Alex Update

It's been a long time since I've penned an Alex update. Which only shows how well he's doing? I find that I blog and write as MY therapy in dealing with Alex and my silence is proof of the upswing we've had. 

So, for you two or three readers who are still  out there, you know we've had issues with lying. Over and over again. In the past four years I have wrote more about lying and the many lectures, consequences and punishments Alex has received due to lying than any other subject.

I don't know why, and I can't pinpoint when but at sometime in the last six months, something clicked in his little brain and he. Has. Stopped. Lying.
!!!!!!!
Glory be and the saints be praised!!!

This is evident by the fact that we let him get his learners permit.

Alex has dreamed of driving. From the minute we heard his first word "Honda" to his original career aspiration of being a taxi cab driver, he has ALWAYS been car oriented. He memorized car makes before he memorized his address. So of course the HUGE card we held over his head during his days of lying was "IF WE CANNOT TRUST YOU, YOU CANNOT DRIVE!" 

Maybe it was that as he was approaching the age of 15 he figured that we were serious and stopped lying? Maybe it was we have now been his parents almost as long as he lived in an orphanage? Maybe it was a spiritual awakening of his soul and the Holy Ghost whispering in his ear to speak the truth? Maybe he was just too tired of getting my lectures, lessons, role playing and exasperated anger? 

Who knows?

The joyous part is that HE TELLS THE TRUTH!

Here's a few examples:
"Alex, did you eat FOUR peaches after school today?"

"Yes"

"Alex did you do your chores today?"
"No."

And the best?
"Dad, I broke the brake on the motorcycle." last weekend during our camping trip. 

The truth will set you free.

Dang if that isn't the truth.

Since this miraculous change I have been able to give Alex the freedom that most children earn at a much earlier age. And I think he feels free. He doesn't have to worry about being caught in a lie. Covering up the truth. Telling stories. Hiding. Sneaking. Watching his back. He can just be.

Since I last wrote I think he's grown 5 inches and gained 15 pounds? He's almost 5'8" and weighs 120 pounds. He was 60 pounds when we adopted him so I was joking with him about how we've "doubled our investment". 

(Oh and he's ALWAYS hungry. I joke that we should have named him Alex Hungry Richhart!) 

He has his moments of grumpiness. But what 15 year old is cheerful all the time? Or sweet to his sisters all the time? Not any 15 year old's that I've raised. 

He still struggles with his "Ukraine" smile - or should I say lack of? He often times comes across angry and indifferent when really, he's just who he is? A non smiler? 

And gruff? I thought he spoke gruff before? Now that his voice has dropped he ALWAYS sounds gruff and irritated. It's not that he really has an accent anymore but he still has something foreign? Add the deep voice and the deadpan glazes and he can be a bit frightening to the outside world but to us, it's just Alex.

I've been letting him drive us places - here and there. He can sense my nervousness and came in last night and laid his head on my shoulder and assured me "Mom, I will always keep you safe." I don't doubt I'll be safe - it's my car that I'm a bit concerned about. 

We're starting to see his wit and personality come through. I think he keeps things really low key around me, I've criticized and corrected him so much that I think he's on guard a lot with me? That makes me sad but I guess it's for the best? I am his PARENT not his friend. I detest crude language and behavior. There is no reason to say, "Mom, I have to pee." He can just say " Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom." He brings home expressions and sayings from school and repeats them and doesn't even know the vulgar meaning of what he's saying. Guess who tells him? Yep. Me. If not? Who will? 

But because of my frankness, I know he trusts me. When someone is teasing him or he's not sure if they're speaking the truth he'll say. "I'll ask mom, she always tells me the truth." 

That warms my heart. And I think as time goes by, he'll relax more around me? 

I don't think a day goes by that I don't get numerous hugs, kisses on my forehead & cheek and him leaning on my shoulder. He even sits on my lap every so often and although he's hanging off - because he's as tall as me now - we try to adjust and he'll just let me hold him and rub his back and tickle his face. I know he'd die if his friends knew about this.  He knows that most boys at age 15 don't sit on their moms lap but I told him that he has 10.75 years of mama snuggles to make up for, it's okay. He must not mind too much because while camping (with my extended family) he sat on my lap three different times and didn't seem to care who saw? 

I was thinking why he sat on my lap so much during camping but doesn't at home and I've decided it's because the only time I'm sitting is in front of the computer? If I'm ever sitting on the couch he'll just sit next to me and lean against my shoulder or lay his head in my lap. I do try to get up to bed around the same time as my kids  and I seem to get ready and into bed much faster than they do - that's probably because I LIKE to read and hope they'll get in bed quickly so I can get a few chapters in before I need to turn out my light? Anyway, nightly  he'll come in and throw himself across me (there goes my reading)  and I'll rub his back and we'll talk about this and that. We recently changed our master bedroom around and now our bed is on the opposite wall much closer to the door, Alex told me he likes the configuration because he can just walk in and lay his head on my tummy faster? Funny kid. 

He also still elects to sit by me when we watch movies downstairs and always ends up laying against my shoulder or across my lap. If I don't rub his back or his face, he takes my hand and places it on his back or face. Nothing sublet there. 

Touch. 

I think he lacked so much of it growing up that he craves it now. My worry? Girls. Yep. You know a girl rubbing your back or tickling your face would be much better than a mom? It scares me how much he likes girls. Austin didn't really have an interest in girls until his senior year. Alex is a freshman. Gulp. It feeds my fear that he's so very cute too.

He talks about girls a lot and he's pretty confident. (He told us the other day he's just going to say "Lets be boyfriend and girlfriend" after hearing Rylee and I talk about a boy/girl situation with her friends at school. He just plans to cut to the chase. None of this back an forth. He'll just come out and ask. He was also getting a Holding Hands 101 lesson from Devree and he scoffed and told her that he knows how to hold hands and he showed her by just picking up her hand. With a "this is how it's done, just pick up her hand" expression. He's not going to mince words or "accidentally" place his hand next to the girls hand, no he's just going to do and say exactly what he means.)  He has a little friend from EFY that he texts and face times with occasionally. She came over to watch a movie and play board games once. (In a group setting - she and her sister and Alex and three other boys.) Luckily she lives in Provo. 45 minutes away. She's a sweet, cute girl. It's just too scary for me to think about this next phase of Alex's social life. He just seems so little still. Luckily we don't date around here until 16 and even then we don't exclusively date in high school. He's well aware of this and seems on board. I guess next year we will see just how that all turns out? And how his cut to the chase and get to the point technique goes. It helps that his social/conversation skills are still a little awkward? But I know that's not enough to shelter him from the storm of giggly girls coming our way!

He asked if he could have some guy friends over for a movie last Saturday. I offered to make popcorn but we were out so I served some grapes and some crackers and cheese. Maybe I'm crazy? But, Alex just grins from ear to ear when I come down and serve snacks to his friends. He always thanks me profusely and plays a generous host? And I can't help but think how this boy had NOTHING to call his own. Not a home to invite friends too, not a movie to watch, not a mom to serve snacks and he has not forgotten. He doesn't say it but I can feel it:

I'm home.

I'm safe.

I'm loved.

I have a family. 

And I feel his gratitude, in his smiling face and his sighs of contentment as he hugs me and leans against me. Call me crazy, but I will hold this boy and rub his back and tickle his face just as long as he'll let me. He's not the only one that missed 10.75 years. 

It's taken us over four years, four months and some odd days to get to this point of trust, clarity and comfort, but it's been worth it.

I've been out of blog land for awhile now, please comment if you've read this post. I'd like to know if I still have anyone reading.....