Okay. Life has overwhelmed me lately. Remember my motivation post? Well, it started a whole heap of work and we're in the thick of it right now!
We moved Devree upstairs after *I* painted not only the bottom half of her room a lovely shade of purple but the top half of her room because it looked so bad compared to the fresh paint! Pictures coming soon. Just waiting on RC Willeys to deliver the dresser tomorrow. HUGE long ordeal getting her a dresser. After looking all over town for days on end, we decided on a big black armoire. It was really big. Yep. TOO big. So back it went and we ordered a dresser.
I could go on and on about finishing our basement and the tight time schedule we're on to get the drywall up, the furniture moved for carpet layers in the finished bedrooms and then all the furniture moved for the mud guy in the rest of the basement, and Kambree coming home without a bedroom ready for her but I won't. It's too boring.
About Easter Paska, (for those of you who have asked) it was okay. At least according to me. Alex said it was the "best he ever had" but he tends to be a little biased. My brothers girlfriend, Eleana (from Ukraine, what a coincidence huh?) said it was wonderful and she seemed pretty excited that I had made it. She's a size ZERO so the fact that she ate some AND took some home warmed my heart. Everyone else thought it was just okay. It's not very sweet. Eleana says that's why she likes it. That American pastries are just to rich and sweet. Yeah. Probably why she's a size zero? I'm just glad it turned out. (I am not the best bread maker. Yeast stresses me out.)
So, here comes some tough love with Alex.
For months he has been neglecting to bring home his graded weekly homework. I brought it up at his last IEP and his teacher was baffled. "Alex, why aren't you bringing home your homework?" Alex just shrugs. He did go retrieve some from the garbage in his classroom. He had a weekly grade of 97%. I asked why he wouldn't want to bring this home? Again, shrug. He did admit that he doesn't like to bring home his Fast Forward grade because he thinks he's "doing bad" but this is the reading program he's in and the percentage is based on what he knows and where he's at and each week he improves in small increments. The one and only report I saw said he was at 60% in one area and 51% in another. He must have interpreted those scores as "bad" and of course throwing it away would be better than bringing it home? Needless to say, we had words about it not being "bad" and that even if it was, bringing it home and letting me help him or get him help would be better than just getting farther and father behind.
So, yesterday I asked where his graded homework was? "Oh, I will bring tomorrow." Today he came in and slipped his "100% for the week" score on my desk. "Great job Alex!" I almost tossed it in the garbage but as it sat there and I worked, I thought I should check his spelling test. I almost brushed it off. He's cheated in the past (back when he was bringing home his homework) because he corrects his own test and turns in his own score. But I thought we had nipped that in the bud. I really want to trust him. I almost let it go but again, I felt prompted to just confirm that he wasn't cheating.
Guess what?
He marked ONE wrong but turned in a 100% score. When he actually missed TEN!
TEN!!
It dawned on me, THIS IS WHY HE'S NOT BEEN BRINGING HOME HIS HOMEWORK!!
I felt snookered. Betrayed and so very disappointed.
We had already addressed this months ago and I thought he had a handle on it.
If I stop feeling so hurt and step back, I think he cheats as a survival instinct. Something ingrained in him from the orphanage? I don't know how to break him of it. I've told him a hundred times that I don't expect him to be perfect, just to do his best. (I do however except him to complete all his assignments and have good behavior.) We have never gotten angry for bad grades. I know he's not afraid of us. I do think he doesn't want to disappoint us and they only way he thinks he can do that is by cheating?
I'm also ticked at his teacher! When I caught this months ago not only did I talk with Alex, I brought it to his teachers attention. (And why are they correcting their own spelling? When I went to school we always had to trade with our neighbor and correct each others!) So I've emailed the teacher and I'm sending the test back in a sealed envelope. I am asking him to confront Alex on this. I feel like a rat-fink turning my son in but I've talked and talked and I'm hoping his teacher will be more effective than me? I'm hoping this "tough love" approach will sink in once and for all?
Advice anyone? Am I the worst mother ever??
I could go on and on about finishing our basement and the tight time schedule we're on to get the drywall up, the furniture moved for carpet layers in the finished bedrooms and then all the furniture moved for the mud guy in the rest of the basement, and Kambree coming home without a bedroom ready for her but I won't. It's too boring.
About Easter Paska, (for those of you who have asked) it was okay. At least according to me. Alex said it was the "best he ever had" but he tends to be a little biased. My brothers girlfriend, Eleana (from Ukraine, what a coincidence huh?) said it was wonderful and she seemed pretty excited that I had made it. She's a size ZERO so the fact that she ate some AND took some home warmed my heart. Everyone else thought it was just okay. It's not very sweet. Eleana says that's why she likes it. That American pastries are just to rich and sweet. Yeah. Probably why she's a size zero? I'm just glad it turned out. (I am not the best bread maker. Yeast stresses me out.)
So, here comes some tough love with Alex.
For months he has been neglecting to bring home his graded weekly homework. I brought it up at his last IEP and his teacher was baffled. "Alex, why aren't you bringing home your homework?" Alex just shrugs. He did go retrieve some from the garbage in his classroom. He had a weekly grade of 97%. I asked why he wouldn't want to bring this home? Again, shrug. He did admit that he doesn't like to bring home his Fast Forward grade because he thinks he's "doing bad" but this is the reading program he's in and the percentage is based on what he knows and where he's at and each week he improves in small increments. The one and only report I saw said he was at 60% in one area and 51% in another. He must have interpreted those scores as "bad" and of course throwing it away would be better than bringing it home? Needless to say, we had words about it not being "bad" and that even if it was, bringing it home and letting me help him or get him help would be better than just getting farther and father behind.
So, yesterday I asked where his graded homework was? "Oh, I will bring tomorrow." Today he came in and slipped his "100% for the week" score on my desk. "Great job Alex!" I almost tossed it in the garbage but as it sat there and I worked, I thought I should check his spelling test. I almost brushed it off. He's cheated in the past (back when he was bringing home his homework) because he corrects his own test and turns in his own score. But I thought we had nipped that in the bud. I really want to trust him. I almost let it go but again, I felt prompted to just confirm that he wasn't cheating.
Guess what?
He marked ONE wrong but turned in a 100% score. When he actually missed TEN!
TEN!!
It dawned on me, THIS IS WHY HE'S NOT BEEN BRINGING HOME HIS HOMEWORK!!
I felt snookered. Betrayed and so very disappointed.
We had already addressed this months ago and I thought he had a handle on it.
If I stop feeling so hurt and step back, I think he cheats as a survival instinct. Something ingrained in him from the orphanage? I don't know how to break him of it. I've told him a hundred times that I don't expect him to be perfect, just to do his best. (I do however except him to complete all his assignments and have good behavior.) We have never gotten angry for bad grades. I know he's not afraid of us. I do think he doesn't want to disappoint us and they only way he thinks he can do that is by cheating?
I'm also ticked at his teacher! When I caught this months ago not only did I talk with Alex, I brought it to his teachers attention. (And why are they correcting their own spelling? When I went to school we always had to trade with our neighbor and correct each others!) So I've emailed the teacher and I'm sending the test back in a sealed envelope. I am asking him to confront Alex on this. I feel like a rat-fink turning my son in but I've talked and talked and I'm hoping his teacher will be more effective than me? I'm hoping this "tough love" approach will sink in once and for all?
Advice anyone? Am I the worst mother ever??
5 of my blog friends said something...:
Ohhhh boy. You bet I would be parked in that teacher's classroom the very next morning, kid next to me, test in hand. I would be livid. I think you did the right thing. And from now on I would make him bring you his homework, tests, everything. Or have his teacher sign off on them. Something. Trust is earned and he has broken that trust.
Ohhh boy, My head is getting hot just thinking about it
I called first thing to make sure he saw my email. Yep. He said he'd check Alex's spelling from here on out. Not good enough. I told him I wanted consequences TODAY! So now he'll talk to him, have him talk to the principle AND move his desk to an isolation area. I feel mean yet I know that a little slap on the wrist won't make a difference. I really hope they hit him hard on this. Heaven knows we have. My hope is that he'll see it's not just our families values but honesty is expected in ALL areas of life!
Good grief......
That boy is too smart for his own good. :D He's just got a mom who cannot be fooled and is always one step ahead of him.
My son is a little like him -- always something going on in his head, always busy with something, except when it comes to homework, which seems to be a chore. I was like that growing up too. Alex has a big heart and wants to please you so much, he's knows when he is not working as hard as he should, but at the same time does not want you to be upset with him and make you think he was a slacking off. When we confront our boy on this every fe months, he feels bad about it, and promises to do better, and he does for a while. But it seems to by cyclic.
For what it's worth, as he gets older and realizes what he is doing affects him for the rest of his life, he'll likely outgrow that. In the meantime, he relies on you so much to do so much, he likely can't see past tomorrow and relies on you to do that for him. As frustrating as that is, he is a typical kid. :)
You are anything but the worst mom. I think you are doing a great job. You want your children to learn to be honest and do what is right. That way they grow up to be contributing members for society. You also don't want dishonesty when he is an adult working. You have to stick to your guns and make sure that he really learns what it means to be honest and trustworthy. {{hugs}}
You are a great mom. Better now than when he is the CEO of a big company, embezzling money... I agree with Andreas, it's cyclical but that's why you have to stay with it. It's annoying that they just don't get it the first time...haha. My oldest used to 'forget' her homework at school last year and so I started driving her butt back to school each time she 'forgot' it and then made her pay me for gas and time either with cash or jobs. It took her a couple weeks to get into the habit of bringing it home, but it worked. Such a pain though...
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