out of bed and ran down to my room with a big grin.
I always read before I go to sleep so he got up to go get his book. That held is attention for about five minutes. Then he kept asking me random questions so I gave up reading and turned the light off and answered question after question. I started to drift off as he began telling me all about the aliens on Halo and their purple blood. (He's convinced that by playing Halo he will be able to defend our family from alien invaders. The only reason I allow this shooting game in my house is because they're not shooting people but aliens!)
A: Mom you sleeping?
Me: What? Oh, yes. Sorry. I got up at five to go to the gym this morning. I'm tired.
A: Why you go to gym at five o'clock?
Me: So you won't have the worlds fattest mom.
A: Mom, you not fat.
Me: Aww, thanks Alex.
A: You the bestest mom.
Me: Thanks, Alex. You're the best boy.
A: I think you skinny and beautiful.....when you were sixteen.
Me: Uh....thanks?
Alex: Mom I just like to talk and talk. And then he made some incoherent sentence with the word lonely in it. (It's 12:30 am at this point.)
Me: Alex, how can you feel lonely? You're sleeping with your mom. Tomorrow we can talk and talk. (Keep in mind we've talked for about forty five minutes by now and I am seriously having a hard time staying awake!)
So he resigned to hold my hand and we both fell asleep. The good news is he didn't talk in English or Russian in his sleep and we all managed to sleep in until almost eight thirty!
Today he and Austin had basketball games. Alex's little team got stomped on. So bad that they turned the score board off. Afterwards he came to get me on the bleachers and said with a very serious face. They beat us by two. I was speechless. Is he serious? They probably beat them by forty. "Uh....I think it was a little more than two honey." Then his face split into a big grin. "I'm just kidding!" On the way out the door he says laughing and completely pleased with himself, "I got you good...huh Mom?" "Yes, Alex you got me good!"

Just got home from talking to some amazing mom's that have also adopted through the Save A Child foundation. There are mom's there adopting for the first time and some going back for the third time adopting their forth and fifth Ukrainian. Wow. Truly amazing women.
So I have to share a funny story about a child (not Alex) that will remain nameless as she/he doesn't not see the humor in this BUT I find it incredible funny.
Last night while studying with said unnamed child for this HUGE test on the Constitution, I was reading questions from a practice test. The question was:
Who delivers the State of the Union Address?
And quick as a lick said child answers:
THE MAIL MAN!!!
Ha, Ha, Ha! Delivers, address, mail man.......of course! Get it?? Too funny.
Last night I told Alex the story of the three pigs before bedtime. I've just been thinking about how he hasn't ever had bedtime stories. I happen to be a pretty good story teller so it did hold his attention and then he asked for the three bears and the three mice. (Blind mice?) I told him we'd save those for another night. Funny how it takes me nine months to think about telling stories but then he probably wouldn't have understood them if I had thought to tell them any sooner.
I wonder what other things I haven't thought of. Christmas threw me-we have so many things that are personalized. I remembered the stockings and didn't put them up until I had one for him but I didn't think about the painted Santa holding stockings with every one's names.
I also didn't think about our out late night "heart" routine. You see, I had a family home evening wall hanging that had a heart for each person painted with their name and you would hang it on who is giving the lesson, prayer, song etc. The hanger is long gone but the hearts I keep in the little drawer in our foyer and at night I set out the hearts of who is still out-usually Kambree and Austin-and leave the light on and the door unlocked. This way when one of them come home they can see who is still out, put their heart away and leave the light on and the door open for the next person. The last person/heart on the table locks the door and turns off the light. (They still have to come and tell me they're home-even if I fall asleep-or else I fly down to their rooms at 2 am and shake them awake all in a panic that they're still out!) Our heart system works really well-as long as they come and tell me goodnight. Alex asked the other day where HIS heart was? Thinking fast I explained that as soon as he starts staying out late I will have a heart for him too. Great. I have such issues with matching (OCDness) that I know I will have to re-do all the hearts so they match, just like the Christmas stockings and I'm already looking for FIVE Easter Baskets. Good grief. The things no one tells you about when you expand your family after 9.5 years!

Alex & English....

In an effort to come up with a good reason to not eat his green beans:
"Mom, this rice make me don't eat beans."
Ha. Nice try.
On Saturday Alex asked me:
"Mom, I good boy or bad boy?"
Me: Oh, you are most definitely a good boy. What do you think?
A: I try be good boy.
Me: Yes, sweetie I know. Sometimes you get mad but I don't think you're ever bad.
Later I asked him why he asked me about being good or bad.
Me: Is it because no one has ever told you you were a good boy?
A: Yes.
Which is probably true and makes me sad. Even now in our home. Which is not to say we don't praise him, we do. But you tell your toddlers things like "That's a good boy." "Your such a good boy", "Wow, what a good boy." But to say such things to an eleven year old sounds a little dorky-apparently we need to get some "good boys" in so Alex knows he's good. (This is not to say we don't tell him things like "awesome", "perfect" or "good job" and I'm sure I've told him "good boy" at some time or other but apparently he doesn't remember OR at the time didn't understand. I will have to work on that-even if it sounds dorky to me!)
Alex wanted to warm up some left overs in the microwave.
"Mom, what I put it?" (Translation: How long do I cook this for?)
Alex LOVES to talk through sacrament meeting. He's learned if he asks me church related questions that I'm more apt to actually answer and talk with him. This week he wanted to know why Austin's friend Hayden didn't attend our ward. He has a hard time comprehending that there are MANY church houses in our area and yet we all belong to the same church. He's also very concerned about how he will learn to pass the sacrament when he turns twelve. I tried to explain that where you sit determines what area you will pass to but he just wasn't getting it. Finally I said, talk to Austin later, he'll explain. (Which he did.)

After church Alex is one of the first children in the Relief Society room. He finds me immediately and comes and lays his head against my shoulder or hugs me if I'm sitting down. This week I was walking when he found me and he laid his head squarely between my should blades and proceeded to walk right behind me telling me "I stick you like glue." "Yep, I said, you're my velcro boy." and I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him beside me.
Last night while clipping his nails with nail clippers-an ordeal as Alex likes to keep his pointer finger long for prying apart his Lego's and possibly picking his nose-he proclaimed in defiance, "Mom, next time I use scissors." "That's fine" I said, "I don't care as long as you trim your nails and keep them clean." Then with a twinkle in his eye he asks, "Can I cut them and chop off fingers so blood go (insert sound effect of blood gushing all over)?" "Sure," I said nonchalantly and not looking up from my book, "Just don't get blood on the carpet." He looked at me for a split second then burst out laughing. Rylee on the other hand was appalled. "Mom, if your son had bleeding fingers you would only worry about the carpet?" I had to explain that Alex knew I was joking. Girls just don't appreciate dry, morbid humor.
A few nights ago Alex was pretty discouraged about writing in his journal. He didn't understand why he needed to do it. I explained that writing his thoughts in his journal helps him structure sentences, find the words to express himself, and work on his spelling. He nodded and continued. I was pretty sure he didn't see it how I see it and was just trudging through it because he's obedient and tries hard to be a "good boy."
But, this morning (three days later) while I was dusting and blocking Alex's video game playing Alex tells me:
"Mom, thank you teach me English."
Just like that.
Out of the blue.
Which reminds me that more than once he has tried to convince me to let him stay home and home school him as "You teach me most English." Which is sweet and true but there is NO way I'm home schooling. No way. No how.
Alex was pretty excited for Walentines Day.
(Yes, I meant to spell that with a W-as that's how Alex says it.)
On a different, un-English note, Alex is really struggling to brush his teeth lately. He was doing so well after he first got his braces on that I let up and stopped checking his performance. So after sending him back five times, picking plaque out of his teeth with a toothpick-to show him what plague is, finally brushing them myself-which resulted in tears and bleeding gums due to his lackadaisical weeks of brushing-they finally were clean. I got him a softer and smaller tooth brush thinking that might help the next day. Nope. The next four nights-same drill.
"Alex, did you brush? Let me check. Nope, go back, there's stuff between your braces. Let me check again. Nope, there's stuff down here-look can't you see it?" Alex with exasperation would walk off and try again. By the 3rd or 4th time he'd get it right. Last night after FIVE times and twenty minutes I had enough. "Alex, this is ridiculous. You know how to brush your teeth and you're just hurrying through it and doing a crappy job hoping I won't check. Tomorrow you get one chance, if you can't get it right than no video games the next day." His eyes look at me in surprised horror. "Do you think you can brush your teeth correctly the first time tomorrow?" Vigorous nod and a "Yes!" It's disheartening that I have to resort to privilege revoking to get this boy to figure things out. We'll see how things go tonight.
Anyone else have issues like this?

Introducing the Glummy Bag.....

Hey everyone!
James has his Glummy Bag available on E-bay.
If you're curious to see exactly what it is, here click here for the link!

School Assignments!

Valentines Boxes

Rylee is the Queen of Hearts

But more importantly....

Valentines outfit-notice the red boots!

Alex's first Valentines Box-yes it's a pirate ship and that little pirate is actually a picture of Alex in his Halloween costume! (I did comb his hair today....we made a deal that he could play on the MAC and take funny pictures of himself IF I could comb his hair!)

Alex's Science Project

(He chose this scholarly pose himself!)

When we finished this project Tuesday night-which was a three week ordeal-I taught Alex a new word....

Hallelujah !!

And for extra credit this week Devree and Jazmine had to come up with a song for Science.

Sit back and enjoy their "Rock Song"!

Alex's Blue & Gold Banquet

Thursday night was Alex's Blue & Gold Banquet for scouts. I was thrilled as the whole family was invited so that meant.....I did not have to make dinner!

Rylee came too (Austin elected to stay home and hang out with Hayden) but she wasn't too cooperative when it came to taking her picture. She will regret this lovely look someday!

When we first arrived we were given a game to play with the words "Happy Birthday BSA" and told to make as many words as possible from it. Alex made 14 all by himself. (Hurray, we worked on English and he didn't even know it!)

Devree and Kambree really took the competition to heart. Here they are raising their hands that they had MORE than seventy words.

Kambree won with seventy nine but Devree was a close second with seventy one!

Here is Kambree with her MAJOR award!

Note to James: Okay, so I just hooked the camera up to the MAC and imported the pictures. No program or anything. It was super easy. This is my first post on the MAC. I think it's going to be cool once I get the hang of it. I tagged a few of our pictures and then it was able to recognize the rest-although it gets Kambree, Devree and me mixed up=which only makes me feel like my computer thinks of me as a sister and not the mother! I'm loving it already.

Still have lots to learn but so far....I really like it.

Our new MAC

I got a MAC computer this week.
It's got lots of great features.
The kids favorite feature is the photo thing.
I have no idea how to use it but they've mastered it.
Here are some of their master pieces:

Even the dog got in on it....

And the biggest kid of all......James!

Alex's life or wife....

You know....I wasn't too sure I should have posted that blog about past punishments. But I was so appalled and as I know so many from Alex's same school-I felt they should know what went on there. Of course not ALL orphanages are like this one. And let's hope these were isolated incidents-like only Alex's teacher was in to public humiliation as a form of punishment-I don't know. And maybe I shouldn't have posted it, but for what it's worth-I did.

Thanks for all the advice comments. I will take them to heart.
This morning Alex got up early and asked me some interesting questions.
Mom will I have normal life?
Wife or life? (I couldn't tell which he was asking.)
Life!
Alex, you can have any life you want. It's up to you. You can let the things in the past haunt you and bother you or you can choose to move forward and realize that you had a rough start but you're going to be okay and make the best of it.
Oh.
Lot's of people have had bad things happen to them. But each person has a choice to either dwell on it or put it behind them. Of course you should talk about it when you feel like it and maybe you will need some help to put it behind you, but you can have any life you choose. Do you think you have a normal life now?
Yes. (Grinning)
Then without a pause and a twinkle in his eye he asks:
What kind of wife I have?
Wife?
(Nod)
Well... I don't know what kind of wife do you want?
I don't know.
You should figure it out. Do you want a nice or mean wife?
Ahh...cute and mean-no-nice.
Is it more important to have a cute wife or a nice wife?
Nice. (Good boy!)
Yep, you want a wife that will be a kind mother and good wife. Cute is good too but not as important as nice. Don't you think?
(Nod) Then:
When Austin move to other house with wife?
Austin? I don't know, he's only 15.
I move twenty.
You're going to get married and move out when your twenty? (Nod) That's really young.
Whats young?
And then we had a vocabulary lesson on what young means.
Twenty is young?
(Of course, I'm sure it sounds SO old to him right now!)
Yes. You'll be barely out of high school. How will you support your family? What about college and a mission.
Oh.
Then we talked briefly about what normal is and that really, no one is normal.
He left for school with sticking up hair. I usually re-do his hair every day as he just hasn't grasped the concept that he has a backside to his head and the hair there needs to be combed. I took him into the bathroom to show him the alfalfa sprout on the back of his head and he said, "Who cares?" Apparently only me! I told him if he was okay with his hair looking like that then that was up to him and I walked out of the bathroom. I did say if he asked me I'd be happy to fix it but he was happy and content to go with crazy sticking up hair. Oh...the restraint I exercised letting him leave that way. Which is not to say I didn't try some reverse psychology tricks to get him to reconsider but he happily went to school looking like AN ORPHAN!!
I realize this is MY issue and not Alex's. I spend a lot of time and effort getting Alex to appear loved and cared for. I won't let him wear dirty, worn, mismatched or too small clothes. I insist on daily baths, hair combings, teeth brushing, nail clipping etc. It's not that I don't insist on those things with my other children-I do! But I'm extra vigilant with Alex as he already has so many obstacles to overcome with language and culture that I don't want appearance/cleanliness/social acceptance to be another. We all know kids either in our children's classes or our own childhood that came to school dirty, mismatched, hair disheveled, smelly, dirt under their fingernails-uncared for. I remember a boy (that in hindsight was severely neglected) in second grade that I was partnered with as my buddy for the Zoo field trip. The teacher took me aside and told me that she had partnered me with him because she knew I had a kind heart. Yes, that's how bad his situation was-so much that the teacher had to prep the child that was assigned to hold hands with him. I did hold his very cold, skinny, dirty, malnourished, hand all through the zoo and I felt bad.... for both of us.
Alex reminded me a lot of this boy when he was at the orphanage and I know this thing I have about his appearance is something I need to deal with. So I think a little congrats are in order for me today! I let him go to school today with poking up hair!
But look how dang cute he is when I DO comb his hair and select his clothes!
This was taken last October on his baptism day.

Happy Birthday James!

Today is my hubby's birthday!
He left for work this morning. (Sigh) Not the best way to spend your birthday-driving for four hours to freezing cold Wyoming to work for the next two weeks!
Last night we had a nice dinner and I made his favorite, lemon bars.
I thought I'd post some pictures but unlike my daughters, James doesn't sit and take picture after picture of himself or pose and ask me to take his picture-like Alex. So, here's what I have:

James has taught himself to play the guitar in the past year and he's quite good. I love to hear him play. Even though he plays one of my least favorite country songs "I'm going to miss her" about the man that chooses to fish over staying home with his wife. ALL the kids sing along when he plays. Even Alex.

This was him when he came home two weeks ago. Very cold in Wyoming so he grew out his beard. Thank goodness it was gone the next day. Kissing his cute beard face not my fav! (You can also see how tired he is when he gets home from this two week stints!) I can't help but burst into song singing "Daddy's Whiskers" when he's this hairy! It's the most annoying song and it gets stuck in my head for days. I just got it out and Alex came home with "whiskers" as his spelling word-so I had to sing the song for him too. I overheard Alex singing it this morning but all he has down is "Daddy's whiskers" and he sings that over and over!
Last year I posted the top 42 things I love about James. All those still apply and to add one more for this year:
#43 I love how determined and positive James is about his invention, the Glummy Bag!
(His website is not finished yet but it's getting there!)
Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Past Punishments

I hesitate to post this entry.

After long thought and consideration and the enlightenment I received after learning these things I am going to post in hopes that those of you who have adopted from orphanages and are unaware-like myself-can better understand the environment that these children grew up in.

It makes me sad and terribly angry and it makes all my mama bear hairs stand up on end.

A friend of mine-that adopted from the same orphanage and our children are similar in age- called me earlier this week and shared some information her daughters had shared about punishments at the orphanage. Alex is not one to bring up much about his past and would just as soon forget about it, I'm sure. But these punishments were so bizarre I had to ask Alex what he knew about it.

Apparently a young girl-not my friends daughter-thank heavens-was caught doing something with a boy she shouldn't have and her punishment was to walk through her class room in her underwear while her classmates spit on her. Can you imagine?

So, I ask Alex what he knows and he acknowledged the punishment and said it was because "she was in love". (I don't think he knew about the sexual nature of her crime? Not sure. He seems so very innocent and yet I know he's been exposed to so much bad stuff.)

Then he started sharing some of his past punishments. He apparently "blew gum into a girls ear"-I know, not nice-and for that he had to wear his underwear on his head and walk naked through his classmates. NAKED!! He told me he covered himself with his hands.

Then there was a time he didn't use soap in the shower (imagine that?) and someone smelled him and told him to pack his things and leave. He was probably about eight years old. He was picked up just outside of Dnepropetrovsk by someone from the orphanage. Dnepropetrovsk is a 4o minute bus ride through a not so great area. He was heading to his brothers houses.

Then he told me how he got hit with a stick with poky things on it and it made punctures in his bottom-this was for putting toothpaste on some one's bread at lunch-a prank.

He told me his friends were hit with whips and one boy had to wear every one's underwear on his head for a punishment.

He said the worse punishment is to "stand outside on hot metal where you feet burn". (Not sure what he's talking about here.) But that he never had it happen to him.

He also mentioned that in the previous orphanage he was picked up by his ears, jostled around by his ears and the dropped on the ground. He showed me the back of his ear where he has this bump of cartilage that pokes out. No doubt from this punishment. The offense? Drawing a picture with four eyes and three mouths? (What the heck?)

He had shared previously the time he was forced to kneel in salt for hours and had bloody knees-he said that was for reading when he should have been napping. (Is that why we struggle to read now?) and once he mentioned he didn't get his Christmas candy on Christmas Day-his only gift-for being somewhere he wasn't suppose to be.

Last night while writing in his journal he couldn't think of a thing to write so I mentioned maybe he should write about his past. Maybe about his punishments.

Why?

So you won't forget?

"Oh I never forget....they hurt so bad!"

Yep, I am sure he won't forget-as much as he'd like to and as much as I'd like to erase his past.

I explained to him that I know he doesn't like to talk about the orphanage but it helps me understand him and that maybe I can help him if I understand what he went through.
Then last night we were trying to reminisce with Alex about when we hosted him. He can't remember much. He claims he didn't know we were going to adopt him-even though we had the translator/adoption coordinator talk with him and explain things. He said he never thought he'd see us again. He realized we were going to adopt him after he got back and got called down to the directors office with the other girls getting adopted and asked if he wanted to be adopted. I asked if he wanted to read my blog about when we hosted him. "No, I don't want to remember." James jumped on that with "He doesn't want to remember the orphanage. He just wants to pretend he always lived here. Right buddy?" and he tousled Alex's hair. Alex grinned but shook his head no. Which may be because he didn't understand what James was saying?
I can understand that he doesn't want to always remember his past, but I think there is so much he keeps bottled up and he has such a hard time expressing himself but I changed the subject. I told him about a girl I know-adopted from Ukraine, that felt so bad that her mother made her shoplift for food when she was little and how excited she was to be getting baptized and washed clean. I explained that this little girl wasn't at fault-her mother made her do it and that she shouldn't have been made to feel guilty for shoplifting when she was so little but how great it is to feel clean when you're baptized and know that everything-even the things that are not your fault-is washed away. Then Alex's eyes got big and he shared how his Ukraine mom made him steal bread.

"She say get bread, tomatoes and cucumbers but I get bread and candy."

What did your mom do?

She slap me.

How often did you have to steal bread?

Just once. Once a week.

How old where you?

Four.
See what I mean? Lot's of stuff bottled up.

So what have your children shared with you about their previous orphanage life? What bizarre punishments have you heard of? Do your children talk about it much? Do you think it's good to have them talk about it? I'm not sure-does it just bring up the hurt or does it heal? It certainly helps me have more empathy and understanding but part of me doesn't want to know-to remain oblivious. Obliviously naive. Your thoughts and input & suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Sunshine on my blog!

I got an award!
(I'm not sure I've ever got a blog award before?)
This is from my bloggy friend MomInTheTrench who is an inspiration and her blog "This Work Stinks" makes my life look and smell like roses!
Not exactly sure what the Sunshine Award is or why I would be graced with it but I AM so grateful for it and perhaps it's a coincidence but the sun is out in Utah today!
Sunshine note: When I was in junior high I had a teacher that would call me Sunshine-I've always been a little on the sunny side but lately I find myself not so warm and fuzzy. Humm....I wonder whats up with that? I know a lot of it is the time of year. Blah to winter and layers of clothes, biting wind, frozen gardens, dirty snow, smelly winter coats, muddy boots, bored children, and coughs and colds.
But more than that I just feel so melancholy . Like I'm just so boring. I could sleep all day and sometimes I do. Not in a depressed sort of way but in a "I don't feel like doing anything else" sort of way. Anyway, so I needed some sunshine not only in the sky but in my blogging world. So THANK YOU.
The rules are to pass it on to 12 other bloggers, comment on their blogs and let them know and link back to the person that gave it to you. (This will test my blogging and linking skills.)
Many of the the blogs I follow have already received this award and a lot of my friends have blogs but don't update too often, so here goes in no particular order of fashion. These bloggers bring sunshine into my life and/or WOULD bring sunshine into my life it they would blog more!!
Lawrence Family Blog
Lobos Family
On Top Of The Hills
Our Family
Drew & Jen Benson
My Cute Little Monkeys
Random Musings
Rogers Family
The Hansen Family
Becoming A Family
Walton Watch
Harris Family
Gold To Refine

Actually as I look through my list, you all bring sunshine to my life and there are many more than twelve of you. So, if you're reading this, tag....you're awarded!
Here's to sunshine, awards and blogging friends!

Super Bowl....

Last night we had a Super Bowl party and watched the game. To some of you that is a given, to us it was a momentous occasion as we have NEVER watched the Super Bowl and usually don't even know it's come and gone. Yes. We're that much into football.
But upon hearing other families and friends make plans for Super Bowl parties (Umm...no, we did not get invited-again we're not into football-my kids-when younger were a nuisance to my brothers who are BIG time into football so it's no skin off my nose that we don't garner an invite) I decided that WE would have our own Super Bowl Party and bring the antenna off my new TV downstairs and put it on the big screen.
I bought fix-ens for big Hoggie sandwiches, chips, veggie tray and.....soda pop! (My kids couldn't believe it-I don't do soda pop!)
I told the kids we were having a Super Bowl party and Kambree asked "Like normal families?" Yes, Kambree, like normal families but what my kids couldn't fathom was that we were having a party with just our family. Alex would ask if Brach was coming, Rylee assumed grandma and grandpa were coming-in fact my mom called concerned that we had no means to actually watch the Super Bowl and would we like to come to their house? What a nice mom.
I kept telling the kids "No just OUR family." But still they weren't getting it. Finally Alex asks "You mean just five kids and two parents?" YES!! He and Ry looked confused. Apparently you can't have a family party without aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents?
Anyway, we worked on Valentines and Valentine boxes that afternoon. Mixed up cookies and then served our spread right before the game started. It was so odd, we all sat there for the first half-laughing at the commercials-asking James questions about the rules and then Austin wandered off to do his homework, Alex lost interest and wanted to go shoot hoop's to which after much pleading I told him he could if he agreed to take a bath-I don't usually make him shower on Sunday's as he doesn't usually break a sweat but knowing if he went outside, he would. He agreed but decided it was too cold and came right back in so he and I started trying to put his science project together and James and the girls finished watching the game.
Our team won! We were for the Saints as James works with a bunch of guys from Louisiana and I proclaimed that we're Latter Day Saints so of course we're for the Saints! I thought that was sort of funny but no one else found it amusing.
I can see how people can really get into sports and teams and games but I'm really glad it's not a priority in our life. However, there was a moment right there the first with everyone in the same room, focused on the same thing that felt so cozy and relaxing. Maybe we'll try again next year.

Swear Words

Last night I finally watched Julie & Julia. Kambree saw it in the theater and gave it a horrible review-of course she doesn't cook or blog and has no idea who Julia Child's is-but friends of mine and my mother loved it so I borrowed it from my mom and watched last night while James went to a guy movie night with his brother and my brothers. Austin was gone for the evening so it was Dev, Ry, me and poor Alex-the lone boy. Kambree would pop her head in ever so often and ask if we hated it? Isn't it boring? No, we actually all liked it-even Alex laughed and seemed to understand it for the most part.
There's a part in the show where Julia Child's husband says the "F" word. We all groaned and Alex looked puzzled but said nothing.
I had gone over swear words with Alex a few weeks ago-much to the dismay of Rylee-who informed me I needed to repent for saying the actual words. I explained that it's impossible for Alex to actually know what swear words are if I just spell it or tell him "S-word" etc. So I did, I said all the swear words just so he'd be clear on what is unacceptable in our home. (I must confess that he's probably heard a few mild swear words from the lips of yours truly!) He's never had a problem and has said "heck" and "gosh" since he started speaking English. Last week he started saying "darn-it". (That and "time out" when ever he needs time to think of what he's trying to say.) He has mispronounced a few words that have come out sounding like swear words and of course his siblings are quick to laugh and correct him.
Anyway, so later in the show the main character hears that Julia Child's didn't care for her blog and she's trying to analyze why. She asks her husband that maybe it's because she used the "F" word a couple of times? Alex again looks puzzled and then asks,
"Mom, what "F" word? Fabulous??"
We all started laughing. It's true fabulous is a "F" word and one of Alex's favorite. Alex uses fabulous all the time in his daily speech and journal writing.
His first fabulous sentence was this:
"Today I was lettle skar to say sorry I was fantabelous"
We added fabulous to his dictionary and within the last couple of weeks here is how many times the fabulous word has cropped up in his writing:
I lake my mom she is fabulous
I ben fabulous yastaday.
I like my family they ar fabulous gass (guys)
I feel fabulous today.
I am having a fabulous today.
I like my fabulous family.
No, Alex, the "F" word is not fabulous! I hate to even tell him what it is-again. I think I'll just wait until the day when he blurts it or can say it himself? Or his siblings tattle on him? Won't that be fabulous?

American Math...

Alex asked me if I wanted to hear about his dream this morning.

Me: Sure
Alex: I dream about Bogdan (his cute little friend from the orphanage-that he refers to as his "little buddy") He get adopted, live close, like-ahhhh-(struggling with finding the word) neighbor? (Wow! Didn't know he knew that word!) I play with him, I teach him English, I teach him American Math.
Me: American Math?
Alex: Yes.
Me: The math here is different than it is in Ukraine?
Alex: Yes.
Me: (Baffled) No it's not. Math is the same everywhere. Did you learn how to add?
A: Yes
M: Subtract?
A: Yes
M: Multiply?
A: Yes.
Me: See? It's all the same, we all use the same numbers.
A: No! In Ukraine we no have 1/2 !
Me: Fractions? (laughing now) That's just because you hadn't learned fractions yet.
A: (nodding as the light dawns) Oh.....

I just had to show you!!

Oh my goodness....I'm giddy with excitment!
So, months ago I took a class from Grocery Smarts about how to save money on your grocery bill. I've been taking FOUR Sunday papers since the end of November to start my stock pile of coupons. I've saved a little here and there (a couple weeks ago I got Crest toothpaste for twenty five cents, DanActive for 88 cents but nothing that amazing.)
BUT TODAY LOOK WHAT I GOT.....

$154.43 worth of grocery's for $51.99!!!
Can you believe it?

Oh my goodness! It was so exhilarating! Like a sport!
Just had to share....

Following my heart.....

Lunch today was so therapeutic. It might sound as if we get together and complain about our adopted children but really we just compare notes and it buoy's us up to hear that other children cry, melt, stomp, hate to study, etc...
I go home feeling fortunate that I have Alex and I'm sure each of my friends go home feeling the same way about their children.
When we decided to adopt, we didn't research "post adoption" issues. I knew nothing about RAD or attachment disorders, I didn't follow any blogs that talked about acclimating or how difficult it would be to teach a child at the age of ten the things you've taught your other children from birth. Nope. I just jumped in heart first.
I knew Alex was suppose to be part of our family and I focused on dossiers, airfare, how much this would cost and where the money would come from. I didn't think about real life after the adoption. The adjusting, the family dynamics, the details of reality.
I took some time a few days ago to go back and read where I was last year at this time, the anticipation, the worry, the connection I felt with Alex half a world away and I was so grateful I recorded all my feelings and experiences. I needed to remind myself how hard I worked and how much I wanted this. I also like to look back and read about when we hosted him and his first weeks home and see how far we've come.
So truth be told-the first few months were hell, with the thought, "What was I thinking?" running continually through my head. It was not easy and I found myself doing a lot of soul searching and realizing that I was not the loving, accepting, wonderful person that I thought I was. This little boy, so dependent on me was giving me claustrophobia. I actually had feelings of dread when he'd wake up in the morning. Seriously. I was sure I'd made a terrible mistake but I didn't want to tell anyone as I-and really I alone-had made this mistake.
Adopting isn't like getting a dog from the pound. This is a person. A little neglected person that followed me half way around the world and left all that he knows-be it good or bad-and is trusting me to love him and teach him and show him the way. I was seriously doubting my ability to love and care for this boy in those first few months. He was just so...foreign? He always seemed so angry, so selfish, so hyper vigilant about who got what, who went where, when none of it was his business. He was so needy and seemed to be everywhere, always demanding my attention or monopolizing James. He didn't seem to like anyone but James and I. He wouldn't participate, open up, or entertain himself. He expected to instantly have all the worldly possessions that everyone else had, DS, I-pods, cell phones. What we had provided just didn't seem enough. It was killing me that we'd spend almost 30K, provided him with his own room, clothes, a home a family and all he wanted was more! He didn't even smell like my other children. He wouldn't talk to me and didn't try and would cry, pout and sulk over the simplest tasks and events. Like being "it" in hide-n- go seek, getting tagged in flag football, being asked to take a bath and even worse....use soap?? Really simple basic things.
Nine months later, things are so much better. He still struggles to control his tears-cried when he lost a game of Halo to Austin last weekend-but he's finally fitting and doesn't seem so foreign. He's figuring out how to be a sibling, has friends, knows the rules, tries-most the time-with his homework and has figured out that taking a bath and using soap is easier than getting back in three times. He laughs, sings, whistles, tries to tell jokes, talk about his dreams, climbs on my lap and sighs with his head tucked against my shoulder and yes, I even know and love his smell. (As long as he remembers to use soap!) That's not to say life's a piece of cake but everyday we take a few steps forward and less steps backwards.
People ask, if you had known all this prior would you do it again? If you had asked me three to five months ago-my answer would have been NO WAY! But that's like asking a woman who just delivered a ten pound baby after 30 hours of labor if she's planning on having more children. At the moment? NO!! But like the woman who gave birth-since I actually have been that woman and repeated the whole pregnancy/birth ordeal four times-time heals so much and memories get fuzzy and so today, my answer is Yes! Yes, of course I would! I went half way around the world to find this little boy and jumped through all those international adoption hoops, and paid all that money and I'm so glad I did. I followed my heart!
We had the missionary's over for our last new member lesson and Alex insisted I sit by him. "Mom you sit be me so you translate."
"Alex, they're speaking English. I'm not translating."
But he was right, each time the missionary's would say something and I could tell Alex wasn't getting it, I'd relate a story or incident that he could relate to until he understood what they were saying. Towards the end of our discussion , the missionary's asked if he planned on serving a mission. (This is a hard concept for Alex as he JUST found a family and home and the idea of leaving for two years seems a little overwhelming-I think.) He told them he would go if his mom could come translate. Ha! I jokingly asked what we would do if we got called to Ukraine and he rolled his eyes and sighed, "Oh great." As he knew I wouldn't be any help translating in Ukraine!
Last night he asked if I could carry him like a baby to bed. I think it was more of a challenge than an actually need to be carried like a baby. Luckily for me, he weighs very little AND I work out at the gym regularly so I did carry him to bed. He wanted to talk. Mostly about his birthday. When I told him it wasn't July yet he decided to ask me questions about myself. "When you born Mom?" then before I could answer he asked "No, tell me Austin born." So I shared stories about Austin when he was a a baby and toddler. Alex laughed and laughed. Twenty-eight minutes later I told him he had to go to sleep. "No Mom. I want talk you more." "You can talk to me more tomorrow!" Five months ago, I never thought I'd be saying that!
I'm so glad I hung in there and that I did follow my heart. He's our boy. It just took awhile to find him under all that hurt, language barrier and institutionalized upbringing.
To those of you struggling with the same I wish you patience, empathy and please know that you can vent/cry/let it out with me anytime!
Thanks again for lunch my friends!

Hodgpodge of January Pics....

My really curly hair....

Kambree heading to Snow for Snowblast!

Devree in her nerd glasses

Quilting at the Humanitarian Center

Alex asleep in front of the fire with his head in the dog bed!

Jazmine and Rylee squishing Chance!

Our new leather couches!

Devree's impromptu marshmallow roasting party in our driveway

Celebrating Rylee and James (upcoming) birthday at the family party on Sunday

We put on 26 & 1/2 candles-which is an average of their ages!