No Screen Update

We're surviving.

Maybe better than surviving.

Alex has been a trooper and raised his D to an A- in science. And after a little lesson about kindness and communication, he's really trying harder.

Here's what happened.

Alex always reminds me after nine pm and when it's time for reading that he needs to go to the library for a book. He doesn't really remind, he just complains so last Thursday I thought he'd be happy that I remembered and made plans to take him to the library after we dropped Rylee of to dance. He rolled his eyes and groaned. (Apparently the need to go to the library only surfaces when he knows the library is closed?) 

We drop off Rylee and he's deathly silent in the car. I try to make conversation but when it's met with one word grunted responses, it's hard to keep it up.

I notice a friend in the car next to us at the intersection. I point the girl out to Alex who rolls down the window and makes friendly chit-chat with this girl and smiles and laughs and when we proceed to go, he rolls up the window and again - silence.

Ok. I'm just a mom - not a cute 8th grade girl - I get that.

We get to the library and I attempt to help him find a book of interest but everything I pull out he immediately dismisses without even reading the title.  "No." I give up, put my books back, he grabs ONE (I always get a few to give him options) and we proceed to check out. We're using the self check out and my library card is older than the example and I put my card in as directed but the bar code is too low on the card and it doesn't work. Alex rolls his eyes and acts totally embarrassed that this klutz of a mother doesn't know how to operate the library check out?

I finally get us checked out and I am just ticked. 

I say nothing in the car.

We sit in complete silence all the way home.

He goes to his room and gets ready for bed and reads. 

I continue to say nothing. My thought is that I am going to put as much into this relationship as he does and treat him how he treats me.

He comes in when Rylee gets home and sees that we're watching Downton Abby (a lovely English Masterpiece Theater show) grunts his disinterest and puts himself to bed. No goodnight. Nothing. (Normally he hugs me multiple times before bed each night. Always kissing me on the cheek but he knows I'm ticked and I am bound and determined to let him be the one to extend the olive branch.) 

The next day I am cordial but not warm and only answer direct questions. 

After school he thinks all is back to normal. 

He informs me that he's going to go down and mow my parents lawn.

"Nope."

Why?

"Figure it out Alex."

He starts his laundry.

He goes to go again. 

Same thing.

He does his job.
(For some reason the rest of my post didn't publish so here is the continuation, 10/15/12)
But comes in and tells me how sorry he is for not liking my books and for being rude when we were checking out the library books.
(At least he knows something is wrong?)
But I just let him have it. I tell him how tired I am of him hurting my feelings - not just at the library but all the time. How it hurts my feelings he won't talk to me. How hard I try to make conversations and he just shuts them down with one word answers. I tell him, it's not just me but his whole family. How much warmer and kinder he is to his friends then he is to his family.
I tell him I only know one way to be a mom, warm and loving but he's cold and uncaring and from now on I'm going to mother him the same way he treats me.
His eyes welled with tears and he's decided that he wants a warm and loving mom, not a cold and uncaring one and he's going to attempt to be warm and loving too.
And guess what?
It's working!
He's been so much better. It's probably the lack of screens AND the silent treatment/cold fish mom therapy but whatever....I am just so happy to have him trying and talking.
He has really been a joy