Borshcht

Nine months ago today I returned home with Alex.
I would like to say in honor of this occasion, Alex and I made borscht but-in all honesty-I totally forget what day it was until later that night!

We took lots of pictures to document this momentous event (but due to some glitch in our downloading a few have been lost!) because I wasn't sure I'd ever make this again.
So.... I'd been dreading making borscht as it sounded over whelming and I HATE beets. Alex had been asking repeatedly when we were going to make borscht-ever since I got my "Ward Cookbook Around the World" for Christmas and showed him a recipe for borscht. So although it's been nine months since we've been home, he's only been bothering me for just over a month to make it! I didn't use the cookbook recipe as I just didn't know what it would turn out like and it seemed so very complicated so I turned to my blogging friend, Diana @ Gold to Refine.
On Saturday we had a couple hours between basketball games and I had bought the beets earlier in the week and we just went for it! It involves A LOT Of shredding! Alex peeled the beets (I'm missing the picture showing his purple stained hands and the candid picture of me trying to wipe purple beet juice off his nose before we posed for our picture with me holding cabbage and him holding the beets with his stained fingers. Where those pictures are....who knows??)
Here's me shredding cabbage:
Here we are with our piles of shredded veggies
This the pot of boiled potato chunks, cabbage, kidney beans, (the recipe calls for Pinto but I didn't have any and used Kidney-tasted just fine) meat (I used canned chicken-thanks Diana for that short cut!) and the pan of sauteed carrots, onions, and cabbage.

When you add the sauteed veggies, then the soup turns a beautiful red/purple.

Here's Alex soaking up the "smell" of borscht.

Here is the finished product. ( Hummm....I should have wiped off the outside of the bowl!) Notice my cute Ukraine decor?? (My thought was I might get an invite to post on Sara's recipe blog if she's impressed with my pictures. Hint, hint!)
You serve it with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of dill. (Dill is on EVERYTHING in Ukraine!) So without further ado, here it is.....

But more importantly here is the happy face that made it all worth it...

He gave me a big thumbs up and "Good, good good Borscht!" He said it was the best borscht ever.
And everyone (at home) liked it!!

No, really. They did like it.
James ate two bowls and yes, believe it or not, I even liked it!!
I will make it again-now that I know what beets look like in the produce department and have a recipe that everyone liked- but for now, there's a big bowl in the fridge that should last Alex for awhile.

Rylee's Birthday!

It's official! At 4:18pm yesterday Rylee turned ten! She is now a decade old. The days approaching her birthday were filled with lots of "last time as a nine year old" moments. Wednesday night as I tucked her into bed she told me "This is the last time you'll tuck a nine year old into bed" and before that she ate a piece of chocolate proclaiming"This is the last piece of chocolate I will eat as a nine year old!" Yes, it was all very dramatic.
I brought cupcakes to school for her to share with her class mates and for dinner she had requested a salad so we had a spinach chicken salad and rolls. Austin couldn't believe we were only eating salad for dinner. "Where is the rest of dinner?"
Then Rylee headed off to dance. She dances with Murray Community and is now in a class that shares the same dance room as the Murray High Dance Company so Kambree and her friend Kamille had a little surprise for her in the dance room:

She loved it!!
Then she rushed home to greet her guest. We had a "spa"velous birthday party and twelve giggly, wiggly and LOUD little girls attended. Each were instructed to wear a robe, slippers and pull their hair back. They were ushered into the "waiting"room (living room) where there was tranquil music playing and teen magazines to thumb through. Why I thought this would be a peaceful tranquil party is beyond me as these girls were so very loud they couldn't even hear let alone appreciate my peaceful ambiance!
My assistants (Kambree, Devree, Kamille and Jazmine) brought each girl back one at a time and applied their hydrating masks.

Then they were ushered back into the living room to relax with cool cucumbers to refresh their tired eyes....(oh, wait that was ME with tired eyes!)

(The above photo might make you think they were calm and peaceful....but NOT! This is one of many photo's as someone was always wiggling, giggling or moving and taking off their cucumbers! By the way, I found at least six cucumbers slices strewn about the waiting room/living room floor before night was over.)
Then one at a time they were taken back and my assistants washed off their mask, applied a refreshing toner and then it was on to the manicures...

Rylee had requested a "cookie cake" from Mrs. Fields.

After nails Rylee opened presents....

Even Edward made an appearance-which caused-much to every one's dismay over ten year old-very loud squealing and screams that continued until Edward graciously left the room.

Blowing out the "cookie cake" to a very loud and rousing rendition of the Birthday Song.

The whole gang!
We handed out headbands and little bags with bubble bath, a bath scrubby and lip gloss for party favors. Whew! It was fast, sweet and very crazy! And thank heaven's for my assistants!!

The boys were sequestered to the basement during the party but HAD to come up early because they were "starving" from their pathetic salad for dinner and needed nourishment. They grabbed crackers and were sent right back downstairs. After the girls left they came up and polished off the cookie-cake. This is Austin with the left over head bands on, pretending to eat the rest of the cookie!

Ry then opened family gifts:

She got a Barbie, an electric shaver for her legs (she's been asking for one of these for months!) a head massage thingy-ma-bob (another coveted gift), a crochet head band that is all the rage and new sheets and comforter set for her new bed. (She also got a cute new nightstand!)

We had moved and assembled her new bed while she was away at dance-to surprise her. I would like to say it was a big surprise but she actually had spotted it in the garage but she put on quite the show acting surprised. Yes, she's inherited her acting abilities from yours truly.

Happy Birthday Rylee!! I can't believe my baby is ten!!

Alex's sick day

So, Alex WAS sick.
I checked on him before bed and he was still very hot-despite the ibuprofen dose and then Wednesday morning I got home from the gym and he came down all clammy and pale and told me he "frowed up" but he "cleaned up my mess" I asked where his mess was? (With dread as the sight of barf makes me dry heave!) and he told me toilet. We went in and I didn't see anything...whew! I stuck him right back in bed with a barf bowl and a cool wet rag on his forehead. After getting the other children off to school I brought him peppermint tea and toast with instructions to try and eat very slowly. He sat up and ate like a robot. Now, my other children simply refuse to eat when they have the stomach flu but I think Alex thought he HAD to eat. By the time I realized this, he was done with his toast and 1/2 his tea. I explained that he didn't HAVE to eat it but it would help him feel better if he throws up again as it's easier if you have something in your tummy. He promptly put the tea down and went back to sleep for and hour. He didn't throw up anything more but had a temp of about 102 so I gave him another dose of ibuprofen-as he hadn't thrown up the toast and tea and I was hoping the ibuprofen would stay down and put him in the family room to watch a movie. He told me he had never had a fever before, then asked if I had a thermometer that goes under your armpit? No. Just a digital. Then he told me in Ukraine they use the under the armpit thermometer and he told me he would "blow his wind" (breath) on the thermometer so it would look like he had a fever and then he could go to the hospital. (Yes, they go to the hospital for fevers in the orphanage!) He told me he did this to get out of school. We laughed and I told him how I did the same thing with a light bulb to my mom when I was little.
We talked a little about why (maybe) he never had a fever before and with some suggestions from me came up with the fact that when he was in the orphanage there was no one to take care of him so he couldn't get sick, now that he has a mama it's okay to get sick every once in awhile because Heavenly Father knows he has someone to love him and take care of him. He seemed content with this idea.
He asked for tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch so I knew the flu like part had subsided and his fever had gone down so I asked if he felt well enough to go to the appliance store with me? We could stop and buy him a Sprite? Of course he was game. We stopped at Wendy's and a he/she person was working the drive up window. Huge women(?) with a deep voice and lots of makeup-missing 1/2 her/his teeth. I discreetly pointed her out to Alex and he causally glanced-impressive as Rylee would have gawked-and then looked away as if it was nothing. As we drove away I asked if he thought "it" was a woman or a man? He told me he thought a woman and her husband beat her up. Why? Because her teeth are missing? No mom, bruises. Wow. How observant-and sad-for an eleven year old boy to notice those types of things. She did have bruises (that or hickeys?) on her neck and I think maybe her face but since I was fixated on her teeth I'm not really sure. I told him if that were true how sad I was. Why? he asked. I said because women should never get beat up by their husbands. Then he said something that warmed my heart. "That is why boys don't hit girls." That's right I said, if you learn to not hit girls when you are little you won't hit girls when you are big. I think he's getting it!!
We went to the appliances store and he helped me select a new dryer. I am a fan of used appliances and went to a place that reconditions appliances-offering a 90 day warranty and lifetime free labor-you just pay for the parts. When we got back in the car Alex told me "Cool, cool store! I like that store!" Really? The used appliance store??? "Yes I want to work and fix things!" He was seriously elated. Later that night he told me he wished he didn't have to go to school, just go to work and fix things. I don't know what this boy will do in the future but it will defiantly be something along the lines of building or fixing things!
We went to the Russian store on our way home and it was like stepping into Ukraine. It even smelled like Ukraine. He picked out some candy and we bought some of those cabbage stuffed scone's that we use to buy walking the streets of Dniprozerzink. I also bought a big package of Russian cookies for him to share with his class today. His birthday falls in the summer and today is his 1/2 birthday (And Rylee's REAL birthday!! I will blog about her on my next post and cover her party! Wish me luck-we have 12 girls coming tonight for facials, and manicures!) so I thought it would be nice for him to share something with his class to celebrate his summer birthday.
James got home last night. Hurray! Alex gets so excited on James arrival days, asking when he'll be home all day long and checking outside every time he hears a car approach. James was fixing one of our lights last night and Alex was right there with him checking it out and being his right hand man. Can I just say...."I told you so!" When James was struggling after our hosting experience deciding if he could love this boy and accept him as his son I told him something to the effect that he just needs to give him some time. That he and Alex have so much in common and that he is the type of boy that will be under the hood right next to him and helping him with every project and guess what....I was right!!
We did work on English and reading and go over his spelling words. I've started Alex keeping his own dictionary, I made a little book with the letter of the alphabet on each page and every time he asks me how to spell a word or I correct a word, he records it in his dictionary and then he can refer to it when he's writing. I remember a 2nd grade class doing this when I substituted. I think it won't be so overwhelming as a real dictionary and it will be filled with words that he actually uses.
It was a sweet day, unplanned and unexpected but nice to spend time with my Alex.

This and that....

My oh my.....
While shopping for Rylee's birthday present. (A bigger bed as she's the only one still in a twin.) I came across a fabulous steal on leather couches. As my white (I know....What were you thinking?) couches in my family room were shabby and ugly, I felt justified in replacing them. Although I took pictures on my cell phone to send to James for approval, he didn't respond so I made the executive decision and bought them! (They were 25% off the clearance price and seriously a deal! Oh, and non-refundable- so, I really hope James likes them!) My brother Arron brought his trailer to the furniture store and loaded them up and Austin and his friends took care of the white set. (The love seat has found a home in Austin's bachelor pad and the couch is covered in plastic awaiting summer for Austin and his friends to lounge on in the backyard-with the promise that when I say it goes....it goes!!)
Alex upon seeing the new couches said, "Mom I think we millionaire!" Ha!
Then without warning the next day my dryer's heating element or coil or whatever that makes your clothes warm went out. Boo. I hate replacing things like dryers, water heaters, tires, all those boring things! No fun at all. (Note to universe: All though I'm complain I am grateful for all these things and the ability we have to replace them-despite the lack of fun and grandeur in doing so.)
This morning I went to the Humanitarian Center and they put us to work tying quilts for earthquake victims in Haiti.
Then Amy and I tried to find the appliance store I saw on line-with no luck, dropped in to NPS and the distribution center (Alex asked for an ENGLISH animated Book Of Mormon stories-"I no can read this!" he told me about the Russian one I have in my Sunday bag) and then we had a lovely lunch!
So...I decided on Sunday I wanted to have curly hair...again. Use to have curly hair all the time in the 80's and have had a perm here and there since but it's been a few years. So after lunch I went in for a perm and I now look like a poodle. Yes, teeny tiny curls. Oh my. It's a bit out of control. We'll see if it dies down.
This evening I went with Kambree to a Snow College open house. After checking out Utah State's scholarship options I suggested she check out other schools. (Nothing like the last minute, most applications and scholarship deadlines are February 1st!) Kam has a friend attending Snow and decided to go down this weekend for "Snowblast" to check out the school. While checking out their website we discovered she could get a scholarship but we couldn't apply on line-some glitch in their program so I called on Monday and found out TONIGHT there were having an open house in Sandy. We went, the application fee was waived, they offered her 1/2 tuition, handed us four other scholarship options, found out when dance and drill team tryouts are and set up an interview for an ambassador scholarship. Whew! All in an hour. I think my baby's going to be a Badger! (She was only one point off on her ACT or .10 off on her GPA from getting a full tuition scholarship!)
When I arrived home, I found Alex asleep in front of the fire with HIS head in the dog bed-just like Austin the other day. Austin came in and whispered, you better take his picture, he's been laying there waiting for you to come home and take his picture. I did and then roused him to get up and into bed. He complained that his head was "bonking" so after his bath I gave him ibuprofen and he went straight to bed. I hope it's just from overheating in front of the fire and that he's not getting sick.
This morning Alex asked me "Where Kambree live when she marry?" (NOT that she is anytime soon!) "I don't know Alex, in an apartment? When children get married they move out and live on their own." (Yes, I'm planting seeds early!) You could see the look of concern in his eyes. I went on to explain. "You shouldn't get married unless you can support yourself and live on your own." Then he asked "When I marry and work and wife work who watch baby? You watch baby!" "Uhm....no. I am not a babysitter, when you have a baby you need to make enough money that your wife can stay home OR pay for a babysitter." Then we talked about how his cousin Sydi has a babysitter and Zach goes to a babysitter. I know this is hard for Alex to fathom as in Ukraine that's what babushka's are for-babysitting! But again, I'm planting seeds early! What an interesting conversation. And I LOVE that we are having conversations lately. Full blown conversations. I wasn't sure this time would ever come but although his English is rough-he can get his point across!
Well, it's Tuesday night. Piano and voice lesson night. I love that my house if full of music from 6:15-9:15 pm.
James is home tomorrow! Hurray!!
But, I don't know what to worry about him liking more,
the couches
or
my curly hair!

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery during a detour.
~Mark Twain.

I came across this quote on another blog today and loved it! I want to be a truly happy person-I just need to appreciate the detours of life more! Instead of worrying and being disappointed that things aren't turning out just like I had planned. So this is my quote for the week!

Here's too detours, happiness and figuring it out!

The week in Review....

When we adopted Alex he came from the orphanage with very few personal belongings. Besides the clothes we sent him back with (and he was missing quite a few of those) and a few of the books, toys and pictures we sent while we were completing his paper work, Alex came home with one pair of plastic flip flop type sandals and FOUR swimming caps. (Yes....FOUR!!) That was pretty much it!
So when Kambree wanted to go swim laps with me and was in need of a cap, I had her ask Alex if she could borrow one of his. He was more than willing to share. This is Austin modeling one of the caps from Ukraine. It cracks me up that they're in English!

The kids were out of school on the 14th (half day)-18th. I had a big RS board meeting at our house the night of the 14th but told Rylee she could have friends over up in her room. They played barbies for sometime and than did make-overs. Here's the results:

Monday (on the fourth and 1/2 day home and going stir crazy!) My sister and I took the kids to Jump On It. They had a blast.

I am posting this oh so attractive picture of me as proof to my dear husband that I did indeed jump!

So, Alex needs to do a science project. He's brought home a few different ideas, then decided to partner with a friend then I got a call from his teacher that there were no partners left so I guess he'll just have to partner with....me!
I selected an experiment that was easy and of interest to Alex. Apples! Our experiment is to wrap apples in different types of wrap and store in the fridge. Although pictures were not required, I figured it might help us so here are our apples after 24 hours in tin foil, wax paper, plastic wrap and a sandwich bag.
(I did not make up this experiment but got if off the website of approved experiments!)

The other night we came home to find Austin asleep in front of the fire with his head in Ella's dog bed. Just had to document it!

And I found this picture on my camera of Kambree and her friends jumping around in a snow storm. I met these two friends so I'm not sure who exactly is taking the picture.

Had a few interesting conversations with Alex. On the way to basketball Alex was telling Brach about his friend Sasha in the orphanage. He told him he was "just a little guy" and "I sure miss him and love him." It's the first Alex has ever said anything about his friends at the orphanage with out me prodding him. On the way home-after we dropped off Brac-I told Alex maybe we could send a care package to Sasha with the Benson's. He's pretty excited about that however, he's come up with some crazy things to send-like perishable food and HUGE items. I told him we'd have to limit it to a Ziploc size if we're going to expect the Benson's to fit it in their luggage. So far he's come up with candy and he thinks we should go the Russian store to get it! I told him he can get that kind of candy in Ukraine, how about something American? But he doesn't know what he'll like.
He's been really good about staying away from video games and spent the afternoon playing Lego's. And Saturday he went out in the garage and crafted a box to hold his X-box games.
Lately, he's constantly talking about his birthday-which is six months away. Probably because we approaching Rylee's birthday this week. After hearing ten different things he wants and fielding 20 different questions-like how many friends can I invite? What day of the week will it be? What will we do? Can I have banana cake? No cookie cake? I told him today he can make a list of what he wants & questions he has and we will plan and talk about it after July 1st as his birthday is not until the END of July!

Memory Monday

Okay, I'm always blogging about funny things Alex says because he's in that "toddler" stage of speaking so here's a walk down memory lane from my others as toddlers. (I actually recorded these but unfortunately by the time Rylee came around I wasn't as faithful at it. I will have to dig deep to come up with Ryleeisms!)

Austin (at almost two)
If you ask Austin to chew his food he pretends to sneeze and say 'Ahh...chew!"

Kambree (Age 4)
K: Mom is it raining outside
Me: No, I think it's the sprinklers.
K: Well, I think its......MONSTER SPIT!

Kambree (Age 4-I am pregnant with Devree at the time)
Kambree's primary teacher told me her class was talking about being sick and throwing up and Kambree announced to her class "My mom doesn't throw up, she throws down!"

Austin (age 2 1/2)
Austin is gets down from finishing breakfast with a very messy face and soggy cereal in each of his ears.
Me: Austin, why is there cereal in your ears?
Austin: Mine earrings!

Kambree (just over 4 years old)
Me: Come on Kambree, we're leaving.
K: I thought you left me!
Me: Kam, have I ever left you?
K: No.
Me: And I will never leave you either.
K: Yes you will when I get married.
Me; No, I won't, you'll leave me. I will still be here but you can always come back and see me like I see Grandma Nan.
Kambree starts to cry.
Me: What's wrong?
K: I hurt my own feelings!

Kambree (around 4)
While eating dinner Kambree asks "Mom, Dad why do you always beat us?" James and I look up at each other in horror. "What?" we ask. "You know, beat us eating your food!"

Austin (around 2 1/2)
Austin is finally potty trained and when ever we comment about it he says "Potty Train.Choo choo!"

Kambree (almost 5) Austin (3)
Apparently I had yelled at Kambree and Austin came in and at quite a distance told me. "You no yell at my Kambwee!" Then Kambree came in and in a most grown up tone asked me.
K: Mom would Jesus do that?
Me: What?
K: Would Jesus say get out of this room?
I proceeded to tell Kambree about Jesus kicking the money changers out of the temple to which she replied:
K: Yeah, they were bad people but I am a good person!

Kambree four-ish
K: Mom when I grow up I am going to marry Austin.
Me: Sweetie, you can't marry Austin, he's your brother.
K: But I will miss him!

Devree Language (about eighteen months)
Any type of a drink is a "mew"
Horses are "Fo-Fo's"
Fish is "Sish"

Kambree (five)
On the way to kindergarten Kambree and her friend Justin had this conversation about what kinds of parents they'll be when they grow up.
Justin: I am going to buy my kids bubble gum and they can stay up until ten o'clock at night!
Kambree: Well, my kids never have to go to bed and I will never wake them up in the morning.
Me: Well, Kambree what if they have to go to school?
Kambree (without missing a beat) Well, I'm putting them in AFTERNOON kindergarten!
(She and Justin were in morning kindergarten!)

Well, that's all for today, I have more I'll post on another memory Monday!

Girls and My Camera....

I could have posted about twenty more of random girl pictures. They just LOVE taking pictures of themselves....Ahh the joy of digital cameras!

Too True Tuesday

The topic from Essie this week is how cheap are you??
My oh my....
We are pretty cheap. (I have to say we-as James is probably more frugal than I.)
First off we don't have cable TV. Don't want the smut and the bonus is a savings of $58 a month. In fact besides the paper (which I have FOUR Sunday papers for the coupons) there is nothing in our budget that is optional. (Well, unless you count piano and voice lessons.) We don't use credit cards, we don't have payments on "toys" and although I have one car payment-I wouldn't if I didn't have to have one presentable enough to put clients in. Our other three vehicles-although not new and cool-are paid for and running!
My husband does all our car repairs and services. ALL of them. He's pulled engines out to change out things, rotates our tires, oil changes the works.
He also does all the repairs and remodels on our house. He's taught himself everything, from electrical to painting. He will pull things apart and figure it out even if it means hours of work.
Hubby and I always (or almost always) use "buy one get one" coupons when we eat out. Even if it's just a quick burger. I carry a bag in my gigantic purse of just coupons and a Happenings Book. Saves us tons of $$.
We also rarely buy drinks and if we do, we buy one and share it.
I make lunches for my kids everyday as the cost of school lunch is upwards of $150 a month. I figure I make lunches for around $20 a week. (And my kids like it better than school lunch and chances are, I pack a healthier lunch then they serve in schools these days!)
I stock up when things are on sale and refuse to buy them when they're not!
I reuse gift bags until they no longer can function for their intended purpose....like the seams split, a handle is missing etc.
I cook meals....every night! This is so much cheaper (and healthier) than eating out.
I'm a brand snob about a few things, peanut butter, shortening, bleach and laundry detergent. Besides that I buy whatever is on sale!
I have a gift closet. I stock up on birthday presents, candles, lotions etc. when I find fabulous deals. This way when we need a birthday, get well, whatever gift...we just go to the gift closet.
I found out this morning that Alex is a school lunch worker and gets free school lunch so despite the fact he's unhappy about it....he's eating school lunch this week!
I don't shop second hand stores (hubby does though-he'd rather buy pants at the DI that have been washed and worn then risk buying pants that shrink after washing.) but I DO find deals equal too or better than DI prices. I buy clothes off season for everyone. Coats in the spring, shorts in the fall. I hit the clearance rack EVERY TIME I go in a store. It's not a deal if its not 80-90% off. (This doesn't always work with teenagers!)
I buy in bulk.
I love hand me downs and in return I give away hand me downs. Lately I've started wearing hand me downs from my daughters. I have one dress I wear and always get compliments on and I proudly explain that this was Kambree's last years Easter dress!
I save all the heels of my whole wheat bread, dry and grind into bread crumbs.
I grind my own wheat flour and make my own pancake mix.
My husband conserves gas when driving. He has all these tricks like not accelerating fast, coasting down hills, letting a larger car break the wind etc. Too complicated for me as I'm always in a hurry and just needing to get somewhere.
I honestly prefer to rent Redbox and watch movies on our big screen with surround sound and pop my own popcorn, wear my pajamas, wrap up in a blanket, and pause for bathroom breaks than to see new releases in a dark theater. No matter how great the sound is, how big the screen is or whatever....Redbox rocks and it's cheap!
James makes his own weed killer concoction. It involves beer and Dawn dish detergent.
There are things I don't do that previous generations before me have done:
I don't wash tin foil and save it for the next use.
I don't wash paper towels out and hang dry to get a second use.
I don't fill up the milk jug with milk made from powdered milk (yuck!)
I don't save used wrapping paper
I don't make one HUGE pot of something and expect my family to eat it all week.
I don't save crap! I don't care if I do find a use for it in ten years. I hate clutter and crap!
So now how cheap are you? If you don't want to post, just comment! I could use some new ideas!

Spring??

SPRING IS NEARLY HERE IN UTAH!

Winter is almost over and we can see the deer wandering around now...

I think January and February are the LONGEST months of the year.
Winter! Grr....
However, I am thankful for heated seats in my car, central heat in my house, hot baths, electric blankets on our beds, gas fireplace in our family room and cozy flannel sheets! (All things I would NOT be grateful for if I lived some where like my cousin....Grenada! Course she's wearing shorts and playing in the surf and I'm wearing layers and trying to come up with dinner ideas out of my food storage so I can avoid going grocery shopping in the cold when I should have gone three + days ago!)
It wouldn't be so bad if we had beautiful snow covering the ugly grass and dead plants but all we have is icy patches of dirty snow, frigged temps, chappy hands and faces and inversion that makes my eyes sting.
However, as bad as our temps are here-not half as bad as my hubby in Wyoming. Yikes!! So when counting my blessings doesn't help, I console myself with the fact that it could be worse!!