(Sing the title to this post to the tune of "Where are you Christmas?" from the movie "The Grinch")
So lately I've had a patch of "Alex is getting on my last nerve" and I've not been very nice. He just seems to say the wrong things, act disgruntled and angry when you're tying to help him, stick his nose in everyone else's business other than his own, and just annoy me in general. I've bit my tongue a lot and rolled my eyes behind his back but I've also said some pretty snide and not so nice comments with regards to some of the things that drive me cRaZy, like the fact that he is twelve years old and CANNOT comb his hair (I guess he figures since he can't see the back of his head, it does not exist?) can't stop picking/itching his nose and or face every ten seconds when reading or watching TV, his lack of color and pattern coordination when it comes to dressing, or the way he sounds like a herd of hippos running/jumping/sliding down the stairs....over and over again! See? Just stupid things that on other days don't phase me at all but for the last week......grrr!!!
Last night I kicked him off of Netflix after the third hour of watching cartoons to watch a movie of my choice. Normally he'll cuddle up to me regardless of the movie and stay and watch but he disappeared. I felt a little bad, thinking that he most probably is trying to "lay low" and avoid my exasperation/chastisement of a behavior that is driving me to drink? Or maybe, my romantic chick flick wasn't as enticing as Austin playing his new war video game with his online headset? (Which reminds me that during one of my "point out one of the many things Alex is doing that is driving me up the wall" moments, Austin pipped in with a "I like you bro. Took me awhile but I like you!". Sweet huh? On Austin's part that is.)
Anyway, I've been feeling a little bad. No, I'm not really picking on Alex but I just can't seem to find my patience. I think I threw it out with all the shredded Christmas wrappings and boxes?
So today he's writing in his journal (Yes, I know it's Christmas break but really, does that justify video games and cartoons for hours and hours on end? Give me a break! A little reading and writing should be a welcome relief! Besides, Rylee has to read too!) and he decides to write a memory. Here is a little of what he wrote.
A Ukraine memory:
"When I was little my perent's (parents) did not love me. Exceped (except) my dad, my dad trited (treated) me nice, and once my dad perned (burned) his finger and my (Ukraine) mom was lauthing (laughing) at my dad. I could not do anying (anything)...I am grateful that I have new perents (parents) because they love so so much....I am grateful that my mom still loves me because I love her more."
When I first read it, of course I felt so bad for my little guy. What little person wants to admit that his parents didn't love him? Hurts my heart.
But I loved the fact that despite my recent lack of patience (and secret desire to pull my hair out over some of his behaviors) that he still feels loved and loves us back!
Parenting an ex-orphan is not all buttercups and lollipops but dang, if it isn't sometimes the sweetest experience in the world. Especially when you feel like you're not doing so great and you get a little "I know you still love me and I love you more" at the end of the day!
2 of my blog friends said something...:
I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only person that ever gets like this.
Love this post. It ISN'T always buttercups and daisies (or as I say, lollipops and rainbows), but the moments like Alex' journal moment make it all worth it. It goes to show you that even though he was forced to suppress so many feelings year after year, he never lost his ability to love. And that's really all that us parents want in return. You've done so well with Alex. Anyone that sees him can hardly believe that he was an orphan less than 2 years ago, especially from the orphanage he came from. You all have come SUCH a long ways.
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