A letter to Kambree

Dear Kambree,
As you approach high school graduation I can't help but reminisce about my own graduation. As you know, I am the oldest of five children and having never been to a high school graduation for an older sibling or an aunt or uncle for that matter, I had no idea what a momentous occasion it was.
I figured it was like 9th grade promotion. A little assembly with a few little speeches and just moms and dad beaming in the audience.
My best friend and future college roommate was trying out to be a speaker at graduation. We were both in debate together and I had no plans to speak at graduation, although speaking was not something I was timid of. (I was the 3A High School State champion in persuasive speech my senior year. Yes, for that I got a little metal emblem of the state of Utah!)
Anyway, my friend was auditioning to speak and my speech teacher/debate coach would not let anyone in to hear the speakers trying out unless they were trying out too. I assured him I was trying out to get in the door and as I sat there listening to the other speakers I remember jotting some notes on a a scrap of paper I found lying on the floor.
Soon enough it was my turn to speak. I didn't really care, I was just here to support my friend. I don't remember what I said but low and behold, I was selected as one of the four speakers for graduation. (Luckily my friend was too! That would have been bad if she hadn't!)
Hum...
I didn't think to mention to my parents I was speaking. I mean really? It didn't seem like that big of a deal. My boyfriends mother had given me a graduation card with some sort of poem on it and as I was sitting there, in my cap and gown waiting to speak, I was once again making notes on what I was going to say and threw the poem in for kicks.
Imagine my parents surprise when looking at the program to see my name as a speaker?
They had no idea.
I remember looking around at all the many people in attendance and it dawning on me that this was a pretty BIG event. Hum....maybe I should have really prepared a speech?
Oh well, too late now.
I gave my speech. I don't remember much except I made people laugh. I'm not into boring, sentimental speeches. I mean who wants to hear that?
I of course don't have a copy of the speech as there never was a hard copy. Just a graduation card with some notes scribbled on it. I don't even have the card.
So, Kambree. Being the oldest child, let me tell you, Graduation IS a big deal and if you're speaking at it, I would appreciate the heads up!
Love,
Mom

Our plane ride home from Ukraine & arriving home:
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/05/day-44-last-day.html

An overdue thank you!

My good friend and an angel sent me this email Monday morning:

I'm coming over with a pan of lasagna at 5:00. Every day I pray for opportunities to help people, so don't deny me this blessing. See you at 5:00.
Not wanting to deny anyone of blessings I said of course, YES!
(I may be a "crazy mother" but I'm not THAT crazy!)
It was delicious and the timing was perfect as my day was non-stop and not having to worry about what to prepare for dinner was such a burden lifted!
She dropped it off with instructions to heat and I put it in the over.
It was such a big, bountiful pan of lasagna that a little bit of it bubbled out of the pan and on to the bottom of the oven. Not a lot. Just a little.
The next morning when I left for the gym at 5:45 am, I flipped the clean button on my oven as I left. I figured it was as good of time as any to clean my oven, especially considering I have our Ward Women's Retreat here Friday night. (Who knows who might look in my oven?)
When I got home for the gym at 7:00 am, EVERY fan was on, the windows and doors were open and I was soon berated by the many sleeping children that were awoken when the smoke alarm went off at 5:55 AM!
"Mom, the smoke alarm went off when we were asleep!"
"I had to open all the doors and windows and turn on all the fans before it would go off!"
"Mom, I sleeping then loud (insert Alex imitating the sound of the alarm)!"
Apparently, Devree just yelled "Shut up!" but it did nothing to quiet the alarm.
Jazmine, sleeping in the same room as Dev was privy not only to the sound of the alarm but to Devree's yelling as well. She was less than thrilled.
Oh, my everyone was in an uproar.
(Note: Our new smoke alarms, required in every room by Murray City since the addition of our kitchen are very touchy! There was never a fire-just a little smoke-no big deal! they go off when I'm cooking all the time-I'm truly not that bad of a cook-they're just touchy!)
I know I shouldn't laugh.
But I did.
I found it funny that my poor, pleasantly sleeping children were all woken by the smoke alarm.
Teeheehee...
They wake me continually when the refuse to go to bed, stay up late, come home late, pound on the piano when I'm trying to catch a quick nap, etc.
So, I think they got a little taste of their own medicine.
Thanks Lori, not only for the lovely dinner but for the laugh on my kids!
You're the best!

Reflections

Wow.
One year tomorrow.
Feels like yesterday I was in Ukraine yet it feels like Alex has always been our son. How can that be?
Last night in Alex's blessing journal he wrote:
I never had such nice parents but in America I have better parents.
He also wrote in his journal last night:
I wish Mom and I would stop having such long talks.
(He originally wrote this in the blessing part of his journal and I had to explain that a wish is not a blessing. That he could write, "He is blessed to have a mom love him so much that she gives him long talks." but he wasn't going for that!)
He was upstairs this morning singing "I'll stand by you." over and over while he combs his hair and just came down and asked if he could add this song to his MP3 player. He's sure he knows how to do this because "Dad show me." I hope he does because I have no idea....
Today is full of taxes, haircuts, dress pick ups, dance classes and one house showing. Nothing like last year where I was so lonely and homesick, preparing to traveling home on those long, long plane rides. Bringing my boy home.
Sounds like we're looking for more songs for the MP3 player behind me.
Tomorrow I'll post our homecoming.
Whew.
Writing everyday for the last six weeks has been challenging.
Thanks to the few of you who have re-traced our adoption adventure with me. I am so glad I blogged it. So many things I forgot and so many things were enlightening reading about them now and knowing what I know now.
Funny. Part of me can't believe that we did that.
Travel 1/2 way around the world for one little boy to complete our family.
Despite the challenges, repeated lectures and hair-pulling-out communication frustration we've been through since arriving home, I'm so glad he IS home. That he's ours and that I have the opportunity to raise him. Why he was born in Ukraine is beyond me? I know he was ours before this life. Just glad we found him, we made it and he's finally home and we are whole.
Happy Thursday!

Last Day in Ukraine
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/05/april-29th-day-43medical-embassy.html

Pictures
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/06/misc-ukarine-photos.html

LAST NIGHT
A momentous occasion happened at our house last night!
I made banana muffins.
I was sure once I brought Alex home that I would NEVER be making banana cake, muffins or bread again. He LOVES banana's and I was sure there was never a chance of a spare banana or two turning brown and allowing for me to mix up some yummy banana concoction.
But last night it happened!!!
Ta...da!
How these two banana's made it, is beyond me. Maybe the fact that I buy banana's almost every time I go to the grocery store or the fact that Alex has been here for almost one year, has decreased his desire to consume every banana available at the earliest opportunity? I don't know. I just got out the mixer and smiled to myself. I was making a banana recipe!
THIS MORNING
Much to do and no ambition to do anything!
I've been going and going and today I have little on my calendar but a LOT on my "to do" list and I want to crawl back in bed on this rainy, gray day and read my book.
Is that so bad?
We survived the crazy wind last night with only a few small branches lost from our big front trees. Whew. It could have been worse.
YESTERDAY
Had another lying talk with Alex yesterday. Over the stupidest thing. A cookie. I really didn't care if he had a cookie earlier or not-I would have still let him have another one, but he lied. Said he hadn't had one. Sibling confronted him on it. He admitted he lied. I asked if he just forgot or lied. (I was trying to give him an easy out.) Lied, he said. And he did it so quickly. The lie. Like second nature. And such a dumb thing to lie about. Here is part of his journal entry from last night:
Today I lied to my mom about a little dumb cookie.
We talked about if it was okay to lie about little things? No. Because if you lie about little things you will lie about big things and then how can I trust him? We talked about what his consequence will be if he lies again-I wanted ideas from him because apparently all my ideas were just not working. (His consequence last night of course was no cookie-in fact no more food for the night-he had just eaten dinner.) He couldn't come up with any other ideas besides the one's I already use. Then he got a little sarcastic and suggested he won't eat for a week-just drink. I said no. I would never do that. Then he said he would kneel in salt for an hour. (He is really testing me here- his eyes are just dancing with mischievousness!) I asked if he thought I would do that? No. I told him he's right. I don't do punishments like that. So, I asked what he hated to do the most? He quickly responded with "Work!" "Okay, then next time you lie you will have to do an hours worth of work!" He groaned then quickly and jokingly said "No, no, I love work!". I laughingly told him that was also a lie!
He owed me a few more sentences in his journal for misspelling words we've already gone over and over (he writes his corrected words in his own dictionary and he's suppose to look them up if he's not sure of their spelling. He's lazy so often times he THINKS he can remember the spelling or he just guesses.Then when he goes to add them to the dictionary-after we correct his writing and they're already IN the dictionary-he owes me another sentence!) This is his interpretation of our discussion about his future consequence if he lies again. (Warning! This sentence is without mama editing!)
I going to be gronded form my mom and if I lie agin I we get atra work.
Needless to say we had some more spelling and sentence structure to work on.
And for his blessing today he wrote:
I wish I will stop lieing to my family.
Although not really a blessing I guess you can consider the fact that he wants to STOP lying a blessing. Right?
TODAY
This morning we talked about entitlement.
I know. Big word. Alex feels entitled to just about everything everyone else has. At dinner if someone wants the last of something he wants half of it. Last night he and Austin shared the last of the chicken then Rylee wanted to finish the mandarin oranges and he wanted half of those too. I explained that he already had half of the chicken-let Rylee have the oranges.
Then at breakfast he had eggs and one of my momentous banana muffins. Rylee who detest eggs asked for a second muffin. "Me have muffin too Mom?" I explained that there were only two muffins left one for me and one for Devree so he turned to Rylee and suggested they split her muffin. I was miffed. Then I realized he has no clue. He's not getting it. So we talked about how Rylee didn't have eggs and he did. (She hates eggs.) And that he is not entitled to half of everything-like last night. We talked about what entitled means. That he needs to consider the fact that he's had more of one thing so it's okay for someone else to have more of something else. He seems to understand.
(Sigh)
THE FUTURE?
Each day I think, TODAY I am not going to have a big talk with Alex. I'm just going to love him and enjoy him and yet....I don't think a day goes by that I don't call him on something, explain some basic principle, chastise, reprimand, and talk until I'm blue in the face.
And some of our talks are so stupid.....like this one:
THE PAST
Alex came home with a friend from school. He was wearing plaid shorts and mid calf BLACK socks! Like an old man tourist. (How I missed that in the morning is beyond me-but it has something to do with my crazy busy life!)
"Alex, why did you wear those socks with your shorts? You know you're suppose to wear white short socks with shorts."
(I know not the end of the world-but I am trying to help him assimilate and fit in in every area of life! Snort if you'd like but, I believe that a child who is clean, coordinated and dressed somewhat to current standards has a much better chance of being accepted, making friends and treated kindly by peers and adults alike.)
Alex: I no could find white socks.
Me: Why didn't you ask me? There were some clean in the dryer.
(This irritates me because he asks me a million inconsequential things everyday and he can't ask me if he has some white socks clean?)
Alex: Oh.
Later that night we talk about what he and his friend did. I mention what a nice boy his friend is, that I like him. He tells me his friend did not have on black socks with his shorts. Laughing I say, "I know. I wonder why?" Alex quickly responds, "Because his mom already taught him!"
Hum....
I guess all these talks, lectures and reprimands, that I repeat over and over are just lessons. Lessons Alex missed in his first ten years of life.
(Big sigh)
I just hope some of them sink in soon!

This is my last official post from Ukraine last year. I have a couple more after this but I made them from home.
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-28thday-42last-post-from-ukraine.html

Busy Girls!

Kambree

Spartonian Ball is upon us.

Kambree and I had an hour and 1/2 window to find a dress on Saturday. (Yeah, that's the life of a real estate agent on Saturday and a crazy busy senior in high school!)
We went to a Candlelight rental and just pulled out our favorites and headed to the dressing room. A few we didn't take pictures of as they just were not picture worthy but here's our top three.
Number one:

(Which we really liked-except the jacket was kind of weird)
Here is dress number two:

(Which we didn't like that much!)
And the winner is:
(By the way this is the first dress we picked out!)
She's going to have a way poofy slip to puff it up big. It is so pretty. When she put it on I just gasped. We knew immediately....it was the one!

And here are some random dance concert photo's I stole off of Facebook!

After the show with her siblings....
Grandma and Aunt (Sorry Mom-your eyes are sort of closed)
And the second night with her great grandma! My mom is in the background with her eyes open!


DEVREE

Devree is running for student office. She was only allowed to make four posters. At the last minute we thought we should put a picture of her on each poster.



She and Jazmine also had a science experiment due. (See video below) They had to video this and burn it to a disk and turn it in. Wow. I would have never imagined such an assignment in my day. (The videoing and putting on a disk part!)

Devree is currently on the other computer googling on You Tube about how to do her algebra. Maybe I would have been a better student if I had Internet!

Last year I was in Ukraine so wanting to be home with ALL my children and this busyness we call LIFE!

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-27thday-40.html

Alex Education Update!

This morning I met with the "team" at Alex's school to discuss his test results. He tested "delayed" in many categories on the cognitive non-verbal test and had many below average scores on the Behavioral /Social Skills test. On his communication test his core language score was 48 below the mean of 100.
Of course a lot of this was blamed on his one year of English language and they don't want to hastily label him with a learning disability BUT the good news is.....he does qualify for help with speech!! (He slurs his s, z, and s blends)
Of course sweet speech teacher is worried about making him feel self conscious but I'm not backing down from this one. If he qualifies for help then he's getting help!! He can get over being self conscious. I mentioned how hard he is to understand and his teacher backed me up on that and the speech teacher said she'd work on that too-that she didn't notice him being hard to understand. Well, when you sitting face to face with no distractions, noise and outside influence Alex is much easier to understand but in a class room setting or with a house full of children he doesn't speak loud or clear enough to be understood.
I then brought up his retention. How we work on a subject-like vowels-over and over and then revisit it days later and he can't remember what a vowel is. The teacher backed me on this one with math problems. The school counselor agreed to take him and work on something-I wish I could remember the exact phrase she used-something about making goals and seeing if he can build upon that or if he forgets to evaluate further his retention ability.
All in all he's going to receive 30 minutes a week with the speech therapist, and 20 minutes four days a week with the counselor and then he already has his 30 minutes three times a week with ESL.
I'm not sure the speech lady or counselor were impressed with me when I mentioned our Thursday discussion about Alex not feeling sorry for himself and how people feel sorry for him because he's so cute-like the ESL teacher who has yet to let me know what they work on three times a week-despite my request to email me what they're working on so I can follow up at home with him. Last I heard they were reading baby books and talking about his day.
I also talked about what we can do this summer and they've agreed to take Alex on as a "peer leader" to help with the special ed kids summer program. I volunteered Rylee as well so Alex won't think he's being singled out. This way he'll be helping special ed kids and hopefully picking up valuable concepts while he's at it. I think this will be a great boost for his self confidence and may also help him with empathy for others. I think it will be great for Rylee too and I'm really going to play it up that this is an opportunity to serve and help people. (Not that this is a secret way to teach Alex more English!)
The social worker did mention that perhaps he's not retaining information because his brain is too over-loaded. That if he's so worried about other things there is no room for math and remembering vowels. To which I told him, his brain is probably over loaded with what is fun and how he is going to have more fun. You could see the sweet counselor and speech lady look at me in horror. Like I was so very mean but then I let them know that he will push the limit on getting away with the least amount possible. He's smart. He's cute and charming and he knows it. (All along Alex's teacher is backing me up on all my arguments! Did I mention I love her?)
So I felt good about it all in all.
He's going to get some additional help. We have a plan for some help during the summer and bless Alex's heart, he has been trying harder with his handwriting since my explosion on Thursday.
Last year I was almost home from Ukraine. Looking back I see signs I didn't see before. Like how upset he got when he couldn't get through a certain level on the Game Boy. I wish he'd get upset like that when he can't figure out what a vowel is. It would make me think he care's, that he wants to learn. But most of Alex's tears of frustration are from getting caught doing something he shouldn't and the resulting fun or privilege that is taken away. Not that he feels sorry for the wrong behavior-he's just sorry he got caught! And he's not quite smart enough to not admit that. If you ask him:
Alex, are you sorry you (insert whatever ill behavior he's being reprimanded for) or are you sorry you got caught?
Sorry I got caught.
Oh, well. At least he's conquering honesty.....right?

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-26thday-40-stake-conference.html

Last year was the famous visit to the sauna! Oh my.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-25thday-40-sauna.html

Feeling sorry...

I've been feeling a little sorry for myself lately.
James is gone and for some reason these fifteen days feel like forever.
They're not. Just feels like it when you're on day one and day two. Today is day five. I just finished a book where the man serves in the military and is gone for a year at a time. Okay self-things could be worse!!
But more than that, I've been feeling walked on, taken for granite and just treated poorly by.....
MY CHILDREN!
Imagine that.
So after my yelling session with Alex on Thursday. (To which I got a very humble apology after school and he had points taken off his report for what? Sloppy writing, crumpled papers and stickiness!) I had another yell fest on Friday morning with ALL my children. Oh, yeah. Totally not winning mothering awards this year.
I've been overwhelmed with:
Mom, I need shoes.
Mom, I've been wearing these contacts for two months and don't have any more.
Mom, I need ideas for my student government election posters.
Mom, I need scout book.
Mom, we're out of face cleaner.
Mom, I need a ride to.....
Mom, I need a costume.
I need dance skins, lashes, leotards, poster board, birthday gifts, etc.
We're out of shampoo.
Why don't we have anything good to eat in this house?
I need you to pick me up.
I need you to check me out.
(Calls from school) I need you to bring my library book, lunch, game for game day to school.
Can I have a sleep over?
Can you proof read my paper?
Can my friends stay for dinner?
Can you pick up Rx at Costco?
Can you help me with English? Journal? Book Report?
Can you sign me up for summer camp?
We need checks for piano and voice teacher.
Please no make me peanut butter & jam.
I need TWO sandwiches on my lunch.
Can you come on our field trip?
I need a dress for the dance next week.
Can you get this clean for this before tomorrow?

And that's an actual request list in the last week-just one's that come to mind. There are more. I just don't want to make this post a novel.
On top of that add overtime work-I think I've shown close to fifty houses this week-wrote three offers-made it through two inspections and did one final walk through.
My church calling responsibility's-had two meetings, missed one, sent emails, need to prepare a lesson and get ready for the Womens Retreat that is being held at my house next weekend.
Add the regular piano lessons, voice lessons, scouts, young woman's and dance classes. Two dance concerts, one birthday party, one cleaning of the church, dance pictures and dance reception. Look forward next week to an early morning meeting discussing Alex's test results, quarterly taxes, a closing, hopefully three secured contracts, a rehearsal, haircuts, a child going to have a brain scan (no worries-she's getting paid-it's for research) a theater performance, a child going on a date-dance and the retreat!!
Yeah, overwhelmed isn't a long enough word for what I'm feeling.
It's not that I don't want to do these things, I want to do ALL these things-they are all good things.
It's that I feel so unappreciated by the children in need of, demanding, requesting, begging and/or pleading for these things.
So Friday morning I got my feelings hurt by one child in my attempt to help with a costume issue and I just lost it!!
I yelled at everyone. Even Jasmine-who had spent the night and who comes and go with no rhyme or reason and adds an element of spaghetti strap immodesty to our family dynamics. I told them all that there was one of me and six of them. That if they wanted the privileges they have (like driving and having me continually buy them things) they were going to need to treat me with respect, (yes, I've been mocked at all week because of my lame ideas for student government posters, had one child stick their tongue out at me behind my back because I asked her to do her job, and I can't count the eye rolls and how many times I have repeatedly asked for children to comply with basic chores and family rules and been ignored over and over again!) and they are going to make their beds, pick up their rooms and do their jobs. (Okay- this rant was aimed for my oldest three but I gave it to all five!) I would be taking away keys if they didn't and/or NOT buying them all the many things that they apparently need to survive.
I even told Jasmine she needs to talk nice to me (she's very sassy) and work out a schedule of when she would be here as I have no idea from one day to the next.**
Did I feel better after yelling. No. I felt awful. Do I like yelling? When I'm in the thick of it-YES! But after wards I feel depressed. Do I think I accomplished anything? For a short time I think I'll get some beds made from my big kids. Who knows? Maybe they got it? Maybe it was fruitless.
HOWEVER
I would much rather be dealing with what's on my plate than that of some of my friends and acquaintances. I have a friend who's daughter just found out she's pregnant-and not married. A friend who's child was caught using pot, and with alcohol at a party. When I was at the high school a few days ago, waiting in the office in my "crazy mother" outfit another mother came in registering her daughter for school. This mom had a small child in a car seat. It was her high school age daughters son. I hear of kids making horrible choices, doing stupid things and I realize I just need to take a deep breath and appreciate that although they could work on gratitude and a little respect, I have good kids.
(Sigh)
And all this crazy chaotic-ness is better than chemo, surgery, sickness and disease.
(Another sigh)
We are blessed.
May the fates of the blog world hear-I am not complaining-just venting-I know things could be worse.
Good kids.
Yes.
And I love them.

Here's where I was last year, attempting to get my Alex home from Ukraine:
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-24thday38.html


**Jazmine last night said her mom would pick her up at six pm or soon after and the woman rolled in after eleven last night. I guess you can't ask a child to make a schedule with parents like that. Poor girl. Don't know what's going to happen there. I want to be the safe place for her but she brings such a disrespectful spirit and flirty inappropriateness with her that it's hard to have her here. I am constantly policing her and the many boys that hang out at our house. (No co-mingling after I go to bed. No boys and girls asleep on the same floor-no sitting and talking in the dark etc.) Devree has other friends-thank goodness- and recently she and Jasmine seem to be not so great of friends so she just hangs out with Austin and his friends-in her tight slinky clothes and perky little chest. She has no where else to go. Oh what to do?

To Dance

Skins?

Foot Unddies?
Spanks?
These are all terms I have learned in the last two years as the mother of a Murray High dance company member.
I have learned a few other things as well.
Dancers are incredibly strong.
They have to be to be.
We have girls on the team who pack ice on their ankles after the performance, wear wrist braces during the day and have dislocated shoulders that they'll allow to rest and heal AFTER concert!
These dancers are covered in bruises. Bruises they hit over and over as they rehearse over and over the same falling down-slam to the ground step that caused them in the first place.
They dance Monday-Friday from 4-5 hours and then do eleven hours on Saturday for the two weeks before concert.
The sweat, they cry, they stress about costume changes, and then the curtain's up and they smile and dance and grace the stage with pose, professionalism and polish.
Last night was the first of two concerts.
And like her first concert at age four when she was placed up front for the others to follow, she makes me so proud and never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
I love to watch Kambree dance.
I love being her mom.
And I'm so very proud of her.


This is Kambree in her dance costume around age 7 or 8

I wish I had pictures of her from last night in each of her EIGHT costumes but no flash photography. But here's her Hazen dance picture this year....

Yes, she's beautiful.
Even more beautiful inside.

One of the things that upset me the most last year about being stuck in Ukraine was missing Kam's dance concert. Today's post from last year even talks about it!

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-23rd.html

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/more-on-april-23rd.html

Ups and Downs

After reading last years post for today I couldn't help but be a little impressed with how upbeat I sounded because I truly was an emotional wreck. I just wanted to go home. I missed my family, I was so tired of being in this foreign country, I had no idea what to do with Alex and I felt like life was on terminal hold as we waited and waited some more. In a nut shell. I was done.
I was sure when I got home I would bounce right back into my old lifestyle and feel normal and happy and Alex would acclimate and find his niche.
But I didn't and he didn't. It took months. During those months I seriously doubted why we had done this. Our life before had been so easy compared to this adjustment. I tried to keep all that to myself. I was sure something was wrong with me. Why didn't I just love this boy like my own? Why didn't I have more compassion? Why did I resent him so? I know part of it was the whole six week experience in Ukraine and being with him non-stop for the last two weeks. He was also very dependent and needy and I'm very independent and love my freedom. I'm not a "diaper bag" mom. You know? I loved it when my kids were out of diapers, independent, playing with friends, doing their thing and I did my thing. I had brought home a ten almost eleven year old diaper bag baby. He was constantly at my side. Needing me all the time. Wanting to know where I was, what I was doing. More than that it was his emotional dependency on me that was suffocating me.
I would say it took a good six months for me to feel like things would be okay. And even then I had my ups and downs. I still do.
Today was a down day. Or at least it started out like one. Alex has a big book report due today. He's know about it for over a month. We've worked on it a bit at a time but he's not very motivated and this morning I realized we hadn't corrected the last few pages. I encouraged him to hurry through his morning routine so we could get it done and he moved at his regular "I don't care" speed and that started my fuse. Then when I looked over his report to see his scrawled, sloppy handwriting, crinkled papers, the words I had corrected sloppily written over the incorrect word, and two pages stuck together with something sticky. I lost it. And I lost it good! I told him if he doesn't care, than I don't care. I told him that I don't expect him to know how to spell all the words or structure all the sentences correctly but I do expect him to write nicely and care about his presentation. I do expect him to do his best. Oh, I told him lots more too. Like the excuse that he's from Ukraine and stupid is ridiculous. He's not stupid, he just doesn't try or care. I told him he feels sorry for himself and worries way to much about having fun. I mentioned how in his prayers he always prays that we have a "fun, fun day" and maybe he should pray for help to understand English, do better in school and stop worrying about only having fun. Yes, I yelled and yes, by the end of said yell fest he cried. But you know what? I yelled at him just like I'd yell at any of my other children and I realized right there and then I want him to succeed because I love him and I want a good life for him. I told him as much. I told him if I didn't love him, I wouldn't care about his sloppy work. I'd just shrug and say, oh well. (It was at this point that his tears broke free and rolled down his cheeks. Yeah, it gets him when he realizes he's loved.)
We hugged and he somberly went to school.
I called his teacher and gave her the heads up. She's going to reinforce the sloppiness issue-which is great as I think she's a little soft on him-most everyone is. "Oh, poor orphan boy. He's so cute. He just doesn't understand." Or whatever. NO!!! He is not a poor orphan boy, he's one of the lucky ones. He got out, he has a family that loves him and he needs to stop being coddled and expected less of. HE IS CAPABLE and yet he slides through doing the least and the crappiest possible. NO MORE!!! I love Alex too much to let him think this is how life is. Life is hard! Things are unfair! Get over it!! He has a good life here and he has the opportunity to do great things and now it's time he start doing his part.
Some day when he invents some fabulous machine or wins the noble peace prize he will thank me. Until then I will just have to be the mean mom that expects more, pushes harder and isn't swayed by his cute face and forlorn history.
Wow. I didn't know I was going to write all that and I'm debating deleting it but just in case you're a mom in the same boat with the same issues, I think I'll post it.
Yeah, I know. No chance of winning Mother Of The Year award with confessions like this but, that's life! It's hard and sometimes unfair. Get over it!
Peace
~Wendy
Oh. And in defense of my rant with Alex. He CAN write nicer. I've seen it. Every so once in awhile he puts a little effort into his journal writing and he can write ten times nicer than the quality of penmanship of his book report. His book report was on Davy Crockett. The book was sitting beside him with the name in bold print and he spelled DAVY wrong! Even after I pointed it out. Just in case you're thinking I'm harsh, over the top or just setting the bar to high. I am so not.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-22nd.html

Confussion....

You know your life is a little crazy when you think all day it' s the 21st when in reality it's the 20th. That was my day yesterday and the reason for the mix up in posting lasts years posts of our adoption adventure. So, today there will not be any links as I already posted them yesterday! Good gravy!
Yes, life has been a little out of control. James left for work, I've been working like crazy and the kids are going in a million different directions.
Austin's been in 7th heaven driving himself places.
Kambree's been dancing her toes off for her dance concert which starts tomorrow.
Devree is working on her posters to run for student government.
And Alex and Rylee decided yesterday to play "toilet' with the hose and came in dripping wet. Alex was trying to explain the game but I didn't quite grasp it, something about being on the trampoline and the hose swirling around, the word toilet and two sopping wet children dripping through the house and directly into baths and pajamas at five thirty last night.
Lunches are packed, big kids are off, little kids are getting ready and I need to do the same. I'm off to show more houses, hopefully hit a grocery store at some point as we are out of everything, grab a box of contacts for Kambree, get to the dance store for skins and a leo for Devree & Kambree's upcoming performances, and get Kambree to registration for Snow tonight in Sandy. (Thank goodness we don't have to drive to Snow!)
So very busy yet so very blessed!
Have a great day.

Summer of scheduling issues....

James just changed hitches and positions at work and we're so happy as he'll be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year! Wonderful!
So, I spent this morning calendaring. Calendering James days at work, Kam, Aug & Dev Youth Conference, Dev @ Oakcrest, Kam and Dev at girls camp, Austin at scout camp and Alex at scout camp and the whole summer is gone!! Seriously.
Each time James comes home a child leaves for camp. And yet while he's gone....we'll all be sitting around doing nothing.
Grr....
There are three days in a row where everyone is home when we could possibly do something and they just happen to be over the 4th of July weekend.
Grr.....
Good thing we vacationed over Spring Break. Despite the crazy summer I'm so happy James is home for the holidays!

Some how I missed a day or posted a day on the wrong day so here is yesterday (the first link and the saddest-Alex saying goodbye to Ivan) and then two quick links that are today's links.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-20thday-34-goodbye-ivan-snezhana.html

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/were-still-alivebarely.html

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/update.html

Austin's Birthday Review

Sunday is such a nice day for birthdays.
The day started off with me making Austin not one but TWO pan's of puffy pancakes and then we went to church where he was sustained and later set apart to be a priest. Now he can bless the sacrament and baptize. (For those of you thinking...what the heck? Here is a link explaining a little about the Priesthood and the LDS church.)
Then we went home where I made a big pan of nachos for lunch and then Austin opened presents:

He got lot's of boring stuff like undershirts, shoes, boxers, socks, shirts and then he got a new tube for the boat! (And a his own set of keys to the Geo Metro he's going to drive!)

Here I am kissing on my baby boy!

Then, you know you're getting old when you go and take a Sunday nap! This is Kambree and Austin zonked out. Kambree's been dancing every day until six and for eleven hours on Saturday. Austin on the other hand just plays with friends until late into the night.

Then I made a nice dinner but everyone was grumpy faced from waking up except for Alex who is always ready with a smile and a wave!

Austin asked for his gooey brownies-which I made-but unknown to him I had a huge Costco cake and had invited friends and family over to celebrate with us!

This is his "posse". Guys from the neighborhood. They all showed up right at six and Austin was so excited, "I get to play with friends on Sunday for my birthday?" (Yes, we don't play with friends on Sunday-it's a family day!)

Here he is blowing out his candles....

With his grandparents....

And then here is the favorite hang out in our yard.

The top of the shed! Where you jump off onto the trampoline. (Yes, those are girls that came too!)

And then Kambree invited a few of her friends and dance company members to come sing to him. Devree and Rylee got dressed up for the occasion too.

And this morning James took Austin to the DMV and here he is with his official license!
Watch out neighbors!

It was Easter last year in Ukraine today:
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-19thday-33-orthdox-easter.html

And here is pictures of Easter weekend:
http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/06/easter-weekend-pictures.html

Happy Birthday Austin!

Today is Austin's birthday!! He is sixteen and planning on getting his license tomorrow.
Oh, my little Austy boy. How did you get so old, so fast?
Rather than a cake Austin asked for brownies with marshmallow AND mint frosting AND chocolate frosting. We call these brownies, Auggy Brownies-after the boy that invented them.
I've also got a surprise open house cake and ice cream thing going on for him tonight and need to make dinner and get to my Relief Society meeting so this post will be brief.
I'll have to post pictures tomorrow.

Here's where we were last year:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/day-32.html

Hope I did the right thing.....

I was reading on a blog about an adopted Ukraine girl that learned at school last week about the 7 year old Russian boy that was sent back to Russia. She was teased by her para that if she's not good maybe her parents will send her back too. Luckily this child is attached enough to know better.
I've been approached a number of times by well meaning people asking me my opinion and/or if I was aware of the situation. I've given them my two cents and then asked them to please not mention anything to Alex, we're choosing to keep him sheltered from this.
I just didn't want him to EVER think that was an option.
In my friend Amy's blog this week, she mentioned that her daughters (both from the same orphanage as Alex) told her children would leave the orphanage to live with Ukraine families and come back all the time if they were bad. I'm pretty sure Alex was threatened before he left Ukraine that if he is not good, we'll send him back. I just thought him not knowing at all about this little Russia boy would be best.
After reading Salva Bolga and her daughters experience at a school, I've decided hearing about this little boy would be better coming from me than a school mate or an unknowing/insensitive/inquisitive person. So, after school I took him aside and told him I needed to talk to him. He gave me a sigh. "My job?" No, it' not about your chores. (We've had numerous talks about his quality of work lately. Poor boy-he's sure he's done something wrong to deserve yet another mama talk!) No, it's not anything about anything you've done. I don't want you to freak out but I want to tell you what happened to a little boy adopted from Russia because I would rather you hear it from me than anyone else.
I then told him briefly how this little boy was adopted, had a lot of problems with his new family (I mentioned he was violent and threatened to burn down his family's house with them in it) and how he was put on a plane with a note and sent back to Russia. THEN I explained that this would NEVER happen to him. We would never send him back. He's our boy. If anyone ever says anything to him that it might happen to him you just say, "No, it won't my family loves me, they would never send me back."
He nodded and rushed into my arms and smiling up at me said,
I know because I am sealed and baptized!
That's right you are sealed to us forever.
I never burn down our house or hurt my family.
I know, I said. You are a good boy.
I'm trying be good mom. I'm trying.

Which was good for me to hear and remember. He is trying. Despite the fact that we repeat and repeat ourselves and struggle with the same issues over and over. He is trying. You can't just give up behaviors that you've cultivated and used for survival the first ten years of your life in less than a year. (Like lying.) And since he never owned anything, how would he know how to take care of anything or have pride in a job well done? And as far as homework goes....I certainly would be struggling to be doing 5th grade work in Russian with less than a year of language skills and certainly not happy to attack my homework each night. He IS trying and I needed to be reminded of that.

Here's our boring entry from last year:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-17th-or-day-31.html
(I'm doubting anyone but James and I are re-reading these but, just in case, I'll be posting links through the 30th when we arrived home.)

Austin's Shopping Trip

I took Austin shopping for shoes last night. He told me yesterday that his shoes were just too small and he can't wear these anymore. I tell him he has a closet full of shoes-I know this as I just straightened his closet last week -and he casually tells me that ALL of those shoes are too small. Of course he's telling me this as he's leaving for school-like I have some extra, secret pair stored somewhere for him to slip on?? Good grief. So I told him to come home WITHOUT friends and we'd go shoe shopping. He showed up after school with two friends.
I informed that we were going shopping after dinner WITHOUT friends and we did. We hit the sporting goods store first and then on to the mall for Sunday shoes. Austin HATES shopping. I started him off at Sees with a few yummy chocolates to sweeten the trip and then we were off. We found Sunday shoes but with his birthday coming up I thought we should do a little more shopping. Austin was pretty good at Aeropostale but was fading fast by the time I took him to Sears. On the way out he was sharing-in his Austin humor way-about how he has memories of shopping for Easter dresses for his sisters with me and sitting inside the round clothes racks, waiting, and waiting, and waiting while his sisters tried on dress after dress after dress. And how it is his personal goal to NEVER go into a store with his mom and sisters again!!
I made him stop at two more stores where we found nothing because he was so disgruntled and ready to leave. He finds no joy in the word SALE or CLEARANCE. What the heck?
He told me there are THREE stores worth visiting in the mall. Game Stop-0f course to look at video games. Love Sac-because there are comfy places to sit and Asian Gifts-because they have Samaria swords!
Despite his aversion to shopping he's very fun to be with. He's commentary on life is hilarious. I wish I could bottle it up and share it with you but when I type it, it just doesn't come across right. He made a comment about alternate life style choices and shopping that no matter how I type it sounds stupid and yet it was so dang funny! Anyway, I just love his quirky outlook, fun sense of humor and being his mom! Now I just wish his feet would stop growing.....

Here I was last year in Ukraine as I just became a mom to boy #2:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-16th-or-day-30.html

Russian Adoption Suspension??

Well, this morning the news said that Russian adoptions were suspended and now the news is saying they're not!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36543759

I thought I should post just in case my blog is your personal link to the world.....
(Teeheehee!)

Not much to talk about....

Not much to write about today as I ranted last night about Alex's letter from his teacher. I read where we were last year in Ukraine this morning and wouldn't you know it, we're talking to the very teacher that sent yesterday's letter!
How naive I was back then....
Here's is today's link.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-15th.html

I did get the utmost complement through the grapevine this morning. Apparently my "crazy mother" performance was the best "ask someone to a dance" anyone has ever heard of. Wow. Really? I am so honored. I feel like I just won an Academy Award!

In other news....the 7 year old Russian orphan that was sent back last week? Well, looks like ALL Russian adoptions are on hold because of it.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36543759

With regards to this story, I found this letter really hits the nail on the head-especially given what I find out in bits and pieces about Alex's past and the abuse both emotional and physical that he has had not only at the hands of his birth mother but in the orphanage.
This is from RainbowKids.com an International Adoption Advocacy Website

Sad, sad news over the last week. There has been great outrage, anger, blame and finger pointing over the disrupted adoption of a 7-year-old Russian child and his abrupt return to Russia over this last week. Today it has been announced that Russia will suspend adoptions to the USA. During this time, I have wondered, "where is the outrage for the thousands of children who are housed in hopeless institutions with minimal care and daily abuse from the other children?"

The exact conditions that may have traumatized this young child and greatly contributed to this situation, are barely mentioned. No one absolves the mother.She had options and chose to do something outrageous and selfish. But her actions are only one part of this. The unspoken rule is that those of us who work to find homes for these children must never, never criticize the governments that allow these wretched institutions to continue. Adoptive parents must be grateful...and silent, to insure that international adoption continues, and a few lucky children find peace in a family of their own. Volunteers must quietly work to make changes in the orphanages, for fear of offending those in power. Yes, this story makes me very upset, and sad for all of the children who will now continue to suffer. And for the families who have waited, longingly, to give their love to these children.

And now we wait, with our only hope once again in the hands of government policy makers. I suggest that the meeting scheduled for the 20th take place in the largest, most rural orphanage that can be found in Russia. Let our governments meet, and come to their decision, surrounded by the children's lives and futures that hang in the balance.

Letter from Urkaine

Alex received this letter from Ukraine today. We had sent a treat to a friend of his at the orphanage with some friends of ours going back to adopt from the same orphanage. They brought the letter home with them last Saturday and Alex picked it up today.
I assumed it was from Sasha-the boy we sent the treats too. Alex assumed the same thing too. Of course we knew it was written by and adult-probably the teacher. I think Russian is a beautiful written language, don't you?
I asked Alex what it said. He said it asked when he would be visiting?
Me: Is that all?
A: I don't know how to translate.
Me: Well, you don't have to translate word for word, just tell me in your words what it says.
A: I can't say words. I don't know.
Me: (Trying to be helpful) Well, does he say anything about the Swedish Fish we sent?
A: Oh. Yes. He say thanks for candies.
Me: That's all? This big long letter and that's all it says.
A: (Frustrated) Yes.

I go to the computer and fax it to our translator friend. Alex asks what I'm doing. I told him I don't think he can understand it and I'm getting it translated for him, he rushes into my arms and hugs me nodding.
I knew it. I knew he couldn't read it.
The letter is from his "class" written by his teacher. Here is what it says:

Hi our dear Losha,
We are always waiting for your letters, but never receive what we expect. We love you and remember you. How is your life? What interesting happens? How are your studies? You look very beautiful and grown up in the pictures. Please write us; you promised that you would write us letters.
Everything is good with us. There are a lot of new kids in the class. Now we are also studying English. Danya studies at Dnipropetrovs’k. He visited us. He has really changed—he is grown up and now does karate.
Please write to us and tell us how you spend your free time. Do you have a lot of friends? What grade are you in school?

Summer is coming soon and we will go and relax on the sea. Do you remember how wonderful it was? We all send you a kiss and a hug. Goodbye. We are waiting for your letters.

Yours,

5B Class

Wow.

Makes it sounds like living in an orphanage is pretty nice huh? Relaxing at the sea? And NOW they start learning English? Nice. I know I'm a little jaded as this is the teacher that hit my boy, made him walk naked through his class room and repeatedly told him he was stupid. Yet, she's sounding like a loving, kind teacher that really misses and loves him. Whatever. You can just go.....relax by the sea! Alex DOES remember how wonderful orphan life was. Everyday. It haunts his memories. Grrr.....I think I could take this lady out right now-good thing we're half a world away.
Alex's response to the translated version of the letter?
"Nice." he says. (I think he thought the letter would be mean or threatening.)
He doesn't know who this Danya is she's talking about.
And then he gave me a smile and went off to do his homework.
There was a picture enclose of him playing with some sort of toy village with some other children-I would scan it but my colored scanner's on the fritz. He looks so tiny and his shirt says-in English-"Survive" or "Survival". I thought that was pretty ironic.
Anyway, I won't say anything to Alex about my desire to knock this teachers block off but I had to share it all with my bloggy friends.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Alex just brought in his blessing journal. This is tonight's entry:
I am glad I have good life in America, in Ukraine I had bad life.

Thankful...

A few weeks ago-right after our trip in fact-I had Alex start a thankful journal. We actually call it his Blessing Journal. It was sort of James' idea-that he needs to be more grateful for what he has here and focus on what he DOES have as opposed to the many things he things he still needs. Like an Ipod.
Each day he has to write just ONE thing he is grateful for in his journal. One thing that is better here than it was in Ukraine. Some days he has a really hard time as he's so focused on just material things. I mentioned blessing are not just things we have but things we get to do or people in our lives.
His sentences usually go like this:
I did not have my own bedroom in Ukraine now I have awesome bedroom.
Here are-in order-the things he's thankful for:
(The sentences are his words with my help in spelling and sentence structure)
Alex is thankful for:
Cold Cereal
(He really like Honey Nut Cheerios)
DS
Own Bedroom
Video Games
Family
I did not have a family but now I have a nice and awesome family.
Food
I did not have a lot of food now I have some.
TV
Stuff
Clothes
I did not have a lot of clothes now I have my own closet with a lot of clothes.
Scouts
Presents
I did not have presents in my old country now in my new country I have a lot of awesome presents.
Journal
I did not have a journal in Ukraine but now I have a journal.
(Can you hear the sarcasm in that sentence?)
More friends
Cousins
Better Easter
Fort
Books
Sisters
I did not have three sisters before but now I have three sisters in America.
Movies
Nice Teachers
And last night he wrote a sentence about how he had a stupid brain in Ukraine and now he has a smart brain. We talked about how he has the same brain now as he had in Ukraine-that he did not have a brain transplant but what changed is people believe in him now and think he's smart. Here is his revised sentence:
People thought in Ukraine I was not smart but people in America, they think I am smart.
I asked who thinks you're smart Alex?
Everyone.
Who specifically, who thinks your smart? Write it down.
My mom thinks I am smart.
That is true not only do I KNOW he's smart, I think I'm pretty smart! So smart that I've decided we all need to keep thankful journals and write down one thing a day we are thankful for. I've already got Rylee started and I'm going to grab cute little notebooks and get everyone started for family night next week. Me included. You don't just need to come from an orphanage to be grateful. We really need to focus on all that we are blessed with. Even if it's cold cereal. Right?

Last year, today was the day I checked Alex out of the orphanage.
(See link below)
I was showing him pictures of last year-at his request but he was looking at them sort of like how you view pictures of surgery or graphic car wrecks-with a wrinkled up nose, look of disgust on his face and a glance like look-not sure he really want to see. He acts as though he can hardly remember what we were doing, where we were or who we were with. He's tried so hard to push Ukraine out of his head. Later that night he told me he "can't forget Ukraine memories" I told him I don't expect him to forget Ukraine. He is who he is because of all the things he's experienced just like Dad is who he is and I am who I am. He doesn't need to forget Ukraine. He won't. He just needs to thank Heavenly Father for getting him out of the orphanage, and finding a family that loves him. He shows love and gratitude to Heavenly Father by living a good life and trying his best. (Specifically in school and with his work ethic-yes this conversation was in the middle of yet another talk about chores and homework!) We talked about how bad he would feel if he built his daughter a tree house and spent hours working on it and hundreds of dollars and she said thank you, thank you but she never played in it. How would he feel? Bad. That's how Heavenly Father must feel when he gives us so much and we say thank you but we choose not to make the most of it. We choose not to study, not to try, not to listen, not to be the best that we can be.
Not the best metaphor, I know. But I had to get him to relate to it. He loves to build things and knows how hard you would have to work to make a tree house. Not sure he grasped the connection I was trying to make but there was a sweet spirit with us during this talk. Very little tears and lots of communication. I explained that the things I'm trying to teach him-doing his chores well and having the drive to do his own homework-are things you usually teach a child when they're five or six. I understand he didn't have a mom to teach him these things when he was five or six and it's okay that he's eleven and learning them now BUT it's been a year and I seem to be teaching the same five and six year old things over and over. There are so many more things I'd like to teach him-things an eleven year old needs to learn but he's got to figure out the little kid stuff first.
(Sigh)
This morning he was looking over his cold lunch I packed him for school and tossed his sandwich in the air, caught it and hugged it to his chest, "Mom you pack me a beautiful yummy sandwich!" He exclaimed with a beaming face.
"Thanks Alex." I said.
Then I might have mentioned how nice it is to be appreciated and how Alex always says such nice things about my cooking. Rylee possibly could have taken offense and defensively said, "He doesn't even know what beautiful means!" To which Alex perhaps replied. "Yes I do! I know what means." and to which I might have nodded and said, "Yes he does. He knows what beautiful means." Because I may have learned that food is beautiful. Especially when you are grateful for it!

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-14th-or-first-day-with-mom.html

Crazy Mother

As many of you know, I serve in the Relief Society presidency. I'm the second counselor. (For those unfamiliar with the LDS culture, Relief Society is a group for women, we meet each week on Sunday and we have activities and gatherings throughout the year-as second counselor, I'm over all these functions. Lucky me!)
Anyway, in our ward the presidency sits up front looking out at our sisters all during our Relief Society meeting. I really don't like it. I feel like we're royalty or something. I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason but I'd just rather sit in a normal chair and view the teacher like everyone else. This past Sunday our teacher brought in a TV to show a video clip and we're sitting right behind it. I suggested we go sit with our sisters this week. Our president said we could BUT when the movie started. Boo. I whipsered to the other counselor that I just want to be normal and sit in a seat like everyone else to which she jokingly replied, "Wendy, there is nothing normal about you!"
Hum....
I don't know about that.
I think I'm pretty normal.
Don't all mom's do normal things like this.....

Yes, that's me dressed up like a crazy mother to deliver that lunch box to a handsome young man during school lunch to ask him to Spartonian Ball for Kambree.

All mom's do this right? I mean, it's just a face mask, some rollers, my grandmas house coat and slippers.
Perfectly normal.....

Kambree got video-as per James request-but she stayed far away as to not let this poor boy know who was asking him. (See clip below but it's pretty rough)
Inside the lunch box it said:
"I'd be a crazy mother not to ask you to Spartonian Ball"
and then each lunch item had a letter of Kambree's name on it and he had to figure out who was asking him.
I had to check in at the office before the kids were released for lunch-yes, because I might be a crazed terrorist dressed as a frumpy housewife-so I'm sitting in the office looking oh, so lovely as people come and go, waiting for my text that Robbie is in place. After fifteen minutes, I get my cue, walk out and start yelling for "my son" with a funny Bronx/nasal/Midwestern accent going on and say something to this effect:
"Robbie? Robbie? Has anyone seen my son. He's about this tall and so very handsome. Oh, Robbie, there you are! Honey, you left your lunch home so I ran it over so you wouldn't have a hungry tummy. Oh, are these your friends? Hi, I'm Robbie's Mom. Robbie, you should have your friends over more often. We'll I gotta run sweetheart (and I squeezed his cheeks together) you have a great day!"
And I left.
Normal. Perfectly normal. I don't know what that other counselor is talking about!

Here's today links for last years adoption adventure in Ukraine.
Hum....I wonder if Alex knew what kind of crazy mother he was getting?

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/top-of-day-ten-of-ten.html

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/bottom-of-day-ten-of-ten.html