Aleixism

Alex came up to me last week with eyes a twinkling.....

"Mom...guess what?"

"What?"
"I am going to digest a grasshopper next week!"

I paused.

"Really? You're going to EAT a grasshopper??"
He looked confused and then realized his mistake.

"No, DISSECT a grasshopper!"

We don't have as many English flub ups anymore but when we do.....they're good for a laugh!

Last Choir Concerts!

Austin Before & After

I know.

The beard is a bit like Shaggy from Scooby Do and the faux hawk is a little crazy but just think,  with his graduation cap on his hair will look so clean cut!

Score one for the Mom!

Look Who Made Starlett Dancers.....

So let's recap.

Devree is on Murray's Drill Team

Kambree is on Snow's Drill Team

Rylee just bumped up to Starlett Dancers and will have dance class twice a week for a total of four hours.

Oh my.

Austin's Seminary Graduation!

Glory Be!

He graduated!

(He had to do make up work for this 4th year due to excessive sluff's but he did it AND all on his own with out me hounding him!)

Ward Seniors:

Cole Hansen, Austin, Jessica Oborn, Ely Hangsen, Niccia Boully

(We were missing Alyssa Chamberlain)

And with Bishop & Eileen Kouglious

With his friend, Shanny

Keeping it real.....

Now that Alex has been home over three years he's confessed to telling a few fibs and I blogged about them as gospel truth so in an effort to keep my blog accurate and truthful, let's clear up a few things.

Fib #1

July 11, 2009 Blog Entry:

Earlier this week I went to lunch with the other mom's who have or are adopting from Ukraine. (We always have such a good time catching up and talking!) Alex asked where I was going and I told him. Then he said "Me scary." I asked why he was scared and he told me "Grandma eaten Cafe no come home." What? Your grandma was eating at a cafe and never came home? She just disappeared? He nodded yes. He was truly frightened, this isn't the first time he's told me "Me scary" when it comes to me leaving. Hum...I wonder what really happened to this grandma. He said it was his Dad's mom. I wonder if Ivan knows more about this?

Yeah. 

That didn't happen. His grandma didn't disappear from a Cafe. 

Last night we were talking about things we were scared of and I reminded him that he use to be scared of me leaving because of his Grandma. "Oh. Yeah Mom? I made that up. It didn't happen."  I asked him why he would tell me such a thing? And he explained that he just wanted me to stay home. He was afraid every time I'd leave when he first got home and he thought making up this story would make me stay home. 

I remember how anxious he would get every time I left. The minute I'd arrive home and drive into the garage he'd be running out the door to find me. I couldn't even get the car door opened before he was there, checking on me, confirming I was home and safe. I think he was truly frightened that something would happen to me but I can't believe he made up that story about his grandma....and that I believed it for so long. 

(Besides, it didn't change me running errands, working or meeting my friends for lunch. At this point he was suffocating me and I had to leave for sanity sake!)

Fib #2

(I have tried to find this but it's buried in my blog somewhere. I can't find it and don't have time to read three year's worth of posts.)

The story of the police coming to take him from his mother. In the original version his mother broke a beer bottle and threatened the police and told them they could not take her son. Then the police asked if he wanted to go with them and he had to make a choice, go with the police or stay with his mother?  He chose to leave.
Nope.

That didn't happen either.

The police did come. His mom was drunk. He was sitting in a corner. The policeman told her they were taking Alex and she did nothing, shrugged and said goodbye. He had no choice and she didn't make any heroic jesters. That was the last time he saw her. (Or at least that's what he said last night. I clearly remember him telling me she visited him once in the baby orphanage. Not sure if that's true or if last nights version is true. I'm not sure Alex even knows whats truth and fiction at this point.)

I can't help but feel for him over this lie. I believe the original version is what he would like to believe, that his birth mother cared enough to threaten the police. The true version is a lot more painful. She did nothing. She was drunk and she said "bye-bye" as he left. 

I asked if he was sad? "No" he shrugged. But I know he had to have been. Granted his living conditions were horrid and she was a drunk and abusive but it's the only life he knew. Leaving at age six had to be scary. He blogged a little about it last month:

When I turned six police men came into our house and took me and I had no idea where I was going. I arrived at this place and they told me that you are in a orphanage. I didn't know what orphanage meant. They said, "That I was going to a different orphanage when I turned 7.
We talked a little bit more about his birth Dad -that his mom never married - and found out she had a boyfriend after his dad died. I asked if he was nice? He again gave me a shrug and a "Yes." and then he told me his mom just
"Spread her eggs all over the place." 

Which I interpret to mean she slept around?

(And which made me almost laugh out loud when he said it!)

Clarification:
While carousing the contents of my blog, I wrote that Alex told us his birth father hurt him. Woke him up in the night and did something to his finger. No. That was just bad charades. He did get hurt with a power tool while working with his Dad but it was an accident. Nothing intentional. Alex never has anything to say but good things about his birth Father.

Things I'm figuring out about parenting Alex....

After three years, I thought I had things pretty figured out and then along comes puberty and BAM!

Alex likes girls.
To be fair, he's always liked girls but this past year it's become pretty apparent that girls have become more and more a concern AND thanks heaven's a reason to comb his hair, brush his teeth and smell good.

I found out during the fall he asked a girl to be his girlfriend.

Not knowing I would ever find out he neglected to tell me about the conversation that went like this

Alex: Will you be my girlfriend?

Girl: No, Alex. I can't date until I am sixteen.

Alex: Friend then?
And he stuck out his hand and they shook.

I just happen to be friends with said girls mom and ran into her at their choir concert and heard the nitty gritty. You should have seen Alex's face when he saw me conversing with this girls mom.

Oy.

Anyway, he has always talked about having a girlfriend. Some of our first broken English conversations were about how he would walk up to a girl and say "You be girlfriend? She say yes."

I didn't think much of it until I had a little insight. 

Girlfriends are VERY important in an orphanage.

Not only is it a status - something that happens when you get older, proof that manhood is approaching - that you are now one of the big guys,  but when you have no one, it must be terribly important to have someone that is yours and you theirs?
It took me awhile to figure this one out.

I thing orphanage relationships try to compensate for the lack of family and love that most children get from being part of a family?

When this dawned on me, I sat Alex down and we talked about it. 

He admitted that I had pretty much figured it out.

I explained how I understand how important it is in an orphanage to have a girlfriend but here he has us. He has a family to love him. He has a home and a safe place and having a girlfriend so early is not the best idea. That there will be plenty of time for girlfriends but that right now, he has nothing to prove by having nor does he need one to feel love or that he belongs. He belongs to us and we love him.

He agreed and since our talk he has calmed down some.
Except he is sure that girls liked his longer hair more than his short hair.

(And yet numerous girls have commented on how nice his hair cut is? Please.)

The next "ah-ha" moment we had was one I shared with James.
After a busy week of dance recitals and lot's of family time - including an entire Saturday fishing with his Dad and sister Alex proclaimed Saturday night that "Saturdays suck!" 

Why?
Everyone had something to do....except Alex.

He was home alone - on the computer as all his siblings came and went with friends and parties to go to. 

James was pretty hurt about the "Saturdays sucks" comment after taking him fishing for more than half the day and he and I started talking, when it dawned on me and James agreed, Alex has yet to learn the art of socializing and being a friend.

He has never had to.

He lived with 17 boys. He ate, slept, showered and went to school surrounded by these boys.

He didn't need to be friendly. He didn't need to seek out friends. They were there 24/7 and if he didn't like any of them - there were 500 kids in the orphanage to be friends with.
Seeking out friends or being a friend is a skill he has never had a need for.

When we called him in to talk to him about his Saturday sentiment, I asked him what he thought should be happening to make his Saturday better?

"If our family could do something together. Play something." 

Ah-ha! 

We talked to him about all the many things our family did together all week. Including the hours spent fishing and that our family is here for him but we cannot entertain him and be his only source of socialization. We talked about what he needs to do to have friends and be a friend. 

And how if he had something to do, someone to hang out with, he wouldn't be feeling as blue as he is. 

In all honesty he has a cousin and one friend (that rarely comes over to play - aka "hang out") and it's not because Alex isn't fun or friendly it's because he never puts himself out there. He doesn't call, he doesn't drop by, he just sits at home waiting for his family to meet all his social and entertainment needs. Because that is what the orphanage did. He didn't have the option to call a friend from across town and hang out or ride his bike down to another orphanage to visit a friend.

Honestly, how is he suppose to know how to make friends? He had built in/live in friends since he was six years old. It's hard to learn to seek out friends at age 13.5 when you've never had to before?

Today he came home with summer plans to get water balloons and a water balloon launcher with  his friend Nick. 

That's it my boy.
Make plans.

Find friends.

Be a friend.

Anyway, those are my two epitomes .

Mothers Day!

Breakfast in bed.....

\

Made by these two loves....

And then my new BOSCH!

Rylee had individually measured out and wrapped all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies.

I have wanted a Bosch for forever!

 What a great Mothers Day gift!

Thanks family!!

Fishing Trip!

Devree's Recital

 Austin and Alex giving me a "pretty" pose with Devree's flowers:

Devree was recognized by her dance teacher and given flowers because she is graduating to Murray High's drill team next year.