Our Cruise!

Waiting to get on the ship....

The first day at the buffet.....

Kicking back.....

Chocolate Melting Cake....

Towel Animals.....

Hitting the gym....

Listening to the guitar guy play on the Lido deck.....it was cold.

 Can you tell?

The first formal night....

Posing with our favorite towel animal.....

Cabo....

Going 4 wheeling through the dessert and to the beach!

Riding the tender back to the boat.....

Zip lining - they wouldn't let us use our own camera and we didn't buy any pictures of our fat selves hanging from a wire!

The Carnival Splendor

Puerta Vallarta

The broken glass fence - instead of barbwire?

Margarita Grill

The sunset...

This bear picture reminded me of James so I made him pose....

2nd formal night.....

James and Joseph - our server.

(Joseph thought James looks like Jason Statham and asked us to post this picture on Facebook for him. We are now FB friends with this hardworking man from the Philippines!

We had so much fun!

I scary....

Alex use to say "I scary" instead of  "I'm scared of....." 

"I scary...." and he'd make loud sounds and hand motions for thunder. "I scary you die" "I scary (orphanage) director take me back."

I too have a list of  "I scary" items but they're mostly dumb. 

I'm afraid of:

Aliens.

Monsters.

and Birds. (Don't ask.)

They scare me more than actual "bad" people. Which is ridiculous. I know. 

But when I think about my greatest fear?

It would be to lose one of my children. 

When I see missing children posters - my heart lurches. I just can't imagine moving forward from that moment when you realize your child is missing. The not knowing would kill me. 

I also have made it very clear that I am to die before my husband and/or any of my children. I called it. James promised. I am documenting it here for the world wide web to witness. I am going first. Hopefully for not a really long time. But first - yes! 

Which brings me to the reason I'm writing this post. A fellow blogger shared a link to a family that adopted an 11 year old boy from Ukraine eight months ago and he was found dead in the shower. They thought he had the flu and had been throwing up but come to find out he had had a bike accident and damaged his duodenum and died the next day.

So very sad. 

Heart breaking.

I'm not a follower of this woman's blog but just reading her last few posts - my heart just hurts for her and her family. 

I can't help but think of my Alex who was eleven when he was home eight months too. 

She reminisced today about how her son would smell her and her cooking. Which reminded me so much of my Alex - as it probably does for any of you with Ukraine imports. They really have a thing for sniffing. But I realized today, that he doesn't do that anymore. He still LOVES my cooking and I catch him inhaling my scent when we hug but it's much more discreet these days. 

As I was reading this blog, I had this huge need to go kiss my little kids - they were sound asleep. No matter when I go in to check on Alex - no matter how long he's been asleep he will always throw out his arms to me for a hug. He loves to hug. He has taken to giving me a kiss with his hug before leaving for school. Which I love. He's started shaving - but I'm not sure why - it makes his cheeks kind of sandpaper-ish. It makes me laugh to myself. I have one boy that needs to shave and doesn't and one that doesn't but does? What the heck?

Since this is turning into an Alex post, we had an incident this afternoon.

It's been so long and perhaps I jinxed myself with that "all is going well" post the other day?

After day five of perfect comprehension worksheets I just got this feeling that something was awry. I casually asked him what the story was about? He stammered and came up with something about watching whales off a bridge. The article had nothing to do with whales - I am a very quick speed reader. 

I asked him how he could get everything right when he didn't even know what the article was about? And he looked at me -pausing in silence, then hung his head and mumbled,  "I cheated" (The answers are tucked under my desk calendar in my office - funny - I didn't realize he'd taken to completing his homework in my office lately.) 

I was pretty proud of myself for the composure I kept. I told him that must have felt pretty lousy to hear me praise him and tell him how well he did when he really didn't deserve it. 

Then I informed him he'd need to come up with a consequence. He didn't want to. In fact he out and out refused. "Okay, then you can sit there until you do." After 15 minutes I explained that I wasn't the one that cheated, I shouldn't have to waste my time and breath coming up with a consequence. I did my part of the deal. I printed up the worksheets, I spend my time correcting his work. He was the one that cheated, he needed to figure out a consequence for his behavior. He knows cheating is wrong. He decided to give me his cell phone for the week. (Wow. I was thinking just the ipod for a couple of days.) Then he had to do another worksheet and went to play. 

When he came in for dinner he was sitting there with sad eyes, I tried to make funny faces and he would not cheer up, so I asked what was wrong. "I hurt your heart." Be still my heart. "I know." I said,  "Good thing I love you so much. My heart will heal." and then he came in later and laid his scratchy, shaven cheek against mine and said, "I am really sorry mom." and it was so sincere and contrite. 

The fact of the matter was the worksheets were hard. Maybe too hard but he just needed to talk to me about it. I even prefaced that when I gave them to him. 

(((Sigh)))

Someday, he'll communicate about more than Jackie Chan movies, crazy invention ideas and video games.

But when I think back to his "I scary" and "sniffing" days, I realize how far he's come and just how much he's learned.

In fact, I'm surprised he even tried to cheat. He's been caught so many times in different circumstances that often times he'll come home and say "I'm just going to tell you what happened today because you'll find out anyway." (This might stem from some of the incidents when I've felt prompted to go check on him and found him playing with his iPod or playing video games when he knows he shouldn't. Or not doing his jobs or homework. I often tell him, "Hum....Heavenly Father must really love you to give me these promptings." It had gotten to where if I asked "Why do you think I came in here/found this out/caught you?" he'd say with a sigh, "Because Heaven Father sent you.")

I do believe that I receive more spiritual promptings with Alex than with my other children. Thank goodness, I need the help.

He still struggles to look me in the eye when he's in trouble. He always has. I thought before it was out of defiance - and it was. But now, it's to save himself from crying. He cannot look me in the eye without his eyes welling up with tears. Which warms my heart more than he'll ever know. The fact that he doesn't want to disappoint me or "hurt my heart" actually makes my heart soar. 

And tonight, I count my blessings, kiss my babies and rejoice that no one is missing.

I hope you'll all do the same. 

If you'd like to read this ladies blog and maybe write a comment her blog address is: 

http://followingclosely.blogspot.com/

Grab some tissues.

January Picture Wrap Up!

A few words....

I know I haven't blogged much. Partly due to my new job - that I think I may have a handle on now - but mostly due to nothing really exciting or note worthy to blog about. 

Which is note worthy all the same as it means that Alex is doing well. Whew. There were times in the past two years and nine months  that I never thought I'd be able to say that. But he really is doing well. His grades were all A's, B's and one C+ last term. He is getting along with his siblings, doing his chores, trying to communicate, not stomping, sighing and rolling his eyes (as much), taking a shower, controlling his need for continuous hugs, using soap and much more.

He convinced me to transfer him out of his Functional Literacy class - that he'd complained about for 1/2 the year -  he's so excited to be in "regular" classes like everyone else. 

I did a little wheeling and dealing with regards to getting  him out of this "annoying" class. He has to study with me 5 times a week. His study consists of two new words each day - he looks up what they mean,  uses them in a sentence and then writes a story using each word twice. Then he reads a short comprehension story and answers questions and does an English worksheet.  Some days this takes 30 minutes. Other days two hours. (On Fridays he writes a journal entry instead of working on two words and writes down one thing he is grateful for.)  I also have him write his new words on a sticky note and hang them in the kitchen and we try to use the words in every day sentences. Although he can communicate well, and make himself understood there are still so many words (or at least the meaning of the word) he doesn't know. Last week I was surprised to learn he didn't know what selfish meant. He just thought it was being mean. No wonder all our talks and lectures don't stick. He still doesn't know half the words I'm using! 

I realize that I am a lover of words. I love to read and I love to find the right word to describe things. Alex does not have this passion. Everything is "annoying" and/or "awesome". 

We've been working on expressing his opinion in a way that doesn't irritate those around him. He is an all or nothing at all kind of guy. "This is best movie in whole world!" (Yep. Still doesn't use the all the time.) and then the next movie is also the best movie in the whole world. 

He also HATES things. Hate is a strong word. Last week he told me he "HATES gay guys". Oh dear. We had a talk about disliking and not approving someones actions or lifestyle but that we don't HATE people. We love people but we don't have to love or even like what they do. When we have talks like this - he just nods in agreement. I know he's not getting it yet. He's just not mature enough socially and emotionally to recognize the difference and that not all things are black and white. Right and wrong. He is still very young in his thinking. So much that despite his 13.5 years - there are parts of his emotional maturity that are still closer to 8 or 9 years?  But that's progression because he was much more like a 3 or 4 year old when we first brought him home. 

Last week he proclaimed,  "Jackie Chan is best show ever!" Really? Jackie Chan? I explained that this is his opinion - and that everyone is entitled to an opinion but that he should preface his proclamations with "I think Jackie Chan is the best show ever!" I know this sounds trite but it really does get under your skin time after time and you feel like you need to argue with him because you sincerely don't think the animated Jackie Chan series is the best show ever or even a decent show for that matter. In fact using Alex's favorite word....it's annoying!

Let's see....what else is new?  

Devree is in the middle of her basketball season. She is playing really well. She is co-captain of the sophomore team and also playing on the JV team. She is covered in bruises and there are nights she just crashes on the couch and I physically have to pull her to her feet and push her up the stairs to bed. She got another 4.0 last quarter. I really enjoy going to her games  but I'll be glad to see the season end as it just takes so much of her time and I worry that she's going to get sick or injured. 

Austin is....well just Austin. He was laid off from the bakery and has no desire to get another job. He has a little job on Wednesday nights taking care of my sisters foster son, Lloyd. He watches him for a couple of hours and takes him back and forth to his horse therapy class. I guess this is enough pocket money for Austin to buy his fast food for the week. That's all he seems to spend his money on. He is planning on applying to Snow and I even have him signed up to audition for the choral program,  hoping they might offer him some sort of scholarship? Either way, he's going to HAVE to get a job to pay the difference. I get the feeling that he's just trying to really enjoy these last few months of being a child. He turns 18 in April and I think he thinks his life and fun will be over. It won't. Life will go on but fun may not if he cannot afford to pay for it!

Rylee promoted from primary to Young Women's yesterday. ((Sniff)) She is so excited and ready to go! We now have FOUR children in the Young Men/Young Women's program. Unlike Alex and Austin she is YEARS ahead in maturity. Funny the differences between girls and boys. Alex at least has an excuse. But Austin? 

Kambree came home and helped me with a bridal shower for her childhood best friend. She and Sammie go way back. I can't tell you how many carnivals, haunted houses and babysitting clinics these girls pulled off - with the help of their siblings and mothers. So to see these two girls sitting there - one the bride,  unwrapping gifts, the other tying the bows in her hair - made a lump in my throat.   Kambree could be the next bride. Oh dear. I would like to go back to pulling off the carnivals and haunted houses and finding crazy costumes for the crazy movies they made. It seems like yesterday that those things consumed their lives (and ours as well) and now it's dates, boys and college finals.

Perhaps this reflection and the sniffs of Rylee turning 12 is a reflection of MY maturity? Am I immature for wanting everyone to stay where they are! Don't grow up, don't graduate, move away, get taller than me, go on missions, get married. Just FREEZE! 

Why?

Because I will miss this. I will miss this crazy, loud life. It seems so fleeting. I remember women my age telling me when I had babies and diaper bags hanging off my arms to enjoy this time and I would think "Are you kidding me?".  I just want everyone to be potty trained or in school or whatever the next step in life was and now here I am - with some of the next biggest and grandest steps in life  ahead for my children and I just want to push the pause and rewind button. 

I want to go back and rock them to sleep, tuck them in and kiss their cheeks and tell them stories and be the center of their world - like I was back then. I want to just have one day with each of them at a much younger age. I want to give Eskimo kisses and dance with them in my arms and hear them giggle in delight. Just one day with each child. Because I feel like I didn't enjoy it like I should have. I was too focused on getting them to that next step. Even though I was warned time and time again. I didn't slow down and time marched on and now they're all almost grown. 

So, here I am - that forty something woman - telling you young mothers...enjoy it! It will be over before you know it. 

Great.

Now I need a tissue. 

Well, I  need to stop blubbering and get going with my day. Laundry waits for no man (or woman).

And here I thought I had nothing to blog about? 

Ha!

Proof that I do love words!

Rylee is 12!

Today is my Ry's birthday.

12 years old.

Really? It's been that long since I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl?

Oh, how I love this girl.

She brings such joy and light into our home. 

This year for her birthday party we took eleven of her closest friends to The Bead Farm and made braclets, opened presents, wandered around Gardner Village and then over to the bakery where we had a beautiful cake. (Easiest b-day party ever! Yeah me!)

We opened presents:

James is at work, Kambree at school and Alex had plans with Brach so Austin, Devree, Ry and I went to Olive Garden for Ry's b-day dinner.

We are now stuffed and everyone is going their separate ways except Ry and I. We have grand plans of putting on our PJ's, crawling into my bed and watching a chick flick.

Yep. 

That's me and my girl.

Happy B-day Ry-pie. 

Love you.

Ode to Amy

My good friend, Amy is back in Ukraine for round two. She's adopting a brother and sister. She's the same Amy that saved my bacon when  I was in Ukraine - she adopted two girls from Alex's orphanage and her adoption over lapped with ours.
We have been in the trenches together. The Ukraine trenches and the "teach an orphan how to live in a family, a new language, manners & all things American" trench and here she is.....doing it again!

She invited me to come and keep her company during the ten day wait and I would have done it in a heartbeat - but we have a week long cruise planned to celebrate our anniversary around the same time she needed me. Boo. I really am ready to go back to Ukraine. No. Not to get another child. Please. I think we are to maximum capacity. No, I would go just to hang out with Amy. Yep. I like her that much. 

Anyway, she wrote a touching post today. If you want to read it, it's on my side bar. "Becoming A Family". Today she visited the orphanage where we adopted our children and this is what she wrote:

I realized as I left that I was crying for three reasons. One- Now that I love my girls so dang much, it broke my heart to imagine them there without me all those years. Two- Sweet memories from our last visit. Three- Seeing the stark difference between my girls and those orphans broke my heart. I remembered my girls as they were when I found them in that place and I realized fully for the first time how much they have changed.

They are beautiful, full of hope and light such a contrast to the poor kids we left behind.

So for all of us who have adopted I realized today that our hard work, patience, sacrifice, heartache and especially our love has made a difference. It is hard to see when we are in the trenches of daily life but today showed me how true it is. It also gave me fresh courage to do it all again. 

I so needed to hear this message.

I need to remember this 13 year old boy with the regular teen attitude consisting of eye rolls, exasperated huffs, evil looks and non caring shrugs is the same little boy that left all he knew, put his hand in mine, traveled 1/2 way around the world to leave every single person, place or memory that he had to be our son. 

I need to remember that this boy who can never seem to remember to do his jobs or practice the piano before playing video games and can't seem to remember that the hair on the back of his head needs to be combed too, was once a ten year old orphan in a ratty Winnie The Pooh sweatshirt that guiding me through the streets of Ukraine, carrying my bags, ordering my food and leaning against my shoulder and sighing because this is what he had hoped and prayed for,  a mama.

 I need to be reminded just how far he's come. How far WE'VE come and stop focusing on how much farther we have to go. 

Thanks Amy.

Thanks for reminding me.

Thanks for blogging and sharing.

God speed my friend!

Ukraine Christmas and My Birthday

We celebrated Ukraine Christmas on the 7th by going to a Ukraine restaurant with a couple other families that have Ukraine imports. The food was very authentic. I would like to say it was good, but authentic is the nicest thing I can say. Alex came up and whispered to me. "Mom, this borscht taste like orphanage borscht." and he made a disgusted face.

(I love this picture. All these girls were in Alex's orphanage with him. Look at how beautiful these children are?)

The next day he informed me that we never need to go to that restaurant again and that we need to make some real borscht. This made me smile. Here I am, his American born and raised mother and I make REAL borscht. 

Needless to say, we're having borscht this week.

Monday was my birthday and Alex took it upon himself to make me a cake. He did it all by himself.

Rylee was very secretive and ordered me a mug for my tea. She placed a blanket over her head and the computer screen when ordering just so she could keep it a surprise!

Well, I got the next hour off and need to get to bed as I have 6:00 am gym date in the morning.

Perhaps, I'll take more of these late night shifts, just to catch up on my blog?

Alex Update

It's 12:40 am and I'm sitting in front of my computer waiting to log into work at  one am for one hour.

Yes, this is my new life. 

I thought it would be a brilliant idea to pick up a 2 hour shift from midnight to 2 am in trade for my terrible Sunday afternoon (3:30pm to 7:30 pm).  That's right I got FOUR hours covered for a TWO hour trade. Woot! And, I also thought it would be super easy to get VTO (volunteered time off) at this crazy hour. I got the first hour off right before midnight but here I sit with 17 minutes until the next hour and they're offering nothing! So much for my brilliant plan, I should have just worked the first hour since I have to stay up for the 2nd hour anyway.

Enough about my little part time job that consumes my life.

Moving on......

I wanted to record something Alex said the other day.

We were sitting in the kitchen and I don't know what we were talking about but out of the blue Alex said, "Mom, I can't believe I forgot my language."

Me: I can't believe it either. I tried hard to help you keep it. (I would get him together with other kids from his orphanage but he refused after two weeks of living here to speak Ukraine. "I no speak Ukraine.")

Then he shrugged and said, "Well, I guess my prayers have been answered."

Me: Your prayers?

Alex: Yes, I prayed I would forget Ukraine and I did!

Well, at least he forgot the language. I know there are still memories that haunt him and every so often I get a little piece of the puzzle of his past. 

When we went on our Longbeach trip the kids were talking about how many times they had ridden in an airplane and I asked Alex if his first airplane trip was to the US for the hosting program? 

No, I went to Chicago before.

What? You came to the US before?

No. Not Chicago. Where they have tower. (And he make a triangle shape with his hands)

France? You went to France?

Yes. On a vacation with orphanage. I got sick there and they left me in spa for one month. That's where the nice lady gave me food. (I vaguely remember a story about a lady giving him food in a hospital but this is the first time I heard that it was in France!)

You were left in France by yourself?

Yes. My orphanage didn't like me so they said "Leave him here."

Then you went back a month later?

Yes.

Didn't they leave someone with you? Someone from the orphanage ?

Yes.

How old were you?

Eight.

Hum...think there is still some pieces missing to this story.

But these are the moments I would like to retract. Take back. Snatch his little eight year old self  out of the past and hold him and take care of him myself. An eight year old should not be left in a sanatorium/hospital for a month in a foreign country. How crazy is that? I remember that he was in a TB spa - according to his medical records. I wonder if this was it? Because of this visit, we had to deal with all those TB x-rays and board of health issues. But more than that, think how scary that would be to be for an eight year old? That's what I want to erase. The scary. The lonely. The abandonment.

Devree's Prince Charming Assembly

As a member of MAG not only do we get to chaperon MAG sponsored dances, we also get to go to MAG sponsored assemblies. 

This was the Prince Charming Assembly and Devree had to escort one of the contestants.

Here she is with the boy she escorted:

And with her cute friend Brianna - whom she carpools to early Tuesday morning meetings with:

And then because I'm "cool like that" I made Austin pose with her too:

And with Austin's friend, Noah - who is like a second son at our house - and also a contestant.