Kambree at College

Thanks to Facebook and a roommate with a camera, I have pictures of Kambree at Snow:

Rylee gets her braces off!

7th Grade Girls Trip to the Cabin!

My friend Amy got an idea to take our girls and their friends on a Last Hurray For Summer girls trip.

We first stopped at Lava Hot Springs

And my parents just happened to be there celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary and joined us at the water park:

After stopping for "happy hour" at the Pizza Pie Cafe and having all you can eat pizza, pasta and salad we made it to the cabin and were treated to a fabulous skit:

The next day was beautiful and the girls went on a hike and then played and posed for pictures:

Amy and I even got a run in: (Or a walk/run in my case!)

We had fabulous food. Here's the girls eating Dorito Salad (a family favorite ever since Amy shared the recipe with us!) 

And of course I had to make fudge and the girls are playing rummy. Who's version it  was (the Walton version or the Richhart version) was heavily debated!

The it was time for the fashion show:

And then we did a fashion show for the girls:

Yep. Complete with hip dancing:

Amy and I had a fabulous game of Scrabble:

Eating & The Big Ball:

Heading home and stopping at the waterfall:

Thanks Amy! We had a fabulous time!

A few "Ah-Ha's!"

I just finished reading this book this week. (Thanks Andreas for the suggestion.) Available at amazon .

Here is the synopses:

"Abandoned by his mother in a St. Petersburg dumpster when he was only three days old, Alex Krutov should not have survived. But God had something else in mind.

Raised in the harsh Russian orphanage system, Alex’s life was one of hopelessness and despair until the arrival of Christian missionaries from the West when the Soviet Union collapsed.

Infinitely More is the inspiring true story of a young man who would not give up, and the God who relentlessly pursued him. Jesus said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” This is the story of God coming to Alex, and the hope He offers to all of us."

The book for me had a few "ah-ha!" moments with regards to my own Alex and the struggles we've had. 

The first was the concept of learning. I have been at my wits end wondering why my Alex won't try harder? Why he doesn't seem to care and just do the bare minimum? Why he doesn't grab the bull by the horns and embrace the opportunity he's been given? 

In the book, after a very difficult time growing up in an orphanage this Alex has the opportunity to go to America around age 17 or18. He stays with a family that enrolls him in high school and although now fluent in English, he struggles in school.

While John's insistence that I strive for excellence was annoying to me, he was doing it out of love. No one had ever challenged me to that standard and the idea of striving to be successful was new to me. But excellence was not my goal in life; survival was. Russian orphans don't tend to have long term goals, rarely looking beyond the next meal, and in my mind, I was doing great.

This hit home for me. I was told repeatedly that my Alex was a terrible student from his teachers at the orphanage. Of course he was - he was labeled as such was my thought. But truth be told? He was a terrible student. He did his homework - much like he did his chores - just the bare minimum. Taking no pride in his work and certainly just rushing through it because until it was done, there was no FUN to be had.

It was exasperating - and sometimes still is - why doesn't he want to do well?  Can't he see the opportunity he has to change his life? To make something of himself??

I am happy to report that my Alex has started setting goals, like going to college and desiring to do more than drive a cab or work at McDonald's. He also told me he's going to try and get straight A's this year in school. (Which probably has everything to do with the $100 that we fork out for 4.0 report cards and/or $50 for making the honor roll - but if it motivates him, then great!) But understanding that no one ever expected excellence, or helped him see his great worth, has helped me understand his plight more.

The next "ah-ha" moment I had was with regards to gratitude:

There is a phenomenon with orphans, at least for those who grew up in an orphanage, that goes contrary to expectations: a sense of entitlement that comes from years of someone else providing for you. Never mind that their core needs of love and affection were never met, or that their provisions were secondhand, ill-fitted clothing and shoes, or that their showers were cold. Their perceived needs were always met by someone else - and not anyone close to them, either, but by and impersonal "them." Similarly  there is a concept with orphans known as "silent love": their inability to express appreciation. They were never taught how to show appreciation or express affection.....

It takes a long time for orphans to show love and appreciation to anyone......

It was an eye opening experience for me when I first noticed little kids in America saying "please" and "thank you" and showing appreciation and affection to adults was more foreign to me than the language.

I am sure that people were baffled at how picky I was when I first came to America (and still am, to some degree) but I attribute it to this sense of entitlement ingrained in orphans. For someone with few possessions and no income, my taste were decidedly expensive. I would rather  do without then settle  for something less than brand-name, expensive, labeled clothes and shoes.  

Oh gosh how this brought back memories of my Alex's first year home.

He felt very entitled and was very ungrateful. It was as if his attitude was "Well? I'm your son now, where is my Ipod? My cell phone? My Heely's." or anything that his siblings had. We nipped it with his gratitude journal. Once he was here just about a year - we started him writing every day something he was grateful for. That was painful for him. Sometimes he would look around and just see something and write "I am grateful for fans, or pencils" or any animate object he could see.But it worked. It made him think and often times we would get true heartfelt things he was grateful for.

He is now soooo much better about being grateful and appreciative.

But his taste? Still very expensive. He told me two days ago his favorite car maker is Lexus.

Great.

Good thing he has upped his goal to go to college because I doubt he'll be driving a Lexus on his original career plan to work at McDonalds. 

The last "ah-ha" was with regards to this Alex's humility. Through his journey and despite the amazing things he ends up doing to help orphans in his country he has big problem with humility. He talks about having a "snobby, arrogant, know it all attitude that may have worked for me in my survival mode growing up, but did nothing to serve me in my efforts now...." 

In our own experience, I thought my Alex would stop bragging and tooting his own horn based on the example we would set for him. That he'd clue in to how unattractive that sort of behavior was by purely having us as examples. Ahh...nope! 

It has taken a lot of role play and plain old "come to Jesus" talks about his attitude and humility. He still struggles with being wrong and loves to assume that he knows something when in truth, he doesn't. (Assume is a word we've had to review a time or two.)  But at least he's not lording around with his fists clasped together, shaking them high above his head,  claiming he is the champion of whatever it is he won at - be it Monopoly, a Wii game or paper/scissor/rock!

We still work on his "Ukraine stare" and stand offish attitude. My Alex may not have been fluent in English but his body language is loud, exact and very easy to understand. We work on not sighing, rolling eyes, huffing and stomping.....still. However, it's much better - at least what I see in front of my eyes. Behind my back? I'm pretty sure he's still pretty proficient. 

Anyway, I felt strongly that I should share these "ah-ha's" with my few readers that have Ukraine imports too.

I quit!

It's official.

I quit my jetBlue job.

I lasted nine months - which is 8 months longer than I thought I'd last. We took six trips. 

One to Long Beach the day after Christmas with everyone.

Kambree and I went to NYC.

I took Alex and Rylee to Disneyland to see Austin and Devree perform with their choir.

James and I went to Alaska.

We all went to the Dominican Republic.

And Ry and I made a quick trip to St George using my OAL benefits.

I am sad to go, only to give up the flight benefits but it just wasn't worth staying. They were taking out one of the four flights out of SLC and I was spending more time trading and trying to AVTO my shifts then working and it was consuming my life. 

I will miss my jB friends too. 

But I will NOT miss answering phones!!

The summer has been a blur.  

Kambree is already back at Snow and the kids will be back in school by the 27th.  

Rylee starts 7th grade and has already gone up to practice opening her locker and figure out where her classes are. She also decorated her locker and we have gone school shopping a number of times.

I asked Alex if he was going to decorate his locker and he scoffed at me, "No." He did go up to check it out and arranged to meet a couple of girls there. Oh my. This could be scary.....

Austin is staying home - he just didn't make enough money to pay for tuition. He hopes to go in January but he'll need to find another job and soon to earn enough money to pay the tuition at Utah State. (Where he wants to go now that his best friend, Noah is going there.)

He is working (barely) at Papa Johns and donating plasma on a regular bases.

Devree got her drivers license and that has been a blessing for not only her but me! She can now drive herself back and forth to drill each day. Halleluiah! 

She had a little incident yesterday when she drove with her parking break on and stalled her call in a busy intersection. She panicked and people started honking and she called 911!! Yes she did! Then she tried to call me but I was on an early morning walk and had left my phone home. A "old biker guy" stopped and helped push her out of the intersection and she called 911 back and told them she was okay but the police where already on their way. She's a blubbering mess when the arrive and they have her put her car in PARK (the reason it wouldn't start was she had left it in drive)  and it started right up. They tried to reassure her that she did the right thing and then the escorted her to the high school to make sure her car didn't stall again.

I laughed so hard when she told me this story but she doesn't find it amusing in the least and gets very angry when people start laughing. 

Oh Dev.

As I was driving home from moving Kambree down to school I started feeling melancholy. My kids are growing up so fast. It blew my mind to think that next time this year Alex COULD have his learners permit? Is that scary or what? 

I just want to bottle my kids for a bit. Kambree will be home in December and then with any luck (and a lot of prayers) Austin will leave on his mission in the spring. I doubt our lives will ever be the same. It's hard to have adult children when you yourself feel the same age inside as they are now. Looking in the mirror is a dose of reality - I don't look anything like a twenty year old these days. I would embrace my old age if it wasn't just so ugly. Grey hair- yuck and wrinkles - boo.

Anyway.....in an effort to keep my blog positive, I won't elaborate further on the joys of midlife.

Devree's Drill Photo Shoot!

Alex Update

It's been awhile since I made an Alex update. I think that is a sign that he's just one of us now? Sure, he still struggles with stuff but all children have struggles of one kind or another. 

Yes, Alex's struggles seem to be a bit more immature and often repetitive but for missing out on living in a family for the first almost eleven years of his life, I think he's doing pretty good.

His biggest struggle is in communicating. He still speaks in broken English sentences and can't seem to find the right words when he needs them. I was talking with James about how Alex's language skills really haven't improved much in the past year. He just seems to be stuck where he is? But a lot of it has to do with his desire. He doesn't really care. We still work three times a week on grammar, comprehension and writing. He finished up all the grammar exercise on certain website last week and I asked him if he felt they had helped him in anyway? Did he learn something that will help him with his writing? His answer? 

"No. Not really. I don't really think about it."  

Great. 

My response, 

"So you just sit here wasting your time with the hope of just getting finished? Not to learn or improve, just get it over with so you can play?" 

"Yes." 

(Insert me pulling my hair out!) 

Exasperated and at my wits end,  I told him that that's okay. I can't MAKE him learn he has to want to learn. But regardless he still has to do the work. If he just wants to waste his time he can but that I was still going to give up my time to try and help him because I need to know that I did everything I could for him. (Then I got out this big gun) That when he's 40 years old and shows up with his wife and children on the doorstep because he can't make his house payment because he lost his job due to the fact he cannot write or communicate that I will be able to look back and know that I did everything I could to help him.

Oh, yes. 

I did. 

Since then he has completed three  PERFECT comprehension worksheets - and I am giving him 7th grade comprehension! 

Oh, yeah.

However, his writing has not improved much. He writes like he speaks with incomplete sentences that ramble and change from subject to subject without clearly explaining or making it known what it is he is trying to say. I know what he's trying to say because I live with him and witness the life and conversations he's writing about but to read his entries? Sometimes I don't even know how to correct the sentence besides just starting over? (Keep in mind if you follow his blog that you are seeing corrected - often times two or three times - entries.)
However, I have ONE last trick up my sleeve to help him with his language skills. At least the speaking part.

And it is certainly coming. 

It's called.......GIRLS! 

Alex is girl crazy!! It scares me if truth be told. Not sure if it's a European thing or just an Alex thing but he is pretty obsessed with girls. Granted I can only gauge what I know and Austin - who has always liked girls - really didn't give them the time of day until his junior year (or they didn't give him the time of day? ). But Alex? He just turned 14 and he is counting down the days until he can DRIVE and DATE! Give me strength. Being cute doesn't help because the girls seem to like him too. My hope is that this urge to impress girls will actually help him improve his language skills? It's all I've got left. I've pretty much tried everything else.

The other things he struggles with is just listening and obeying. Simple things, like putting James tools back.(I swear James has taken away his tool privileges 5 times this summer!)  Taking out all the garbage's through the WHOLE house,  just following through or doing what he knows full well he should do.

Example?

Alex: Mom can I go "hang" out?

Me: Is your room clean?

Alex: Yes.

Me: So, if I look in your drawers all the clothes are in the right drawers where they're suppose to be and there's not wrappers and garbage on your desk or dresser?

Alex: Just a minute. (And he goes back in and cleans up.) Okay, now can I go?

Me: If I open your closet are your shoes on the shoe rack and your tie won't be shoved in your dirty clothes hamper still tied in a knot?

Alex: Just a minute. (And again he goes back in and cleans up some more.)

And that's how it always is - on his dish night he never wipes off the stove or he'll do one part of his job and totally skip the other. 

But, that's probably typical for most teenage boys. It's not like his siblings are saints. But they don't pretend their jobs are done and mark off their job chart like Alex. They just don't do things and then they can't go anywhere or get on the computer until it's done, whereas Alex just pretends it's all done in hopes that I won't notice? And I often don't due to my harried, crazy life so he goes off to "hang" out and then I call/text him home....often.

((Sigh))

I was reading a blog today from a lady adopting from an Ukraine orphanage and she wrote about older kids:

 When I arrived at the orphanage, there were only a few handfuls of kids wandering about the property. Many are "graduating" kids...the ones that are sixteen, and come September, most of them will be made to leave the orphanage. The ones who have applied themselves at school, and have been receptive to their teachers encouragement to further their educations, will attend a Technical school, the ones who just "want out" will be on their own to fend for themselves. Sometimes these kids end up in a LOT of trouble.

I know that my Alex would be one of those kids wanting out and fending for himself. He himself knows this. On the way home from getting his wisdom teeth removed and still under heavy sedation he saw a homeless man. He was talking a mile a minute about everything he could see (so NOT in his character but under anesthesia  he was a non-stopping chatter box) and upon seeing this man, out the car window he said, "Oh that could be me!" I asked what he meant? "I was an orphan."

And he didn't say more. But I know what he meant. 

He knew the path he was on.

And he is grateful. He really is. So many adopted children are angry, resentful or glamorize their previous orphan life - remembering the lack of rules and supervision. Not Alex. He is so glad to be here and has embraced his life here with open arms.

James recently set him apart to be a teacher and gave him a blessing. In this blessing he told Alex that he was where he belonged. That he was meant to be here and a part of our family.

I know this is true.

Even on the days I want to pull out  my hair and or have to have him repeat himself three times in order to understand what he's saying.

And I need to remember that even if he never writes a dissertation, or gets his PHD, or graduates from college, he has so much more than he would have had.

But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying.....

Long Boarding Home Teachers!

Kambree's 20th Birthday:

Alex cut out these holes for Devree but her eyes are just not that far apart:

Kambree was EXHAUSTED on her birthday. She had just returned home from a week long drill camp down at Snow.  She wanted Cafe Rio pork salad so we ordered it to go for the whole family and picked up a Redbox. How's that for an exciting birthday? 

She's in the Western Swing presidency this upcoming year and has been wanting cowboy boots for a long time. 

It's hard to believe that my baby is twenty. Not so hard to believe that she IS twenty, just hard to believe that I have a child that old!

I told her now that I have twenty years of parenting under my belt everyone should listen and obey all my maternal advice!

Between James and I  we have forty years of experience!

Oy!