Five words for a dollar...

Lex learned five words right off. They were:

• hug, 
• sucker (as in lollipop), 
• car, 
• bread 
• and peppermint tea.

So we were off to the store (after our bike ride that we only made to the park where the ducks/geese almost attacked us for our "kreb" which is how bread sounds in Ukrainian). I take him to Smiths to the cars and "no, no" so we wander around Smiths and he's says "two ma-ha-zing" which I've come to learn that "ma-ha-zing" means store. Obviously he wants to go to a second store. I'm thinking what the heck? He must have a certain thing in mind? However, I wasn't born yesterday, I'll take him to All A Dollar and he can have anything wants in the whole darn store!Nope, All A Dollar doesn't have what he's looking for either. Well, they almost have it.....they do have CASES for I-pods!! He's thinking I'm going to buy him an Ipod?? Ohhh..I'm getting mad. I explain that they're too much money, that Austin doesn't even have one. He starts his sulking thing again. We leave, we go home, we don't talk, he goes up to his room, I putter around the house and then collapse on the couch. After about 45 minutes I'm thinking that we probably look like Rockefeller's to him and maybe I just need to do some explaining about the facts of life here. I begin typing.
Afterwards, I find him downstairs playing X-box. I ask him if soup is okay for lunch? He smiles (like nothing has happened) and comes up and shows me the Costco size box of hash browns in the freezer. (He told me potatoes were his favorite so I bought this box worrying that we will never get through them but that is not going to be the problem. This child could eat any full grown man under the table. Serious!) Okay, hash browns it is. While he was downstairs I had written and translated an epistle about our family rules. Here's what I put:
1. We love each other
2. We don't hit.
3. We ask before we use others things.
4. We support each other.
5. Children do chores daily around the house.
6. Children save their own money and buy things they want.
7. Parents buy things for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
8. Parents expect children to go to school and do their best.
9. We go to church every Sunday.
10. We ask before we eat things. (Okay, so my kids aren't great at this either but I thought it was worth a shot!)
I explain that these are most of the rules but not all of them, that I would still reward him with a one dollar toy for each five words he learns. I also explain that we are not rich. We have a nice home, food and a car but we're not rich. Does he think he can obey the rules and be a part of our family. Can he be happy here? If so, give me a big hug.
He read everything, nodded enthusiastically and I put out my arms and he ran into them and wrapped his arms around me.
We then went to Ry's school to see if he would like to play with the kids during P.E.. Nope, he just laid his head against me, and watched. So after about ten minutes I suggested we go to the store. He has by now learned 15 words. So in the car I give him three dollars. His face just lights up. I don't know if this child has ever had his own money. He tucks it in his new jean pocket with the zipper and we're off to Smiths. Nope, not the store he wants. Okay, I just start driving he keeps asking me if office builds are stores. Finally, I take him to Shopko where I bought his pants and shirt Monday. Yes, this is the store. He is very clear that he only has three dollars and so overly sad when he sees how much thing cost. (He should be an actor in a melodrama!) I just say nothing and follow him around. (The whole time thinking, what in the world is he going to find for three dollars?) He finds a Bat Man notebook (clearance for .69) and I try to explain he can get three but he doesn't want three, just one. Then he finds some kites (clearance to .49....can you believe it?) and he gets two, then he decides on gum, no Mento's (.99 ) He wants me to pay and hands me his money. Nope, you need to pay. The clerk gives him back 20 cents and he tries to give it back to her. I obviously didn't explain cents to well and how can I possible pantomime tax? Anyway, he's glowing. "Da-doma, Da-doma?" Which is "go home?"
We get home and the girls are home from school and he immediately puts together his kites. Kam asks if he wants to go to the park and fly them. He does but when she suggest they bike over he says no and pantomimes driving. (I think I'd be afraid to ride a bike with a kite too after only knowing how to ride for two days!) She drives them over and before he leaves I lean down and hug his shoulders and tell him to have fun and he turns his face up to me for a kiss. It's the first one he's ever offered. I've kissed him on the forehead each night but I think today he saw me kiss my kids goodbye as they left for school. It was so sweet. My girls were like, "Wow, mom....a kiss?" I said, "Yep, my first one ever."  and walked off so no one could see me, grinning like a fool. I didn't want him to feel like it was anything weird or out of the ordinary. But I was pretty happy about it.
I now have a few minutes of complete silence and peace. I should go shower. James will be home soon but instead I'm blogging so I can remember. I want to remember every little part of this experience as it just seems so fleeting...
PS (As I was typing the last bit Lex ran in with a "Mom, mom"- which doesn't sound like it types or like my other children say it-I can't figure out how to type it-and he brought me the mail and now he's off to ride his bike!)

 

Chilling with Rylee and having a Popsicle. Banana flavored of course!

Matchbox Cars and Choir Concerts....

Last night we took Lex to Devree's choir concert. I decided not to tell him where we were going, which may or may not have been a bad idea. I was afraid he wouldn't want to go (He's pretty opinionated) so we just ambushed him like we do when we take Austin shopping.
Anyway, we get to the school and he won't get out of the car. He spouts off in words we cannot understand. We try to explain he's not going to school that we're going to watch Devree. After some coaxing, we get him in but he won't sit by me or look at me. Luckily for us we live in "Litte Ukraine" (as our social worker calls our neighborhood) and I spotted a lady in my sisters ward that had adopted and asked if the girl next to her was from the Ukraine? Yep. Could she come talk to Alex and see what is wrong? (She is beautiful with the most beautiful teeth - like a toothpaste model. She's 18 I think) She sits by him and for some reason he thought we were going to the store to buy him another matchbox car? What? Anyway, he wouldn't look at me through the boys songs, then Dev came on and I pointed her out and he took off his little am/fm headphones and actually clapped, then asked if he could take her picture (which turned out way better than mine).

(Mine) (His)
Afterwards we were mulling around trying to locate Devree and he was making Kambree and Austin laugh by making fun of people. Like imitating fat people. I know that's not nice but it was funny, I didn't laugh but he had Kam & Aug rolling!
Anyway, we went home and had a computer talk about how you have to earn things at our house not just get them. He wasn't too happy or agreeable about it but he did not sulk like he did at the school.
He had found an old paper airplane making book and he and Austin made airplanes last night. (Austin was like "Where did he find this? I've been looking for this." He's pretty smart, these airplanes are not easy in English let alone without the written instructions, he just follows the folding instructions. He was pretty proud that his went farther than Austins!

The other thing he is extremely proud of is I let him have (for the time being) the remote to the garage off my key chain. He goes in and out so much with his bike that I figured it couldn't hurt. He is so proud of it. He showed it to all his orphan friends yesterday and this morning to Brach (our cousin that carpools with us to school). He just grins and pantomimes the garage door going up and down.
This morning I made a deal with him that for every 5 English words he learns I will buy him a new matchbox car. He's okay with that. His first word today is "hug" which he loves to do. He doesn't seem to want to learn English as much as teach us Ukrainian.

Another cool thing is he knows where everything in the house is. This morning Kambree lost her keys to the van. I pantomimed driving and said "Honda" and he held up his finger and said "Ah" and ran downstairs just as Kambree was heading down and they both found her keys at the same time. Seriously, first the airplane book, now the keys. It's like he's memorizing everything.
We're going on a bike ride now. I'm hoping he can make it to Gardner Village but maybe we'll just make it to the playground where the ducks are. I've made arrangement's for him to go play during PE with Rylee's class. Don't know if he'll like that. Don't know if I'll tell him or just let him figure it out. I guess we'll see.

Ranch Activity

We had an activity for the orphan's today up at this beautiful Ranch in Heber. Lex did not want to go, he wanted to stay "doma" but I made him go. We went grocery shopping on the way there and bought three bunches of banana's to take to the BBQ afterwards. (These kids love banana's. Lex ate four yesterday and two today. I finally had to write/translate to him out how worried I was that he was going to get sick and have a tummy ache and would he please only eat two each day? He smiled and nodded!)

We also bought apples (he eats 2-3 a day, core and all!) and I let him pick out a few other things. He picked sausage and a pomegranate, Pringles and cinnamon bread. He didn't want to leave the store, he just wanted to wander around and look at things. I also bought him a matchbox car (he loves cars, he pointed out Mercedes to me in the Costco parking lot yesterday) and a pack of gum which he shared with his fellow orphans.

Lex is mesmerized with the remote to my car and he asked if he could go get the "chips" and came back with his friend and they were both eating apples. Can you believe it, a child that would eat fruit over chips? I can't believe how much fruit these children like to consume. One lady mentioned that the three orphans she's hosting have eaten 35 apples since Sunday.

As mentioned, Lex did not want to be here so I let him take pictures and here are a few with people in them. (He took lots of scenery pictures and pictures of clouds. Thank goodness for digital cameras!) The little girl in blue is Yulia and apparently is in his orphanage. He doesn't seem extremely close to anyone. He just wants to go "doma" and ride his bike.

Okay, I had to zoom in to show you this ladies gold teeth. This is the "director" of Lex's orphanage. She speaks with him each time we meet and asks him if he's happy. She doesn't speak any English but she's traveling with an interpreter. Lexy seems to like her enough and he took this picture.

It was a beautiful day but very windy and Lexy just wanted to go home so we ate quick and left. Before we left some other orphans from his orphanage arrived, boys his age. They had a soccer ball and I asked if he wanted to stay and play "foot-ball" no....doma!

He took plenty of pictures of the horses but refused to get on one. We had a quiet ride home but it was a good quiet, like we're figuring each other out.

When he got home he went on a bike ride after he brought the groceries in. (I love taking him shopping, he insists on carrying all the packages and he puts the cart away in the parking lot!) He didn't stay out long and came in and wanted to finish our Monopoly game. I told him we had to wait for Lala (Ry) then he just came and sat on my lap and laid his head against my check. I asked if he just wants to be with me and he nodded. Did he understand? I don't know. I showed him my stamps and ink pads and he made me a paper with stamps and in one he wrote Mama and the word love. He then made me another card with a haunted "doma" on the front and two beautiful flowers inside with Mama over one and his name over the other. I hugged him and said thank you and he just hugged me back so tight and didn't let go for the longest time. I've never before heard so much without hearing a word.
(Sometimes I just want to squeeze him and cover his cheeks with kisses like you do little babies but I think I'll freak him out.)

Mothering...

Just as Alexy feels he needs to cram his entire childhood into two weeks, I feel like I need to mother him enough in two weeks to make up for what he's missed and to last a very long time.
Last night I found myself playing Monopoly. Not so odd, I've played before. But what was odd is we started playing after "quiet" time and 15 minutes before "lights out time" and we played until almost ten o'clock. Lex just brought the box up and I couldn't explain that it was too late, too long of a game or I was just too tired. He just set it up and we played. (By the way, Lex is fabulous with money!) We've even left the game strewn all over my bedroom floor to finish after school today. This is so not like me.

But when you consider if you only had two weeks to love a child would routine's matter? Would you care what your house looked like or who called on the phone? I'm feeling sort of guilty as I don't think I'm that attentive to my own children. When Lex made me sit on the porch and watch him ride around the block 5 times there is nothing more I wanted to do.
With my own children they're always clamoring for my time and attention and I'm always "coming in a minute" or confirming "Yes, I saw you." and then hurrying on to my next commitment/project or task. So as I sat there basking in the beautiful fall day and watching this little boy with the pink flower helmet on the little girls bike ride by I couldn't help but feel guilt when I thought of the many times I exasperatingly gave my children 15 seconds of my time and a quick "good job" and hurried back to my agenda.
I know that children need braces, dance classes and money for lunch and in order to provide for them we work. We make money to pay our bills so our children have a home with working utilities and all the things we think they need to have a good childhood. We need to keep our homes clean enough that social services doesn't come take them away, we need to have time with our hubby, time with our extended family and of course time with our girlfriends or we'd go insane. We are pulled in many different directions and sometimes there just isn't enough of "me" to go around.
When I think deep about it, the fact of the matter is I've been with my children from 8-16 years depending on the child in question and I've spent hours with each of them doing homework, baking cookies, bandaging boo-boo's (if the bleed or not) curling hair, scrubbing necks, showing them how to clean their room for the 20th time, settling quarrels, running assignments/gym clothes/lunch money/tampons up to school, teaching them to use the potty, singing songs and telling stories to entertain them on long road trips, sitting through church, rubbing their backs or holding their hair back while their hunched over the toilet with stomach flu, and the list goes on.
Perhaps it's the lack of language that makes me drop what I'm doing and spend time with Lex but when you think about it, it's a lot like a new born. They don't speak your language either and when ever they cry, you jump! I sort of felt like the mother of a new born this morning when I realized he slept through the night and I did too!
But how would it be to not have a mom? No one to pick you up when you fall? No one that thought your art project was the best? No one that worried when you tried out for dance company? Or in my own mothers case, no one that sat through your many plays every night even when you are 39 years old? No one that worries if eat your vegetables, wash behind your ears, use your manners at a friends? No one to clean your clothes, tell you stories, sing you songs and kiss you goodnight? How grateful I am to my mom and what an awesome experience it is to be a mom. I guess I just never really thought about it all that much until this limited time with Lex and the fact that he just doesn't have a Mom.
So, I've been reading Lex a story at bedtime (I know he can't understand it but he seems to like it) and Rylee snuggles in too. I thought I'd just make up a story about the pictures last night. (We were reading Peter Pan and it's quiet long) but Lex said no, no and pointed to the words so even in another language I can't get away with summarizing.
And just so you can see how darling he is. Here's some silly video Devree took of Lex last night. He is so funny!

Incredible Sense Of Direction...

I needed to take Rylee over to her dance class and planned on leaving Lex with Dev but he wanted to come. On the way home he was telling me where to turn to get "doma". Amazing. I took him to Shopko (which is close to our dance studio) today but he played Game Boy in the car both ways so I didn't think he was paying attention but apparently he was? Perhaps it's because my sense of direction is so bad or the fact that if I go out of Salt Lake, I don't know if I'm driving west/east/north/south without some intense map searching? Regardless, I was so impressed!!
The other funny thing was he had his new crappy little am/fm radio (that came with his new shirt) on and tuned our car radio to the same station. Devree began singing (as she always does) and he turned to her and zipped his mouth and pantomimed throwing the key out the window. It was a crack up! Even Dev laughed. (She would not have laughed if Austin had done that to her.....what you can get away with being an orphan in our home!)

Honesty..

Just in case you're thinking this is a piece of cake,  let me be perfectly honest...

The struggles we have is Lex is very impatient and very over dramatic. (I know, you are all thinking I deserve that as I tend to be a bit dramatic myself?) but he's over the top. When you tell him no or that he has to wait, he sulks. Not like a quiet hurt feeling sort of thing but a big scowl, huffy, angry kind of thing. The meeting last night was an example of this. The Heely's and within an hour of the bike success he tried a bigger and harder bike and fell on his butt and bruised his knee and scraped his hand. More angry tears.

Then he spotted Jame's gas powered remote control car in the garage and I explained he could drive it when James gets home. That just wasn't fast enough. I told him perhaps we could talk to Austin when he gets home in thirty minutes and that wasn't fast enough.

That was it. I'm nice, but ask my kids, I'm not the nicest! So we had a little computer translated talk about how you don't always get to do what you want to do the minute you want to. It makes me feel bad when he acts so sad/angry. Then I told him that it's okay if he's mad at me. It doesn't change how I feel about him. I told him I had work to do and to let me know if I could get him anything.

Part of me thinks he's just WAY over tired. The poor thing probably has jet lag something fierce, he's been up since 4 am, and he's ridden a bike non stop for over and hour. I tried to get him to lay down and watch tv/play Game Boy/read a book/take a rest but he "net" all those ideas.

Devree came home within ten minutes of this drama and she has a little battery operated car and offered to help him drive it but being the mean Mom that I am, I told her to make him wait. I can't have him thinking that living here means he gets everything whenever he wants. Can I? What do you all think? Advice welcome.

Now Ry and Austin are home. Apparently the gas car needs, you guessed it...gas! Not just ordinary gas but some kind of gas they sell at the hobby shop. I just don't think my little guy will be driving the gas car tonight! Besides, I think it should be something he shares with James as by the time he gets here -  on Wednesday - I'm sure Lex will have explored our house and belongings from top to bottom!

The bike....

So we had a crisis. Lex can't ride a bike...yet. And I don't know if he's just ultra competitive or if he sees my children and thinks "Why don't I know how to do this? Where is my childhood? Why don't I have a bike?" But after walking Ry to school. (He and Ry rode scooters and I walked the dog) We came home and he attempted to ride. He had moments of success but they were fleeting. I balanced the back, pushed and ran along side but after getting all the way around the block, his eyes fill with tears and his chin quivers and he gives up. I - of course - am consoling him with words he cannot possible understand. He won't come in, he won't let me type out my English sentences and translate them on the fabulous web program we use to communicate on. He just cries. I try to distract him by jumping on the trampoline. Me, jumping! Nope, he doesn't see this as an outrageous and brave thing. He won't even look at me let alone join me. So, I awkwardly carry him in, he doesn't resist but he doesn't cooperate either. I sit him at the computer and tell him how long it took me to ride a bike, how hard it is, how it took Austin almost a year. Nothing makes him feel better. Finally I just pick him up and rock him in the recliner with his legs hanging off to the side. I think perhaps I can comfort him by singing a song?  What song? I don't know anything Ukrainian so I sing the first song that pops in my head. I Am A Child of God. I make it to the "has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear" and now we're both crying. Me, for a boy with no parents and him in frustration. I feel as if he's trying to cram a life's worth of childhood into two weeks. He finally calms down and turns to the Game Boy. I get him a drink and the jelly beans he asked for at breakfast (I know. I'm comforting him with food but what else can I do?) and I make charades about me taking a shower. He nods.
After my shower he's feeling better and after much convincing on my part he agrees to go shopping. We went to Shopko and he wants to man the cart, which isn't so bad except he has only one speed....fast!!
We find him some shoes. (4 1/2 as opposed to the 3's he came in) a pair of jeans, a shirt with a am/fm radio as a bonus (which is obviously the reason he picked it) swim trunks ($1.25) a Ninja Halloween Costume (he didn't like all the fluffy stuff I had) and a Nike T-shirt (Clearance to $1.90). He really wants a back pack .  and they just happen to be on clearance for $5 so I buy three more for my children and/or for friend birthday gifts. If I told him how much something cost (like the Nike backpacks that were $55) he seems to comprehend too much money. In fact he points to the $14.99 price tag on his Payless shoes and worries they're too much money.
When we leave (by now he's saying "Doma" over and over) I have four large bags. He insists on carrying them all to the car. He won't let me carry anything. Which reminds me of another way cool thing he did yesterday,  my mom stopped by while we were having dinner. I invited her to stay and she was dishing up her plate and Lex jumps up and gets her a chair from across the room. What a gentlemen! Somehow the orphanage has managed to teach something I've been unable to teach my own offspring. Respect for elders and gentlemanly manners!
After Shopko we went to Costco. I'm sure he's thinking we Americans our glutenous now. He keeps asking if this is all one store? We start with lunch. I thought he might like the polish sausage. He does but cannot finish it and the cold "Coca-Cola"hurts his teeth. Did I mention he needs a lot of dental work? I'm not dentist but I can see at least two or three cavities with my inexperienced eye. I heard that the Foundation is trying to get the orphans a free dental exam and cleaning, I'm thinking I'll be calling my dentist to see if he has any humanitarian hours of work he needs filled? How can I possible send him back with hurting teeth?
While at Costco he sees some kids with Heely's on. He gets so excited. I tell him I have some at "doma" and so when we get home he helps me in with the groceries and bags and then we rush off to find the Heely's. He looks so sad when he sees that they're too big. Not that much too big but he's almost ready to cry. The only thing I can think is that in the orphanage you must have to wear clothes and shoes your size or smaller? No wearing anything too big? (That would explain his shoes, flood pants and two size too small t-shirt.) I convince him to wear them anyway. Now, I've been through four kids and the trauma involved in learning to Heely and it's no easy task. He goes outside and within minutes comes back in shaking his head and taking off the shoes. I hurry and type and tell him it's hard and takes practice but he won't hear it. He asks if he can go on the scooter. (Thank goodness he's picked up riding the scooter relatively easy.) Sure I say. 10 minutes later he's running through the house."Mama, Mama" and he pantomimes bicycling. He wants me to come watch. He's done it! He makes it all the way around the block and he's beaming and sweating and just so pleased with himself. He jumps off the bike and wraps his arms around me and squeezes so tight. Then he tells me to stay on the porch and I proceed to watch him go around another five times! At one point I sneak in and call my mom and she goes out to cheer him on. (She just lives down the street and on the same block.) and he stops and jumps off the bike and hugs her too!
I - of course - am cheering and yelling each time he rides by and he probably thinks I'm crazy but that's okay. My children tend to think the same thing. Wow, what a great experience!

I brought the lap top out to the porch and told him how proud I was of him and how he should be proud of himself. He nods and then it's off to check out his new am/fm radio. I think tonight he just might crash....I know I will!

His first day...

Once Lex (that's what we're calling him or Alex as Austin insists that Alexy sounds too girly!) found the Nerf Dart Gun's and had the big war with Austin and Devree he seemed to warm up and feel more comfortable with us. He then went out and rode on the tandem bike with Kambree. He doesn't know how to ride a bike but I think he'll conquer that this week. We just need to get some flat tire's fixed so he can try.
We made sugar cookie. My kids love to snitch the dough so I gave a pinch to Lex, he made a terrible face and promptly spit it back into the bowl!
Rylee kept yelling at Austin as he was snitching cookie dough and then Lex imitated her yelling "Autin, Autin" in this funny high pitch voice. So even in a different language he can already tease the girls!

 

 Then Alex wanted to take some pictures:

 Self Portrait:

He ate breakfast well and didn't even mind my zucchini soup for lunch (unlike my own off spring) but when I served roast for dinner he was repulsed. He turned up his nose and shook his head. Maybe they don't eat a lot of meat over there? He did try a bite but didn't finish it. He just ate his mashed potatoes some carrots and lots of peaches. He finally tried a baked and frosted sugar cookie at the end of the day. I wasn't sure he'd give my cookies another chance after spewing out the dough earlier?
We had Anastasia and Alex come over and translate for us. We learned his favorite color is white, he likes to eat pasta, hash browns and Borsch. (Some sort of cabbage/beet soup that Anastasia told me to not even try making as Americans just don't know how to make it? )
I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell us or ask us and he told us that his Dad died when he was four and his mom left him in the city when he was six and a lady from the orphanage found him and he's been there ever since. He has an older brother that is 25 and visits him once a month but cannot live with him. Anastasia says' you have to have a lot of money and a house and a job to get a child out of the orphanage and it sounds like his brother doesn't have any of those things. I asked:
W: Do you think your mom will come get you from the orphanage?
L: No, she isn't nice.
W: Did she hurt you?
L: Yes.
I do have a copy of his visa from when he was admitted to the orphanage and he looks like he is three or four? So, unless Mom left him with the visa she would have had to "checked him in" somehow and given them this information so I don't know if he knows the whole story?
We went to a Ukrainian church meeting where they gave the children a lesson on gratitude and praying. They had all the orphans sit up front and Lex reluctantly sat with them. Then at one point they were asked to make a card expressing gratitude to someone. Lex was the first one done and asked to bring his card to me. It says Thank You and something about this is my family. Then he wanted to sit with us and wouldn't go back to sitting with the other orphans.

At one point a little orphan girl sat on Rylee's chair and he stood up and started shouting in Ukrainian at her. I don't know what he said but he certainly defended the fact that that was Rylee's chair and that little girl cannot sit there!
He taught us the name for baby is "lala" and that's now what we call Rylee. She's okay with that because she'll admit it, she is the baby! I'm afraid this nickname might stick?
At four o'clock (he can tell time) he made ice cream licking charades. Like, "Okay, you said at four we'd have ice cream!"  Luckily they did serve ice cream before the meeting at four where they explained basic rules to the orphans.
He wanted to go home right after the ice cream. He'd make a triangle with his hands and say "doma" (home). We explained through a translator we needed to stay and hear the rules and he rolled his eyes and huffed. We made it back to the meeting room where I had left my bag to save our seats and he sat by the bag. Rylee tried to move my bag and sit by him and he said "No, mama!" So apparently he wanted me to sit by him? (I think he likes me just fine.) After the torturous half hour of listening to the rules which he made clear he thought intolerable we went "doma".
He's been up since four this morning and has had a difficult time sleeping. I could hear him toss and turn and he got up about three times to go to the bathroom. My alarm clock went off at five. (I thought I'd go to the gym-nope not today!) and he was so happy to see me. He came and hugged me and greeted me with a  "mama" and then immediately showed me the Game Boy he found in Ry's room. He wanted to know how to play it. It actually held his attention for about 45 minutes. Which is the longest thing that's held his interest next to Nerf Guns and video games.
Right now he's checking out all our board games. He opens them checks out the pieces and puts them back. I tried to show him play dough, nope, coloring with markers, nope, he just seems to be bouncing from thing to thing and he just can't take it in fast enough. He LOVES electronic things and shooting things.
It's now 7:40 I had to stop and make breakfast. Lex ate 2 bananas, 1 apple (core and all) two large helping of eggs (he helped me make them, he had never cracked and egg and tried punching it - it was quite funny) and toast.
Did I mention that he has on size 3 shoes and his foot is the same size as Rylee's and she wears a 5 or 6? We're going shoe shopping first thing this morning.
Over all this has just been amazing. I do hope he'll settle down in a bit, it's a bit exasperating how he jumps from thing to thing but he's very good about cleaning up and putting things aways so it's not like he's making huge messes or anything.
He certainly has his opinions about food (and has to sniff everything) and things he doesn't want to do -  like go to meetings. He was very excited to learn he would not be going to school. He may not be as excited after spending the day with a boring "mama" but we'll see. Wish me luck. He's now out on the scooter and it's on 7:55 am!

Alexy is home!!

He made it! Here are pictures of us waiting for the children to come down the escalator.

Here is the empty escalator.

This is us at the bottom of the escalator. Each balloon represents an orphan. There are three orphanages, hence the three different colors.

Here they come.....finally! Their plane landed at 10:45 and this is about 11:15pm!

Our orphanage came down first. I wasn't sure which one he was but my mom picked him out immediately. There are no pictures of the actual first encounter because I had to snake around to get him and my camera girls couldn't follow and there was just a mess of people trying to hug these children and give them balloons and the poor kids looked so baffled.

I was glad I'm brought some translated sentences and I'd made names tags saying who we were. Then we took a few more photo's.

At this point I just want to pick him up and let him know it's going to be okay, that we aren't scary. Can you just imagine how frightened he is?

We finally got him to smile.

And then we waited for what seemed forever for our group shot. These are just the children from his orphanage with their host families




We finally got to go to the car. When I showed him our van I heard him speak for the first time. His first word was, "Honda". What's with boys and cars? Austin told him "You know Honda but I'm going to teach you about Zonda." (Some way expensive car that Austin fantasizes about!)
We got home and I got out more of my translated sentences and showed him where he will sleep and his new clothes and then had him take a bath. I am not sure he's every been in a bathtub? Maybe they only shower in Ukraine? I had to rinse out the tub after he finished. Yes, he was that dirty. 
He let me dry his hair with the hair dryer and he seemed to like that okay.  Then he started exploring. He's very curious. Since he's in Ry's room the only option for playing was Polly Pockets. (All the other toys are downstairs.) He didn't care that Polly Pockets are girl toys so here they are playing and it's only one in the morning!

Isn't he cute? He has a little cold sore on him mouth and he's awfully skinny but he's taller than Rylee and she's tall for eight. All his size 10's seemed to fit just fine. I had bought night lights for his room, the hall and the bathroom so he could see around in the night. Once I got him into bed, I could hear him wiggling around and went and checked on him. Ella (our dog) had crawled in bed with him and he was petting her. I think she made him feel comfortable. At one point he did get up and go to the bathroom. I don't know if I slept at all last night - I kept listening for him - just like you do when you bring home a new baby.

This morning he got up and ate a good breakfast. He even had a second helping of scrambled eggs. Then we thought we'd do laundry (he only came with the clothes he had on, a pair of socks and some slippers) but he didn't want his pants washed until I showed him I had other pants for him to wear. And thank goodness, everything fit!
He seems to be trying to absorb everything and take it all in just as fast as he can. He cleaned up his dishes after breakfast. (Impressive!) Then my children turned on the TV. I pulled him away to talk to him via the computer translator program. I asked if he was full, (da-yes) if he slept okay, (da) what his favorite color was (white) and then I asked if he was scared to come?  Da, he said. I asked if he was okay now and he said, da. Then we got out the domino's, that lasted for about 5 minutes, then he went down to play and Austin got him playing a video game where you shoot German soldiers. Great. 
Rylee wanted to make sugar cookies and brought him up but I was in the middle of posting this blog and Alexy with the universal thumb wiggle for video games asked if he could go back down and play? I said yes and sent Rylee to take a bath as we didn't get her bathed last night. Then Alexy came up from the basement and said "Wendy" or more like "Veny" and he's grinning from ear to ear and what does he have? The Nerf dart gun! I show him how to cock it and yelled for Austin who happily went and grabbed another and Devree joined in too and now everyone is running through the house having Nerf dart gun wars. He has slowly collected all the Nerf darts and now Austin and Devree are defenseless. And he's shouting in Ukrainian and just having a great time. Oh, he's going to fit in just fine!

Now, that's a real smile!

For those following....

...in my footsteps.
(I wrote this post in October of 2010)

This post should really be titled:
What I wish I had know before we adopted!

Our adoption experience was many things:

Hard

Spiritual

Emotional

Rewarding

Exhausting

Expensive

LONG

but ultimately it was OURS!

Every one's adoption experience will, in the end be theirs too.

New hosting families have asked, what would you have done differently? Since hind sight is 20/20 here is my advice and opinion. Take it as such. I am not a professional by any means. I can only base it on my experience and those of my friends that have adopted as well.

SHOP AROUND FOR AN ADOPTION AGENCY

The agency we used did an okay job for us but I think we could have saved a lot of money and some headache if we had looked around a little bit.  Other families have had some not-so-great-experiences with the same agency. This year I am on staff with Save A Child Foundation and it is their position to not recommend ANY adoption agency as they are a hosting program not an adoption agency. However, I would recommend getting references and just shopping and calling around. Here are a few different options other families have successfully used. (Note: I am not recommending or referring anyone, just giving you information and a place to start.) It is up to each family to decide what agency would work best for them and their situation.

One of our families used this facilitator:

Kostyantyn I. Yakubenko, M.A.  (Konstantine for short!)

adoptionkiev@gmail.com

Ukraine cell: +38 050 402 9305
U.S. (Internet phone): 512.541.4991

His prices:

Country Fee for one child -  $10,900
Country fee for second child, same court hearing - $12,900 (if child is from same orphanage), three children from same orphanage - $13,900 and $1,000 more for each additional child from same orphanage (same court hearing)

Country fee for second child, different district/orphanage - $13,900 (same court hearing) and $3,000 more for each additional child from different district/orphanage (same court hearing). You can email Lori for a reference,  lawrence6320@comcast.net

http://www.ukrainianangels.org
I emailed for prices and got four very in-depth emails within 24 hours. One email walked me through the ENTIRE adoption  process from start to finish. Here is pricing:
TOTAL is about $15,000-$20,000 for one child, $17,000-$24,000 for two children. (This includes and estimate for airfare, food & housing, visa's....everything!!)

 You can email Christy, hinkson@pcu.net for a referral.

Gods Waiting Children

http://godswaitingchildren.com/

Call 1-866-468-3089 or by e-mail at info@godswaitingchildren.com
They are more than happy to put a conference call together for any of our families that have questions or concerns to go over everything. Here is info on their pricing:
Our team usually charges $10,000 for one child and $15,000 for two - but sometimes this
is less or more depending on the region and expenses in that region. 

(I am betting that does not include airfare, transportation, food or housing. Just the contract for facilitating?)

I know a lady from blog land that used these folks three different times.  Christine at  smilesandtrials.blogspot.com  She made it in and out of Ukraine in about sixteen-twenty days last summer with two children in hand! (The ten day waiting period was waived and NO these children were not handicapped or in need of medical care. Perfectly healthy children. Of course not all regions will waive the 10 day waiting period but it certainly can't hurt to ask.)

Another blogging friend of mine is using:

Dima Subotenko dmsub@ukr.net

Personally, we paid just over 28K for everything for ONE child in 2009 and were in Ukraine for six weeks and one day - although I did have passport picture issues that were not the fault of my agency and added a five days to our total time.We paid $16,000 to our agency for facilitating (no airfare, housing, transportation etc.). FYI in 2009, they charged an additional $4,000 for a 2nd child, the same for a third.

I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AS MUCH MEDICAL & EDUCATIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT ALEX IN UKRAINE AS POSSIBLE.
Alex came from a school with speech disorders. It wouldn't have changed a thing-we still would have adopted him-but it would have been nice to have more documentation of his exact issues. I also would have pestered his 1/2 brother with more background information. Taken Alex to visit his Ukraine dad's grave. I am fortunate that we had a older 1/2 brother and I was able to take pictures of Alex as a baby and toddler. Many families are not so lucky.

I WOULD HAVE HAD ALEX TESTED FOR LEARNING DISORDERS RIGHT WHEN WE GOT HOME! IN HIS NATIVE LANGUAGE.

Especially since I was told he was such a "bad" student. By the time I realized and wanted to get testing done he was no longer fluent in Ukraine or English so there was no way to test him. I was told he won't be fluent for at least three years and that testing him would be inaccurate until then. So we wait. I feel like my hands are tied. He might be able to be getting services and special classes if I had documentation or had testing done when he first arrived.
I would say if your child was doing well in school in Ukraine that this will not be an issue but I was told time and time again that he was a terrible student. Wouldn't study. Hated to read. I think about the tears and nervousness he had when he had to write the letter stating he wanted to be adopted and I realize NOW that that may have been his inability to write and communicate in his native tongue. And just weeks ago he told me he didn't even speak until he went into the orphanage at age six. I will never know for sure but it makes a lot of sense that he may have a learning disability.

Other parents have shared with me that:

THEY WOULD HAVE SENT A CELL PHONE WITH THEIR CHILD WHEN THEY WENT BACK TO UKRAINE.

They had no way to communicate. Writing is almost impossible. Especially within some orphanages. (We were able to write and place a few calls through the orphanage directors office.) The threat of being adopted or going to foster care is real. These kids come to America, have a great time, fall in love with you and you with them and then they go back to Ukraine, don't hear from you, doubt you're coming and start second guessing if you're actually going to come. (Alex has shared that despite our loving hosting experience and us telling him we wanted to adopt him and he agreeing to it....he didn't really think we'd come! People have promised and lied to these children so often. His self worth was so small that he didn't believe it until we called him from Kiev!) However, getting them a cell phone can be tricky. I think the best idea is to see if one of our families there now can pick one up for you. They're inexpensive and you could pay them for it when they bring it home. The big question is WILL they be home before the kids head back to Ukraine? I'm not sure. If they're older I guess you could send money and have them purchase one? They are not that expensive and then they can buy a sim card-they don't have to have a plan or contract and all INCOMING calls are free - even if they don't have any minutes on their phone -  so you can call and talk all you want without it costing anything! (I personally didn't do it but wish I had. We spoke with Alex a few times but he was standing in the middle of the directors office, very uncomfortable an unable to talk freely.)

THEY WOULD HAVE BROUGHT UP ADOPTION EARLIER IN THE HOSTING EXPERIENCE

Made sure the child really wanted to be adopted. Ask about the child's extended family, parents and past. Talk about religion and expectations. Family rules and responsibilities. (We did actually have a talk with Alex about our expectations of him and going to school, doing school work, chores etc. during the hosting program. We brought up adoption early because he's director brought it up right in front of him. We were planning to wait to the last couple days but she let the cat out of the bag and when he realized that we wanted to keep him, it made the rest of the hosting experience so much more educational for both of us.  We told him that being our son was not going to be like the weeks of hosting, with parties and activities every other day. I told him all of this via Google translator. Not sure he got all of it but he got the jest of it. I've had to remind him that he knew what he was getting into when he agreed to be adopted and he has acknowledged that he knew!) Made sure they really want to be adopted and/or are available for adoption. This one is tricky because often times the orphanage directors and/or the people that brought them over don't know for a fact if a child's paper work has been properly filed.


THEY WOULD HAVE ADOPTED ONE CHILD AT A TIME OR SIBLING GROUPS AND NOT MIXED NON-RELATED ORPHANS.
This is a touch subject and not one I can speak of out of experience but I have been told that some parents, in hindsight, would not mix children that are not related all at once. It's hard enough to adjust to one new, little person and help them assimilate, learn English and above all learn how to live in a family. Bringing two or three non-related children together (and possibly your own biological children) is tricky and tough.  As much as you want to save as many children as possible, know you'll never make a second trip, and have the very best of intentions and a loving, warm, heart, be warned of the tricky balance this will require. Sometimes the Ukraine siblings resent each other, don't want to be siblings, are jealous of each other, or will not assimilate or bond with the American children or parents. They seem to keep to themselves, refuse to speak English, go to church etc. Go into it with eyes wide open. I honestly don't know how some of our parents who have adopted multiple children non-related AT THE SAME TIME do it. Alex seemed so needy and fragile the first few months that I can't see how I could have juggled another child with his or her own set of issues and needs for adjusting and bonding. There just wasn't enough of me. I figure for the most part, Heavenly Father sends our biological children one at at time-maybe that's something to consider about adoption. However, I'm right with you with how do we get one and not the other? If you're hosting two and fall in love with both-then of course-do what is right for you. I'm just saying, for what it's worth that given a choice and or thinking maybe you'll just get another or a couple more while your over there?  Is something you should think about and talk with others about. That's all. Just saying....
(Not to mention adoption from TWO different orphanages makes for a much longer stay in Ukraine. Even two different kids from the same orphanage may require two trips to the SDA and extended time in Ukraine.)

SOME WHO HAVE ADOPTED BLINDLY...
Wish they had hosted the child first. Had a trial run to see if the child was a good fit.  Not true for every situation but the majority of kids with hard issues were adopted blindly. Why adopt blindly? Sometimes adoptions go awry. Kids change their mind and decide to stay, they're pressured by the anti-international adoption feelings prevalent in some regions, they have family that can't get them out of the orphanage but that they  feel obligated to stay. There are many reasons. Some adopt blindly because they want to offer a chance to more than one child. To save as many as possible. Personally, we went to get Alex and Alex alone. James and I decided before we left if anything went wrong with our adoption we would come home empty handed rather than just a choose a child out of a book, knowing him or her for a couple of days before deciding to make them a part of our family. This is not true for all parents and there are some very successful blind adoptions. Only you can know what is right for you, I'm just passing on the advice and information I have received & witnessed from a few that have "been there - done that" with regards to adopting blindly.

And last but not least.....
Please know these are MY opinions (as well as opinions of others that have adopted as well). Not the opinion of our hosting foundation, trained professionals or anyone else.  Regardless of anything I have written in this post, I would encourage you to pray about all aspects of adoption and come to your own decision - without anyone talking you into anything, without doing it because you hosted and everyone else is doing it, because it is the RIGHT thing for you and your family.
Heavenly Father knows you and he knows these children and he loves you both. He will guide you to make the right decision. I know he had a hand in our adoption and mountains moved to get our son home. I was overwhelmed with the cost and time and everything about international adoption and the many hoops we had to jump through just to get our paper work submitted. Just when I would want to throw up my hands and declare "I quit!" the Spirit would whisper to me that, "Everything will be okay. Just keep going." I am so glad I did. Despite the adjustments and crazy first few months, Alex is a blessing in our lives and I have had witness time and time again that he was meant to be  our son.  May each and everyone of you reading this find the same witness and sweet spirit to guide your path. God bless you in your journey.
~Wendy