Laboring At English.....

Alex has learned English slowly. So slowly that I often times felt he wasn't really even progressing but consoled myself with "Well? At least he can communicate his basic needs?"
But when I look back I can see that he HAS progressed. I think it's because I'm so close to the situation or that I want so much for him to progress in leaps and bounds that I don't notice? I guess I could say the same about his height growth? From day to day he doesn't seem to be growing but then when you compare this year to last year? He's two inches taller! That's how his English is. We still have some funny confusion. I was telling Alex about out car situation - we had a check engine light on. I was telling him the part to fix the car will cost $400 plus labor!" He looked at me confused and then asked. "Is the car going to give birth?"
Ha, ha, ha!!! I explained the different meanings for the word labor and we had a good laugh. Later when I was telling James about it, Alex pipped in with "I was going to say if the car has a baby, I get it!" 
We also had him come home and tell an off colored joke to the family a few weeks ago. We sat in stunned silence after its delivery. Well, some of us did. The girls and I did - the girls because they didn't know the vulgar word in the context it was used but Alex was laughing at his own joke and James and Austin were trying hard (but to no avail) to suppress their laughter.  (These are the times my theater training comes in handy. I have worked hard not to laugh on stage and show expression when I'm playing in a comedy - who knew this skill would be so important in my life as Alex's mother?)
Alex is laughing because he thinks the joke is funny literally - and probably because his friends laughed when they heard it. He has NO IDEA what he has just said and why should he? The word in question is a normal everyday word. OK. I'm just going to share the joke - skip ahead if you're easily offended. Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
Because he only cums once a year.
Yep. It was the "c" word. Comes. That's the way Alex is saying it and using it and in everyday language how we use the word but we all know that is NOT what the word means in this context. I matter of factually and with proper medical terms give him the alternate/vulgar meaning of the "c" word. His eyes get HUGE. The girls eyes get HUGE. Austin and James are still struggling to suppress their belly laughs. And then we move on and drop it.
Well? Someone has to tell him! I learned the facts of life in 6th grade repeating a joke I didn't get to my mother. As uncomfortable and awkward as it is, I'm his mom and I'd rather he learn from me than from his peers - and apparently his peers are only repeating vulgar jokes - not explaining them - thank goodness.

Earlier this week a mom with boys from Ukraine asked about how we handle lying. We've had A LOT OF LYING in Alex's short time here. Luckily we're finally getting on top of it. He would lie about some of the stupidest things. Most the things he wouldn't even get a consequence for? (He told me this week that he didn't learn how to lie in the orphanage - they just did it to stay out of trouble. Let me tell you, that trait is VERY ingrained in these little souls - even when they won't get in trouble!)
Here's an example:
"Is your reading done?" "Yes." but of course it wasn't. So then he'd have to read AND have a consequence for lying. Whereas if he had just told the truth the worst thing that would happen is he would have to read. Good grief.

I found a very interesting article with a theory of why some adopted children lie:
Lying is a way of saying, "You can't know me. I'm not going to tell you the truth about who I am because if I do, I've let you in. I will live in a world I can control because I'm the one in charge of what's true and false." Children will even lie about crazy things ... like denying they took a whole roll of toilet paper and attempted to flush it down the toilet when the evidence is right there.

Thank goodness we've finally put lying behind us. It's been a LONG road to get here. Sure, we have issues every once in awhile but for the most part - he's very truthful. He just confessed yesterday as to why he's getting a N in citizenship in Choir - for throwing an eraser. He seems to get in trouble for the dumbest things, tapping on his desk, making weird sounds when he should be quiet? This article went on to talk a little about Attention Deficit Disorder and there were two category's that certainly apply to Alex and gave me pause to think:

Disorganization - Children with ADD have neurological difficulty filtering, sorting and prioritizing all the stimuli and information that bombards them each day. You'll see this difficulty in disorganized behavior, a disorganized room, a disorganized backpack, and so on.

Impulse Control - Have you ever had the impulse to push someone in front of you who wasn't moving fast enough? I have, but I can control that impulse and not act on it. Children with ADD often can't. When they get the impulse to push, they push. When they have the impulse to touch, they touch. And when they have the impulse to break something, they do it.

Alex is the  most disorganized little soul I know. His drawers, closets, locker, backpack are just a mess. I think we clean out his room every other month and yet in two months time, we're back to were we started. And that impulse control? That would explain the dumb things he gets in trouble for at school. I'm not sure he's to the level that need medication or intervention but it's certainly something to keep my eye on. 

I asked Alex what it was for him that helped him stop lying. He thinks he just did it on his own. Yeah. Right. Then he came up with "I stopped lying so you would stop talking to me about it." Ha! I knew I had something to do with it!! I think it had everything to do with my bazillion talks/lectures/rants/roll plays. At one point I even told him I was going to join him and be a liar too. That he better not count on me to pick him up or do what I tell him I will because I might be lying. That lying boys should have lying mothers. I also think it's because he is such a terrible liar. He ALWAYS got caught. Who knows what did it but he really is doing better. He struggles - he might START a lie and then catch himself and come clean and of course his first response is "I don't know." when it comes to ANYTHING but if I persist, the truth - ugly as it may be - comes out. And usually it's not that ugly - mostly stupid. 

Anyway, we're "laboring" here daily to learn English and life skills but like our car - we're not having any babies anytime soon!