Decorating The Tree!

Thanksgiving and This and That!

Well, we survived the storm and we survived Thanksgiving!

The storm wasn't all it was cracked up to be! I was grateful Kambree made it home before it hit because it did come down fast and furious but given the hype, I was really expecting more! But that's okay. Like I really want more? Give me a break.
I could do without this cold though. Brrr.... 

Thanksgiving was TWENTY FOUR people at my house! Luckily mom mom cooked the bird, gravy and stuffing. Wednesday we cleaned the house and pulled out all the tables and borrowed more chairs and I painstakingly made sure that each set of silverware at least matched at each place setting. Then I made name cards and figured out where to put the lefties, sat all the couples together, the little girls on the bench, the teens together! Whew! Then of course my kids came in and had to put their two cents in on the whole thing ! Grrr...Then my brother called an hour before the dinner letting me know he was bringing his girlfriend and I had to re-configure it all. But that's okay. It all came together and the girlfriend had a place and a name tag.  And I am happy to announce that I have purged my china hutch of the twenty five extra butter knives that match NOTHING, the saucers without cups and the mugs I didn't dare throw out three years ago in the event I needed to serve cocoa to thirty people or something. I love to purge. I could clean out closets and drawers and throw things out for pure entertainment! (I need to hook up with someone that likes to do windows and walls and exchange services! I HATE windows and walls!)

I had this brilliant idea to make a poster Thanksgiving morning and have everyone list the things they are thankful for. It ended up that all our guests contributed. Besides the basics like family, food, Jesus, healthy bodies,  etc., here are some of my favorites and/or different/crazy items that were penned on our poster:

Trampolines

Tampons

Indoor Plumbing
Green Jell-o

Mascara
Electric Blankets and Heated Car Seats (Yes, that was me!)

Grandpa's Boat

Walton Waffles

Ukraine-because now we have Alex (Nope not me....a sister!)

Smooching
Guacamole  
Red Box
My Spleen
Barbies
Bobby Pins
Boobies

Hair Color

iTunes

Glee
and 

Not living in an orphanage

(You can probably guess who wrote that last one!)

Some of the items have gone unclaimed but SOMEONE wrote them! (I have a picture of the poster as well as Thanksgiving  pics and will post it when I figure out what to do about my lack of storage space on Picasso!)
Alex gave me a thumbs up when I asked how his first TRADITIONAL Thanksgiving was? Last year - his first year -  we dragged Thanksgiving up to James in Wyoming and ate sitting on the floor with paper plates balanced on our laps. This year Alex was very helpful with the preperations and at the end of the day Wednesday proclaimed that Christmas is not as much work! Hum....not sure I agree with that one!

CUTE ALEX ALERT!
I've been asking for Christmas lists from everyone and Alex has had a hard time thinking of anything. (Keep in mind I am boycotting video games/Wii games/DS games and all gaming systems or anything that contributes to the electronic, brain dead, zombiness of my children!) He asked me if I remembered his first birthday in America? How I just bought him things without asking him?  I reminded him that was because he didn't speak English very well. (He'd been home less than 3 months) Yes, he knows but he would like me to do that for Christmas this year too. So far the only thing he could come up with is new snow boots and "resources" to make inventions. Can I just tell you how this warms my heart? Since his list has been a mile long since the minute he could communicate in English!

This morning my mom and sis an I hit the stores, but not at the "butt crack of dawn" which is so crude to say yet so descriptive of the way I feel about getting up early! (Kids if you're reading this I meant to type "Bottom crack of dawn!) We didn't grace Kohl's with our presence until 7am and thanks to running into my friends, they shared the trick of buying something at the jewelry counter and getting all your purchases rang up there instead of standing in the  check out line that snaked all the way around the store! Whootwhoo for friends sharing shopping secrets!

Alex has had a terrible barky cough lately. I call it kennel cough because he sounds just like our late dog, Honey when we adopted her from the pound. I struggle with Alex and sickness as he tends to exaggerate. I am sure that exaggeration got you attention or at the least sent to the sanatorium in the orphanage, so I'm not sure his cough is as bad as he's making it out to be. Does that make sense? I'm giving it through the weekend. The fact that I'm not letting him outside in the bitter cold might improve it greatly as he loves to play outside, go sledding and throw snowballs.

FUNNY AUSTIN ALERT!
So as you know this is "No shave November" for Austin and he is getting quite scruffy. Much to my dismay. I talked Kambree into helping me get him to shave. She went in to work for a couple of days (she and Austin work at the same bakery) while home for Thanksgiving and before he got to work she wrote this up on the white board:
Notice! New health code regulation:  You must have a clean shaven face to handle food
~Management
She got her manager to go along with it and Austin totally fell for it! Good thing he doesn't read my blog!  Teeheehee! He should be shaving tonight as he goes to work again tomorrow!

Well, I realized that this weekend we're going to have to get the tree up as Kambree will not be home until Christmas break and James heads to work on Tuesday and won't be home until mid December.

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and were safe and warm and surrounded by those you love. I have many new friends waiting on pins and needles to get to Ukraine and get their children and I know from experience how bitter-sweet the holidays are when part of your heart is half way around the world. God speed my friends. Two years ago, I was in the very same boat and this Thanksgiving I realized it was time for our yearly update to the Ukraine embassy. (We are asked to make a report after six months and then each year after that, and it's been a year since our first update.) I worked on filling out the form Thanksgiving morning. Here's the link if you need it. (No pressure or anything, those of you who have NEVER reported. Wink, wink!)
http://www.ukrainesf.com/index.htm

If this doesn't take you to the PDF report, you can use their search bar and search for the word "annual report on adopted child from Ukraine". It's a little tricky, this website.)

The Storm of the Century?

You know... I just don't watch the news. 

It's so depressing.

I do read KSL news here and there but sometimes world events happen and I'm clueless.

I see the news at the gym every morning but unless there is captions, I don't really catch much.

I do visually see the 7 day forecast and I was well aware of little snowflakes posted for today.

I was slightly worried as Kambree is driving home from college today so imagine my surprise when my gym buddy this morning tells me that this storm-a-coming is suppose to be the worst in a long time! (I've heard worst in the last three years as well as the worst in the last 100 years!)

What?

When?

So I get home and start checking weather websites. 

Emailing Kambree.

"When are you leaving for home?"

We find out she has a lab at 5:20 that she cannot miss as she's "teaching" on a cadaver (What the heck? Not only the dead body part but this is her first year of school! Anatomy. So, so glad I never went into medicine!)

James sends off an email to the administration as Kambree tells us the only way she can get out of class is if the President of the college cancels class.

Meanwhile I get the kids out the door to school. Tell the little one's to bundle up as I cannot pick them up afterwords (but my BFF Amy is covering for me there) as I will be at Devree's first basketball game. About an hour south of here.

Amy calls and tells me her son's swim meet is canceled.

I text Dev. "Any news about basketball being canceled?"

No answer.

(Good girl. She's suppose to leave her phone in her locker.)

I call the high school myself.

YES. Basketball GAME is canceled but they will instead have practice. Grrr...

I check in with Kambree.

No notice of class cancellation .

Everything I'm reading says the storm will hit us around 4 to 5 pm. With Kambree not leaving school until 6. She's for sure going to hit it.

Here is our texting conversation.

This is a serious storm. It's coming from the North so you have some time.  But if you can't get out of lab, you might have to stay for T-day.

I might have to st? (I tend to type too long on my email to her text and the past part of my message gets cut off.)

You might have to STAY. It's that serious.

Oh that message freaked me out.
This is a serious storm. It's coming from the North so you have some time.
But if you can't get out of lab, you might have to stay for T-day. It's that
serious.

:(

Then her face book post said "As much as I love you college, I do not want to spend Thanksgiving with you!!"

I called the college presidents office (yea, look at me...going straight to the top!) and they told me they were making a decision to cancel classes or not and would have a decision by noon. 

About an hour later Kambree got this email:

Effective Immediately

All further classes are canceled today due to Severe weather storm.

  If you are traveling North, please leave as soon as you can to be home by 3:00 p.m.

James and I like to think we shut down the school! (Teeheehee!) Then we got the same message numerous times from different college people and well wishes for our daughter to travel in safety. (Because we'd been emailing and calling!)

I am happy to report at 2 she made it home. At three Dev's bb practice was canceled and now all my little hens are home to roost in the coop!

May we all just hunker down and ride this out! I hear it's hit up north where my friend Christy is. She's keeping me updated via email. (As long as she has power! She's worried she should have bought hot dogs for T-day to roast on the fire in the event they loose power!)

My brother had a two hour safety course this afternoon and was told to go to bed and get sleep because he'd be up all night behind the plow. (He works for the city of Riverton in their street maintenance.) He called very concerned about Kambree driving home but luckily we had already made a ruckus and she was on her way home.

I have a pot of  jambalaya in the crock pot and we plan to stay home and watch movies and play games.

Stay home. Stay warm and stay safe everyone!

First Snow Storm of The Season!

Good thing we got those leaves raked!

Last night when the snow storm hit, my children insisted on running outside barefoot. Proclaiming this a first snow storm ritual that they do every year.

Really?

Why don't I remember this?

I was hesitant because Alex has had a cough, and Rylee came home from school sick on Friday so my first response was "No. Of course not!"

Then I gave in with a "Well, if you get sicker....don't complain to me!" And with that they went running into the frozen abyss! Squealing with laughter.

Seriously, this is not a tradition that I am aware of. Apparently the first snow storm has always happened with me NOT home? Because they are insisting they do this every year and yet, I do not recall this insane tradition in the least!

They were back inside with frozen, throbbing feet before I could locate the camera but here they are defrosting their feet against the fireplace. (We have one of Devree's friends joining in - just in case you're wondering)

Crazy kids!

Then they put on boots and coats and Austin came home from work and they had an impromptu snowball fight.

And this morning, this is what we woke up too:

Ahh....snow....winter....

I wouldn't mind it if it could just be warmer, (like 70 degrees) less messy (no tracking it in all over the floor, wet boots, and soggy coats and hats piled in front of the fireplace to dry) and the roads would always be dry and safe - it's scary enough having teenage drivers - adding snow to the equation only adds more grey hair to my head!

Regardless, winter is here which means I will be inside! Where it's warm. If I must venture out, I will be perched upon my heated car seat with the heater blasting. 

And to think, I come from pioneer stock??

While raking 400 pounds of leaves...

....this afternoon Alex and I had this conversation:

Mom?

Yes.

I think I need to read to you again.

Really? Why?

I took my AR test.

Oh. How was it?

Bad. I did bad. 

Oh?

I got one out of ten.

Oh. Did you bring home a new AR book?

Yes.

Okay. Then we'll start tonight?

Yes. 

As I smile to myself and he goes in to start his homework.

See why I needed him to take that AR test?? He has been refusing to read out loud to me (because "only babies read out loud" and he's big you know?) for the past couple of months yet when  I quiz him on what he's been reading to himself, he seems to be getting the jest of it. I just knew he needed more help.I knew these books were over his head and yet I hate to be the baddie and tell him he can't read them. Thank you AR test!  I knew it!! Score one for me! And now wish me luck. Thirty minutes a day of reading with my 12 year old. 

Tonight's book? 

In his journal today:

I am going to read with my mom and we are going to have a great time.

(We can always have hope...right?)

And for his extra sentence

My mom rack (raked) the live's (leaves) and now she smell's (smells) like live's (leaves).

True. I was complaining that I smelled like leaves after coming in from filling BOTH garbage can's and a large garbage sack of leaves. And yet.....there are still leaves all over our yard!

Saturday!

Saturday morning after Alex got back from working on his merit badge, Devree got up, Jazmine's mom picked her up, Austin was already at work and I went and retrieved Rylee from the church where she was practicing for the primary program the four of us, Devree, Alex, Rylee and myself jumped in the car and headed south to catch Kambree performing with the drill team during half-time at a football game.

We had a late start but made good time. We had to stop for gas and a quick-eat-in-the-car lunch from McDonald's and then I missed a turn trying to find a bathroom in one of the small towns we drove through and we ended up squeaking in with three minutes left in the half!

Cost of gas & food $55

Cost to get into the game $18

Chance see the last 3 minutes of the 1st half and then watch this:

Priceless!

We turned around and drove home to get Rylee home in time to curl her hair and get to her 5:30 call time.  Here are a few pictures from afterwords on Friday night:

Then I took Ry and her friends to Wendy's:

And now I cannot load anymore pictures because I am out of Picasso storage? What the heck? I don't know what I am doing here in blog world. Apparently I have thousands of pictures on Picasso. How do I get them off? Someone please explain! And that big space in this post that says "priceless" is video of Kambree dancing but it's not publishing, although it's sitting here while I am composing. I am so confused. Dear blogging fairy, please help!

Alex Update Clarification

I need to remember to NOT blog when I'm upset. 

My last Alex entry was written right after the bath incident. It's sort of therapy for me to just let it all out but after I cool down and re-read and although every last bit of it is TRUE, I realize that I am only writing about the things that are irritating me and not all the good and great things he did all week.

I didn't write about how last week he comes in and sees me making dinner and asks if he can help or he just pitches in with the dishes when I'm covering for another child because she's been at rehearsals for hours on end. I didn't write about his sweet journal entries that talk about how grateful he is to have me because I "tell him the rite thing to do." or how he invited a non member friend to scouts. I didn't blog about how he took control of his friends and their out of control wrestling situation, informing them all that there is no "holding around the neck" or "hitting in the balls". And I also didn't write about the "lock down" at the elementary on Tuesday. The kids were kept on "lock down" for two hours because some hooligans were running around and the police were chasing them. I was at the school thirty minutes early  trying to pick up Rylee to get her over to the high school for dress rehearsals and condemned to stand out in the cold on the front steps, and wait. Alex, from his 6th grade class window could see that I was there and after waiting and hour and 15 minutes (45 minutes after school was suppose to let out!) they opened the doors to the shivering parents and  let us in to get our kids. ( I was grabbing mine and all my neighbors kids!) Upon seeing Alex you could see the relief on his face. Later he told me how glad he was to see me when school let out, and that he knew he was okay because his mom was standing outside on the steps. (Whew, I didn't even know he could see me!) All those things happened this past week too.

Yesterday we took a trip south to see Kambree dance during a football half time. On the way we stopped for Happy Meals. (A real treat at our house since we rarely do fast food.) All the kids thanked me profusely but then I got a "Thank you a lot mom!" from Alex. He really loves chicken nuggets and fries.

On the way home, Rylee fell asleep and Devree was coming home with Kambree in her car and so, it was just Alex and me riding home. We started talking about his friend Bogdan arriving in America this week and I asked him what sort of advice would he give Bodgan about living in America? The first two things he would tell him is:

 Listen

and

 Obey

The best part about living in America?

Church....sometimes

and

Going to school and making friends.

(I had to ask at this point. "So....it's not having a family?" "No mom, family is #1!" and he says it in such a way that it's almost like "Duh, mom! Like you had to ask?")

The hardest part about living in America?

Learning English

Learning Rules

The thing he misses most about Ukraine

Friends in the orphanage AND THAT IS ALL!

Then this evening I sat down at the computer to check emails and see if my friends had blogged and he came in to read me his extra sentences in his journal. Afterwords he kissed me on the cheek and then smashed his cheek against main proclaiming "I love you so, so much mom." 

So, many thanks for the hugs, advice and sympathy on my last post. I need to remember to give credit where credit is due. He is still learning. He is still very, very, young emotionally and socially despite his outward appearance and his opinion of how big and tough he is. 

And bless his heart....despite my "grrs" and crazed-mother-clean-up-this-bedroom fit, he still loves me and keeps on trying!

Grrr.....

That is the sound I am continually making these days when it comes to just about ANYTHING with Alex. 

It's killing me. 

Grrr....

After a rough week last week, we had a different sort of rough week this week.

Reading.

Now that Alex has decided reading is sort of fun, he's taken to checking out books WAY over his reading level. After talking with his teacher last week it was decided (mostly by my input) that we would have Alex read AR books that he could be tested on to make sure he's comprehending and so we can track what level he is reading on.  I told Alex he could still read his cool-way-over-his-level-and-pretty-much-incomprehensible books but that his required 30 minutes 5 times a week needed to be an AR book.
He agreed.

Brings home an AR book Friday.

Finishes it Tuesday morning. 

I tell him to get his AR test done and get a new book Tuesday morning.

Wednesday night I follow up and ask how the AR test went.

Oh, I couldn't find it on computer. My friend help me. He couldn't find too.

Did you ask your teacher?

No

Did you ask the librarian?

No.

Well, you need to ask an adult, not your friend. Your friend is not your teacher for a reason.

Did you get a new AR book?

No.

Why?

(Shrug)

He has brought home some sort of science fiction-ghoul book.

We discuss that his thirty minutes of reading needs to be an AR book. This book doesn't count.

Then we had a big talk about seeking help and following instructions with promises of taking care of everything tomorrow.

The next morning I remind him about taking the AR test and getting a new AR book.

Thursday afternoon.

"Oh mom, librarian say I can no get a new book every day."

He still has the same crazy-over-the-top ghoulish book.

Did you bring this book back and explain that you checked out the wrong book. That you need an AR book?

No.

Did you talk to your teacher?

No.

Did you take your AR test?

(He hits his hand against his forehead) 

I forgot.

Really?
Grrr...

Lecture #2 for the week on communicating, responsibility, follow through.

Friday morning, I remind him AGAIN about what he needs to do.

(I email his teacher too.)

Friday afternoon.

"Teacher says I take AR test on Monday, no time today." 

Okay.

What about your AR book?

His countenance changes instantly. 

He looks at the floor.

He has forgotten.

Grrrrr......

This conversation just happens to take place at the same time I am checking his room so he can play. He was suppose to clean it up and vacuum and dust since I couldn't vacuum earlier in the day due to the lack of visible carpet on the floor. 

I am so ticked at this time that when I tell him his room is unacceptable and to start over as junk is shoved everywhere, he's vacuumed AROUND the shoes on his floor and the dresser and nightstand are teaming with piles of crap and parts and MORE JUNK that  when he says:

What is wrong with my room?

I lose it.

I proceed to push everything off the dresser, nightstand, onto the floor and throw all the shoes and crap out of the corners, clothes that didn't make it in the hamper all in to the middle of his room

THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR ROOM!

And I have to leave.
My heart is racing.

It was throw the stuff or wring his neck!

I know this is about more than a clean room. 

This is the issue we've had all week over the stupid AR book and test.

But I'm done.

I'm crazy done!

He cleans up his room like no other, including cleaning out his FIVE drawers of junk & top of his closet and throwing away an entire garbage sack of GARBAGE! 

(Which he did not do on his own accord but upon the 2nd inspection of his room - which looked pretty dang good except for the inventions resources parts junk that couldn't find a place in the designated FIVE drawers and entire top of his closet. I suggested he FIND room in the places provided even if it involves throwing things out!)

So last night. 

We hug goodnight and I suggest that tomorrow we try not to have any more crazy long talks. That we just have a nice weekend.
He's all sweet and gives me hugs and then comes back in for more. 

He really is a cuddly bug.

(I am trying to put this AR issue behind us, even though his reading this weekend will be stupid-crazy-over-the top ghoul book.)

I wake him up to get to scouts this morning (third class for his communication merit badge) and to jump in the shower as he missed his last night.

As he's getting out, I remember that there isn't any soap in the bathtub when I cleaned yesterday.

I go up and as he's drying off and I ask if he used soap.

Long pause.

And then.....

No.

Well, at least he's not lying....right?

So, I tell him he'll have to take another bath later, he doesn't have time now and that the shower he took this morning was useless because HE DIDN'T USE SOAP!

Grrrr....

(But a little wootwoot....at least he didn't lie!)

I make him breakfast and explain that I it must be hard being in trouble all the time. It's got to suck. (Yes, I used the suck word. I hate that word but in this instance, it was the best word choice.) I can't do anything about it. He knows the rules.He knows his responsibilities. He's lived here 18 months and he knows and understands everything there is to know regarding our expectations of him. If he wants to have a more enjoyable life, he will start figuring it out, following the rules and being responsible. If not we will have these sorts of talks/lectures every day. It's not fun for him and it's certainly not fun for me. I tell him I pray daily for patience with him, that I can just enjoy him and love him but maybe he needs to start praying too. Praying he can remember what it is he's suppose to do.(During each of this weeks talks lectures rants Alex looks contrite and tries not to cry. Eyes water, voice quivers but he doesn't actually lose it. I know he feels bad. He feels bad he's in trouble. Not for what he's done or what he's forgotten to do.)

Then he's off to scouts.

Austin was privy to the last part of our conversation and after Alex left I asked if he thinks I am too hard on Alex?

Sometimes. You get on his case for everything.

It's true.

I do.

But I find if I give Alex ANY slack, then he thinks that's the norm. He thinks if I let something slide, I will let it slide forever. He gets confused if I let him off the hook one day and then he does the same thing the next and I call him on it, so I've found it's easier to just call him on it.....every time.

I also mention Alex's moral compass. The issue that he feels bad he got CAUGHT not the fact that he feels bad he did something wrong. I ask Austin, how do you teach a child this? One that missed the first ten years of nurturing and moral values?

I don't know. I'm not a parent. I never raised a child before.

I tell him I haven't either. 

He looks at me puzzled.

I tell him, I'm raising children but none of them are all the way raised. I'm just learning as I go. I don't claim to have all the answers. 

You can tell he's thinking about it.

Then I ask him to tell me something.

What?
Tell me I don't suck.

(Again that dreaded "s" word.)

You don't suck.

Thanks Austin.

And I can say that without any guilt because I've been taught not to lie.

Aww....thanks Aust.

And he left for work.

Here's a picture of Alex skating...

I'm always getting comments on how much Alex looks just like us and how very, very cute he is. Which he is. And I've said this more than once. "Good thing he's cute because it's his saving grace some days!"

Austin Update....

I am writing to document the craziness and insanity that I must deal with everyday only because I am the mother to one crazy, insane, 6ft tall, 16 year old named.....AUSTIN!

 I am only blogging about this morning's episode.
I will not go into the multiple, in-depth conversation we had about why we can't just stop making our house payment and keep the money in a high yielding CD and then catch the payment up right before our house is foreclosed on. Or the discovery of the stock market and how he has found the answer to not working.....invest in the stock market! (Except he overlooked the need for the initial $200K to make his plan work!) All these financial questions and discussions we can thank his financial literacy class for. It's really got his brain a whirling. However, I have expressed my concern that I do hope he doesn't go to prison anytime in his life as most of his financial wizard- like ideas - all though enterprising and thought provoking, are basically unethical, illegal and dishonest!
So, back to this morning.
I had to keep reminding Austin to be quite during scriptures. (We listen to them online while I pack lunches and the kids are suppose to be eating breakfast - usually they're just laying around waiting for breakfast to magically appear or rummaging for something in the fridge that is anything but breakfast food - but regardless, they are suppose to be quiet and listen. No talking during scriptures!) Austin wasn't talking, he was SINGING.
He sings all the time.
He's in choir so sometimes it's a chorus of something he's learning in choir, or something thats stuck in his head, and often times it's more like sound effects rather than singing....beat boxing is what he calls it. (I call it spitty, mouth noise.) Anyway, he keeps breaking into song during scriptures so after scriptures are over, I mention that since he is in such good voice this morning he can say the prayer and he begins to SING the prayer! In a very dramatic and drawn out voice he sings:

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank you for this day

Please bless my grandmother

That she will not pass away.....

Then a chorus of "Because I love her, I love her, I love her."

We are all laughing. Then he actually gives a real prayer, and since we were having issues over who got what Halloween candy in their lunch - with me decreeing that everyone get's what they get and there is no switching or complaining - he prays that everyone will eat the Halloween candy they have been given and at the proper time. 

Good grief!

So as I kiss him goodbye, I ask when he is going to shave again. (I often call him Shaggy-from Scooby Doo - because that's what his chin looks like, sparse but shaggy!) He informs me that he will shave...... at the end of the month. 

Why? I ask.

Because this is NO shave NOvember! 

I am pretty sure this is just and Austin decreed month of no shaving.
Anyone else ever heard of such a  thing?

What the heck?

Then he leaves for school but and comes back in, in need of forks.

Forks?

What for?

For my cake.

What cake?

I bought a cake. It's in my backpack. I'm going to get it out and eat it in seminary with a fork. Then when everyone starts complaining, I'm going to whip out these (and he waves around his fistful of plastic forks) and share it!

Why and how and when and where the cake came to be in his backpack is beyond me. 

Crazy boy.....

Kambree Photo Update....

2nd from right....

Not sure where this is or who she's with. (I stole ALL of this pictures off of FB!)

Creepy Clown Costume for Halloween performance....

Yesterday's weather....

Dev made the Freshman Basketball Team!

She's so excited and I am so proud!!!

However.....give me strength to add daily practices and bi-weekly games to our life for the next FOUR MONTHS!

Airport Goodbyes...

Yesterday they left.

The 42 orphans returned to Ukraine.

Some children and families shed tears. Serious tears. With promises of "We'll be there soon." or "Be sure to write while we work on getting the paper work done."  It was heart wrenching to watch future brothers and sisters sob into each others arms and tears stream down each face. To see children bundled in dark coats and stocking caps cling to adults they have called mama and papa for the last 2.5 weeks.To see Moms & Dads hold each other and keep waving and give brave smiles as orphans/future children attempt to wipe their tears or catch those last waves and "I love yous" as they walk through security.

Not all families had this experience.
Not for lack of love and willingness but because when asked,

"Do you want to be adopted? To live with us always? To have a forever family?"
The answer was,
"No."

You think....how could they walk away from the promise of a bright future? The love of a family? The safety and security that is being offered? It's baffling. It hurts. To be rejected always hurts but to be rejected by an orphan? A child that has nothing and you are offering so much? To see a child so young choose a path that will be so hard. I think it's the rejections of all rejections. 

Some of these children have family in Ukraine. Older brothers or sisters, grandmas or parents that visit. Family that promise to get them out? Promise to take care of them later?  Or in some cases an older sibling that says "no" and a younger one that wants to badly to say "yes" but out of loyalty, cannot.
Some of these kids put on a tough front and are street wise and savvy. They think they'll be just fine. They can make it.
Some of kids are petrified to learn English and leave all they know both good and bad.

For whatever reason, they choose to stay in Ukraine. In an orphanage. On their own and take their chances.
I try to remind myself that there are worse places to live than an orphanage. Like on the streets, in area's suffering from famine or war torn countries.
But an orphanage is only a 1/2 step above living on the streets, and they fight private wars every day - be it the bigger guy that expects payment for protection, the teacher that whacks him on the head with a ruler when he doesn't do his homework correctly, the drunk bum that tries to steal the metal scraps he's collected to turn in for a few cents to buy candy or just the fight to keep his possessions or clothes from being taken by the 17 other boys that share a room with him
And yet, they choose to stay?
Alex, when I told him a few of the kids said "no" to their hosting families was baffled:
Why mama? Don't they want a mom? 
I don't know sweetie. I guess they just don't know what they are missing.
To which he laid his head on my shoulder and sighs.
I don't know if any of our new families read my blog, but whatever path your hosting experience has taken you, please be comforted. If you're staring at the mountainous pile of paper work, cost and upcoming Ukraine vote, concerned about communicating and if they're being fed and cared for, please know that so many of us have been there and that like pregnancy....it will eventually end.
And for those of you where the situation did not turn out as planned. Please know that they simply don't know what they are missing. That they need your prayers despite the outcome. They just don't know what they walked away from.
Blessings to all.....
~Wendy

Over-Due Alex Update

It's been a long, rough and bumpy road this week. It started last Sunday when Alex thought he could pull one over on James and not do his homework like normal. Despite the fact that he has been writing in his journal 5 times a week for over seven months with the same rules and expectations, he thought that since Dad doesn't usually help him, that he could just get away with not following the protocol. Rather than admit he didn't do his work properly, he lied to cover up his his wrong doing, just making things worse. 

(Sigh.)

So we had long talk #451 about cheating, lying and trust. Oh yes, complete with tears of frustration, self berating and unwillingness to look me in the eye.

(Another sigh.)

The week continued to go downhill with numerous reprimands, talks and new rule proclamations: 

• Monday morning he tried to fill out his reading chart for October and just filled in every little ghost with 30 minutes of reading when if he had read every day - which I believe he did - he would still have four ghosts left over.  Uhh....that would be cheating....again.

• At his SEP's on Thursday, I heard that he's been a little "mouthy" (was the word his teacher used) and disruptive in class?  Grade wise he did okay in all but math. In math he got a D+.  Great. Math. The universal language.

• Bragged about his "three minute" showers which got him a new "5 minute minimum" shower rule. 

• Then, last night he put himself to bed at 9 pm and I checked in on him to make sure he was feeling okay.

Yes.

Well, why are you in bed? Are you tired? Are you sick?

No. I am not tired but (in this contrite "I am the perfect son voice") it's  9 o'clock.  (His weekday/school night lights out.)

I know it's nine but when do you go to bed at nine on the weekend?

(Shrug) 

He didn't go to bed on Friday at nine. In fact he groaned when I asked him to get ready for bed at ten.

If you're tired or unwell, of course, go to bed but you don't have to. If you're not tired you're welcome to get up and join us.

So he gets up.

Thinking he was already for bed (like he just told me he was) I asked to check his teeth brushing (he's not the best brush-er) and he admits.... his teeth are not brushed!!

So....you're just pretending to be such a good boy and going to bed all on your own without BRUSHING YOUR TEETH? (Grrr...) Give me a break and with that I sent him to brush and actually go to bed!

But then I decided it was time for one of those talks that will never make me popular. The kind that you hope to avoid, hoping he'll figure it out on his own. That no matter how you word it, it's going to come across harsh but after 18 months. It was time.

In a nutshell, Alex doesn't participate. We can be laughing and talking and having a great time and Alex is just in his own world. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, we can even be talking about him. He doesn't even try to listen. We try to pull him in and he will say "What?" even though he's sitting right there with us. He goes off and makes his inventions, tinkers around, gets on the computer, goes and plays in his room, or just sits and zone's out. Especially during group conversations.  I asked him why he always has to be in front of the computer or TV or on his own? Why he just can't chill and be with us and be APART of us?

The answer? 

Because it's boring.

Our family is boring???? I think the reason you think that is because you don't listen. You don't participate in conversations. You shut us all out, and sit there thinking inside your own head. Of course it's boring, you don't participate. Would you agree with that?

 He agreed with my assessment and we had some "Conversation 101" and practiced listening and asking questions and when asked a question not giving one word answers that shut the conversation down. I think it went over really well. Austin and Rylee helped us practice. 

There are moments in mothering Alex when I get so exasperated and then I get just a little glimpse - call it a tender mercy from his point of view - and for just a second I see how it must be for him. No one has ever taught him to converse - to listen - to be interested or ask questions pertaining to the things being talked about. He didn't grow up around a loving, laughing family. He doesn't have the memories and stories of our past. He doesn't have happy ones of his own to share. (In fact during our conversation practice Rylee mentioned how she would fall asleep on the floor in my office and I'd have to carry her to bed when she was a little girl. I coached him that this would be a good time to share something about when he was a little boy. "No." he says quickly. "I don't like to talk about little." Point taken but still can't you share something that you liked when you were little? He liked to chop down trees. Hum. Interesting.) He was never taught to just pay attention to what was going on around him. I've been telling him since he was two months adopted to "please don't interrupt" "just a minute" or "wait his turn" as he would cut into the middle of a story or sentence time and time again. Now he catches himself and will start to blurt out whatever it is he wants to say or ask and then catch himself and say "Oh, sorry. Not my turn." but it's evident that he's not listening to the conversation around him. He's lost in his own thought about something. And it's not getting better. I was so hoping our conversation lessons would help. At the least it couldn't hurt. 

This evening my parents came over for dessert and Alex said "Thank you for cake Mom." and cleaned up his dish and went to leave and I sweetly reminded him that this was a good opportunity to be a part of the conversation, that he doesn't have to talk but I would like him to listen. We were sharing funny stories. After a few stories, I asked if I could share a story about him and he nodded. 

It was a funny story about Alex and Austin and a prank Austin pulled on Alex and how Alex is going to get Austin back when he grows up and everyone laughed. Including Alex. I think he enjoyed being a part of the story, but more importantly he listened! He participated! My Dad confided in him that he doesn't talk much either, that in our family it's hard to get a word in. But I pointed out that even though Grandpa doesn't tell lots of stories, he listens, laughs and he is a part of the family. I think it helped for him to realize that you don't have to be the center of the conversation or have something witty to say or a story to share, that you can just listen to be included. Just like Grandpa. (Thanks Dad!)

A couple funny Alex stories:

#1 While cleaning out the yard Saturday, I was chopping down the chives and Alex came up and said, "Mama, you smell so good I could eat you!" I laughed and showed him where I was clearing out the chives and told him if he liked the smell so much he could work on them. Later after his shower he came and gave me a hug and I got this huge whiff of onion breath! "Alex, did you eat the chives?" "Yes, they were yummy! I will go brush my teeth!"

#2 Earlier this evening we were talking about a few friends of ours that have had babies and gained weight and Kambree told me that my mom told her that her Grandma (my great Grandmother Pearl) told her when she was impatient with her weight loss after having a baby "It takes 9 months to put it on, it will take at least that long to take it off." To which I remarked, "I've been carrying around ten pounds since Austin was born, what if it's been sixteen years?" Then I confessed that I'm still carrying around weight from Devree and Rylee too. To which Alex  proudly proclaimed,  "You didn't gain weight with me!" We all laughed and then I pointed out my grey hair and wrinkles and told him, that this is what I've gained since having him.  Again we laughed. (But inside I was cheering! "Hurray, hurray....he is listening and participating in our conversation!" I really think "Conversation 101" is working!)

So after the week we've had, I was really surprised and touched to read this in Alex's journal today:

I am grateful that I have a mom because if you did not have a  mom how would you fill (feel)? I was in sperienc like that. (I experienced that.) I am grateful that God brot (brought) me here. My mom is the best mom I ever have (had). 

(Yes, sniff....yes watering.)

The road is often times long and bumpy, but the payoffs are worth it!