Our Fishing Date!

James fished and I read my Kindle.....

Next time I hope the wind stops blowing, and James hopes he'll catch a fish!

Rylee's Recital

Grandma & Grandpa Johnson

This is my Grandpa and Grandma Johnson

(My Dad's parents)

with my Aunt Beverly.

I stole this off of Facebook.

(My aunt shared it)

And I just wanted to have it in my blog because I love those people. 

And I miss them.

(Well, not my Aunt. She's my facebook friend and very much alive and well.)

Love you Aunt Bev!

April Picture Catch Up & Update!

Kambree with some crazy prophet doll that called people to repentance:

Devree and Kambree "holding " the priesthood.

(Standing outside in line at Leatherby's where we met the boys after Priesthood Session.)

Austin and his new lunch box:

Misc pictures of Dev & Ry:

Rylee preparing "Roast Beast" Take note of the cookbook:

Rylee's Dance Preview:

Austin and Hayden after going to the festival of colors. 

And my cute girls:

No idea.....

Kambree taking Moby back to Snow to move home:

Devree makes drill team!

Devee getting announced at Spartonian Showcase:

UPDATE

Kambree moved home today!
(This is how her room looked this morning)

Hurray!!
This mother hen loves having all her chicks in one coop.

She also found out she made Badgeretts (Drill team for Snow College) this morning!!
Woot!
(Yes, that's right. TWO girls on TWO drill teams next year.)
She got a small scholarship for next year but hasn't heard back about her academic scholarship. Crossing our fingers for full tuition.

She is desperately looking for a job and hopefully find the floor in her room as I type!

Austin is heavily involved/participating/plotting and planning "Senior Splash" which sounds like a nice day at the pool right? WRONG! It's a water fight competition. Each Murray High Senior that chooses to participates (this is NOT school sponsored) pays $2 and it's all out water warfare with everyone else that is participating. Each participant gets a ticket and if you get someone at least 50% wet - you get their ticket.  Winner gets the pot!
Austin was leading with 3 "kills" earlier this week. He and his pack (yes - they form alliances - just like in Hunger Games) get together each night and stalk or are stalked by other seniors. He carries an extinguisher (filled with compressed water) with him EVERYWHERE. The other day he and his "pack" were on my ROOF - trying to figure out how to throw buckets of water and unsuspecting enemies?
Good grief!
If he put as much effort into applying for jobs and scholarships - we would be set!
He IS graduating from seminary! (He had to make up a year of work but he did that all on his own) And we THINK he is graduating with his class June 1st. (He still has some detention sessions to attend but assures me that it will be taken care of.)
He DID register for classes at Snow and applied for two small scholarships.
Now....he just needs a job!
And for this insane water war to end!

Devree started drill practice and is loving it!! You should see how cute their hip-hop number is. She dances so hard that yesterday she walked in the house and her leg just gave out. Like her quad was just so over tired that she collapsed?  She started laughing. "Mom have you ever worked your muscle so much that it refused to work?" I was a tad worried but she practiced her song at least four more times that night and then went to dance class without incident. 

I hope she continues to love drill as much as she does right now.
She is getting another 4.0 this term - she counts on that and spends her $100 before  grades even come out.
She is begging to drive EVERYWHERE. It drives me crazy because we're always in a hurry and I just want to drive - and not have to adjust my mirrors and seat after she takes the wheel.  I will be glad when she gets her license at the END OF JULY! Until then - lot's of carpools for drill.

Alex and I are arguing over his length of hair.  (This is a terrible picture of Alex with a magnified head - but you can see how HUGE his hair is!) I am okay with long hair with a style. Not a mop. Its so long now you almost can't see his cute eyes. I think once summer hits he'll be so over heated that he'll WANT to get it cut off - his tolerance for heat is very low - he's always complaining about being too hot. Don't doubt that I won't be blaming his over heated issues on his over grown hair!

He's doing pretty well in school. This week was CRT testing and he felt pretty good about everything. 

He and Rylee are taking a fishing class at our local Willow Pond. Last week was the first class and it was cute to see him look out for Rylee and help her with her pole. ( I will have to get a picture of them next week!)
He is struggling with matching his clothes these days and remembering basic things like DON'T RING THE DOORBELL - just go through the garage and use the code. Seems like with Alex we just keep repeating the same lessons over and over. "Stripes don't go with plaid." "Before you leave for school brush your teeth." "Don't ring the doorbell!"
Sometimes I'm patient.
"Honey, stripes don't go with plaids. Please go change."
Eye roll and stomp upstairs - that would be Alex.
Sometimes I am not patient.
 "Don't ring the damn doorbell"
Eye roll and stomp away - that would be me!

Rylee is just turning into a young woman right before our eyes. She's taller than Alex and always mistaken for being older. (Which really wounds Alex's Ukrainian pride.)

She is so ready for junior high.  And I am so ready for 6th grade drama to be over.
She's been taking a debate class after school once a week and enjoys it about 1/2 the time.
The other 1/2 the time she hates it.

Her dance recital is on Monday and she'll be trying out for the next level dance class (Starlet's) the following week. I don't doubt she'll make it.
(Something tells me my drill mom days are long from being over soon?)

We've had a lot of "lasts" this year with Rylee. My last time telling stories at Halloween as a witch at the elementary, our last Valentines Day Box - which actually is a happy thought - our last Parent Teacher Conference and I'm on the committee to help plan the last 6th grade party and promotion I ever have to help with.
It's sad to say goodbye to Viewmont Elementary - I've had children in there for the last 15 years and spent 7 years there myself - but we're ready. Rylee's ready and I have to admit, I'm ready. I am becoming an old mom. (Kambree once called an older looking mom a "Grandma-Mom" when she was in kindergarten - that's what I am starting to feel/look like, a  Grandma-Mom.)
It's time to move on.....

Well? Summer is almost here. For Kambree it is here.
I will savor this last month of quiet days to myself because after that I only get quite mornings - since no one gets out of bed until I rouse them at ten am!

Here's to summer jobs, dance recitals, drill practice and water fights.
May we all find some, make it through some and not kill anyone while doing the others!

My Pity Post

Well? We're suppose to be in Washington DC. 

James and I. 

But we're not.

We're home.
I mowed the lawn, started six loads of laundry, took Kambree's car in for inspection, went to lunch with James, balanced the check book, yelled at Alex for ringing the doorbell when the door was unlocked (He's been told a bazillion times to come through the garage if the door is locked but instead stands on the porch dinging and making the dog bark which grates on my nerves and especially so today because the dang door was unlocked!!) helped Alex with his English studies, Austin with a scholarship application and I've got enchilada sauce simmering - waiting for me to finish making dinner and tonight I will proceed to finish laundry, and shuffle kids to and fro. 

I would really like to be in DC right now. 

Our first flight (SLC to JFK) had four open seats and we were #24 & #25. Not good odds so I tried a different route the next day (SLC LGB IAD)getting us in to IAD six hours later. We probably would have made it (25 open seats and we were #31 & #32. I know my friends buddy pass made it and he was #35) but James nixed the trip because he felt one full day wasn't enough.
Which is probably true.

But in my mind it's not just one full day....

It's THREE days. 

One to get there, one to enjoy DC and one to get back.

Which translates into THREE days of NOT doing all the things I mentioned above. 

Except reading, eating out, holding James hand, reading some more and talking to him without interruption.

Oh, and snacks. Airplane snacks....all I want to eat while I'm....reading!!

(((Sigh)))

Got Your Back

I wanted to write this down really fast before I forgot.

Alex and I were having a nice moment tonight (after having a not so nice moment in the car before church due to his pockets bulging with candy) and we were talking about our possible upcoming trip to Ukraine. I was telling him how a friend of ours took her daughter back to Ukraine and it really upset her, she refused to talk - she could still speak the language - and she was acting up and not being her normal happy and willing self. I shared with Alex my concern that going back to Ukraine might be a trigger for him. That it might remind him of things he'd rather not remember. That he might get a little freaked out. He seemed to agree that it might but it's evident that he still really wants to go.

I mentioned his birth mother and what if she has been in contact with his 1/2 brother Ivan? What if she wants to see him? 

He was pretty nonchalant about it. 

"If she cared, she would have got me out of the orphanage."

"I know but maybe she's had a change of heart? Maybe she's changed her ways and she wants to see you? Show you she's changed or just see how you're doing?"
He just shrugged - in typical Alex fashion.

Then I jokingly said "Maybe your birth mom and I could have a wrestling match?" 

Then very serious and determined he told me. "She will not touch you. I will not let her." 

Again I said jokingly, "What? Don't you think I could take your birth mother?"

He did not find this amusing at all.

"She will not put one finger on you or I'll....." and he didn't finish.

I told him not to worry. I'm sure we won't wrestle but that I felt the same way. That there is no way I'd ever let her touch him again. That he was my son now.

Later that night as I was tucking him into bed he said, "We've got each others back in Ukraine huh Mom?" "Yep. We do."

Then as I was leaving he reminded me "Make me a good breakfast tomorrow so I can do good on my CRT's. (Core testing begins for 7th graders tomorrow) and don't make oatmeal!"

Austin Graduating?

This is Austin's Senior Picture:

And this is what we hope he'll be wearing on June 1st as he walks with his class and receives his diploma:

That is IF he makes up all of his U's. 

He had ELVEN.

(I think he's down to eight?)

It takes 4 detention periods to make up each U. 

(That would be 44 sessions.)
For what?

For fighting? Swearing? Vandalism?

Nope.

Tardies.

Yes. 

Tardies. 

((Sigh)))

My Requested Story

I teach the 14-15 year old Sunday School class each week. A couple of weeks ago we had a lesson on faith and how sometimes we don't know why we are prompted to do certain things but we are. We talked about how we may never know why we get promptings and I shared a story about my experience listening to the Spirit. Miss Emma Black asked me to type it up to add to her Young Women project. She's making a collection of stories of faith. I decided if I'm going to type it, I might as well post it here as this is the only type of journal/scrapbook that I keep.


(This is a little more detailed then what I shared with my class and/or what I'll print off for her but I wanted to put the whole experience down on pen and paper or in my case on blog via keyboard.)
 

So here goes.....

I knew the day Devree was born (our third child) that there was still another child waiting to join our family. James didn't have the same insight. The day we brought Devree home he announced that he was glad we were "all here". He was done. Three was plenty. I quietly let him know that we weren't all here yet but, that there was no rush, I certainly didn't want to get pregnant anytime soon and that I would patiently wait until he felt the same about adding to our family.

It took over two years but he finally was ready.

There's a whole big story to insert here about falling in a river at girls camp, almost dying  and then clinging to roots and branches to pull myself out with the determination that I had to live, I still needed to have another baby. But that is not part of this story.

That fall I got pregnant but didn't know it. I was having a lot of bleeding. I had gone in due to the bleeding only to find out I was pregnant. I was elated but frightened. I had never had bleeding like this with my other pregnancy's. I was told to go home, go to bed and come back in two days to check my hormone levels. I did and in two days I was told I was losing the baby. 

I sobbed. 

I had waited so long and wanted this baby so badly. My sister was pregnant at the time with her first baby and our baby's would have been four months apart.  Until you experience a miscarriage, you just don't understand how emotionally attached you can be to a little someone that you only knew about for two days. I'm not sure I've every cried more or harder in my life.

After a horrid experience which is yet again, another story for another day, (I ended up with an ectopic miscarriage that wouldn't pass and had to have injections to help break up the tissues - a thirty day ordeal and every other day blood draws at the hospital.) we were told to wait a few months and try again.

That few months seemed like an eternity.

At the time I was scrap-booking once a month with a group of gals. One of them worked for the State Shelter Family Program and she complained on how "all her shelter parents were going to foster".  I asked her what that meant? She explained that she was over the shelter parents - the first place a child goes when they're pulled from a home or an unsafe environment - like mom or dad getting arrested and child in the car - and where they stay until the State decides if they'll go back to the mom or dad or if a relative is competent and willing to take over their care, or if they'll go into the foster care program. When a child goes to foster care, the shelter parent can elect to move to foster and then perhaps adopt if the parents parental rights are terminated by the court. 

Oh. 

I went back to my scrap-booking and hear a loud Voice in my mind. "You need to be a shelter parent." I tried to brush it off but it continued. "You need to be a shelter parent." This is crazy, I thought. There's no way James will go for this. I am going to get pregnant. This is not what I have planned for. All night long the thought keeps running through my mind.

"You need to be a shelter parent."

As I start to contemplate the situation it dawns on me that the witness I had that there was one more waiting in Heaven to join our family was gone? Since my miscarriage I hadn't felt that strong witness that there was someone waiting. That conviction that I had when I was being swept down the river that I had to live! I had to have another baby. Was that little spirit that spoke to me so strongly my miscarried baby? Did all he or she need was a little tiny body inside me to complete their earthly mission? 

The next day - the Voice inside my head doesn't go away. It just gets stronger. Almost shouting. "You need to be a shelter parent!"  

I wait all day contemplating and pondering and tell James that night. I tell him, I can't shake this thought/voice in my head that we need to do this and he says.......

"Okay."

Okay?

What???
I was really counting on him to shoot me down and then move on.

I call Liz on Monday and start the paper work. Getting licensed is no small feat. We had to take 12 hours of parenting classes, get our home inspected, get notes from doctors, referrals from friends and neighbors, background checks, fingerprints, the works. It's a whole lot of paper work and hoops to jump through! 

It takes us two weeks. We were the record fastest licensed shelter parents in the history of the shelter program. 

I got a call at ten am on morning that we were approved and at 2 pm the same day they called and said. "We have a baby for you." 

Nathan.

Baby Nathan.

 (We renamed him - his given name was Mathew but in the event he became ours we wanted to be calling him by a name that we would want to name him. Not that there's anything wrong with Mathew, but I liked Nathan. Besides he was two days old, he wouldn't know!)

Baby Nathan was born with his cord wrapped around his neck and had some bruising from it. The doctor wanted to keep him an extra day for observation and that caused the Dad to freak out and threaten to kidnap him from the hospital.

This caused the doctor to contact social services who found that Dad had a court order and was not allowed to live with children. (No more details than that were ever shared with us.)

So Baby Nathan came straight from the hospital into my arms.

I'll be honest with you, I was pretty sure the Lord was sending me down this path because this child was meant to be ours. I mean why else would I feel so strongly to do this?

It was great to take care of a newborn after NOT having given birth. I could jump right up and feed him in the night, haul him everywhere and it was especially fun when people would tell me how great I looked. (Thinking that I had actually given birth to him! Ha!) 

I really enjoyed taking care of him and he was such a good little baby. He slept well, he ate well. He was ideal. 

(Except that he wasn't circumcised and he would pee all over himself all the time. I wasn't good at getting him tucked into his diaper - no matter what I did, it would poke upwards like a little fire hose and he would leak out all over the front of his clothes.I was changing his whole outfit every time I changed his diaper and doing loads of laundry. James finally helped me out with a little piece of surgical tape to keep him pointing down into his diaper. I know, this wasn't something you were wanting to hear but it's something James adds every time we talk about Nathan so I'm documenting it for our posterity. Yes, he taped his penis down but we were all so much happier - me with less laundry and Nathan with less entire wardrobe changes.)

He'd wake up in the night and I'd jump up and make a bottle and hold him in the living room, feed him and sing to him. He looked nothing like my rolly-polly, blue eyed babies, he was skinny and bird like and I'd look into his brownish/hazel eyes and wonder, "Is the boy my son?" I decided that we were bonding because when I'd feed him I felt a pressure in my breast - sort of like when your milk comes in but different - just a sort of aching feeling.

He would be taken once a week to supervised visits with his mom. I would send him dressed so cute and smelling like baby lotion and he'd come back smelling like cigarettes. He came with a diaper bag from the hospital that I stored in the garage because it reeked so much of smoke smell. I never used anything out of it.

Mom was trying to get her act together. Get her own place without Dad so she could get her boys back. Yes, Nathan had a brother. He was six. I never met him. He was pulled from the home as well.

A few weeks into it I start feeling a little sick and then it dawns on me. Sick? Achy breast? Duh! I'm pregnant. And sure enough, I was!

I was thrilled and it was a good thing I was as knowing helped me get through the next part of this experience. I got the call that Nathan was going back to his Mom. 

Oh my goodness. I cried. I wrote a letter to his mom telling her what a great baby he was and giving her his routine. Tears just splashed on the paper. I felt like I was sending away a piece of my heart.

He went back to mom and I proceed to jump right into morning sickness with a vengeance!

This pregnancy was typical of my other three successful pregnancy's. No bleeding and lot's of nausea.

Nathan was gone for about a week or so when I got the call he was coming back. 

Dad was caught at the apartment - unsupervised.

It was decided a week or so later by the court that Nathan and his brother would be going to foster care and we were giving the first option to be their foster parents and perhaps adopt them if parental rights were terminated.

This was perhaps one of the hardest decisions in my life.

Is this what I was suppose to do?

Keep in mind I had three small children already.

A 7 year old, a 5 year old, and an almost three year old. This brother  - whom I had still never met - would be sandwiched in age between my 7 and 5 year old, then I would have my three year old and two babies less than six months apart. Not twins, two different babies at different stages and different developmental needs. 

I would have six kids under the age of  7 and one that had six years of questionable and perhaps painful/abusive history.

I thought I cried before?

Oh, my goodness.

We prayed, I cried. We prayed some more and I cried some more.

I couldn't understand why the Lord would direct me this way for me NOT to adopt these boys but I knew I couldn't handle it. I knew it wouldn't be fair to all six of these children.

There wasn't enough of me.

I sobbed as I told the social worker that I couldn't do it. But I felt such peace once I made my decision. I knew there was someone out there that was waiting for these boys. Wanting them so very badly.

I was told I would not be able to follow up or have any contact or information after Nathan left my home. That has been the hardest part. I just want to know that Nathan is okay. I wanted to know if his new foster family ended up adopting him and his brother. I still sometimes look for him. He would be 13- the same age as Alex.

I know nothing.

I really questioned my inspiration. 

Why in the world did I have to go through this heart wrenching  experience? What lesson was I suppose to learn? Did I fail?

At one point during my care of Nathan, he got an infected umbilical cord. I took him in and he was put on antibiotics. It was pretty serious. Maybe that was why I need to care for him? Maybe he would have died without being in my care and he needs to grow up to do great things? Maybe it was just the Lord testing me? To see if I'd obey? If I had enough faith? Testing James to see if he could have faith in his wife's promptings? I don't know. I still don't know. It's one of the first questions I'm going to ask in the next life.

So, to wrap things up. Our Rylee was born about five or six months later. We felt four was a great number but the night before James went in for his surgery to make four our permanent number we prayed - of course - and I told him that I KNEW I was done having babies but that I didn't know if we were done adding to our family...

Then six years later I got my stirrings and prompting that led to us adopting Alex.

When I hesitantly told James of my feelings that "someone was missing" he just held me and told me something to this effect, "Wendy, I am leaving this up to you. If it weren't for your promptings we wouldn't have Rylee and what would our family be like without her? We love her so much. I am just leaving it up to you and your inspiration. You must have that line to Heaven and our children that I don't. So whatever you feel, is what we'll do." Or something like that. And yes, I was crying.

Now when I look back, I think maybe my shelter parent experience was just a foreshadowing or grooming for our international adoption?  Talk about paper work and hoops!

I will tell you that every time I see pictures of orphans, I get sweaty palms wondering if I'm going to get another prompting? Working with the Save A Child Foundation - I was worried. Our plate is really full right now but when I feel these promptings, I cannot deny them. I knew with a surety when Devree was born we weren't done,  I knew we had to be a shelter parents, and I knew I needed to find Alex.

And I know that at anytime, I could get those feelings again?

James knows it too.

When I talked to him about going to Ukraine to deliver Alex's Eagle project, his joking first response was "No, you'll find another kid to adopt!"

Anyway, that's my story.

Alex Update....

Alex and I have a regular routine of working on English right after school - 5 days a week. He does one English worksheet, writes 3/4ths of a page in his journal and then reads a story and takes a comprehension test on line. Right now he's testing on a 4th grade level. 

He doesn't love this extra studying but he has an awesome attitude about it and he is improving everyday. (It helped that I am giving him I-pod or computer privileges each day he gets everything done with 5 or less mistakes in his journal.)

I've printed off all kinds of worksheets. Some have him correct sentences, some have him put sentences in the proper order, some are on synonyms, homophones, the works. I found some that are very easy about expressing yourself but he HATES talking about his "feelings", so I knew these would be left at the bottom of the pile and only completed when all the others were. 

Well? We must be getting to the end of the pile. 

I wanted to document a little of his progress and cuteness.

He had to complete the following sentences.

I wish I was a superhero.

I hope I will never get introuble.

 I never smoke.

I am worried about my parents.

I love cookies.

I enjoy video games.

I get upset when I get video games taken away.

I promise to obey.

I used to be an orphone.

I am happy about my family.

I couldn't help but ask him why he worries about his parents?  He just shrugged. He doesn't like to talk about these sorts of things but I think he's afraid something will happen to us? I know he gets anxiety when we travel and he never forgets to pray for James when he's away at work. He prays that he is safe and warm. Even in the hot, hot summer - he prays that James is warm.  

I wish I could help him feel safe. I've tried to explain that even if something happens to us, that he would still have a family and be taken care of. 

I also wanted to share today's journal entry. For those of you who have followed from way back, I hope you notice marked improvement. This is his entry before corrections.

(Today's entry was especially sweet.). 

On Sunday I got my Life and I felt so happy because I am one step from being Eagle. 

My Eagle is going to be diliviring packiges to my old orephange. I think this project is going to be awesome. The hard part is getting all the stuff and doing the packets.

I am excited for this project because we might go to Ukraine to diliver the bags of stuff.

After that we are going to go visit my Ukraine brother. By the way this was all my moms idea.

I am grateful that I get to do these fun things with my family and my scout members.

I am also grateful for my mom for giving me this good idea.
I am grateful that they make Eagle packets because that helps me with my Eagle planning.

I have had to remind him to tell people we MIGHT go to Ukraine right before he wrote this.(I overheard him telling the piano teacher that he IS going to Ukraine.) He and Rylee are telling everyone that they ARE going to Ukraine - like it's a sure thing. It's not. We are for sure going to get the supplies there but delivering them in person is still up in the air.

First off the cost. Even with my airline discount and second off, WE DON'T HAVE ANYONE THAT SPEAKS THE LANGUAGE. When I presented Alex with this dilemma, he told me he was sure he could find the orphanage. I asked if he could get us from the airport, to the train and buy the right train tickets? He sighed and decided that he is going to re-learn his language. (This is turning into some Eagle project!)  Maybe he and Rylee can work on it this summer since they're all fired up about going?

And just to balance out the sweetness of this post, James was looking for his inverter today. Alex had it last. Alex was at school so James went rummaging through his drawers and found this:

 Tools.

James tools.

No inverter.

So he looked through his locker and found  his hammer.

James' hammer.

Then I found the inverter - were Alex left it, plugged in in the back of the car - not returned to where he got it. 

James is not happy.

Then James was looking for the portable DVD and couldn't find the other splitters (notice one is in the above picture)  and I found the other TWO.....in Alex's desk drawer.
Not where the go.

Not where he found them.

Not okay.

So when James left for work I took TWO laundry baskets and cleaned out his drawers and locker and dumped all the stuff I deemed junk - papers, wrappers, half made inventions, little junky toys, elastic bands etc into the baskets. TWO laundry baskets worth and left them on his bed for him to sort.(He threw the majority of it away.)

James called that night about the tools and he is now on probation with tools and cannot borrow a thing without checking it OUT and IN with James.

Oh well......

At least he doesn't smoke!

Austin's Birthday

Austin's 18th birthday isn't until Wednesday but James is heading back to work so we checked Aug out of school and took him to his favorite, Taste of Punjab (Indian food - not my fav.)

I told him I need a picture to document the occasion and he gave me his "Sir" pose. (Notice the little finger.)

Then I got a normal one:

And one with him displaying his birthday present:

Austin is so fun to be with. He always makes us laugh and that is probably why he gets away with such holiganistic behaviors. Which is his word. Not ours.

He also says crazy things like "I beg to difference" instead of "I beg to differ" and insists that his way is correct. I would go on but when I type out his phraseology - it comes across not half as funny as it does in person. 

I can't believe my little squishy nose, tender hearted boy is going to be 18! 

I sure love you Austin.

You make my life more challenging but so much more fun!