You are invited...

I sent an email out this week to a few of the mom's I know that are adopting but wanted to open the invitation to all mom's adopting from the Ukraine that would be interested in coming. Here is what I wrote:
This is Wendy, Alexey's soon to be mom....some day far from now!
I wanted to start up a "Mom's forever waiting to get their children from the Ukraine" lunch group and you are all invited. I thought it would be nice to get together and compare notes, vent, sympathize and encourage each other as we take this big step into the unknown.
Now, my list of mom's is not exclusive, I just don't know if everyone is adopting and didn't want to offend any that aren't. So if there's a mom not on this email list that you think would love to come, please forward her this email or let her know. The more the merrier!
The date is this Thursday, November 20th at 1:00 at Golden China (5300 South, 700 West in Murray-on the corner by Smiths-you can't miss it) Yes, it's Chinese food and it's not a fancy lady lunch place but I was just trying to think of a place where it wouldn't be too noisy, we could talk and we wouldn't get kicked out or given snobby stares if we stayed a long time. NEXT month someone else can pick a place! (The food is not too bad but I hate the ugly fish in the huge fish tank!)
I know it's rather short notice, let me know if you can make it, if you can't but would like an invite next month or if you're just not interested.
Hope to see you soon!
Last night, Rylee crawled in to bed with a bad dream and I couldn't help but think who if anyone is comforting Lex when he has bad dreams? Which only made it harder for me to fall back to sleep. (Well, that and the fact that Rylee is a mini-furnace and made me uncomfortably hot!)
James is home and we only have two more day's until we meet with McKay for our home study! I'll be so glad to be doing something productive to move forward.
My girls performance group is planning a cruise in June and I'm at a loss as to what to do. Do I plan on four children or five? Will I even be in the country? And then the question of the year, hum...how do I pay for that AND an international adoption?
From now on I'm just going to take the Scarlet O'Hara view of life, "Tomorrow is another day"!
Another day is when I'll figure this out.
And probably not any day too soon!

Trying not to freak out...

I've been following the Carr's and Evenson's blogs like an crack addict. In fact I play mind games with myself like,  "You can not look at blogs until you have..." (insert task like mop the floor, go grocery shopping, organize paper work etc.). Today it was take my code of ethics on-line test.

So, I'm carefully watching the dates that they left for the Ukraine and the date they get to court and I'm getting panicky because I only have a two week window for James to be there and that includes travel time. And then I start thinking about what if.....

What if we get a SDA appointment in the middle of James working?

What if we don't get a court date before he needs to head back?

What if.....?  

And then my mind starts swirling and I try to take deep breaths and remind myself not to panic about things I have no control over.

I thought I had a brilliant idea on Sunday. I thought if I copy and pasted the address to Lex's orphanage (which is in Ukrainian) into my browser that I would be able to find his orphanage website, translate it, email his director and make sure he's okay? Nope, not a brilliant idea. I got no where.

I sent off yet another letter, still no return letters and honestly I don't even know if he has postage yet. In fact when he left he had a cough so he could be in the hospital for all I know. (Okay, don't think I'm jumping off the handle here, we're told they go to the hospital for every sniffle and cough!)

Anyway, Austin's been really sick and keeping my mind occupied over on this side of the world. We thought it was Strep but, no. Then we had blood work done for Mono, but found out today that it's not that either. (Which is good as Austin heard so many stories about how bad and how long you're sick with Mono that I think it made him sicker than he actually is.) So, now the doc's are just saying let it run it's course but good gravy it's been a week! It doesn't help that at age fourteen and a half, Austin is now man sick instead of just boy sick. You know, when a man is sick, the world seems to stop? At least for the man afflicted. Austin is close to five foot ten, has 10 pounds on me and is certainly closer to man status than boy status and this illness has sufficiently pushed him into man status sickness category!

I did something!

I finally feel like I've done something to start this adoption process!! McKay (our awesome social worker) asked "if you'd like you can send me your home study papers or if you'd rather wait until our visit that's okay too." Well, you don't have to ask me twice! I've been collecting them for weeks and I happily scanned and email them off within 10 minutes of reading her email. Poor McKay, I hope she has a lot of room in her in-box! We're scheduled to meet with her on the 21st for our interview. For those of you following this blog and considering approaching the same adventure, here is what I had to submit for the home study:
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A picture of the adoptive family

A picture of your home

Financial statements to include

Tax returns from previous two years

A notarized letter from your bank describing your account(s)

Notarized letter(s) from your employer(s) confirming position, salary and length of employment.

Certified birth certificates

Marriage certificate/divorce certificates

Current resume including a history of employment and education.

If you have children, please have them write a statement or draw a picture about their thoughts and feelings regarding adoption.

A criminal background check for the state of Utah for each person over 18 in the home.

A child abuse and neglect registry check for each person over 18

Proof of current health insurance and coverage for adopted children.

Adoption home study assessment questionnaire

Autobiography for each adoptive parent

Please send out three more referent letters. One of the referents should be a family member and the others should be unrelated. I will add these to the two reference letters gathered for the hosting program for a total of five references.

Medical Clearance form completed by your physician

I got a great email from Yuri, who talked me down from my frenzy of questions and concerns. I would post it but then you would all see how ridiculous I'm being. He even promised to have his contact get a hold of Lex to confirm he's okay, that he still wants to come here (I'm just a little paranoid after reading so many blogs where children are unavailable or choose not to be adopted) and to encourage him to write me, because I'm a basket case. (He didn't say I'm a "basket case" but I'm pretty sure he's thinking that!)
Today I volunteered at the junior high for Reality Town and as I looked around at all the Mom's there I was a little envious. There were at least five mom's there that already have their children home from Ukraine. (See, I told you I live in "Little Ukraine".) Now, I know I shouldn't be jealous as they all had to wait, just like me and everyone has their own story and road that brought them to this point and if I dig deep inside myself, these Mom's give me strength. They made it through this and I can too, this will happen! But oh, how I wish that Lex was here, learning English, eating all the banana's, riding his bike and letting me tuck him in at night.
I did talk to the PTA president about our upcoming situation as I'm over Dutch Oven cook off in May and I may or may not be there. Who knows? So now I need to find someone to cover for me in the event I am on our Ukrainian adventure. Anyone interested?
It's sort of weird to have your life on hold like this, you can't really commit but you may very well be around and as far as what will I do with my other four children while we trek into the unknown to bring our boy home? I'm not really sure, I have a very supportive family and great friends but I can't do much in the way of planning until we know when we're going!! So if you see me on caller ID sometime in the next few months, you might not want to answer!
Thanks to all who sent such great referrals to our social worker. (Most of my friends all cc'd me a copy of what they wrote, even though the didn't have too!) And either they are really good at embellishing, and/or they were drinking NyQuil or they just really think good things about us! Each one of you touched my heart and made me cry when I read your recommendations.

The Christmas Package!

Sometimes I think I over think things too much! In an effort to avoid going crazy waiting for James to get home and get our home study going I focused on getting Lexy's Christmas package off. With the help of my nephew Tyler, I bought a little hot wheels race track, a few race cars and a cool looking motorcycle. In order to fit the race track (which mind you is small not full sized or anything) in to a box , I was using a box that holds a case of paper and these three small items just didn't fill it up adequately. So I was off on my quest to find light weight Christmas things to fill the box. I bought a box of candy canes, a cool airplane/glider for him to put together, a chocolate orange, some Chapsitck, colored pencils & sketch pad and assorted Christmas candy.
Then I got this brilliant idea to send the book "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and translate each page into Ukrainian. In hindsight, not the best book as I'm not sure how some of the poetic phrases translate like "the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow..." or "More rapid than eagles his courses they came...." anyway I start translating, and I find spelling errors in the book, a few punctuation errors (keep in mind I am not an English major-as many of you can attest who have followed this blog for any length of time) and then the kicker was instead of Donner the reindeer was named Donder! What the heck? Where was this book printed? China? I flip to the back and sure enough!
Anyway, I translated it to the best of my ability, (print a disclosure that this is a poem and may translate funny) wrap everything in fun Christmas wrap, packed up my box and get it ready to send.
THEN I go back and re-read the sending packages tips on the unofficial Save A Child Blog and it says this: More importantly (and sadly so), the gifts will cause envy and jealousy in the other orphans, which often leads to emotional and physical harm to your child. This could translate into resentment towards you for sending it.
Oh great! What have I done? I then re-think what I've sent, scale my box down with only the hot wheels cars, airplane, colored pencils a few candies and of course the translated book. Besides the book, the other things he can hide in his pockets. I don't want him to get beat up over my package!! Good gravy! Throw in some shirts he had that were in the laundry when he left to cover all my brightly wrapped packages and tape it shut with about half a roll of packing tape and label it "orphan care package" and draw a cross on it. (As per tip #12. It will help if you draw a religious symbol, such as a cross, on the box. Next to it, write 'Christian Humanitarian Package' or 'orphan care package'.)
So, I'm off to the post office and the line is forever long. I am also mailing out my yearly Thanksgiving card that I send every November to my clients, except this year I ordered WAY too many cards so I'm sending them to everyone I know! So I have to push my boxes along with my foot as I wait in line as it's just way to heavy to hold.
I finally get to the front of the line, fill out the customs form where I put that this package is humanitarian aid, disclose everything is used and worth nothing, pay $25+ something for shipping to the Ukraine and guess what? It will be there in 6-7 days! Not weeks! Days!! Now in my box is a letter with strict instructions to not open gifts until December 25th. That's a sweet thing to do to an orphan don't you think? Send him a gift, that he might get beat up for for getting in the first place, then make him wait five weeks to open it! Maybe I should hope it does get lost in the mail or confiscated by some corrupt postal worker!

How are you doing?

I have so many folks ask how I am? 

How I'm holding up? 

The truth is I have my moments. Mostly I just try not to hard to think of the long haul ahead of us. Especially right now while we wait to complete our home study. Yes, I wish he was here instead of there but I have no control over that. If it were up to me I think all the orphans being adopted should have stayed. We can complete all the paper work with them here and they can avoid any more days of being institutionalized in an orphanage. It's a shame the world doesn't consult me more for advice.

However, my wise younger brother Troy pointed out that it will be good for James and I to see how he lives, where he lives and what is culture is like. I agree but I could bring him back with us for the court date.

But if wishes were fishes...

The fact is he's not here. He's half way around the world and I have very little if any contact with him. I bought a little locket I wear with his picture in it. I wear it everyday. We pray for him every time we pray, we talk about him and laugh about things he did and things he said and Ukrainian words have become our words like "da doma" and "lala".

Sometimes I can picture him clearly. He looks in real life different then he photographs. Softer perhaps, more real. I took a lot of pictures but was unable to capture the image I carry in my head.

I've decided to send a Christmas package even if they don't celebrate Christmas because WE celebrate Christmas and next year he will too. I wrote a letter talking about our traditions and Santa and strict instructions not to open the packages until December 25th. That way I'll know on Christmas Day that he is having his own celebration half way around the world.

I hope to send it off on Monday and I hope it actually gets there on time. I wonder if any of my letters have made it to him yet?

Here is some awesome news I just researched. The tax CREDIT for adoption is 2008 is 11,650 (could even be higher in 2009 as it's gone up every year) and the State of Utah gives a $1,000 credit per "special needs child". Read on for the definition of special needs:

Special Needs Adoptions (code 41)

See also Adoption Expense Deduction
A taxpayer who adopts a child with special needs may claim a refundable credit of $1,000 for each child adopted. This credit may only be claimed in the tax year the court issues the order granting the adoption and may not be carried forward or back.
To claim this credit, the adoption must occur in Utah and the child must meet one of the following conditions:

• Be five years of age or older,
• Be under the age of 18 with physical, emotional, or mental disability; or
• Be a member of a sibling group (two or more persons) placed together for adoption.

Note: The requirement that the Utah Division of Child and Family Services have permanent custody of the child has been repealed.
There is no form for this credit. Keep all related documents with your tax records.
So just about HALF of our adoption expense will be reimbursed to us after we file in 2009! What a blessing!!

English Class....

Geez...my post are going to get so boring because nothing new is happening!! No one can figure out Alexey's letter. Apparently it's in half Russian, half Ukrainian and not very good handwriting. It looks okay to me but I have no idea what the letters are suppose to look like. One translator says he thinks it says something about good feelings, bad feelings, Austin and Mama. Great! That could be anything. (And what's that about bad feelings? Probably that he didn't want to write this letter in the first place!)
Which makes me think that I may never have contact with him again while he's away if he can't write a letter or at least doesn't make a serious attempt to write.
I did get a sweet call from a lady who just got her papers off and expects to get a date in the next week. How exciting! She had read my blog and offered to come talk to me about all the required paper work. I am so going to take her up on that. I told Jen she should be there too.
Oh, and that reminds me, while I was getting gas at the Chevron in Murray I was shivering in my car (because I never wear a coat) and I looked up at the brick building to the south and there was the huge sign about ESL school (English as a second language) I called the number and sure enough right here by the Smiths in Murray is a school! I talked with the man at length and he said he normally teaches adults at night for a 10 week course M-TH and the cost right now was $27 a week/normally $55. If the timing is right and I can get Lex back here before summer he could take the classes over the summer. (Good because I doubt I could get him to go to school all day and study English all night!) and it would be awesome if he had a few other Ukrainian children with him. In fact it made me start thinking....perhaps if enough of us got together we could get a class just for children? Just a thought. The guy was really nice and he assured me he doesn't just teach Hispanics how to speak English in fact he does all the training for the DI's and they have refugees from all over the world. Kind of funny how that sign was just staring at me while shivering in my car.
I went shopping with my sweet sis today and bought Alexey Christmas gifts figuring I should get them sent off soon but then learned that they really don't celebrate Christmas. Their New Years is a big celebration? It will probably take until New Years to get the package there anyway. I got him a hot wheels trick track and 4 more cars and a motorcycle. I'm sure he'll love them. Just not sure they'll get to him after reading tips on mailing packages to the Ukraine. Sounds like lots of packages get intercepted by crooked postal workers.
Here's a cute picture of my Rylee as a lunch worker. We voted at her elementary and wouldn't you know it she was a lunch worker that day. She was over the brand new salad bar at the school. She has since had a bang trim when I realized she can hardly see with her little sanitary hair net on.

My pathetic blog....

So I'm feeling a little blue tonight. It snowed all day and it's cold, James had to go back to work, I have everything done for our home study but can't meet with the social worker until James gets back in a few weeks and I'm just going stir crazy.
I decided to check on the weather in the Ukraine. 42 degrees with a slight wind. Somehow I felt if I knew what the weather was like where he was I'd feel more connected?
I did dumb things like re-read my blog (Which has quite a few grammatical errors I might add) and I sorted through all the pictures we took while Lex was here.
I talked with Jen on the phone and we shared concerns and fears. Later my mom came over and asked me if I'd heard from Lex? I tried not to growl but I know I was abrupt. How the heck am I suppose to hear from him? I've sent two letters but I'm sure they take 10+ days to get there and who knows if he even has postage yet to write back to me? He doesn't have email and even if I called, I couldn't talk to him without an interpreter.
I gave her updated pictures of all the kids including Lex. (Which she loved!)
I did get a sweet email from the social worker that she was typing up our file and doing what she can while James is away.
I tried to start filling out Yuri's paper work and contracts but it sounds like I need to complete the home study before that. I don't know. Anyone who's been through this before, please tell me what to work on!
I keep checking my email to see if any of the translators have translated Alexey's letter I made him write about adoption. Either it says awful things and they don't want to tell me, or his spelling is so bad they can't figure it out or they have their own lives and just haven't gotten around to translating my letter!
The best part of my day was I showed a house. Gotta sell houses to get my boy.
I should be working on sorting through the Reflection entries but instead I'm reading blogs about others who have their children home and I'm jealous so I'm left to post a pathetic entry on my own blog.

Our family photo session...

This is a plug for my fabulous cousin Kimberly that took our pictures! Keep in mind we were at Gardner Village on HALLOWEEN with a million people and she took our whole sitting in about a half hour as that was all the attention span my children had.
Her blog address is at the bottom of this post. She'll meet you wherever and her cost for prints is fabulous! (This is not to detract from my cousin Michelle in St. George who is also a fabulous photographer. So if you live down there, you should email me for her contact information!) How lucky am I to have such talented cousins?

http://kimberlykelleyphotography.blogspot.com/

Ukrainians everywhere I turn....

Monday after taking Lex to the airport it seemed so quiet in our house. That afternoon I needed to go the junior high to collect Reflection entries. (Yes, I'm a PTA mom.) I got there about 10 minutes before the bell rang and there were a three boys wandering around waiting for school to let out. I thought it was my imagination at first, but it wasn't. They were speaking Ukrainian. Then as the throngs of children poured out of the school and past my table (not turning in any Reflection entries mind you) Anastassia and her friend Lana and another girl from the Ukraine stopped by to say hi. Sweet girls and very pretty.
The junior high has flags from every country hanging in the skylights up and down the halls throughout the school and guess what flag I was sitting by? Yep, the Ukrainian flag. It gets better....
We went out to dinner for our anniversary that night and decided to go catch a dollar movie rather than go home afterwards. In the theater was a family from our area that had returned with their child from Ukraine just a month ago. It was one of the boys I saw in school. The have named him Austin. They went to the same movie we did and because we were at the high-tech dollar theater there was some technical difficulties and the film started late so we had a chance to talk with them about their experience. They chose an American name for their boy as his name was hard to pronounce and another adopted boy from the Ukraine recommend giving him an American name to help him fit in better.
Hum, that's something to think about. If I could rename Lex, I'd name him Benjamin. I've always wanted a Benjamin. Benjamin Alex Richhart. Doesn't that sound great? Of course we'll need to see what Lex thinks.
Then the movie we watched was "Get Smart" and of course it's mainly set in Russia which I learned from Yuri our adopting coordinator, that Lex speaks both Russian and Ukrainian fluently. I kept thinking how cool it would be when we get him back here and we rent movies how we can pause the movie and he'll be able to tell us what they're saying. (Of course he needs to learn English before that can happen, but still it would be so cool!)
I stole this quote off a blog I've been following about another Ukrainian adoption. Did you know that November is adoption month? I didn't. I just loved this quote it is in regards to adoption:

"We express support of the married mothers and fathers who adopt these children. Children are entitled to the blessing of being reared in a stable family environment where father and mother honor marital vows. Having a secure, nurturing, and consistent relationship with both a father and a mother is essential to a child’s well-being. Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents in this life and throughout the eternities. We commend all those who strengthen children and families by promoting adoption.”
L.D.S. First Presidency

Going,...going....gone.

(My kids saying goodbye in the early am!)

Lex went back today. It wasn't as emotional and sad as I had anticipated. It was more like a, "Yep he has to go back." It was interesting as I didn't really see any boys cry, a few girls and lots of moms but I held it together rather well. It was kind of anticlimactic as you just weren't sure when you were saying goodbye with the new security measures at the airport. Lex was on edge, I could tell. He didn't want to appear uncool to his friends but wasn't sure when he was suppose to say his final goodbyes either?  It will be so interesting to get his take on all this when he learns how to speak English.

(At the airport with is friends-I don't know what was being said but at one point the blonde boy, Sasha pointed to me asking Lex something.)

The concert Saturday was fun. We had a small part at the end where we walked up with our child and sang the chorus of "When You Believe". We had to be to the concert hall at 4:15 for a practice and then the concert started at 7:00. We walked over to a little Chinese food place between for dinner. Lex likes sweet and sour chicken, hates beef broccoli and tolerates ham fried rice.
The funniest thing was that he kept asking me when we were going home all night long.  I said between 9 and 10 pm. So we are on stage in front of our audience during our little part and his new watch beeps that it's nine o'clock and he turns to me and says "Da doma?".  Like. "Hey, it's nine o'clock, you said we'd go! Who cares that this is our big part and that all eyes are on us, it's nine....lets go!"

(On stage for the rehearsal, he kept trying to tell me it was our time to come up by making walking finger motions to us!)

On the way home he broke out into Ukrainian songs and he and Rylee laughed and giggled all the way home.
Sunday was low key, we went to church and he fell asleep with his head on my lap. Sacrament is hard enough to tolerate when your 10 and you understand the language, imagine what it's like to be 10 and have no idea what they're talking about!?
I made a special dinner and he wouldn't eat my cheesy potatoes or broccoli. But did well with the ham and of course the fruit. When he gets back here he's going to have to start tolerating my cooking more. I'm trying to not let it hurt my feelings but it's rather disheartening when he sniffs disdainfully, spews his food back on to his plate and makes disgusting reaching noises.
Yeah, our list it getting a little long about the things he'll need to learn when he gets back here. Like not belching loudly and multiple times after every meal, not making disgusting faces when presented with food that doesn't meet his sniff of approval. Yes, I said sniff as he literately touches the food with his nose sniffing it before eating it or out right rejecting it. And of course just basic manners like chewing your food with your mouth closed, using a fork and knife and how to say, "No thanks I don't want to..." without making the person asking feel like a rejected idiot.
Lots to learn.....
We can't get with the social worker until James gets back from his next hitch so sometime after the 19th? My children were required to write down their thoughts and feelings about adoption as part of the home study package and I had everyone including Lex do this Sunday morning. Lex wasn't thrilled and after some tears and frustration he did write half a page. What it says I have no idea. It probably says I hate writing this paper, I'm attempting to have it translated.
It was sweet to read what my other children wrote. This isn't all but some of the highlights.
Kambree: "I think that adopting Alexey or any orphan is a really good thing because you are giving someone something that they cannot give themselves."
Austin: "My first reason is because I don't have a brother and I have always wanted one"
Devree: She wrote some very sweet things but the best was "It would effect me by having to sleep with my little sister until we finish the room downstairs which won't be for a long time!"
Rylee: "I had a feeling that someone was missing in our family."
Sunday was mine and James' 18th anniversary. Dev and Ry made us a special breakfast and we're going out tonight to celebrate.
Right now Lex's plane is somewhere over the ocean, I  - being the great mom that I am - sent a large Ziploc of Halloween candy. I hope he doesn't get sick. I also hope he is safe, and warm and cared for and that our paper work goes smoothly and that I sell about 20 more houses in the next three months to pay for this! Pray for us!