My audition! (Long read!)

Okay, so my agent sent me on an audition on Tuesday for a print ad. That's a modeling job. (Are you kidding me?) I am not a model. I am an actress, and an over animated stage actress at that. But to appease my agent, I went. Keep in mind that my stair guy showed up that morning and ripped all my stairs out so access to my upstairs and bedroom was prohibited after 11:00am, it was a relatively sunny day so I had thrown on Capri's and flip flops not really comprehending I wouldn't' be able to change before my audition @ 4:00.

Well, our lovely Utah weather changed from cool but sunny to cold and snowy! I could have gotten a ladder, climbed up on the addition and crawled through Rylee's window to access my closet but the pelting snow made that an undesirable choice so I just put on Devree's sweat jacket and ran up to my agency. I get there and I am really out of my element. I sign in and am told to go sit on the swanky red couches around the corner where there is a Bill Blass fashion show blaring on the TV. Not to mention about seven size three models waiting, all with their huge portfolio's of glamorous head shots of various poses and teeny tiny feet in 4 inch heels.

And then there's me, Mormon mother in Capri's, flip flops, her daughters sweat jacket and my head shot that my cute cousin did for my real estate cards two years ago! Ugh! If I could have slithered down between the cushions of the flamboyant red couch I was sitting on I would have!

Anyway, I get called back and walk through the gauzy, billowing curtains that separate the audition room from the rest of the very contemporary and upbeat office and find two very young artsy guys on another swanky red sofa. One is named Sage I think the other was Aspen. (I am towering over them- as they are sitting.) There's no mark (the X we stand on to audition for film) and no camera to look at and so I sit on the other swanky red sofa as the explain what they're looking for. I'm surprised they're going into this much detail with me as I'm sure they took one look at me and thought "Next!". In a nutshell, they're advertising for a company called flowers4mywife.com a website that husbands can go to to pre-purchase flowers and submit dates like birthday, anniversaries, mothers day etc for flowers to magically be delivered on time for each occasion. They want me to pose as the wife who's husband forgot to send her flowers. Ha! This isn't even method acting for me. James is so not into flowers. He'll plant me a rose bush, remodel my kitchen for months on end, install claw foot bath tubs for me to soak in but he doesn't do flowers. (I am laughing inside thinking how funny it would be if I was plastered all over billboards with my "you didn't bring me flowers" face for James to see!) Anyway, its a full body shot and I have to stand there and make all these stink eye faces, and poses (it's quite embarrassing after a while) and I'm thinking any minute they'll say "Okay, thanks don't call us, we'll call you!" But they're gentlemen and continue to let me stand there making "you are so in the dog house" faces and poses until I just stop. Then they say "That was great, thanks." Which I'm sure they say to all the silly women making stink eye faces at them. I leave. On the way home I call my sister and tell her of my mortify experience. I know in print you look like twenty pounds heavier so I tell her. I think I would have got the job if it was for a company called "Flowers 4 My Fat Wife". We laugh. Then she tries to console me with no it would be Flowers 4 My Realistically Proportioned Wife. Sisters, aren't they great!

The next day, my agent's assistant calls and tells me I got the booking. The what? What does that mean? It means I got the job! I'm like "ARE YOU KIDDING?" She's like, I didn't tell you, you won the lottery. (Obviously my exuberant disbelief transmitted through the phone!) Anyway, I was cast as the "Valentines Wife" and the shot is this Thursday from 9-12. I can not believe it. You could have picked me up off the floor!

To make this long story short,(or at least shorter) at about 3:00 my agents assistant calls and tells me she's very sorry, the shoot has been cancelled. Something about the artsy guys have had a miss communication with the owners and they're hoping to reschedule next month. So today, right now, I could be in hair and make up making stink eye's at the camera and instead I'll be packing up the rest of my kitchen to get ready to move out our appliances for our floor finishing tomorrow. Oh, such a glamorous life I lead!