Eee Gads!
My hat's off to those of you who adopted kids at age 14 or older.
Alex is so difficult right now.
He is so closed and aloof.
I just want him to TALK TO ME!
COMMUNICATE!
Is that so hard to ask? Why the heck did I work so hard on teaching him English only to have him say nothing?
Yes, I am a talker.
I like to talk.
I like to talk about REAL things - not about "What I would buy if I had 5 million dollars." (The only long conversation we've had in weeks consist of Alex pretending he was a Viking prince that was left in Ukraine only to be adopted by us and that he has 5 million dollars in some Viking bank and what he's going to spend it on. Good grief.)
I would like to hear things like this:
Mom, I can't get my job done tonight because I have too much homework. (But first I would have to not catch him gaming on my computer after school to actually appreciate the need he has to get his homework done.)
Mom, don't worry about getting me a ride to school in the rain because I don't mind walking. In fact I WANT to walk. Really. (BEFORE I go to the effort to arrange for him a ride - which he witnessed and took some arranging yet he never mentioned that he wanted to walk.)
Mom, I didn't wear the clothes you set out for me because I felt like wearing this - there is nothing wrong with the clothes you set out though. (Rather than me asking if there was something wrong with the clothes I set out? Yes. Are they too small? No. Is it stained? No. Is there a hole or rip? No. Don't you like them? No. Well what's wrong with them? I just want to wear this. So nothings wrong with the clothes I set out? No. You just want to wear this? Yes. Then why didn't you just say that from the first?)
Mom, I like a girl at school named Tanner and that's why I am always so late getting home. (Instead of me confiscating his phone - due to trust issues - and reading the banner that says "Tanner is awesome" and then the hundreds of text between the two playing 21 questions and talking about holding hands. Eye-yiyi!)
Mom, I know I need a haircut and I appreciate you making me an appointment but I don't know how I want it cut - could you help me find a style? (Instead of me goggling young men haircuts and he grunting "no" to everything I show him and yet he doesn't know what he's going to tell the hairdresser this afternoon. He wants it short on the sides and long on the top and back but we can't find an existing haircut known to mankind that is what he wants? It sounds like a mullet to me?)
Or just about anything regarding his feelings, opinions, life, loves, likes, dislikes.
Anything that's meaningful.
I dread the answer "I don't know."
It's his answer for everything.
Alex, why are you on the computer when your homework is not done?
I don't know.
Alex, why isn't your job done?
I don't know.
Alex, what do you want to make for dinner?
(Since he's 14 he gets to cook once a week. Torture for all involved.)
I don't know.
Alex, what are you thinking?
I don't know.
Then who does my love?
Who knows what is going on inside of your head if you don't?
2 of my blog friends said something...:
So yeah, unfortunately the mullet has made an amazing comeback, alo g with a few other things that should have stayed in the 80's. This time around it's a little different, but not much. In fact, it's the exact haircut that BoyTwo came home with that I could. Not. Wait. To fix. Seriously. We got home at one in the morning and I shaved his smelly little head. I told them that this style was big no good job in America and basically that I was saving his life from being laughed out of the state by cutting his hair. Only to take them both to register for school the next morning (I'm not gonna lie. I wouldve sent them that day, jet lagged and all, if they'd had current immunizations:)) and see not one but TWO boys with the exact haircut (my first realization that the mullet was alive and well after all) I had just shaved off of BoyTwo's head hours earlier. Both boys looked at me accusingly and said a few things. Pretty sure I lied to them and told them that those boys didn't have any friends... Ahhhh those were the days. Honestly can't believe I'm alive and well and laughing about it now:)
Ive just been reading through all of your posts. You are so amazing, it's so hard to stop and work through all the possibilities of what could be going on with these kids. I'm so impressed with the new take you are going with. I stopped to post here because this is soooo my life right now with Ana and I'm pretty much at the lost patience with the I don't know. She seems to be regressing and can't make a single decision. If I push she just shuts down or cries. I've wondered if its gotten worse since school has started or its just bugging me now... who knows and I know we'll get though it, it just takes so much longer with our adopted kids. So thanks for your good reminder that they are still creating new nuero path ways : )
It keeps the hope alive.
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