Carving Pumpkins

Day One: Cleaning The Pumpkins

Devree's participation

Alex found it "refreshing" to put his face in the pumpkin "guts".

He also tried to put the pumpkin on his head.

Day Two: The carving

Three years ago, Alex carved his first pumpkin during the hosting program.
He had looked through ALL of my scrapbooks and wanted to recreate a pumpkin we did the year prior. Not knowing what he was doing he messed it up and then proceeded to cry. James tried to help him fix it. (I thought I had blogged about it but I guess I didn't? Which I can't believe. But then, it was right around then when we were deciding about adopting Alex and our lives were crazy.)
However, his first Halloween was so funny. He couldn't say "trick or treat" so he ran - as in sprinted - from door to door saying "chicken-chicken". I'm sure he was in 7th heaven - getting candy at every house.  James had to get on his bike to keep up with him. At one point he tripped and fell down flat on his face - he jumped right back up and kept going. He came home with sweat streaming down his face. I can picture his cute sweating face in my minds eye but I didn't take a picture. But here is Rylee and Alex before leaving for trick or treating three years ago.

 

And since we're walking down memory lane - here's a couple of shots of my little guy on Halloween three years ago:

Look how little he was?

Last Halloween Parade!

Thursday was an end of an era for me.

Since Kambree was little, I've dressed up and told stories for my children's class Halloween parties. Fourteen years now - I think I've only missed two years.
Each year my costume is different. Some years are better than others. I don't like traditional - I always try to spice it up a bit. I've worn pink hair, a poke-a-dot face, my old home coming dress, I even shoved a blue pompom up under my hat one year and had blue pompom hair. My most creative year was the year I was pregnant with Rylee and came as the pregnant bride of Frankenstein but most the time I am some version of a witch. I really just rummage through my costume box and try to come up with something a little different each time.
My biggest stress is finding the right story. Something Halloween-y but not to scary or morbid. (And that is hard to do....trust me!) Regardless of my new story, I always end with my traditional "Blood Bones & Dirty Diapers" story and it always makes the kids groan and laugh. (Scary with a silly ending.)
This year I had at least 5 kids and a couple mom's ask if I was going to tell stories again - when I nodded in the affirmative - I got a squeal, a "cool" and a "your the best story teller" from the kids. Warmed my heart.
I don't know that I'm the BEST story teller but I do do voices. They're not always consistent. Sometimes my English accent starts sounding a little Irish and my Bronx brogue merges into an Italian immigrant but kids are very forgiving and/or don't seem to notice. (I also have a FABULOUS Russian accent - thanks to the in home tutoring and Ukraine experience we have these past few years.)
But, this is my last year.

My baby is in 6th grade and it would be so not cool to have your mom dress as a witch and come tell stories in Junior High.

So, I guess I'll be hanging up my witch hat.
Until.....I have grand babies!

Here is this years outfit - my make-up's not the best because Ry's hair took way more time than I anticipated and I just had to hurry!

Yes. That is a REAL frog person - thanks to Amy. Her parents brought it to her from the Philippines. (It even has a zipper on the underside and you can actually carry a lipstick or a pack of gum in it. But not a cell phone. I tried.)

James won't miss it. He really doesn't find my witch outfits too appealing. He tries to be supportive of my crazy need to dress up and act silly but he doesn't get it. 

He especially didn't like the wart this year.

Rylee was Medusa!

Her hair was the bomb!

TWELVE snakes were intertwined in multiple buns. (Hence the reason we were running so late!)

Why in the world we had the parade on the 27th when Halloween isn't until tomorrow is beyond me. But it's done. 

Perhaps the reason I like being a witch so much is because my mother use to call me "Wendy The Witch That Washes Her Hair In The Waters of Whohoo."? No idea where that came from. I'm not sure she even knows. 

But for whatever twisted, crazy, psychotic reason I like to dress as a witch - I will miss it. 

Three years ago??

Was it really just three years ago October 18th that we met Alex for the first time?
My, it seems like yesterday and in the next breath it seems like he's always been here.
How can that be?
He is so much a part of us now that it seems he's always been here yet, we have "Want to know what I did for free time in the orphanage?" or  "In Ukraine...." stories that make me stop and realize he hasn't always been here. That his past is still apart of him and always will be.
We were having a family discussion about a situation where a learning disabled foster child was being treated unkindly by his foster families younger child and - as normal - there are three conversations going on at one time over the dinner table. James is talking to me about how having this child in the home will help this younger boy have more empathy for disabled people and in the long run it will help him grow and be good for him. Alex blurted out very adamantly,   "I got hit with sticks at the orphanage and it never helped me!" (He and Rylee were talking about this boy being poked by the younger boy with a stick and assumed James was saying getting poked with a stick is good for you and will help you grow?) Yep. There it is. His past. It's not something I want him to suppress or deny yet it's like a cold splash of water to the face when it comes out of nowhere.

Lately, Alex has had a rough time.

Here is just a quick list of where he stands with privileges: 

#1 No unsupervised computer time (Thanks to him downloading numerous songs and bogging down the Mac, placing a bid and buying a broken iTouch on eBay - without permission and printing off a 66 page report to take to scouts on Ukraine -when a paragraph was requested.)

#2 No X-box for a month. (For playing without homework/jobs completed and without permission.)

#3 No iTouch (For remotely wiping out my iPhone information - permanently - from his iTouch.)

#4 No using James tools without permission (for not putting them away properly at all and making a big mess)

#5 No asking girls out - until he's 16. (This was never a privilege - just something we addressed this week.)

He is also working on paying back the $56  to cover the cost of the broken screen, bad battery and water damaged iTouch he won on eBay.

Hard lessons to learn.

Almost as hard as the basics that he had to learn when he first got here.

Things like:

• Using SOAP and bathing daily.
• Wearing matching clothes
• Comb his hair and brush his teeth EVERYDAY (Just this Saturday we revisited this life skill as he was hired to help our neighbor paint his shed and he just didn't know why he needed to comb his hair and brush his teeth for this event.)
• Wearing clean underwear every time he baths
• Chew with his mouth closed
• Cut his meat with a knife

and so much more.
He has also learned how to be a family member. To think about others and respect their things and their privacy. He's has begrudging learned to talk about his feelings and express himself.  He sadly has had to learn he is not an only child - that he has to share this mom he waited so long for - something that is still a struggle.
He is learning to be a good friend, a good student, and a responsible citizen.

We have moments when I just let him be the little boy he missed being. If it's climbing in my lap and holding him, playing cars with the little boy on our church pew - who is three, having a bear of his own on his bed to cuddle (or throw behind his bed) or just running around and playing on a playground. Because for being thirteen there sure is a lot of age 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9 he missed.

 However, based on the years here?
He's doing great.
We're three now and hopefully done with our terrible two's!
Love to you all in you first months and years.
Hang in there.
Someday the talks, and object lessons will make sense.
The repetition will stop. They'll get it. 
Someday they'll be able to communicate and tell you how they feel.
And someday, they'll realize just how far you went and how hard you worked to get them to where they are now.

Love,
Wendy

Fall Hike

My Ry Pie

I am watching Rylee turn into a young woman right before my eyes.

She called me from school yesterday, she needed me to bring her forgotten lunch AND some dry shoes and socks. (She wore slipper type boots to school on a rainy day.) As she's talking to me she say's "Hold on." and then proceeds to recite the pledge of allegiance with her class while I am holding on the phone, then without missing a beat gets back on the phone to inquire about the shoe/lunch situation. 

It just made me smile to hear her cute voice recite the pledge and be respectful even though she was on a phone call. 

Last night she told me how her class is learning about the Titanic and how they are each drawing names to be an actual passenger. She got a first class person. She was asking a boy in her class -who drew a 2nd class passenger name - if he drew a girls name? Her teacher informed her that a first class passenger would never talk to a 2nd class passenger and Rylee turned to the boy and in a snotty British accent repeated the question, "Nick are you a girl?"  

She cracks me up.

I gave Rylee my old cell phone.
Technically it's Rylee and Alex's but I really need her to have it as she has rehearsals and is always on the go and none of her neighborhood friends have a cell phone. Alex on the other hand only hangs out with his cousin Brach who does have a cell phone. So, it will mostly be Ry's phone but I hold the contingency that Alex can use it when needed.

Anyway, she's started texting other friends with phones and has overnight become a texting queen. Yesterday on the way to dance we had a discussion about the dangers of texting and how you might write something in sarcasm or for fun but the other person cannot hear the tone of your voice and may not interpret it that way. That she must not loss the art of conversation and actually calling and talking to people.

We also talked about texting boys and set up a standard that the boy must text first and of course no texting after 9 pm. When I was little my mom's rule was the boy had to call, you couldn't call a boy. Never.  I think that's a pretty good rule.
Only mine is - no texting boys first!

Ohhh....my baby, where did you go?

Here she is after the make-up practice night.
She's playing a step-sister in WJ Children's Theaters production of Cinderella.

Somedays I Just Can't Believe It!

Last night was Alex's choir concert.

Yes, I took pictures and video but sadly, you will not be seeing any.

Why you ask?

Well, remember my new iPhone? 

Remember how Alex has his own iTouch? 

Well, last night right after the concert I needed to run and show a house. Alex - in all his technology wonder - showed Devree how he can FIND me on a map with his iTouch.  That' pretty cool, right? My new phone has a Find My Phone feature and because we all have the same Apple account, Alex found this app and showed Devree where I was. Neat, right?

No. 

Not so neat.

As I'm leaving the house, I notice my phone is back to the set up screen?

Weird.

I knew the battery was low - maybe I just need to plug it in?

Nope.

I came home to find this email. (My phone is not working at all. Receiving calls/emails/message. Nothing)

Remote wipe of Wendy Richhart’s iPhone has started.

The remote wipe you requested for Wendy Richhart’s iPhone started at 6:27 PM on October 18, 2011.

All media, data, and settings are being permanently erased from Wendy Richhart’s iPhone. This process cannot be stopped.

If you retrieve your iPhone after completing a remote wipe, restore it from a previous backup using iCloud or iTunes. If your iPhone has been lost or stolen, be sure to contact your carrier to suspend your wireless service.

Yes.
My son had WIPED out my phone. (A feature for if you lose your phone and don't want anyone to see your information.)

What a nightmare.

He just pushed a button that he didn't know what it did and POW! Contacts, calendar, pictures, videos, reminders, apps, everything GONE!

I am so proud of myself for not yelling - but I was not happy. I showed him the email and sent him to bed. (It was bedtime anyway.)

It took me HOURS to fix it. HOURS. And I needed to write an offer and was expecting a text and didn't have my clients numbers because they were lost on my phone. 

Oh my gosh.

I almost started to cry.

(I am pretty sure Alex was crying already.)

He must have been praying because miraculously, I was able to get all my contacts back after an hour. Not sure how that happened and then another hour later, my calendar suddenly showed up. I lost all the pictures and video of Alex's concert, reminders and apps. 

It was very late before I got to bed.

This morning I called him down and had him show me what he had done. He already knew the severity of his actions - he was bleary eyed and sad.

I told him that I just can't have this happen. My work hinges on my phone. I don't know what to do. What does he think I should do?
He suggested that he shouldn't have an iTouch?
I agreed and took it from him.
As sad as he was, he never said,  "Sorry.".  I pointed this out and about ten minutes later when no one was around he asked me if I could look into his eyes. I leaned over the counter and looked right into his eyes and he's voice wavered as he told me "Mom, I am really, really sorry." 

((Sigh))

I plan on giving him his iTouch back in about a week with some rules and restrictions. 

By the way, he did really well at his concert. (Well, as well as a group of 7th grade boys can.)
I did receive some shocking news though. Apparently Alex ASKED OUT a girl! He asked Jackson Smith if she would "go out" with him? She explained that she cannot date until she is 16 so he then stuck out his hand to shake and said "Friends then?" - I got all this from Jackson's mom. 

Alex didn't know we were friends.

When he saw me talking with her - the look on his face was perplexed and he came up and insisted we leave quickly. We did and I casually asked him if he knew I was friends with Jackson's mom?

No.

I hear you asked her out?

Yes.

Where were you going to go?

((Shrug))

Have you asked out other girls?

No.

Then we proceed to have a big talk about girlfriends and dating on the way home.

I told him that I figured having a girlfriend at the orphanage was a big deal? Yes. That it meant you were older, mature - a big guy? Yes. I told him how I bet it was so important to have someone that cared about you - especially in an orphanage where you didn't have a family to do that? Yes. Then I explained that he is much too young to be dating and having girlfriends and that he does have a family to love him and take care of him. He agreed. We also talked about being the kind of guy that girls want to date and that PARENTS want their daughters to date - not the kind of guy that dates everyone and has girlfriend after girlfriend and starts dating at an early age. 

The talk went really well - I could tell he was pretty uncomfortable about it and really was ready to agree with just about everything I said. 

Sometimes I feel sorry for Alex. 

It's got to be hard to have a mom that eventually finds out everything. 

I think that reason alone will curtail him "asking out" any other girls. 

((Sigh))

Sometimes I feel like my life should be a sitcom.

"Tune in next week for the next adventure of Alex and his trusty side kick....Mom."

My Long ESL rant.....

E.S.L.

Stands for English as a Second Language.

Alex has been in ESL since he arrived here 2.5 (almost) years ago.

If you've followed my blog for a long time, you'll know that we have an IEP (Individual Education Plan) in place for Alex with regards to his speech. His SPEECH, not his language. He was adopted from an orphanage for children with speech disorders. Thank goodness it was documented in our court adoption decree that he was from this special orphanage and even better, that he needed continual help with his speech or we would not be getting any help through the school."One cannot assume that just because a child isn't fluent in a language, that he has learning disabilities."  I get this, I do. But despite numerous teachers concerned about his retention - and being concerned myself when we cover a topic and master it and revisit it a week later and he draws a blank -  despite being told he was a "terrible" student from his orphanage teachers, (so terrible that the teachers and administration questioned why I would even want to adopt this boy?) despite the neglect and trauma of his past and how behind he is in EVERY subject, unless he has a "learning disability" there really isn't any additional help he is entitled to in the school system - except ESL. (And of course he cannot be tested for a disability in English until he is somewhat fluent which is a minimum of 3 years preferable 5-7. I found this out almost a year after being home and he was no longer fluent in Ukraine either.)

Okay.

I get this and despite my kicking against the pricks trying to get him additional services, I have tried to be graceful and back down and let the "professionals" do their job.

When he moved to the junior high we went through the mess of rearranging his schedule to get in an English class with the ESL teacher, I had to remind them we had an IEP entitling him to speech therapy, and I had to press getting him in the reading program he started in elementary - there it was called "Fast Forward" in Junior High it is called "Functional Literacy". (Not sure he really is entitled to this program? I think the elementary put him in it to pacify me and since he started it there - apparently the elementary and junior high aren't exactly great at communication - I just pushed for him to continue.)

So, fast forward to last week when I emailed both the English teacher and ESL teacher and asked about Alex and exactly what sort of services is he getting? Because as I see it, the only difference is they've cut his vocabulary words in half and he's not taking the spelling test. (Hard to say since we haven't had vocabulary words or spelling words in over a month.) At parent/teacher conference I had talked to the English teacher about replacing Alex's vocabulary words with words he could actually use in real life rather than just cutting down on the over-his-head words. She thought that would be a good idea but nothing has come home since that meeting September 27th. 

In our email conversation, I had expressed my frustration with the ELS program and why can't he be sent home with some worksheets to help him "catch up" with his class? Concepts we could work on at home?  If it came through the school, then I would not be the "ogre mother" asking him to study in addition to his regular homework, he would just think it's homework. Win/win for everyone. Right?

Well, I don't get much of a response from English teacher which is fine, it's really not her job - it's the ESL teachers job, right? I've still heard nothing from ESL teacher.

When I ask Alex what he did with the ESL teacher,  he usually says, "She wasn't there.". When I pinned him directly on what exactly he does with the ESL teacher when she IS there (she is there three days a week) he told me, "She helps me when I don't understand.". I asked if she takes him aside and works on specific concepts? "No. She just helps me. Like helps me understand the story." 

Hum....

So, now we are up to yesterday. I get a call from the Speech teacher telling me how great Alex did on his "s" test. (The "s" sound is his main issue -  it comes out of the sides of his mouth - sort of slushy like - and we're working on getting the sound out of the front of his mouth. Right now he over emphasizes the "s" sound and it makes a whistling sound - but it IS coming out of the front of his mouth. Woot! He sort of  reminds me a little of the Gopher from Winnie The Pooh.)

She told me how she wants to work on his "th" sound and on some of his "r" sounds. Great! We will take all the help we can get. I mentioned how I love it when she sends home word lists where he has to not only say the word -with the letter sound he's working on - but use it in a sentence because it not only helps his speech but vocabulary as well. Sort of two birds with one stone?  She said she'd try to send more assignments home like that and then she offhandedly mentions that she saw an email where some teachers expressed concern about Alex and his testing OUT OF ESL! 

WHAT???? 

This was news to me and when I asked more about it, the poor speech teacher backpedaled and told me maybe she misread the email and quickly changed the topic.

I am livid.

Livid.

I have tried to visit with the ESL teacher at parent/teacher conference. She wasn't there. I have emailed more than once. No response. So, I call the office and ask for her, they don't know where she is, I ask for her voice mail, she doesn't have one. They take my name and number and tell me they'll get her the message.
I called some other moms who have Ukraine imported children in our school and learn a lot! I learn that I have very unrealistic expectations of the ESL program. I assumed ESL was to help teach your child what he had missed? Help him with the concepts other children learned in younger grades? To continually help him improve not only in reading, but writing and in conversation?

Nope.
ESL is strictly to HELP your child pass that class. 

Not to mention that with budget cuts our ESL teacher is down to 15 hours a week. There are other adopted children in our system that don't qualify for any help. (And I'm betting Alex will soon be one of those children too.)

The ESL teacher calls me a few hours later.We talk about Alex and she gushes that he is so smart, has such a good attitude, that he is really one of her highest functioning ESL students she has ever had. That she's helped so many of these Ukraine kids and some are so angry and defiant but he is so sweet and just really doing great.  I agree with all this but ask her how he is expected to get on grade level? When do we get him help with the things he's missing? How do we fill the gaps?  She has no answer. She tells me it is evident I am helping him at home based on how well he's doing. (Thank you.) I explain my dilemma about being the "ogre mother" - asking him to do additional studying  in addition to going to school all day and his regular homework. She can't help me there.  She is just there to help him with this class.

She does agrees to help me modify his vocabulary and spelling. She says NOTHING about him testing out of ESL and I figured she would have said something if it was true. She really is a nice lady and I'm glad I had calmed down before I spoke with her. (Thanks Jen & Ann!)

I got off the phone and took a deep breath. 

Okay.

I'm going to have to make up the difference.

But I'm going to need to make this worth it for Alex. 

He gets home from school and I explain in the most positive light that the school just can't do enough for him to fill in his gaps. 

That I want him to grow up and be anything he wants to be and not be stuck driving a garbage truck or working as a day laborer.

I look at my beautiful boy and tell him how I know how smart he is and that he can do and be anything he wants but not if we can't get his language skills up to grade level. 

I tell him I am going to have to be his teacher and that this will be a sacrifice for me too. We're going to have to do thirty minutes of studying 5 times a week. 15 minutes on his journal - which we already do - and another 15 on concepts he's missed/vocabulary/basic grammar etc.

AND if he does this with a happy heart and good attitude, I will (choke) get him his own cell phone. (You should have seen the grin.) AND if he continues to do it with the same great attitude, he will get to continue to KEEP his cell phone.

I mean really? He has to get something more than a brilliant future with unlimited potential out of this right?

He readily agrees to all my terms and then tells me "You teach me most English anyway mom." 

I teach him MOST English?

((Sigh))

We've got a lot to learn.....

Change It Is A Come-en!

Change.

Not sure I like change. 

My friend and gym buddy has this quote on her blog.

Our dilemma is that we hate change and we love change at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.
– Sydney J. Harris

So true.

My change?

#1 I've been released from Young Women's.

#2 I think I have a new job.(Just waiting on a criminal background check)

#3 I have a new iPhone. 

#4 My children have lives and plans of their own and no longer want to hang out with us!

#1 Surprised me a little as I had only been serving for a year and I was so looking forward to going to camp with Rylee this summer. Fortunately the new presidency is fabulous and my girls (all of 'em not just my daughters) are in good hands. The worst is not knowing what my next calling will be.... maybe camp director? (I wish.)

#2 So, I've been working on getting this job for about a year. It's taken me that long just to get my application turned in at the right time. Yes, I applied to Jet Blue. Working reservations out of my home. First there was the difficulty of turning in my application when they were accepting applications. The site crashed 12 times and I had to keep starting over. Then the nerve wracking "computer" interview where I had to answer questions about myself and my customer service experience over the phone with a computer. I passed that and went in for and overview, interview and drug test. Passed all of those and now I'm waiting on a ten year criminal background check. Since I had to jump through the hoops of being fingerprinted and a criminal background check in order to adopt Alex I think I'll pass. I haven't broken too many laws since.

Training starts November 7th and it's FULL TIME!! 7:30 am to 3:30pm. Oh. My. Goodness. What the heck? My hat's off to you moms that work full time. My only saving grace is knowing it's for four weeks and not forever! 
I have wanted to get on with Jet Blue for the flying benefits and after the overview I think I want the medical benefits almost as much!

(No, I am not hanging up my Real Estate shoes - just supplementing.)
I keep telling myself it will be a good thing, I'll be working out of my home and in time, I hope to have a pretty flexible schedule. (Sounds like the first while we be the worst shifts and the most inconvenient time for being a mom!)  We'll see how this goes....wish me luck!

#3 The new iPhone. Oh my. I think I'm going to like it, once I figure it out. It's just the learning process that I hate. My kids laugh at me as I try to figure it out. If I hand it over to them they do whatever I'm trying to figure out so fast that I can't even follow them. Geez.  As mentioned Alex has an iPod touch and for some reason whatever app's he loads go on my phone too. Like I need 500 different race car wallpaper options? I'm sure in time I will get to know my phone and my fat fingers will hit the right letter, and I'll be able to decipher what tone is for what. I took it to church -as I downloaded my scriptures on it - but I couldn't figure out how to mute it. I finally handed it to Austin and he toggled it to mute. A toggle button? An actual manual button? And here I am looking through every setting and sound volume. See what I mean?

#4 The kids have a four day weekend this week, and a 3.5 day weekend next week. We were invited to my friends families cabin - it's beautiful - the cabin AND the setting but mostly importantly, I love the company that we'd be going with. My kids? Don't want to go. "There's nothing to do at the cabin." "I have to work." "It will be boring." "We already went to the cabin." Good grief! After realizing that one child could not go, and the other three did not want to go and the one that did want to go needed to attend her college classes, we just bagged it. We're just staying home. I guess we'll pull the garden out and fertilize the lawn and do all the fun and exciting things we always do. My kids don't get that in order for me (and James) to relax, and play board games and relax some more, I have to leave my house! They of course will sleep in, play  hang out (Alex told me "playing" is for babies) with their precious friends - the real reason no one wants to go away - and then need me to drive them places. Or in Austin's case, work. 

((Sigh))

What happened to the days when I could just load them in the car and go wherever and everyone was just happy to be going somewhere. No one had an opinion or conflicting schedules. We just needed a diaper bag and fruit snacks and we were on our way! Okay, so if it was an overnight trip it took a lot more effort and planning then that and we often times came home more tired and stressed than relaxed but the point is, for a quick jaunt to get something to eat I didn't have to hear 

"No, I don't want to go to Subway, I want McDonald's. I want more Monopoly pieces." 

"McDonald's will make us fat, I want Subway." 

"I don't want either, I want to go to Cafe Rio." 

"I can't go I need to go to work/rehearsals/dance/ hang out with my friend." 

"Can my friend come?" 

Grrr....and they wonder why we don't take them out to eat? 

So, there you have it.

My change.

It's not just coming....it's here!

Meeting Travis