Three years ago??

Was it really just three years ago October 18th that we met Alex for the first time?
My, it seems like yesterday and in the next breath it seems like he's always been here.
How can that be?
He is so much a part of us now that it seems he's always been here yet, we have "Want to know what I did for free time in the orphanage?" or  "In Ukraine...." stories that make me stop and realize he hasn't always been here. That his past is still apart of him and always will be.
We were having a family discussion about a situation where a learning disabled foster child was being treated unkindly by his foster families younger child and - as normal - there are three conversations going on at one time over the dinner table. James is talking to me about how having this child in the home will help this younger boy have more empathy for disabled people and in the long run it will help him grow and be good for him. Alex blurted out very adamantly,   "I got hit with sticks at the orphanage and it never helped me!" (He and Rylee were talking about this boy being poked by the younger boy with a stick and assumed James was saying getting poked with a stick is good for you and will help you grow?) Yep. There it is. His past. It's not something I want him to suppress or deny yet it's like a cold splash of water to the face when it comes out of nowhere.

Lately, Alex has had a rough time.

Here is just a quick list of where he stands with privileges: 

#1 No unsupervised computer time (Thanks to him downloading numerous songs and bogging down the Mac, placing a bid and buying a broken iTouch on eBay - without permission and printing off a 66 page report to take to scouts on Ukraine -when a paragraph was requested.)

#2 No X-box for a month. (For playing without homework/jobs completed and without permission.)

#3 No iTouch (For remotely wiping out my iPhone information - permanently - from his iTouch.)

#4 No using James tools without permission (for not putting them away properly at all and making a big mess)

#5 No asking girls out - until he's 16. (This was never a privilege - just something we addressed this week.)

He is also working on paying back the $56  to cover the cost of the broken screen, bad battery and water damaged iTouch he won on eBay.

Hard lessons to learn.

Almost as hard as the basics that he had to learn when he first got here.

Things like:

• Using SOAP and bathing daily.
• Wearing matching clothes
• Comb his hair and brush his teeth EVERYDAY (Just this Saturday we revisited this life skill as he was hired to help our neighbor paint his shed and he just didn't know why he needed to comb his hair and brush his teeth for this event.)
• Wearing clean underwear every time he baths
• Chew with his mouth closed
• Cut his meat with a knife

and so much more.
He has also learned how to be a family member. To think about others and respect their things and their privacy. He's has begrudging learned to talk about his feelings and express himself.  He sadly has had to learn he is not an only child - that he has to share this mom he waited so long for - something that is still a struggle.
He is learning to be a good friend, a good student, and a responsible citizen.

We have moments when I just let him be the little boy he missed being. If it's climbing in my lap and holding him, playing cars with the little boy on our church pew - who is three, having a bear of his own on his bed to cuddle (or throw behind his bed) or just running around and playing on a playground. Because for being thirteen there sure is a lot of age 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9 he missed.

 However, based on the years here?
He's doing great.
We're three now and hopefully done with our terrible two's!
Love to you all in you first months and years.
Hang in there.
Someday the talks, and object lessons will make sense.
The repetition will stop. They'll get it. 
Someday they'll be able to communicate and tell you how they feel.
And someday, they'll realize just how far you went and how hard you worked to get them to where they are now.

Love,
Wendy