I love my blog friends.
They are so inspirational.
For so many reasons.
One blogging friend blogged about how she is not saving her adopted children but they are saving her. So true.
One about how it's hard to like a child when you know they can do so much better and how Heavenly Father must feel looking down at us and realizing that we too could do so much better.
Another of my blog friends, heading to Ukraine next week, blogged about a dream she had about her soon to be adopted child. It just gave me chills.
Yet another blogger I read this week talked about her adopted son having a birthday and she said age is more about experience than an actual number.
BINGO!
That is so well said. Alex looks like a 12 almost 13 year old and sometimes even acts his age but we have moments - often - of a much younger age. Sometimes as young as 3 & 4. But when you think about how much LIFE experience Alex has had - as far as values, maturity, trust, responsibility. He really hasn't had much. And that explains some of the "babyish" behaviors we see and/or that he says.
Here is an example. (Think about a 3 or 4 year old that thinks he is Superman or super strong and he is showing you his amazing strength):
"Mom, my arms are getting so strong!"
Me, wondering where this came from, "Really? Why?"
Alex beaming,"I can lift long board better. It was so heavy. Now not so heavy."
Not an almost 13 year old thing to say and trust me, when his siblings hear things like this they just look at him with a look of bafflement and often mockery. It's hard to not be sarcastic sometimes. Even for me.
Add to that his love for corny babyish cartoons (that drive his siblings nutty), his over exaggeration, ("It was 102 degrees at scout camp!" When it didn't climb above 75.) his need to win (which he is getting way better at these days), his inability to focus on ANYTHING when a screen is on, how he can practice the piano for ten minutes and claim it's 30 yet play the computer for 2 hours and claim it's been forty five minutes, forget to brush his teeth for days on end, and of course the silly little lies he tells and there are days I think I'm raising a 5 year old! And it truthfulness, I think age FIVE would be easier! I could put him down for a nap, give time outs and put him to bed early!
We have had a couple of "baby" discipline experiences. Times when I would treat Alex like the "baby" he is acting like. Hold his hand walking down the stairs, put a bib on him, give him a sippy cup, cut up his food, tie his shoes, ask if he needs to go potty before we leave. Yeah. He didn't like it too much. Last Sunday we had one of those days after finding out he had just wet his toothbrush and NOT brushed his teeth. My "baby day" backfired when he refused to go pass the sacrament at church. He was trying to call my bluff and I just went with it. When I made him spit out his gum because he's too little he might choke and then fed him fishy crackers one at a time from my hand, he had had enough! He was getting ticked! I told him the minute he could look me in the eye like a 12 almost 13 year old and apologize for not brushing his teeth and promise to start brushing his teeth on his own, I would stop treating him like a baby! It took a minute for him to compose himself but he did it. I then hugged him to me and whispered how I know he doesn't like to be treated like a baby but sometimes I think about what he must have looked like and how cute he must have been and how sorry I am that I wasn't there to take care of him when he was a baby. He just melted into me and sighed, then looked me in the eye and said "Mom, it would be so cool if you could come get me before first orphanage." "Yes, Alex, that would have been so cool."
This morning we had "mom" school. His tutor comes three times a week and today was a day off. We did a couple of worksheets that he whizzed through and as he bent his head over his worksheet I thought about how far we'd come in two years time. I often don't give him as much credit as I should. I told him as much this morning. He was pretty proud of himself.
We also had a talk about languages. I asked him to name all the languages he knows. Ukraine & English. No, all the languages you've ever heard of. He had a pretty good list. Then I told him about a language that he was fluent in that he hadn't mentioned. BODY LANGUAGE. Yes. He's very fluent. Since day one of the hosting program I could understand this boys body language. There is nothing subtle about it. We talked about how he doesn't have to say "I don't like you." to make someone feel like he doesn't like them. That his stomping, eye rolling, sighing, glaring, all tell people loud and clear what he's thinking and even if his actions are a reflection of something else going on and not geared to the person he's delivering them too, that person can easily mistake him for a unfriendly, mean person. We talked about how this could effect him in school, church, with friends and of course at home.
He had no idea.
I then explained that this body language might be why friends don't come over to play? That they're thinking he's unfriendly and mean?
He agreed with me on that too.
So, we came up with a secret sign for him to check what his body language is saying. Not change it, just to check it. Baby steps.
He came up and laid his cheek against mine later and told me that he will try to have better body language and he is sorry that he has hurt my feelings in the past.
So that's how things are going. A few steps forward, a couple of steps back but as long as at the end of the day we 're at least one step ahead....we're progressing....right?
Dev after one of her many gutter balls....
Falling down!
