Solitary Confinement Report

Ahhh...my friends. 

Thanks for the comments.

So, Alex lived through his 24+ hours of bedroom confinement.

It wasn't easy.

Friday during school, I cleared out his room of all the junky toys, tools and "materials" (garbage) that he stores in his desk drawers. I filled up an entire laundry basket. I removed everything but books, papers and pencils. 

When he came home from school - despite his Dad telling him of his grounding to his room - he didn't think we'd really go through with it? 

(Not sure how this boys brain works - what I think is obvious isn't always obvious so I won't even gander a guess as to why he thought we really weren't going to go through with this.)

He was mad.

Mad. Mad. Mad.

James called Friday after he'd been in his room for a wee hour or hour and a half and as I was heading upstairs with James on the phone, who is caught sneaking out of our bedroom?

Oh yes.

Alex. 

Oh my heck!!!

James heard me ask

"Alex what are you doing in my room?"

He heard Alex say "Watching TV."

And then I said "Here's your Dad." and I handed him the phone and walked away. I think I wanted to spank that kid and I knew once I started, I wouldn't want to stop.

Friday night was rough.

But he didn't dare leave the confines of his room again.

I brought him dinner and told him to leave his dishes in his room.
He refused to look at me or acknowledge I was there.
But I brought one of his favorites - clam chowder and bread - and I knew he wouldn't be stoic enough not to eat.
I was right. 

He stayed in his room all night - going to sleep at 8:30 pm.

The next morning we went to a ward breakfast and he had to sit with me and not go run about with his friends.

We came home and sat on the porch - everyone else had run their separate ways and we had a great talk.

(I know. I talk a lot. I can't help it. This hurts my heart. Friday night when he was sleeping I snuck in and brushed his hair from his face - he's a very sound sleeper. I just wanted so much to hold him and "fix" him. But I know I can't fix him. He needs to fix himself. He needs to want for himself the same good things we want for him.)

It was a long talk and I won't bore you with all the details but one of the most enlightening parts was when we were talking about Austin's choice of not driving.  (Austin has elected to not drive a car or be on our car insurance in order to not do a daily chore and make his bed. I know. Crazy. We'll see how long this lasts.) And Alex was telling me how he would never choose that and I softly explained that he is already choosing that. He looked puzzled. I explained that driving is a huge trust issue and if we can't trust him to stay in his room when told to, or do his jobs or homework before screens or try his hardest in school and obey the rules, or just obey basic family rules - he is showing us that he cannot be trusted and there is no way we would trust him with a car of ours. 

The light dawned on his face. 

I told him, how could we trust him to drive to school and home and not know if he was going to stop and smoke pot?

He got very indignant. 

"I would never smoke pot."

I asked him why and he told me because it was bad for his body. He could hurt someone if he was driving under the influence etc.
We talked about how not choosing to smoke pot was actually choosing happiness rather than pain and misery.

Then I explained that all our rules are in place for his happiness, like not smoking pot. 

I had him tell me why we had some of rules - why they would make him happy if he obeyed them? He came up with getting C's or better would afford him the opportunity to go to college and get a good job and be able to buy the cool cars he likes, be married and support a family.

Jobs were to teach him to work and help our family run smooth  and doing homework before screens was to improve his chances of getting C's or better.

It was a sweet talk by the end and once again, I explained how much we loved him and want what's best for him because we love him so much. That if we didn't love him, we wouldn't care. 

He elected to do a few jobs rather than return to his room.
(The deal was stay in your room or work.)

He returned to his room after lunch and James called and gave him the task of writing down everything he needs to do for his science class to improve his grades. He made a good list. I helped him add a few things then he called James and they went over the list. Then James had him do the same thing with each class he was struggling with. He went over his list with James again and James made suggestions and they talked about sacrificing something NOW for something a lot better later. (Alex just can't remember the word sacrifice - he keeps referring to it as "risk".) 

Then he had to make a list about how he was going to obey our family rules. It was an impressive list. I did help him add a few more things, like communicate - that most problems could be solved by just talking or explaining what his plan is. And we talked about and learned the word "procrastination" something Alex does with everything. He committed to try to not to procrastinate.  

But really, he came up with all the lists and plans of action for school and obeying on his own. 

The idea was to get him to think about it and come up with a plan, rather than droning on and on about how he should think and what we think his plan should be.

Saturday after dinner he was released from his room with the resolve to be a new man!

Sunday was heavenly.

He was very attentive and sweet. I have managed to sprain my wrist (falling over on my bike with my shoe pegged into my pedal - how stupid.) and he was so helpful and loving all day long. He snuggled with me through a movie we watched Sunday night and had to come kiss me goodnight three times before he finally got to bed. 

It's hard to believe his 14 when he's so snugly like that. He seems so little to me. More like the ten year old we meet at the airport four years ago this October. Add to that his struggles with schools and rules and he just doesn't seem even close to 14 but then I see him with girls, and hear his phone go off with text from girls and (during this grounding I decided to) read these text from girls and I am well aware that he is a 14 year old, red blooded, adolescent boy.
Eye-yi-yi!
I just want to freeze him and make time stand still. 

In his defense, the girls are pretty bold and he is pretty reserved. He's made it clear he doesn't date until he's 16 but he text* the sweetest things.  If I were a 14 year old girl, it would make my heart swoon.  His cute face would only make matters worse. 

Oy.

So now besides video games, Internet, TV, skateboards, Ipods, and computers - let's add girls to the list of distractions Alex has.

Oy. Oy. Oy.

Heaven help us. 

And heaven help Alex to follow his own plan of action for success in school and home. 

And this is what a very bored boy does in his room on a Saturday afternoon. 

He found floss and an old wire hanger and was attempting to make a musical instrument.

I didn't think to clear out the floss and this just might be the only wire hanger in the house? (I hate wire hangers and only have plastic!) 

And here is this years school pictures.

Look at those cute kids!

Oy!

*At least if he's texting, he's writing in English and attempting to communicate? That's a plus, right? I have to look for the silver lining in this girl thing.