How in the world?
How in the world can you have two sons - one adopted, one biological and yet peas in a pod?
Serious.
And not in the sweet pea variety either.
One son, not working or going to school. Attempting to find a job when he rolls out of bed around noon - if said job sound "interesting" or "fun" to him.
One son failing four different tests/quizzes in four different classes - only because one mom picked up on some frustration through a random writing assignment - upon further questioning/interrogation finds that said son has failed a science quiz.
"Were there sheets to study?"
"No."
"Was there a book to look at?"
"No. I just don't understand his questions."
"Then let's go talk to Mr. Science Teacher and see why you are not understanding his questions."
"Or, just get me a new teacher?"
"Ahhh....no."
Upon arriving at the school during the last ten minutes of class who do I find kicked out of his math class and standing in the hall for "tapping". (Drumming on his desk with his hands and tapping his feet.) Yes. This very son. Great.
I take him with me to Mr Science Teacher across the hall with the promise to the other boy kicked out of class with my son that we would be back to talk to Ms. Math Teacher.
Science teacher shows us the study sheets that were provided, explains it was an open note/journal test, and we look at son's notes/journal - which is randomly recorded on any page he flips to in a notebook with other pages of random drawings and scribbles.
Nice.
Then we look at the ONE assignment turned in?
He has failed it.
Largely in part to not finishing questions.
He didn't even get the easy three points of having his parents SIGN said assignment.
We make some goals and walk across the hall to Mrs. Math Teacher.
She explains that son needs to be quiet, even if he understands what she is teaching, there are other children in the class who do not.
While we're there, I ask how he's doing?
She looks it up.
Oh.
Look who failed his math test.
Further more, look who failed to correct the missed problems and return them for half credit on time.
Nice.
Son claims he "lost" his test.
We go to locker.
No test.
We get a mini lecture about the same dang things we talk about every school year right there. In the empty hall of the junior high.
We go home and find failed math test in home locker and proceed to correct missed problems. (He got 18 out of 40.)
We get out his brand, spanking new planner with NOTHING written in it and proceed to write what is due in the upcoming week due to each and every email I receive from his teacher.
Over the course of the next few days, I discover he has failed his English test - just left things blank - and although he got a 81% on his States and Capitals test in history (which we spent HOURS studying for - he and I) he has managed to get F's or D's on the last four assignments.
Great.
This after Monday going over a new plan of parenting.
A plan that descriptively shows what we provide for our children and in return what their responsibilities and obligations are to our family.
A plan that if followed would be like a peaceful Utopia. Everyone working together for a common goal. Mom not bugging/nagging each member to do the jobs/responsibilities that are theirs.
An idea that made me giddy with excitement.
That excitement lasted less than 24 hours.
Both boys have different plans - one being over 18 and a legal adult with different responsibilities/obligations.
Both boys have managed in three short days to pretty much ignore the whole plan.
I won't go into details.
Both boys get a Skype lecture from their father who has an entirely different parenting style than the mother.
One boy might be moving out if things don't improve.
The other is grounded to his room after school until he can figure out how to get his life together.
Not exactly what I'd do with 2nd boy but since my three years and three months of pep talks, lectures, lessons, goal charts, check lists, incentive programs, consequences, privilege withdraws, pleading and bribing have not worked?
Maybe solitary confinement will?
Oh my.
And here I have always said "boys are easier."
Apparently, I spoke too soon.
4 of my blog friends said something...:
'and not the sweet pea variety either' made me laugh!! But I feel a small part of your pain:( I spoke about this very hing with my husband just last night after finding out BoyOne is failing classes, too, 3 weeks into his super easy school year. While intently working on paper airplanes instead of studying/listening/doing work/whatever. Sooo annoying. Not sure if he'll get it in time. It's so irritating because all we want is or them to try FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!! Well, maybe because we don't want them living with us still when they are forty!!! I wouldn't care if he failed every single class if I knew he was trying. I'm considering taking him to see the local homeless shelter and telling him this is where he's going to end up if he can't find a job and earn a paycheck as an adult. ( Andreas suggested the scare tactic ) If you're still working on this after three years, we're screwed. We only have four years left with him (including this one)!! Do tell if you figure out how to motivate them, you'll be a gazillionaire:)
Thanks for sharing with all of us, Wendy and Stephanie. I know where you are coming from.
Anne
Oh wow. I am glad that you are not the only one going through this. For what it's worth, my 7th grader, who is biological, is getting worse grades that his adopted sister, who is at the same school. My wife and I get so frustrated. There is a Jodee Messina song called 'My Give A D@##'s busted' that we are sure was written with him in mind. But we also do go through it with her too. Together, those 2 require hours of help every night. Problem with her is that she has a VERY low threshold of frustration. When things that getting too confusing, she often turns off and trying to push homework any longer just does not work. I get so frustrated that I often turn to tactics like your husband, and tell them once 18 rolls around, they better get on the ball or it's 'hit the road'.
Sigh...these kids are giving us gray hair..
Could any of this be learning disorder related? More specifically, Executive Functioning Disorder?
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