The Weekend Report

Thanks for the comments of support and encouragement.

Sometimes I think no one is reading my blog. Not that it matters as I keep this blog as a record/journal of our life but, it sure is nice to get comments every once in awhile.

I am happy to report that after two days. We (Alex and I) are doing better.

Since Alex "NEVER wants to talk about his feelings again" and hugging and snuggling is for babies. I just stepped back. I was nice but it was defiantly strained. I took Alex aside on Sunday morning and told him I was trying to respect his wishes, to not talk about his feelings or hug or snuggle and I wanted him to be sure to know I wasn't mad but that I really wasn't sure how to be his mother without these two things. (I know the lack of hugging was a lot worse for him than me because he really is a very hugg-y, touchy kid.)

He said "Okay."  Sort of shrugged and walked off.

And that was that.

It was still awkward throughout the day as I didn't dare ask him much and he didn't know what to do with himself without leaning against me or coming in for a hug. (Something I don't think he realized he does over ten times a day.)

He went to bed like normal and then came down to my office. I was working on Young Women stuff and he asked if we could talk?

Sure I said.
I turned away from my computer and he gravely sat down across the table from me and told me that he feels "weird" and that he "is lonely". I told him I agreed things are sort of weird but I was just trying to do as he asked.

"But I was mad when I said that."

"I know. Sometimes we say things we don't mean when we're mad. What should we do?"

"Start over?"

"Okay" I said and then he came around and crawled in my lap and melted into my hug for a very long time.

Finally I sat back and he leaned into my shoulder and looked up into my eyes. I told him how many, many times I say things when I'm mad (especially with James) and have to go back and apologize and make things right. That it's okay to say "I don't want to talk about this right now" but to say you NEVER want to talk about your feelings is pretty big. He agreed.

I also told him how I don't want him to feel lonely. He's had enough lonely in his life. We talked about forgiveness and saying we're sorry and how it can heal so much hurt. 

I apologized because during his melt down Friday, people were coming and going and although when we started talking/wailing we were alone, people kept traipsing through the room we were in. I told him next time we have problems like this - and that we probably will because that's how life is - that I'll try to find a private place where no one will see him cry and/or being held (like a baby). (I didn't say that baby part out loud.)

He never really came out an apologized for his part but the fact that he got the nerve up to approach me and ask to start over counts for me.

It was great too because this morning it was his turn to read scriptures and we're in Third Nephi where the Lord is telling the Laminates that if you have a problem with your brother, before you can come unto Christ, you need to be the first to go and make peace with your brother and then come unto Christ. (We have one child read 5 verses each morning and then paraphrase what is being said. The idea is to get them to teach the scriptures - not mumble through them all the while thinking about what they want to eat for breakfast. Alex usually needs some help with the teaching part.) Today's verses were perfect as I was able to help him teach about what we talked about last night. Asking for forgiveness. Making things right.

Here's to another week!

Kids in school, hubby home and Alex is back to his sweet self.

Whew.

Send Me Back

Just when I think we're home free. 

Making strides. 

Moving forward.

POW!
We had an incident with Alex yesterday saying he had done his chores when he really hadn't. Which is nothing out of the ordinary - just a reoccurring thing that happens at least a couple times a month. So silly because the neglected jobs take all of two minutes. The worst is when confronted about it, he continues to lie and proclaim the job is done and then when you show him the cold hard evidence - be it the unused toilet brush, dirty stairs, or bone dry outside water barrels -  he hangs his head in defeat. 

But yesterday, was different.

Upon me finding these skipped jobs AND already paying him for them, he had to return the dollar per job and then I asked him what should we do about this? This keeps happening and I don't know what to do? 

He bursts out with "Send me back to the orphanage!" and then covers his head with his arms and sobs.

Now you may find me heartless but this is so unacceptable to me. Really? Send you back to the orphanage? This is a cope out attitude. He is giving up. He struggles with telling lies and we've walked this path so many times that he's just decided that he can't tell the truth and the only solution is to send him back to the orphanage? (This sort of floored me because NEVER has he ever talked about going back to Ukraine. Never.) 

I asked if that is what he wants?

Yes.

"Okay then. Go pack your bags."

He stomps up to his room and promptly comes down with a packed bag. Upon realizing that I wasn't going to be footing the bill and/or letting him take my bag, or helping in anyway he decided he will just leave with nothing but the clothes on his back. I stopped him and asked him he knew which direction to go? He didn't but he thinks he can get to the airport.  I asked him how he would pay for an airline ticket. He has $53 dollars. I explained that the cost will be closer to $1200. Then he told me he'd walk. I explained he cannot walk, there is a big body of water between here and Ukraine. He told me he'd swim. 

Okay, enough was enough.

I made him sit down with me and I explained that he is not going back to the orphanage, that he is our son and we cannot simply send him back. If he would like to go into the American foster care system, we could arrange that. He could live with a new family that would be paid to take care of him - like my sister takes care of Lloyd. Would he like that?

No.

Then I told him how he was giving up on himself. That announcing he should go back to the orphanage was just a wimps way out. That he has the power to stop lying but he will have to dig deep.  I of course say a lot of other things, give examples and stories, he just hide's his head in his arms and lays in the corner of the couch.

I ask him what he can do to make things better and he suggests do the jobs without being paid but then starts wailing again. 

Oh my.

I try to hold him. He doesn't want to "hug" or "snuggle" because he is not a baby and it makes him feel like a "lame-o" .  I explain that he is more like a baby then he would like to believe and that he is MY baby, just like all my children are MY babies. That everyone needs to be held and comforted when they're hurting like this. He sits stiff in my arms. He is unbending in his will. He won't talk about how he feels, or what he's thinking. He is like a little Ukraine robot. He tells me he will never talk about his feelings. I tell him how swallowing anger and keeping it inside is not healthy. He doesn't care. He just lays there stiff and angry.

I am getting no where.

I give up and let him go but inform him that he is going with us to the ward camp-out dinner. (He had been scheming to stay home and play video games Which I was okay with until I realized that this was another lie. That he had plans with a certain neighbor boy to play X-box when said neighbor boy was going to be up at the ward camp out too. He had no plans. He was just lying.) I explained I couldn't trust him to stay here on his own so he would be coming with us. He huffs around doing his missed jobs like a robot, then we all get in the car.

He refused to talk the whole way there.

When we get there, two girls his age greet him kindly "Hey Alex! Good to see you!" and BAM! The Alex we know and love is back. He plays with his friends, romps through the forest, tells jokes and stories. And then later sits around the fire by James and I and tells me that he is talking to me now.

He doesn't want to talk about anything that happened of course. He just wants to go back to talking to me in general. He's doing the thing he always does. Just pretending everything is normal and all is well. 

James told me  earlier to just stop talking to him about his lying. Give him the consequence and just stop talking. He's not listening. Nothing is changing. I'm thinking that might be the best idea right now, since I'm not getting anywhere with all my object lessons and examples. I am just wasting my breath and it's hurting my heart.

Wish I could just let things go back to normal like Alex but it's hard.  He hurts my heart every time he lies to me but this "send me back to the orphanage" was a particular big hurt. I'm trying to be the adult/bigger person/mom here and think about his situation. He feels that he'll never overcoming his issues with lying so he DESERVES to live back at the orphanage and that this is about him and not me and his lack of self worth. The realistic, logical part of me knows this. But it still hurts.  

AND I don't know how to help him with this. I know he's going through a rough time just in general as he grows from a boy to a man (all those hormone changes) and I know he doesn't have the skills and experience to talk through and figure out his feelings. He just refuses to let out what is bottled up inside of him and when he does? When he finally tries to tell me what is bothering him and I think "OK this is it, he's going to really make a break through" he then whine's about how he doesn't get to play video games enough. (He gets to play on Friday nights after dinner until ten pm. I cannot police video gaming during the week and it seems to be the thing we argue over more than anything.  He has absolutely no self control over policing himself and he cannot focus on homework, chores, or even family responsibilities when video gaming time is available.) And video gaming issues is the ONLY THING he ever wants to talk about. 

*Sigh*

If I thought he could be successful as a lying, broken English, video game playing adult then I'd have no worries! 

But I am hoping he'll amount to more than that.

I see such great potential and yet he's just throwing his hands in the air, willing to go back to the orphanage. The life that taught him to lie, cheat and bottle up his feelings. The life that he so desperately wants to leave behind and has worked so hard at overcoming he is willing to return to in defeat.

Give me strength.....

Junior High so far....

So, it happened.

Just like I didn't want it to.

I had called, stopped in and emailed the junior high, asking repeatedly about Alex's schedule before school got out last year and during the summer. 

"When does he have ESL, Fast Forward and Speech?"

No one could tell me.
This is what I would get:

"We have to talk with the ESL teacher first."

"I've forward your questions to the principle."

and the best was

"You should not assume a 2nd language learner has a learning disability."
(This because I wanted to see if he could qualify for the program that has an adult aid in each of his core curriculum classes - along with other struggling students - who records his assignments and then they meet in 7th period to work on homework and go over assignments.)

So they mail him his schedule the beginning of August.

No special classes.
Just regular 7th grade curriculum.

He goes up to the school with Devree and Brach and practice opening his locker and finding his classes the week before school starts.

Fast forward to this week:

We are on day 2 of junior high and he is LOVING it.

He has a fun math teacher. (He was my teacher and I loved him too! He sent an email saying "I have not taught Math 7 for about 30 years, so the number of problems and the pacing may be adjusted if I feel it is needed."  I email him back and tell him, "Thirty years ago? Then that was when I was 12 and in your class!" )

There's a girl he thinks is cute in his Health class.

His cousin in his English class.

And he loves Art and likes Chore (which is how he says Choir)!

I get a call Tuesday afternoon from the school counselor.

The ESL teacher can ONLY help him if he has 3rd period English which will require switching almost ALL of his classes around. 

(THIS IS WHAT I WAS TRYING TO AVOID! Grrr....)

The other option is to have him pulled out of his Technology class for ESL with two other children who are BRAND NEW to the country.

"So, like beginning English?"

"Yes."

I explain that's certainly not going to help him much and voice my concern about how is he suppose to stay caught up with the stuff he's missing while he's being pulled out?

Her answer?
"Well, if you don't think he needs any further services then we can keep his schedule as is and not pull him out."
What the heck? Are you kidding me?

I assure the counselor that I want him to have services and I write down all the changes.
He will be changed to a cranky/not fun  math teacher and out of English and Health with his cousin and cute girl. 

He is not going to be happy.

Then I ask about Fast Forward (a reading program he was in in elementary that I know they continue through high school) and his Speech.

"We have no record of that."

"Well, he has an IEP for Speech and has been in Fast Forward in elementary."
"Oh. Well, then he'll get pulled out of an extra curricular class for speech and I"ll talk to the Special Ed teacher about Fast Forward."

The same one that told me to not assume he had a learning disability.

Great.

I think it's a disability to be able to read on a 6th grade level and comprehend on a 2nd grade level. Don't you? I don't say this but I do tell them if they're only testing him for reading fluency he'll do well but when it comes to comprehension, he is between 2nd and 3rd grade MAKE SURE the special ed teacher knows this.

Alex comes home and I ask if anyone talked to him about his new schedule for tomorrow?

"No."

Great.

I break the news to him. 

He takes it well. But you can tell he is frustrated.

I explain my choices. Should I have him pulled out of class or switched his class around?

"It's okay mom. You made right choice." and then adds,  "This way no one knows I am being pulled out." (I didn't even know that bothered him?)

The next morning he asks if he can go to school early as he's worried about finding new classes. I told him not to worry, that he'll get a break if he's late and if he doesn't he just needs to tell me. (And believe me, I will make SURE they give him a break!)

I wait on pins and needles to see how his day went.

He comes home with a TOTALLY different schedule than what they told me!

Switching his English classes and pulling him out of Art and putting him in Functional Literacy.(Which I believe is the Fast Forward program I was hoping for?)

He gets to keep cool math teacher, cute girl in Health but no Art.

But guess what?
He handled it beautifully!

No tears. No pouting. 

He did fabulous.

We were talking about his day and how crazy and disorganized the junior high is and he kept taking my hand and laying it on his face - he loves face tickles.

"Mom?"

"Yes Alex."

"I miss you at school."

"You miss me while you're away at school? It's not really that long."

"I know but I just miss you."

That's sweet.

Then he adds, "And your homework is easier." 

Ah ha! The truth comes out! 

First Day Of School Pics!

TODAY feels like the first day of school as TODAY is the first day they've all been gone at the same time!  

But here are all the back to school pictures on ONE post - despite the actual day they started!

Kambree/Sophomore in College

Austin/Senior in High School

Devree/Sophomore in High School

Alex/7th Grader in Junior High

Rylee/6th Grader in Elementary

Ahhh....this is my baby's last year in Elementary.

(My mom took my picture in front of this very flag pole when I went to this very school, so I do it each year with my elementary kids too. Sort of hurts my heart to think this is the last year I will be taking the "flag pole" picture.)

At her desk:

I actually missed my high schoolers pictures in the morning - as they were in such a hurry to leave. I called Dev while they were driving and said, "Take a picture on your cell phone and send it to me." I could hear Austin hollering in the back ground. "Tell her we promise to pose for a picture when we get home!" So those are actually first day of school AFTER school pictures.

(Sigh)

I'm slacking these days....

My New Job?

Last night Austin approached my about why we didn't go out to eat more often? The cost of course. Seven people eating out really adds up. 

(Funny he should bring this up when James and I are currently trying to re-vamp our budget and not seeing eye to eye on how that is to be done.)

Then Austin asks why his dad isn't an OBGYN? (He's best friends dad is and apparently they go out to eat ALL the time.)

Before I can really answer - because I'm not really sure what to say, "Uh...because he didn't go to medical school?"  he magnanimously  informs me that he is going to put his brain powers to use and think of a new job for ME! (Apparently, he doesn't think real estate is cutting it. Which right now, really isn't. Not for lack of effort on my part but due to the terrible market we're in. It seems when folks call I'm always telling them their home is not worth what they thought, when I do get the listing, it sits and sits, and then on the off chance that we do get a buyer, it doesn't appraise and kills our deal. OR there just isn't a decent house out there for my buyers to buy. I am working. I'm just not getting paid. I know it will get better. I can be patient but apparently my kids are done waiting? The want to go out to eat?)

So Austin is trying to consider my talents and think of a new job for me and Alex comes in and suggests that I "Sell milk to cats." 

Really?

"Yes. Cat's like milk."

Then he thinks a little harder.

"No, you could be a lawyer. Lawyers make lot's of money."
(From selling milk to cats to a lawyer? That was quite a jump.)

I explain I cannot be a lawyer as I do not have a law degree and I'm not sure I would make any money selling milk to cats. Cats don't usually have a lot of money.

Austin -still trying to think about my talents - suggests I could be an actor. (Aww...thank Austin.)

Devree shots that idea down with "Actors don't make any money. They're poor."

Alex: comes up with "Well, you could fix things and get money."

I look at him baffled. 

I don't know how to fix things. 

Alex upon seeing my look  of bafflement, realizes the flaw in his thinking, "Well, you pay someone else little money to fix things and then make big money." 

That gives Austin this idea, "Yeah, like a sweat shop. You could run a sweat shop."

I am shaking my head in disbelief. But it gets better...

Devree pipes in with "You could work at Hooters." 

To which Austin adds - with a straight face I must point out,   "Oh no, she can't do that." (Whew, I am thinking, at least he has some sense!) "Everyone would want to sit in her section. She would be bombarded and all the other waitresses would hate her."

Please. 

I do realize the absurdity of me working there as does Austin.  

(I think Devree was just throwing out the craziest idea she could think of!)

Rylee suggests cooking for someone and then better yet, I could be on Master Chef!

And then the flood gates of ideas open! I could be on game shows! Minute To Win It, Who Want To Be A Millionaire, Deal or No Deal. 

The possibilities are endless. I could just go from game to game making hand over fist loads of money!

They are so excited - talking about how easy it would be to win at these games. How well they would do. How they would always go for the million dollar grand prize.

And then I shooed them out of my room with the lure of cake down in the kitchen and family night to follow.

Funny kids....

Sad Saturday

Sad day today.

Kambree left for college.

It wasn't as bad as last year but still hard to see her go. I know it's only hard for me - she was just shooting sparks! So excited to get back to college life.  I truly am happy for her, just a little melancholy for me.

Hugs good bye!

(Austin was at scout camp, James still at work)

Love this picture of her with Ella (even though I can't get it to rotate!)

Official First Day Of School Photo

(Even though classes don't start until next week!)

Thursday, James and I will drive the truck down with her desk and big stuff. She had her car loaded up with clothes, food and bedding and she was off!

(Sigh)

I also attended my neighbors funeral with Devree.

He was actually only 49 not 53 - like his daughter told me!

I helped with the luncheon afterwords and then left Devree to hang out with Jessica and went home to see how Alex was fairing as he'd been left home alone to keep an eye on the neighbors house during the funeral.  (Apparently there's a band of thieves that target homes during funerals?)

He had Brach with him and they were doing fine. 

Rylee was at her call-back for a youth production of Cinderella. (Thanks to my sister for getting her there as the funeral ran longer than expected!) 

Devree and I had food at the luncheon so I offered to make the boys dinner. Alex told me not to make anything too difficult (he's so thoughtful & sweet sometimes) so I suggested mac & cheese with hot dogs. (Not something I usually make and/or have around) Both boys eyes lit up!

Upon serving this fancy feast (along with a side of peas for some sort of nutrition) Alex said,  "Thank you for "preserving" this dinner for me mom." (I think he meant preparing!)

On a happier note, Rylee was cast as Anastasia - one of the step sisters! So excited. Character parts are the best! 

All the kids except Alex head back to school Monday. I think they're all ready and looking forward to it. Even Austin - though he won't admit it. 

Alex LOVED junior high. He didn't have a whole lot to say except he shared that he couldn't open his locker and the principle tried to help him and then he realized he was at the WRONG locker.

He came right home and drew a picture for art. That was all he had for homework. That and seven different disclosures for me to sign.

Alex made over $40 mowing lawns this week. (He was covering Austin's job while he was at scout camp and mowed for my parents.) With that much money burning a hole in his pocket, he just couldn't wait to spend it!  He rode his bike with Brach to Gardner Village this morning and bought us all treats. He spent $10 on his family - according to Brach. He bought us treats last week too - those suckers that look like cut glass? Not realizing he had bought them specifically for us, when offered, I declined and so did Kambree -as they're pretty yucky. He felt a little bad that we didn't want one. (Later he admitted he didn't like them either.)  So, his quest today was to get us something we liked!
The girls were smart. They told him exactly what they wanted. I on the other hand told him I loved chocolate but not with nuts and that he couldn't go wrong at the bakery. Unfortunately, Brach convinced him that those dry Mexican Wedding Cookies covered in powdered sugar and made with NUTS would be great. Not wanting to hurt his feelings for a second time, I choked one of the two down in front of him. Later Rylee came in and gave me some of her fudge in exchange for one of my cookies. Thanks Ry. Next time I'll just come out and tell him what I want too.
Oh, and here's is what happened to Austin's car while he was away.

There is also a road thingy IN the car too.

Alex's 1st Day of Junior High, Misc Photo's & Funnies!

This is proof that I am a "cool" mom, please note that pictures are in the yard and NOT in front of the school. (That is a kindness I extend to my children when they begin 7th grade.)

He is pretty excited. He even laid out his school clothes last night. This morning he came down with spiky hair and smelling of cologne. And he was ready with twenty minutes to spare.

Watch out junior high!

Here he is in the car, in front of the school. (That's not as bad as standing out front posing for a picture with your mom clicking away is it? Except I had Devree in the front seat and she had to roll down her window and yell, "We love you Alex! Have a great day!!"  as he walked into the front door. I'm sure he loved that.)

I came home and downloaded pictures to my computer and found about 45 pictures of Ella's "photo shoot".

Luckily, for you faithful couple of blog readers, I am only posting two!

I also found a bunch of random pictures the kids took of each other. 

Here are my favorites:

And now for some Friday Funnies:

Here is Austin as a Hasidic Jew:

(He is wearing some of Kambree's hair extensions.)

But that's not all, yesterday I came down to find this:

And then I asked him to look at me:

(He was attempting to sodder his sunglasses back together.)

And if you need just a little more laughs.....how about these video's Alex made of himself?

Hope those made you smile.

Happy Friday!

Lightening Up /Life With Alex!

My last entry was so sad. Luckily we have Alex around to lighten things up.

Lately, Alex has been asking me a lot about weddings and who pays for what.

Today he asked about the honeymoon. Who pays for that? (Our piano teacher is going on her honeymoon next week, I think that is where this train of thought is coming from. At least I hope so!)

I told him the man does.

Then I gave him the list we had so far.

The man pays for the rings, the flowers, the tuxedo's, the wedding breakfast and the honeymoon.

(In a traditional world....right?)

Then he sort of shrugged and told me he would worry about it later and then informed me, "You will be my helper and explain me how to do it."

Yes Alex. I will be your "helper" and explain you how to do it.

Sometimes it's hard to correct his English as it's just so plain funny.

His older sisters have been teaching him about comebacks. As in witty remarks. His are so strange. Usually he just repeats whatever they say right back at them. 

Sister: Alex, you look like a monkey.

Alex: Oh yeah, well, YOU look like a monkey.

So they told him he has to come up with his own comeback. 

(Please keep in mind, I have not been apart of these "learning moments" only heard about them after the fact.)

Here is an example of an Alex comeback that Kambree posted as her FB status the other day:

"You know what??? I'm going to rub ketchup on your face.... and then your face will be red." 

Tonight Rylee is  going to Young Women's with me. Alex asked me if she was going to have an "experience"? I was puzzled? "An experience? Well, she's going to an activity." "I know but this will be her first young women's experience."  True. I guess she will be having an "experience"?

He starts junior high on Friday. (In our school district the 7th graders get to come a day early on their own. He'll be home with me Monday when the rest of the kids start school. Which works out fabulously as that is the day Kambree moves back to school and he will help me move her. He is a great help moving things!)

Yikes.

Dev took him and Brach to the junior high on Monday and helped them find their lockers, practice opening them and walked them around to their classes. I can tell he's excited/nervous. I'm just plain nervous. I feel like I'm throwing my baby to the wolves. 

I'm worried as he has three special help classes, ESL, Speech and Fast Forward (a reading program) yet he has all regular classes. When does he attend these special classes? Oh, they'll pull him out for those? Great. And then he misses what he needs to hear in his regular classes and gets behind there? There has got to be a better way. 

I stole this pictures of my friends blog - her husband went on one of the scout camps. (Thanks Amy!) Alex is in the orange with James' Crocodile Dundee hat.

No idea what is going on with my fonts.

My Neighbor.....

Sunday morning around 6:15 am I heard the garbage truck.

What the heck?

It's Sunday!

I checked out my side windows.

Nothing.

I checked out the front window and caught a glimpse of a fire truck through my trees parked kiddie corner from my house in front of my elderly neighbors. 

Oh no!
I bound down the stairs and out to my yard as the fireman walked not into my elderly neighbors house but to the house directly across the street.

I sat on my porch.

I watched for awhile then felt like a big-eyed owl so I took my watching indoors.

I called James.

Three police cars, one detective car, one full size fire truck and one Unified Fire Ambulance.

No lights.

No sirens.

Nobody coming out.

I moved to Rylee's room with an upstairs window with a better view of their front porch.

I call my other neighbor -who just happens to have a detective for a husband. She and I are visiting teachers to this neighbor. Maybe they need help? Maybe her hubby knows more?

He answers the phone.

He knows nothing.

I'm sure he thinks I'm the nosiest neighbor ever. I can sense it in his voice and his advice is to just let the emergency personnel take care of it.

I can understand that.

But what if they need someone?

James is their Home Teacher, I'm her Visiting Teacher.

If anyone should be helping...it's us!

I try to dig deep. 

Listen to the spirit.

What should I do?

I wait.

15-20 minutes later they brought out my neighbor on a tarp, placed him on the stretcher and casually wheeled him to the ambulance. He had a CPR machine thing compressing up and down on his chest.

No one is rushing.

No hurry up.

They drive off yet, no one leaves the house to follow or ride along.

I run to my basement looking through my files for my neighbors mothers phone number. (I sold her a condo a few years ago.) Maybe the wife and daughter are out of town and my  neighbor is alone? Called 911 and collapsed? Her number is disconnected.

I remember I have the daughters cell phone in my phone.

I call. No answer.

Just as I hang up I see the garage open and their car back out.

It is my neighbor and her daughter.

I walked out to my yard so they can see me, figuring if they want to stop they will, if not they don't have too.

As soon as they see me they stop and roll down the window.

"He stopped breathing."

I ask what I can do. Can I drive them to the hospital.

No, they will be fine.

I ask them to keep me posted and let me know if I can help.

On Sundays (and with our late church schedule) I let the kids sleep and make a big breakfast. I explained what had happened over breakfast.The doorbell rings, I go to answer as I'm saying over my shoulder "I don't know if he's dead or alive."

There is the teenage daughter on my doorstep.

"My dad died."

Oh my heart.

I wrapped her in a hug and pulled her in the house.

I holler for Devree. 

She tells Devree. 

 Devree hugs her. 

We keep saying we're so sorry.

We invited her to breakfast but she needs to get home to her mom.

He was 53.

Heart attack.

It's hard to believe he's gone. 

We've lived across the street from him for over ten years.

Nice man.

Funny man.

He let's James and Austin in to home teach as long as they don't talk religion.

Not a religions man.

They shot pool sometimes.

We exchange Christmas gifts.

They bring over left over cake and cheesecakes as there are just three of them and so many of us.

Wow.

Just like that. 

Gone.

Devree's status update on facebook that morning:

You know you're lucky when you realize the things you still have.....

MS 10K Mud Run!

Today I ran/walked my first mud run!

We were team CPK - Sara's mom (cute blond in the middle) has MS and it is her initials. So we ran in her honor. Sara did all the fundraising so I just had to pay my entry fee and figure out what to wear. (That is harder than you might think!)

We brought goggles and Sara supplied us with headbands. When I was getting out my swimming goggles, I found these snow goggles and could see so much better and they were soft so I decided to wear them. 

Alisa didn't wear this scuba gear but given her height and the depth of some of the obstacles, she might need it!

TC, Alexis, Alisa, Me, Ben (Sara's brother), Sara, & Jenny (Sara's sis-in-law)

Here's the 28th Ward shot, can you believe I got to church with all these crazy women and one (fit) young man?

Here is our official "BEFORE" shot....

The starting line.....

The first mile was a run and it was just as dusty and dirty as it appears.  It was actually refreshing to hit the obstacles. We did some climbing one's where you had to get over a flat wall, climbing a mesh net, climbing a tall wall with slats and these did not involve mud.  Then there were lots of muddy one's where you crawled on your belly in muddy water up to your neck under army-guy mesh, up and over logs with a ditch of mud about three feet deep, some balancing one's where you walked across a rope holding on to an upper rope, walked across logs, all with lovely mud pits at the bottom. 

The worst was the rope monkey bars. Alexis made it across and made it look so easy. Poor Alisa needed a boost to even grab the rope. We mostly all just fell in. I got the first rope and then SPLASH right in - over my head in muddy water. 

Of course there's lot's of dusty running in between (I was pretty much just a fast walker at this point) and then the last few obstacles we had our photographers there. (Alisa's cute daughter, Jessica & friend)

This is a good action shot of Alexis.

If you want to see my attempt, see video #1 below. It is not flattering. (We decided this was a poorly thought out obstacle. You need to run and get a hold of the bottom of the rope to swing but you can't due to the hill before the ditch)

Here we all are after. (You'll notice we're missing TC? He ran ahead and made it through the whole thing in one hour and eight minutes!)

Then there were a few muddy puddles to cross.

And another crawl on your belly army-guy thing.

Here we are at the top of the big slide:

Sliding down

And we went all the way under. That's the back of my head!

The goggles were actually very useful! I kept mine on the whole time as they doubled for sun glasses.

Getting out was always the trickiest part. It was so slippery. I found turning around and scooting on my behind was often times more effective.

There is video of this one too at the bottom.

So muddy & wet!

One of the last obstacles was a ten foot jump into a pool of muddy water which washed us off pretty good.

Crossing the finish line:

I think we finished 142 out of 272 teams?

One hour and forty-seven minutes.

I love this candid shot. You can really see how proud we were of ourselves. Me especially.

Another after shot:

And getting hosed off by the fireman!

Swimming!

Next time I would wear black (but I planned on throwing away this old, white, gym shirt anyway) and I really need to get better at running. Having only run a 5k in May and half heartily running once-a-week-ish since, I was not conditioned to run a 10K. I walked more than I would have liked.  

(Glad we were on a DGAP -Don't Give A Poop - team.)

But all in all? 

I did it!

And I lived!!

And yes, I'm a little proud of myself.

Now I'm going to take some Ibuprofen and a nap. In that order!