Ref

I read this quote today on another blog:
Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.
Ain't that the truth?
And it doesn't change the older they get. Yesterday it was Devree's turn to take the garbage can's to the curb but they were so heavy (due to the dirt my husband throws away each week as he bucket by bucket full removes the top six inches of dirt over on our side yard to put down chunks of cement to make our 2nd RV parking/all his toys area.) that she couldn't move them. I told her to ask Austin to help and to offer to help him in some way with his job-which was dishes and cleaning up the backyard as it's strewn with tomato trellises, tools and buckets from pulling out the garden last weekend. But they can't come to terms on what is fair-or was it that Devree just told Austin that "Mom said you have to move the garbage can's!" I had to go out and make the royal decree that Austin would move the garbage can's and Devree will empty the dishwasher. I swear, I should wear a stripped shirt and a whistle.
That's nothing compared to the daily referring that goes on between Alex & Rylee. Riding in the car and sitting on a certain side has become so bad that one day I just declared permanent seat positions. Seriously. The only difference in seats is one the window only rolls down half way and rarely do we EVER roll down the windows!! I've also had to make seating arrangements in the van. Littlest children in the back so it's a pecking order and Alex consciously watches for who is going because he's the next in line to move up to the middle bucket seats. Good grief!
This morning we had drama and tears because Rylee didn't get her spelling test done last night. She had dance and didn't get back until after I had left for a church meeting. Everyone else was gone or had homework of their own except for trusty Alex-who tried to give her her spelling test but he couldn't pronounce the words correctly so he'd spell them to her off the paper!
So this morning, after getting to the root of the problem I thought I had an ingenious idea. Have Rylee read him her spelling words and then he could quiz her on them and they would be fresh in her mind so she could correct his pronunciation if wrong and take her quiz. (I'm really thinking I'm smart as this not only helps Rylee but gives Alex more English words to practice saying!) But sadly it was a terrible experience with Rylee crying when she missed a word claiming that Alex said it wrong. Good grief. The word in question I was helping him with and I know I didn't say it wrong but she's got it in her head that she heard it wrong and of course blaming Alex is a perfect scape goat! This is not going to work. So much for my great idea....
Well, Kambree is driving into the driveway and should be at school. Better go get my whistle and make a call on what is going on with that....

Great.

This is a vent post, not funny and in the eternal scope of life not important. Never the less since this is my therapy blog here it is in it's entirety. Feel free to read but not if you're looking for enjoyment...

Last night I faced the inevitable, I went down to my costume closet to sort through costumes for Halloween. It's not that I don't like to dress up or get my kids dressed up, quiet the contrary. What I dreaded was the mess my kids have made out of my once very organized costume boxes and the fact that I know pieces will be missing-due to my children lending them out or playing with them and I will become angry because they are MY costumes gosh dang it!
(Note: My costume closet is not to be confused with the dress ups in the walk in toy closet. Just in case you think I'm depriving my children of the creative outlet of dressing up!)
So Alex is going to be a pirate and Rylee a lunch lady. I know exactly what I need. I have great pirate stuff due to my performance in Peter Pan as not only Mrs. Darling but Jukes the pirate. I even have a gold tooth. Can I find the gold tooth? Nope. Lost. But I do find that I'm missing....
My Russian Hat
My Maleficent Hat
Two Safari Hats
Our new vintage 50's dress I bought for Grease
and that everything is mixed up and a jumbled mess!!!
Great.
I have since located all but one safari hat & the dress but have ideas just who's friends have them...
What a dumb thing to get upset about when there are so many other pressing things.
Like opening anything to do with our health insurance. Yesterday I opened a bill for $219.00. What? I had gone to a plastic surgeon IN their new work, paid our $40 co-pay to have this funny thing on my nose looked at. The surgeon suggested surgery-that it was some sort of pre-cancerous spot-but was going out of town-I scheduled the surgery for when he got back. By the time he returned, it was almost gone (and now is completely gone) so I canceled my surgery. So...what is this bill for? Called BC/BS and they couldn't explain it either and will re-evaluate.
Great.
I took the kids for their annual eye appointments. After re-billing BC/BS with the proper codes-for every single child-apparently BC/BS has stopped paying for some required part of the exam (refractory something or other) and that is $45 per person charge, not to mention the $40 co-pay and then add to that contacts and fittings.
Great.
And the dentist office just called and our routine cleanings-without ANY CAVITIES- after all is said and done will be costing $179. What the heck? We use to NEVER pay for anything when there were not any cavities or additional work done.
Great.
Not to mention that I find myself so upset that I start crying on the phone. How dumb it that? It's not that the $179 is going to break us it's that I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of keeping up my end of the bargain-paying the premiums & co-pays and going to "their" net work of doctors and then they turn around and say "Oh, by the way, this is not covered." I feel so helpless.
It's almost as if every claim is denied and or billed incorrectly so when you actually do get down to the bottom dollar figure the visit was six months or more out. (Seriously, I have a hard time remembering last week let alone six months ago!!)
I dread opening mail from BC/BS or any doctor or dentist as it ALWAYS requires a phone call, inquiry and then a "disregard that bill until we re-bill, re-evaluate etc."
UGHHH!!
Okay, I feel better. Dumb stuff to cry about.
Life goes on and at least we don't have major hospital bills or unhealthy kids. Right?
Look at the bright side Wendy. Count your blessings.
Hum.... where is that chocolate bar???

Dating, Wonton's & Marriage

Today while waiting for Devree's choir concert to start out of the blue Alex turns to me and says:
Alex: How old I be to have girlfriend?
Me: Umm... (a bit startled) You can start dating when you're sixteen.
Alex: What dating?
Me: Like going out and having fun together. To dinner or a movie.
Alex: Oh (and he makes the rubbing his fingers and thumb together sign for money.)
Me: Yes, it cost money.
Alex: (Talking across me to Austin) Austin-why you no girlfriend?
Me: Honey, he's not sixteen yet.
Alex: You birthday- you get girlfriend go on date!
Austin: (Cracking up) Yeah, sure Alex.

On Sunday when we got out of the car in the downtown parking lot we saw our friends the Waltons. Kambree said, "Look Mom, the Waltons!" and the Alex piped in "Look Mom. the Wontons!" I burst out laughing and and later told Amy. I'm afraid she'll be Amy Wonton from now on, luckily she has a fabulous sense of humor and thinks it's funny too!

Later tonight he asked me how old he has to be to get married.
I asked him if he has someone in mind? "NO!" he said emphatically. (I'm sort of doubting this with all this talk about girlfriends and now marriage. I don't know if you've notice but he is terribly handsome and I don't doubt he makes some 5th graders heart all a flutter!)
I told him he should be at least 23 or older but mostly he just has to find a good girl that will be a good mom and wife. And he piped in, "And a good baker!" Yes, a good baker is very important!

Perspective...

So, I'm feeling a bit guilty about my last post.
I just returned from looking at houses with a client and her two small children. Her three year old asked questions non-stop. I told her how much her son reminds me of my son and it dawned on me that Alex is just about at a three year old persons language level.
My client is a school teacher and she told me how her son just loves to use his new found language skills and the only way he can is to ask questions.
Umm...yep. That would be Alex except he is not a toddler, he's eleven. I'm not use to toddlers. I'm use to sarcastic teenagers.
And I need to work on not being so sarcastic, impatient & cynical to my eleven year old-toddler!

Help...I'm being pelted!!

Mom, you cooking dinner?
Mom, you working?
Mom, you talk-en phone?
Mom, school today?
Mom, me have green lunch (box)?
Mom, home at three today?
Mom, where you go?
Mom, when you be home?
Mom, where Dad?
Mom, what Austin say?
Mom, what Rylee doing?
Mom, what you say me?
And the questions continue....
Alex has taken up question asking as his form of conversation. It wouldn't be so bad if they were legitimate questions but ALL the questions above he...
A: knows the answer for
Like Alex, what color lunch box do you always have? Green.
What time do you always come home from school? 3:00.
Or he could...
B: easily look around and discover the answer himself.
Like, where Dad is, if I'm on the phone, or am I standing in front of the stove cooking something at dinner time?
Or are just
C: none of his business.
Like what it is Rylee is doing, or Austin saying or I'm going.
And that last question he asks when I am obviously talking to someone in the same room as him and I've usually been talking to them for a few interchanges then he pipes in with a "Mom what you say me?"
I try to breath deep. "No honey, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Kambree."
I've taken up trying to answer his questions with a question.
"Alex, do you see Dad?"
"No."
"Me either, maybe you could go find him?"
or
"Alex, what day is today?"
"Monday"
"Is Monday a school day?"
"Yes"
I know I shouldn't but sometimes I just give him the wrong answer for the questions that he no doubt already knows. For example: he is always asking about James and I leaving for our cruise at the end of the month. I've gone over it with him about 10 times.
Yes, we leave on the 25th.
We'll be gone for four days.
We'll be back on the 29th.
When he asked for the 11th time yesterday how long we would be gone I nonchalantly said, "Twenty days."
"WHAT?" he says, "No four days!!"
"Alex, if you knew the answer then why did you ask?"
No response.
Give me strength.....

Regional Conference

This Sunday was regional conference and our Stake was invited to attend at the Conference Center. Hearing rumor that the Prophet would be speaking and thinking it a good idea to take our children TO the conference center as opposed to sitting in the Stake Center we went.
It was a nice conference and a beautiful day.
Afterward's I discovered I had my camera in my purse. Rylee wanted so bad to go to the top of the building but where we exited was about three floors below the top. Regardless, I told her I'd take her picture and get the top of the building in it.

(I have since trimmed Rylee's bangs)

This is a terrible picture but documentation that Kambree & Devree were there.

Another one of Rylee

Alex's enthusiastic face after sitting through TWO HOURS of talks and trying to get out of the building. He pretty much looked and acted like this until I fed him lunch at home. I asked him if he remembers anything from the talks. "No, I not listen." Well, no wonder you were bored!

Me-holding the camera in the air and getting a shot of my family in the hustle and bustle of walking back to the car.

Today Alex asked if next week we have normal Church? "Yes." I said. "Yahoo!" he said. (I think he's realized that Primary is a lot more fun than regional conference!)

2009 Save A Child Hosting Group is Here....

Alex was so excited to see these two friends from his school. Believe it or not both these boys are the same age or OLDER than Alex. They are just so tiny! This is Volva & Bogdan.

And this is Bogdan with Rulsan (another boy from Alex's school)

Bogdan is such a sweet happy boy.
Alex told me that he and Volva (Yes, his name is pronounced like a certain part of the female anatomy.) have something wrong with their backs and will not grow anymore? Not sure what's going on there but they are defiantly very tiny for their age. I mean Alex is tall but he's not THAT tall.
It was fun to be there at the airport as there were so many adopted kids waiting to see their friends. The majority of the kids adopted are for the Sumy orphanage and are a bit older than Alex. They just hollered and cheered and rushed to hug some of the kids that arrived from their orphanage.
Then they all posed for a big group picture. Alex ran to find me and ask "Mom you take picture of me and my friends?" This is him close up...

And this is part of the group shot....I didn't get one side in very good!

The three boys are the only three from his school and they came bearing gifts for all the kids adopted this past year from their old classmates. Alex got a little stuffed animal, a few colored pictures and a card with all his classmates signatures. I thought that was awfully sweet for the teachers to do-here we are getting gifts FROM the orphanage.
It was great for him to see the Rast girls, the Bunch girls, Kayta & the two Julia's and to practice speaking and hearing Ukraine.
Alex had spoke with Ivan via Skype that morning and was really struggling to remember his Ukraine. I think I need to get him together more often with other Russian speakers or he's going to forget his language completely.
He really wants to spend time with his two friends but I don't know the parents that are hosting them. Hopefully we can have them over sometime to play.

Abominable Austin....

So, Austin really needed new shoes. I had tried to take pictures of shoes on my cell phone while in the store and send them to him for his approval but I got a "I want to go with you." response. So after a week of hit and miss we found an hour together to run to Shopko (Payless is my store of choice for his never ending growth spurt he's seem to have for the past four years.)
Anyway, we managed to find ONE pair of acceptable shoes but hit the Halloween department on the way out and found this incredible Abominable Snow Man costume. Now, if you know me, you know I'm all about costumes and that this is a white furry piece that will certainly come in handy for years to come. AND since it was 1/2 price we just HAD to have it!! (Yes, I know a 2nd pair of shoes was more in line with my budget and certainly more sensible but I just couldn't resist!)

I had Austin try the whole thing on right there in the isle of Shopko and then wanting to scare his sisters at home he left it on and we proceeded to the check stand. I was checking out and oblivious to everything else going on around me and Austin-still in his furry white costume less mask-suddenly raises his hand and say's "I'll do it!"
This is the first I noticed two sweet little old ladies on those electric chair cars in need of someone to drive them back into the store. Austin-who recently obtained his learners permit-is very anxious to drive anything that self propels so he had volunteered for the job. He removed the large feet and hands and we proceeded out with sweet lady #1, he had to help her put her Depends in the trunk and patiently help her get her jacket on. She was a riot. She asked Austin if he was a snow bunny and when she heard he was the Abominable Snow Man she told him how she remembered that guy, how he "scared the hell out of everyone" running around the woods. By the time we got her in the car, sweet lady number 2 was out and he helped her in the car and then slowly rode the 2nd electric chair back into the store.
I asked him if he was embarrassed riding those chairs in with his fuzzy white suit on. Nope, he said. I didn't know anyone and if I did they wouldn't care anyway.
Yep, that's my good Samaritan Snow Man helping little old ladies to their cars!

A year ago....

Wow....was it really a year ago? Tomorrow the new group of kids being hosted through the Save A Child Foundation arrive. A year ago on Sunday the 18th we met Alex for the first time as he came off the airplane. I've been reminiscing a lot lately about last year. Look at how far we've come...
I was so nervous to meet Alex and yet I felt like it was all sort of a destiny and here we are a year later with our little boy home, acclimating, learning English, getting baptized and that gap, that "someone's missing in our family"feeling is finally filled.
I went to the meeting last Sunday for the new group of parents hosting and I looked at their excited faces and wondered if they had any idea what they were in for? Get ready, cause your heart will go for a ride. There will be highs and lows and all kinds of twists and turns and in the end you'll realize that completing your adoption doesn't stop the ride. That getting them home is just the beginning of the next roller coaster and it too will take your heart places you've never been before.
It's sobering as your child learns to communicate just what he has been through, just how lonely his world was just how much love he has stored up.
We've been so lucky with Alex-he loves so fully. Each day he throws his arms around me and smashes his cheek against mine and expresses his love with a "I miss-ed you Mom." a "I love-a-you so so so much!" or a quick peck on the cheek while I'm at my computer and a "I no bugga you Mom-good luck you work."
Last year, Alex landed and he was go, go go! He learned to ride a bike, play with every toy, look in every closet and cupboard, and explore every nook and cranny. When ever we went anywhere he just wanted to go "da doma" (home).
He's still hyper-vigilant. If you're missing something like keys, phones, i pods just ask Alex-he can usually tell you where you've left them. He also knows where everyone is and what they're doing most of the time. He HAS to know what is next, when we're leaving, when we'll be home, what were eating, who is coming, what we're watching, and the list goes on....
He's been a good sport about eating and will try most anything and he will happily tell you he now LOVES peanut butter sandwiches. That was our last hurdle. He is most excited to be an "American Boy" through and through.
People always ask how "the adoption thing" is going. Well, the adoption thing is over and our son is doing great! Alex is ours and despite his fears that his director from the orphanage will come to America and take him back, he's ours forever. (Yes, he told me if he sees his director he will run away and hide until she goes back to Ukraine!)
But can you blame him? How far back can you remember? I have a couple memories of being three and spotty memories of my elementary years. Alex was in the orphanage from age six until he was almost eleven. Before that in a very sad living arrangement with an alcoholic mother-who didn't pick him up for three days after he was picked up in a street sweep when he was five, and a father-whom he speaks highly of-died when he was three of alcohol poisoning? (Not exactly sure as Alex told us he chocked at a cafe on a drink and someone told us it was from liver problems due to drinking.)
What Alex remembers is mainly his life in an institution with some spotty abusive memories no child should ever have. In his orphanage he was one of many. He fears returning to that life. Perhaps he thinks this is all a dream and some day he'll wake up? I've heard other children express that "This is just is too good to be true." (Of course the fact that I make Alex bath daily, chew with his mouth close & wear clean underwear each day makes his life not as fairytale like as I'm sure he'd like!)
I read an article once about artificial insemination when all these women were having 5 and 6 babies at a time. The article talked about how children were not meant to be raised in litters. What about children raised in institutions? As a group? As a small fish in a big pond?
I cannot take away my son's previous life experiences, I cannot magically erase all the hurt, labeling, loneliness and fear he's experienced. But I refuse to treat him like he's broken or lacking. (In fact, I've recently told him when it comes to homework that I'm done treating him like a baby, he is much too smart and I know it! His response has been fabulous-his reading has improved greatly and his self esteem is soaring!) It bothers me that people coddle him, feel sorry for him, make thing easy or expect less of him. Don't they know? Don't they know he is one of the lucky ones? He now has a family, he has structure, he has love, laughter, a place to call home and is tucked in and hugged each night.
Alex is so excited to go to the airport to greet these children coming to America tomorrow. There are four boys coming from his school. He's been counting down the days until we see them arrive at the airport. I think he's disappointed that we're not hosting one of these children this year (Just for fun Mom?) but there is only so much roller coaster-ing this heart of mine can do!
So....to all you new parents hosting this year....hang on and enjoy the ride!!

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