Alex Update

It's 12:40 am and I'm sitting in front of my computer waiting to log into work at  one am for one hour.

Yes, this is my new life. 

I thought it would be a brilliant idea to pick up a 2 hour shift from midnight to 2 am in trade for my terrible Sunday afternoon (3:30pm to 7:30 pm).  That's right I got FOUR hours covered for a TWO hour trade. Woot! And, I also thought it would be super easy to get VTO (volunteered time off) at this crazy hour. I got the first hour off right before midnight but here I sit with 17 minutes until the next hour and they're offering nothing! So much for my brilliant plan, I should have just worked the first hour since I have to stay up for the 2nd hour anyway.

Enough about my little part time job that consumes my life.

Moving on......

I wanted to record something Alex said the other day.

We were sitting in the kitchen and I don't know what we were talking about but out of the blue Alex said, "Mom, I can't believe I forgot my language."

Me: I can't believe it either. I tried hard to help you keep it. (I would get him together with other kids from his orphanage but he refused after two weeks of living here to speak Ukraine. "I no speak Ukraine.")

Then he shrugged and said, "Well, I guess my prayers have been answered."

Me: Your prayers?

Alex: Yes, I prayed I would forget Ukraine and I did!

Well, at least he forgot the language. I know there are still memories that haunt him and every so often I get a little piece of the puzzle of his past. 

When we went on our Longbeach trip the kids were talking about how many times they had ridden in an airplane and I asked Alex if his first airplane trip was to the US for the hosting program? 

No, I went to Chicago before.

What? You came to the US before?

No. Not Chicago. Where they have tower. (And he make a triangle shape with his hands)

France? You went to France?

Yes. On a vacation with orphanage. I got sick there and they left me in spa for one month. That's where the nice lady gave me food. (I vaguely remember a story about a lady giving him food in a hospital but this is the first time I heard that it was in France!)

You were left in France by yourself?

Yes. My orphanage didn't like me so they said "Leave him here."

Then you went back a month later?

Yes.

Didn't they leave someone with you? Someone from the orphanage ?

Yes.

How old were you?

Eight.

Hum...think there is still some pieces missing to this story.

But these are the moments I would like to retract. Take back. Snatch his little eight year old self  out of the past and hold him and take care of him myself. An eight year old should not be left in a sanatorium/hospital for a month in a foreign country. How crazy is that? I remember that he was in a TB spa - according to his medical records. I wonder if this was it? Because of this visit, we had to deal with all those TB x-rays and board of health issues. But more than that, think how scary that would be to be for an eight year old? That's what I want to erase. The scary. The lonely. The abandonment.