Many of you know that we're hosting an orphan boy from Ukraine. He's name is Alexey and he just turned 10 years old in July. He arrives in 10 days! I can't believe it. I'm excited and nervous. I'm going to use this blog to record my feelings and our families experience. So let me first back track to a few years ago share how we got to this point.
It was in August of 2006 and I was sitting in sacrament meeting in church, the speaker was talking about God's will and how people are per-destined to do wonderful things and if they choose not to do them, then the Lord will assign or direct someone else to do the job. I then felt/heard a voice whisper in my head, "If you don't find him then someone else will have to."
I'm a firm believer in relationships before this life and at that moment I had an overwhelming feeling of how sad I would feel to stand before this someone in the next life, this someone I had promised to find and didn't ever look for.
I know, a little weird. Random. Things like this don't happen to me. I was pretty sure the Spirit had the wrong woman but I couldn't shake the feeling.
I went home and told my family about my feelings and I started crying and telling them that I had no idea how to find this little boy (as I felt strongly it was a little boy) or where to start.
They all - including James - looked at me like I was slightly crazy but, just for a second then James said something to the effect "Wendy, you know that I would have stopped having children after Devree if it weren't for your feelings that we had another child waiting. And then we wouldn't have Rylee and our family wouldn't be the same without her. I'm leaving this up to you and your feelings and inspiration. Because you're the mom."
Just like that.
No, "Are you crazy? We barely can handle the four we have. What are you thinking? You work full time in real estate, there isn't enough time to clean your own house let alone raise another child."
Nope, none of that.
Just the trust that what I was feeling was inspired and he supported me and my feelings.
Rylee was on board from the get go! The others not too sure - although Austin was a bit excited about the prospects of having a brother. He is out numbered three to one.
I then got on the Internet and started looking. I'm sure I could Google this boy.
I felt that this boy lived out of the country but I don't know why and I had no idea where to look, what country, nothing. I remember at one point, laying my head down on my desk and - in my mind - telling the Lord, "You'll have to drop him in my lap because I have no idea how to find him." I mean really, the Lord can do anything, if he wants me to do this then....he'll have to help me. And I walked away, thinking the Lord knows I'm willing so now it's up to him.
Time went by.... I started working with clients that had adopted a special needs child through the foster program and I spoke at length with them about their experience.
It seemed everywhere I turned it was about adoption. Shows on TV, stories, movies, books. It surrounded me. It was as if Heavenly Father was gently tapping me on the shoulder. So, grudgingly I started looking into it again. This time I checked the Church adoption agency. I almost laughed. There was no chance a young mother was going to pick us with our four, healthy children over all these young couples with no children at all.
I then, at the suggestion of my clients looked into the State Foster Care Program. I got a big packet and I never opened it. I just stuck it on my shelf. I so did not want to go this route. I've already been a shelter parent and having children come and go is like losing a little piece of your heart each time they leave. Plus, I really don't want a baby or toddler. I love 'em, but I'm not ready to start over like that. My baby is eight and I think she should remain the baby.
All this time I was fully aware of a foundation run by some folks in our stake called "Save A Child" that works with orphanages in Ukraine. I had felt time and time again to contact them but didn't. I think I was just scared. So out of the blue, there they were on the KSL website. An article about the foundation and a link to their website http://www.saveachild.cc. I go to the website and a few days later, get up the courage to send an email. There, I've done it. I know these folks, I've worked with Nanette years ago on Viewmont's musical back when Kambree was in 3rd or 4th grade. And I hear nothing. Okay, there's my answer.
Whew. I am off the hook.
I'm then at parent/teacher conferences last spring at Viewmont - a month or two after I sent the email - and standing in line at the book fair who am I standing behind? It's Nanette - the lady over the foundation. Now, remember I am not a shy person but, for the life of me this is the hardest thing I've had to do. I am frozen. It's almost like someone is nudging me saying "SAY SOMETHING! Ask her if she got your email. OPEN YOUR MOUTH." And I just stand there. I finally get up the nerve and tap her on the shoulder and say. "Hi, I emailed through your foundation website but didn't hear back. James and I are interested in your program." And then, she smiled that warm, embracing smile and took over. She told me the next group was coming in October. (I'm not sure but I think this was in March.) Then she asked what age and sex I was looking for. I figured two boys would even out our numbers. I'm into even numbers. You know, equal children on each side of the table and two boys would make 3 girls/3 boys. And as many of you know I'm into bargains/coupons and great sales and getting two children is just slightly more than getting one. So why not two? She gave me her number and told me to call her as she needed to get more information from me.
I did call, a week or so later and she asked for names of our children, sex and ages and a family photo. (Which took me a few more weeks to bring to her.) And then we talked about the fact that most these children are 8 to 15 years old. We talked at length about having older boys with my young girls and the dangers of that.
Although "Save A Child" is just a hosting program, (The foundation provides an opportunity for these children to come to the United States and hopefully make a connection with a family) it is not an adoption agency. I got a brief over-view of the enormous cost of adoption, the massive amounts of paper work and the time commitment to go to Ukraine, and everything seemed so overwhelming. There was no way! What in the world was I thinking??
James was working for the state of Utah and couldn't even get enough time off to go fishing let alone out of the country and he would HAVE to go for at least 10-14 days. I would have to go for 4-6 weeks How in the heck can I support my family selling houses and be gone for that long? What about my other children? I was in a panic. There is just no way this could work. And then just as quickly as my panic took over, I got a calm feeling to move forward. If it's meant to be it will all work out.
Nanette asked me to come over and look at pictures. . Again we talked about ages of sibling groups and at one point she said "How about just one little boy?" It was like a light went off. YES! It solved so many problems like bedrooms, seats in the van, sandwiching a child between my older children that are so close in age and so many problems. Yes, ONE was the answer. So then the miracles started...
Miracle #1
So, how does one shop for a child? This is crazy. Here's all these pictures spread out on her coffee table of children! Human beings! How can I choose a child? This isn't like shopping for Avon. So, I carefully started thumbing through these papers. They simply have a name, age and a few pictures of the child. It was easy to rule out the sibling groups and there were only a few single boys. And then, there he was. He looked like Austin. (At least when Austin was little.) And I tell Nanette that I think this is the one and she says "Good, that is who I picked for you too." (Did I mention that after I dropped off our family photo she said she'd pray about us and what child we should have? She's a pretty spiritual lady.) Chills ran up and down my back. I took the few picture pages of single boys home and laid them on the bar. I didn't say anything. One by one each of my children and James picked out the same little boy. As I mentioned he's 10 years old so he fills our gap between or 8 year old Rylee and 12 year old Devree and then we have 14 year old Austin and 16 year old Kambree and so although I'm not going to be even at the dinner table, at least their evenly spaced apart!
Miracle #2 Then as many of you know, the real estate market took a turn for the worse and I couldn't sell a house to save my life so James got a remarkable job that will pay all if not most of the bills. (This is a HUGE miracle, we'd been looking for work for sometime with no luck, the job he got he had been trying to get for over a year!) He works out of town two weeks at a time and then is home for two weeks straight. So he can go to the Ukraine for his 10-14 days. Which brings me to ...
Miracle #3
(which is still a work in progress)
Now, every time I sell a house I put away some money for our adoption expenses. Don't be fooled, I'm a LONG way from my target amount but at least I'm working towards it. Sometimes I get a panicky, claustrophobia feeling that I'll never save enough money but I keep telling myself it will all work out if it's meant to be.
Since last spring I've had Alexey's picture hanging in my office and he's become more than a picture but a little person. A little person so far away from us. Can you imagine living in an orphanage? What his life is like? Apparently, these children are all on the small side as nutrition is not very good. We've started praying for him, that he's safe and warm. (Rylee prays that we'll find him a Halloween costume when he gets here. That's a big deal to her!)
He made it through whatever red-tape was required and was cleared to make the trip this month. (Apparently many families had selected children that did not make it through this clearance so this is a mini-miracle.)
We've made it through the "mini" home study (many thanks to those who wrote such nice letters of recommendation on our behalf) and I've gone to one meeting where we met other parents that are hosting as well as other parents that have adopted children from the Ukraine. We have one more meeting this Sunday.
I've bought him some clothes, underwear and socks (I'm just guessing at his size) as we're told that they'll show up with the clothes on their back and a change of underwear and perhaps another outfit. I'm still looking for pajama's. (What in the world happened to little boys pajama's? They're so wild with Sponge Bob or Spider-man and the colors are so vibrant I don't know how you could fall asleep in them!)
On the Save A Child website they share this story:
In the often quoted story adapted from "The Star Thrower" by Loren Eiseley, we are told of an old man picking up starfish and tossing them into the sea before the tide goes out. He is confronted by someone who tells him that his quest is ridiculous-that there are millions of starfish on the beach and that what he was doing couldn't possibly make a difference. The wise old man picked up another starfish, paused thoughtfully, and remarked as he tossed it out into the waves, "It makes a difference to this one."
I know I can't save every orphan but I hope to save this one. I want everyone reading this to know that posting this is a very hard thing for me to do. I still have a lot of fear. Fear that he won't like us, that he'll be more than I can handle that, that he'll have some terrible detachment disorder, and as much as James and the children are supporting me, I know they have their doubts and concerns. But when I look in my heart of hearts, I know I should just proceed and quoting a line from a song my mother sang to me as a child "whatever will be, will be, the futures not our to see..."
If you have a minute check out this video and see just how beautiful these kids are.
