October Wrap Up

Young Women's Volleyball

 Alex observing

 Kambree and Everett

Homecoming @ Snow

We went to see "Into The Woods" and found masks to try on:

Just hanging at home:

Dev's Choir Concert:

 CNA test - she passed with 93%

 Pizza Planet During Fall Break
(James, Dev & Ry were on a temple trip)

My new bike!

Ella

Trip to Snow to see Kambree perform during 1/2 time:

Stopped to check out Sheel's on the way home:

 Dev going to a costume party:

 Dev - one of many self portraits

 Pumpkin carving:

 Ry's Pumpkin:

Ella waiting for the kids to come home from school

Me on my bike

 Alex & Ry's Choir concert

 Answer to MAG

Trick or Treating....

Alex's pumpkin on the bottom....

After Trick or Treating....

And the bigger kids getting back from Trick or Treating!

Things I'm learning.....

I am amazed at the things I learn as a parent.

This week I learned that Christopher Columbus was a savage murderer and that we should not celebrate Columbus Day - based on Alex's report. (A report he had to write Friday night as a consequence of getting in trouble at school - when he was SUPPOSE to be writing this assignment.) 

I learned that despite how muscular and lean Alex is - and how he claims he is superior in strength to everyone - both Rylee and I can kick his can at a 3.37 minute exercise of intense squats. (Go girls!)

I learned that in order to kill a Zombie you have to stab him in his brain stem - according to Austin who was making a strategic plan about how he'd escape if Zombies happened to stormed Costco while we were shopping there this week.

I learned that my outwardly tough and perfectionist daughter, Devree - has a soft heart despite what she'd like everyone to believe. Devree is a 1st year drill member this year and has made it into EVERY competition dance (the only 1st year dancer who can say this - pretty dang impressive! ) and her bff - also a first year - didn't make it into one. She came home and cried. Cried for her friend.

And today as I watched the primary program - for the first time in 17 years I did not have a child in it - I thought back to my Kambree as a Sunbeam singing her heart out and waving for me to watch her from the front row at the sweet, tender age of three. 

Yesterday, we drove to Snow to watch her dance with Snow's drill team during football half time. She couldn't wave to me but she saw us there and smiled and I learned that it doesn't matter if she's three or twenty - I love watching and cheering  for her and she's just as cute and sweet now as she was then. (Even without wearing her little bear dress and big bow on her head.)

My eyes filled with tears today as I sat in the program. It makes me sad to think how fast life has moved and that it was just a blink or two when I was saddled with diaper bags, fishy crackers and quiet books in church. But my tears were not just sadness but tears of joy  because I am so dang proud of Kambree and the paths she's taken and the decisions she's making.. She's making some big decisions right now. Life changing decisions. One that may require me to give her up and cheer and watch from afar for quite a long time. Or at least 18 months and although I know in hind site, that is a blink - when it's looming in front of you, it seems like an eternity. Kambree, being my first born, has taught me the most and I am sure this next adventure will teach me even more. 

So I better hang on and the Zombies better watch out - I am learning new things every day!

How do I know he loves me?

I was heading out for a quick 10 miles on my new bike (that turned into 5 due to a work emergency),  it had been raining and cold since I brought her home on Monday and I've been so antsy to take her out. (She's beautiful by the way!)  It was ironic that twenty minutes after I brought her home I had flipped on the news while making dinner and the weather man announced that it was time to put the bikes away for the season. What? Seriously, I had her home for TWENTY MINUTES!
Anyway, the weather has not been cooperating. At. All.  Finally Wednesday afternoon the sun came up enough to dry the roads and I quickly threw on my bike clothes only to walk out to blue skies, sun and HAIL! Hail? Seriously? I returned to the house and worked on making dinner - still fully suited up for a ride - and waited for the hail to stop. It was sunshiny so it only took about 15 minutes. I go to leave again and Alex suggests that I wear  ALL the dirt bike protective gear - like the chest protector and rash guards!?
Me: "Really? All of it? I wear a helmet Alex."
Alex:  "But mom, you go so fast!"
Ahh.....despite the lectures, the lack of screens and the insistence of a higher level of personal hygiene - he does love me!

Well? It had to be said.....

Hello Mom's of Alex's friends,

It's become necessary to let you know about a situation we're struggling with in regards to Alex. After 3.5 years we see so much promise and hope for Alex but he struggles with a severe addiction to video games/screens.  We've tried to curb it by monitoring screen time, making a reward systems, having a designated night, etc and nothing has worked. He just gets so obsessed that he cannot concentrate on anything, get his homework done, or interact with anyone. If left to his own devices he would sit in front of a screen 24/7 and not even know he belongs to a family.

After extensive studying, advice from attachment therapists, and examples from others with kiddo's with similar backgrounds, I've learned that the "numb" feeling he gets playing video games is similar to the mind numbing feeling of neglect he experienced in Ukraine and by playing video games, he is in a sense right back to the numb life he created to protect himself when no one else was protecting him. (I know that sounds a little crazy and I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it too.) Since we have completely eliminating gaming (as of a couple of weeks ago) we are starting to see a change in his behavior. He's trying to communicate more. He's applying himself at school and he's not quite as moody and angry. Except on the days he's around video games. Then he has a huge case of feeling sorry for himself. It's not easy, as I am sure you can imagine with boys similar in age. The biggest hurdle is finding things to do outside of gaming. You may have noticed that he's trying to call and play with your son's more often? The more social interaction and practice using language skills the better! But as the days get colder, its going to be harder for him to find things to do. It's especially hard when he goes to a friends and has to try and talk his friends into doing something besides gaming. I thought if I let you know what we were up against that we could avoid him being invited to gaming parties and that maybe when he's hanging out with your sons, you can help him with his situation and suggest alternate activities to gaming? Movies are okay but as long as they're not violent or crude. (Not that I think you'd let your boys watch those types of movies anyway.) I know that's a lot to ask on some days, and especially now the cold weather is setting in but your understanding and support of the situation and perhaps a discreet heads up to your sons, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much for all you do and for the kind son's you've raised. We're so glad Alex has good friends.
~James & Wendy Richhart

As you can probably guess - we're struggling here with the "no gaming" situation. He just feels so picked on. It's not so hard when he's home but he's going stir crazy. Tonight I played 11 hands of Progressive Rummy with him - after a melt down over how picked on he is. He will admit he has gaming issues but that doesn't make abstinence any easier. Sort of like an alcoholic I guess? 
He was just so angry today. And everything was horrible. He feels he has too much to remember on a daily bases - I was so happy to hear him vent and get it out but then he retracted everything. I think I do need to let up a little. But on what? Do I let him do crappy chores? Not stay on top of his homework? Neglect wearing his retainer? Not correct his improper English? Let him forgo brushing?  I asked him which task was the worst?  Thinking maybe he could use a few days break from chores or something and that's when he retracted everything and shut down. His new shutting down is that he just readily agrees without even letting me finish a sentence. Just "okay, okay, okay" with this fake compliant smile. It's kind of creepy. 
I hope that these families don't think we're crazy or that we're pointing fingers at them for letting their boys game?  Geez...being a parent is great fun isn't it?

James The Car Painter!