Austin Update....

I am writing to document the craziness and insanity that I must deal with everyday only because I am the mother to one crazy, insane, 6ft tall, 16 year old named.....AUSTIN!

 I am only blogging about this morning's episode.
I will not go into the multiple, in-depth conversation we had about why we can't just stop making our house payment and keep the money in a high yielding CD and then catch the payment up right before our house is foreclosed on. Or the discovery of the stock market and how he has found the answer to not working.....invest in the stock market! (Except he overlooked the need for the initial $200K to make his plan work!) All these financial questions and discussions we can thank his financial literacy class for. It's really got his brain a whirling. However, I have expressed my concern that I do hope he doesn't go to prison anytime in his life as most of his financial wizard- like ideas - all though enterprising and thought provoking, are basically unethical, illegal and dishonest!
So, back to this morning.
I had to keep reminding Austin to be quite during scriptures. (We listen to them online while I pack lunches and the kids are suppose to be eating breakfast - usually they're just laying around waiting for breakfast to magically appear or rummaging for something in the fridge that is anything but breakfast food - but regardless, they are suppose to be quiet and listen. No talking during scriptures!) Austin wasn't talking, he was SINGING.
He sings all the time.
He's in choir so sometimes it's a chorus of something he's learning in choir, or something thats stuck in his head, and often times it's more like sound effects rather than singing....beat boxing is what he calls it. (I call it spitty, mouth noise.) Anyway, he keeps breaking into song during scriptures so after scriptures are over, I mention that since he is in such good voice this morning he can say the prayer and he begins to SING the prayer! In a very dramatic and drawn out voice he sings:

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank you for this day

Please bless my grandmother

That she will not pass away.....

Then a chorus of "Because I love her, I love her, I love her."

We are all laughing. Then he actually gives a real prayer, and since we were having issues over who got what Halloween candy in their lunch - with me decreeing that everyone get's what they get and there is no switching or complaining - he prays that everyone will eat the Halloween candy they have been given and at the proper time. 

Good grief!

So as I kiss him goodbye, I ask when he is going to shave again. (I often call him Shaggy-from Scooby Doo - because that's what his chin looks like, sparse but shaggy!) He informs me that he will shave...... at the end of the month. 

Why? I ask.

Because this is NO shave NOvember! 

I am pretty sure this is just and Austin decreed month of no shaving.
Anyone else ever heard of such a  thing?

What the heck?

Then he leaves for school but and comes back in, in need of forks.

Forks?

What for?

For my cake.

What cake?

I bought a cake. It's in my backpack. I'm going to get it out and eat it in seminary with a fork. Then when everyone starts complaining, I'm going to whip out these (and he waves around his fistful of plastic forks) and share it!

Why and how and when and where the cake came to be in his backpack is beyond me. 

Crazy boy.....

Kambree Photo Update....

2nd from right....

Not sure where this is or who she's with. (I stole ALL of this pictures off of FB!)

Creepy Clown Costume for Halloween performance....

Yesterday's weather....

Dev made the Freshman Basketball Team!

She's so excited and I am so proud!!!

However.....give me strength to add daily practices and bi-weekly games to our life for the next FOUR MONTHS!

Airport Goodbyes...

Yesterday they left.

The 42 orphans returned to Ukraine.

Some children and families shed tears. Serious tears. With promises of "We'll be there soon." or "Be sure to write while we work on getting the paper work done."  It was heart wrenching to watch future brothers and sisters sob into each others arms and tears stream down each face. To see children bundled in dark coats and stocking caps cling to adults they have called mama and papa for the last 2.5 weeks.To see Moms & Dads hold each other and keep waving and give brave smiles as orphans/future children attempt to wipe their tears or catch those last waves and "I love yous" as they walk through security.

Not all families had this experience.
Not for lack of love and willingness but because when asked,

"Do you want to be adopted? To live with us always? To have a forever family?"
The answer was,
"No."

You think....how could they walk away from the promise of a bright future? The love of a family? The safety and security that is being offered? It's baffling. It hurts. To be rejected always hurts but to be rejected by an orphan? A child that has nothing and you are offering so much? To see a child so young choose a path that will be so hard. I think it's the rejections of all rejections. 

Some of these children have family in Ukraine. Older brothers or sisters, grandmas or parents that visit. Family that promise to get them out? Promise to take care of them later?  Or in some cases an older sibling that says "no" and a younger one that wants to badly to say "yes" but out of loyalty, cannot.
Some of these kids put on a tough front and are street wise and savvy. They think they'll be just fine. They can make it.
Some of kids are petrified to learn English and leave all they know both good and bad.

For whatever reason, they choose to stay in Ukraine. In an orphanage. On their own and take their chances.
I try to remind myself that there are worse places to live than an orphanage. Like on the streets, in area's suffering from famine or war torn countries.
But an orphanage is only a 1/2 step above living on the streets, and they fight private wars every day - be it the bigger guy that expects payment for protection, the teacher that whacks him on the head with a ruler when he doesn't do his homework correctly, the drunk bum that tries to steal the metal scraps he's collected to turn in for a few cents to buy candy or just the fight to keep his possessions or clothes from being taken by the 17 other boys that share a room with him
And yet, they choose to stay?
Alex, when I told him a few of the kids said "no" to their hosting families was baffled:
Why mama? Don't they want a mom? 
I don't know sweetie. I guess they just don't know what they are missing.
To which he laid his head on my shoulder and sighs.
I don't know if any of our new families read my blog, but whatever path your hosting experience has taken you, please be comforted. If you're staring at the mountainous pile of paper work, cost and upcoming Ukraine vote, concerned about communicating and if they're being fed and cared for, please know that so many of us have been there and that like pregnancy....it will eventually end.
And for those of you where the situation did not turn out as planned. Please know that they simply don't know what they are missing. That they need your prayers despite the outcome. They just don't know what they walked away from.
Blessings to all.....
~Wendy

Over-Due Alex Update

It's been a long, rough and bumpy road this week. It started last Sunday when Alex thought he could pull one over on James and not do his homework like normal. Despite the fact that he has been writing in his journal 5 times a week for over seven months with the same rules and expectations, he thought that since Dad doesn't usually help him, that he could just get away with not following the protocol. Rather than admit he didn't do his work properly, he lied to cover up his his wrong doing, just making things worse. 

(Sigh.)

So we had long talk #451 about cheating, lying and trust. Oh yes, complete with tears of frustration, self berating and unwillingness to look me in the eye.

(Another sigh.)

The week continued to go downhill with numerous reprimands, talks and new rule proclamations: 

• Monday morning he tried to fill out his reading chart for October and just filled in every little ghost with 30 minutes of reading when if he had read every day - which I believe he did - he would still have four ghosts left over.  Uhh....that would be cheating....again.

• At his SEP's on Thursday, I heard that he's been a little "mouthy" (was the word his teacher used) and disruptive in class?  Grade wise he did okay in all but math. In math he got a D+.  Great. Math. The universal language.

• Bragged about his "three minute" showers which got him a new "5 minute minimum" shower rule. 

• Then, last night he put himself to bed at 9 pm and I checked in on him to make sure he was feeling okay.

Yes.

Well, why are you in bed? Are you tired? Are you sick?

No. I am not tired but (in this contrite "I am the perfect son voice") it's  9 o'clock.  (His weekday/school night lights out.)

I know it's nine but when do you go to bed at nine on the weekend?

(Shrug) 

He didn't go to bed on Friday at nine. In fact he groaned when I asked him to get ready for bed at ten.

If you're tired or unwell, of course, go to bed but you don't have to. If you're not tired you're welcome to get up and join us.

So he gets up.

Thinking he was already for bed (like he just told me he was) I asked to check his teeth brushing (he's not the best brush-er) and he admits.... his teeth are not brushed!!

So....you're just pretending to be such a good boy and going to bed all on your own without BRUSHING YOUR TEETH? (Grrr...) Give me a break and with that I sent him to brush and actually go to bed!

But then I decided it was time for one of those talks that will never make me popular. The kind that you hope to avoid, hoping he'll figure it out on his own. That no matter how you word it, it's going to come across harsh but after 18 months. It was time.

In a nutshell, Alex doesn't participate. We can be laughing and talking and having a great time and Alex is just in his own world. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, we can even be talking about him. He doesn't even try to listen. We try to pull him in and he will say "What?" even though he's sitting right there with us. He goes off and makes his inventions, tinkers around, gets on the computer, goes and plays in his room, or just sits and zone's out. Especially during group conversations.  I asked him why he always has to be in front of the computer or TV or on his own? Why he just can't chill and be with us and be APART of us?

The answer? 

Because it's boring.

Our family is boring???? I think the reason you think that is because you don't listen. You don't participate in conversations. You shut us all out, and sit there thinking inside your own head. Of course it's boring, you don't participate. Would you agree with that?

 He agreed with my assessment and we had some "Conversation 101" and practiced listening and asking questions and when asked a question not giving one word answers that shut the conversation down. I think it went over really well. Austin and Rylee helped us practice. 

There are moments in mothering Alex when I get so exasperated and then I get just a little glimpse - call it a tender mercy from his point of view - and for just a second I see how it must be for him. No one has ever taught him to converse - to listen - to be interested or ask questions pertaining to the things being talked about. He didn't grow up around a loving, laughing family. He doesn't have the memories and stories of our past. He doesn't have happy ones of his own to share. (In fact during our conversation practice Rylee mentioned how she would fall asleep on the floor in my office and I'd have to carry her to bed when she was a little girl. I coached him that this would be a good time to share something about when he was a little boy. "No." he says quickly. "I don't like to talk about little." Point taken but still can't you share something that you liked when you were little? He liked to chop down trees. Hum. Interesting.) He was never taught to just pay attention to what was going on around him. I've been telling him since he was two months adopted to "please don't interrupt" "just a minute" or "wait his turn" as he would cut into the middle of a story or sentence time and time again. Now he catches himself and will start to blurt out whatever it is he wants to say or ask and then catch himself and say "Oh, sorry. Not my turn." but it's evident that he's not listening to the conversation around him. He's lost in his own thought about something. And it's not getting better. I was so hoping our conversation lessons would help. At the least it couldn't hurt. 

This evening my parents came over for dessert and Alex said "Thank you for cake Mom." and cleaned up his dish and went to leave and I sweetly reminded him that this was a good opportunity to be a part of the conversation, that he doesn't have to talk but I would like him to listen. We were sharing funny stories. After a few stories, I asked if I could share a story about him and he nodded. 

It was a funny story about Alex and Austin and a prank Austin pulled on Alex and how Alex is going to get Austin back when he grows up and everyone laughed. Including Alex. I think he enjoyed being a part of the story, but more importantly he listened! He participated! My Dad confided in him that he doesn't talk much either, that in our family it's hard to get a word in. But I pointed out that even though Grandpa doesn't tell lots of stories, he listens, laughs and he is a part of the family. I think it helped for him to realize that you don't have to be the center of the conversation or have something witty to say or a story to share, that you can just listen to be included. Just like Grandpa. (Thanks Dad!)

A couple funny Alex stories:

#1 While cleaning out the yard Saturday, I was chopping down the chives and Alex came up and said, "Mama, you smell so good I could eat you!" I laughed and showed him where I was clearing out the chives and told him if he liked the smell so much he could work on them. Later after his shower he came and gave me a hug and I got this huge whiff of onion breath! "Alex, did you eat the chives?" "Yes, they were yummy! I will go brush my teeth!"

#2 Earlier this evening we were talking about a few friends of ours that have had babies and gained weight and Kambree told me that my mom told her that her Grandma (my great Grandmother Pearl) told her when she was impatient with her weight loss after having a baby "It takes 9 months to put it on, it will take at least that long to take it off." To which I remarked, "I've been carrying around ten pounds since Austin was born, what if it's been sixteen years?" Then I confessed that I'm still carrying around weight from Devree and Rylee too. To which Alex  proudly proclaimed,  "You didn't gain weight with me!" We all laughed and then I pointed out my grey hair and wrinkles and told him, that this is what I've gained since having him.  Again we laughed. (But inside I was cheering! "Hurray, hurray....he is listening and participating in our conversation!" I really think "Conversation 101" is working!)

So after the week we've had, I was really surprised and touched to read this in Alex's journal today:

I am grateful that I have a mom because if you did not have a  mom how would you fill (feel)? I was in sperienc like that. (I experienced that.) I am grateful that God brot (brought) me here. My mom is the best mom I ever have (had). 

(Yes, sniff....yes watering.)

The road is often times long and bumpy, but the payoffs are worth it!

Saturday Yard Work....Getting Ready for Winter!

It's that time of year. Time to pull the garden out, rake the leaves, chop down the perennials and pull out the annuals! Luckily I have lots of helpers and with enough encouragement, they can really work!

Those earphones of Austin's are sound proof. You can call 'till the cows come home and he can't hear you.  After using his Samaria sword (which I unfortunately didn't get  pictures of) on the fountain grass he headed back to help the girls on the garden.

Here's Kam & Dev showing off their guns! (Yes, Kam came home for the weekend and we put her to work too! No special treatment here!)

The grass just didn't stand a chance against Austin the mighty Samaria sword wielder!

Rylee helped me clear out the flower beds and plant tulips. Alex volunteered to do leaves as he didn't want to touch the rotten tomatoes. Little did he know he picked the worst job. He was complaining that it was "raining leaves" which is was and still is! The joy of having HUGE trees!

The garbage can's are so full with just garden plants and flowers that we still have this huge pile of leaves in the front yard.

Rylee & Alex had fun playing in it. Rylee was completely covered and Alex hollered, "Mom I can't find Rylee!" And truly, you could not tell she was under there. Luckily she had on her "safety glasses" Are you proud James?

She didn't get all the leaves out of her hair until her bath that night!

Grandma's 85th Birthday!

 Grandma, Aunt Deb, Uncle Ray and my mom!

Bouncing Off The Walls!

Save A Child Hosting Program 2010

Although this is this years hosting video, it's actually interviews, video and pictures of the kids that have already been adopted because of the Save A Child hosting program. (The fabulous Ari, put this together!)
Yours truly and Alex are interviewed. (Alex is the very first shot and then you can catch our family at the airport in 2008 around minute 3:30, our interview follows that.)




I know I'm critical, but really, do I always flutter my eyes and look so sleepy? What the heck? And did you catch Devree giving us the cheesy thumbs up?

Twenty Years.....Seriously?

November 2, 1990

Hard to believe it's been that long. There are many really good reasons why I married James, he's honest, he's a hard worker, a worthy priesthood holder, ambitious, strong, smart, handsome, funny, and I could go on but in honor of our twenty year anniversary, here are twenty random things that I love about James. In no particular order....

• He eats the almonds in my Almond Joys (I hate how almonds squeak on my teeth!)
• He is wider than me
• He can kill mice, spiders and clean up yucky stuff without screaming or gagging.
• He will eat just about anything I cook-regardless of how it looks, tastes or how black it might be
• He has really big biceps
• He has taught himself to play the guitar
• He fixes and maintains our fleet of cars - not an easy task
• He can fix just about anything (or break it trying!)
• He backs me up with the kids (and they really listen when he gets involved!)
• He will watch chick flicks with me
• He will let me switch dinners with him when what he orders looks better than what I ordered
• He doesn't care if I'm taller than him with my heels on
• He can fall asleep with the light on so I can read late into the night
• He can still pick me up and carry me around if he wants to-and even if I DON'T want to!
• He has one blue eye and one hazel eye so if I get tired of looking at one color I can gaze into the other
• He is THINKING about taking ballroom dancing with me
• He never very rarely watches sports on TV!
• He could careless about carpet color, drapery color, dish patterns, holiday decor, etc! (But he is opinionated about car manufactures, faucets, the length of the grass and where the mower should be set, and the weight of the silverware handle - not so heavy that if falls off the plate when walking with your plate to the sink!)
• He loves me, despite my faults and shortcomings!

I could go on. I guess I'll have to make a list of another 21 reason's next year!

Happy Anniversary James! I love you.

Our 5th attempt at getting a picture of the two of us on our Photo Booth Mac program. (We had to figure out how to do it - unlike our offspring that figured it out and have oodles of pictures of themselves on it already!)

Attempting - without much success - to minimize our wrinkles

No explanation needed....