Grrr.....

That is the sound I am continually making these days when it comes to just about ANYTHING with Alex. 

It's killing me. 

Grrr....

After a rough week last week, we had a different sort of rough week this week.

Reading.

Now that Alex has decided reading is sort of fun, he's taken to checking out books WAY over his reading level. After talking with his teacher last week it was decided (mostly by my input) that we would have Alex read AR books that he could be tested on to make sure he's comprehending and so we can track what level he is reading on.  I told Alex he could still read his cool-way-over-his-level-and-pretty-much-incomprehensible books but that his required 30 minutes 5 times a week needed to be an AR book.
He agreed.

Brings home an AR book Friday.

Finishes it Tuesday morning. 

I tell him to get his AR test done and get a new book Tuesday morning.

Wednesday night I follow up and ask how the AR test went.

Oh, I couldn't find it on computer. My friend help me. He couldn't find too.

Did you ask your teacher?

No

Did you ask the librarian?

No.

Well, you need to ask an adult, not your friend. Your friend is not your teacher for a reason.

Did you get a new AR book?

No.

Why?

(Shrug)

He has brought home some sort of science fiction-ghoul book.

We discuss that his thirty minutes of reading needs to be an AR book. This book doesn't count.

Then we had a big talk about seeking help and following instructions with promises of taking care of everything tomorrow.

The next morning I remind him about taking the AR test and getting a new AR book.

Thursday afternoon.

"Oh mom, librarian say I can no get a new book every day."

He still has the same crazy-over-the-top ghoulish book.

Did you bring this book back and explain that you checked out the wrong book. That you need an AR book?

No.

Did you talk to your teacher?

No.

Did you take your AR test?

(He hits his hand against his forehead) 

I forgot.

Really?
Grrr...

Lecture #2 for the week on communicating, responsibility, follow through.

Friday morning, I remind him AGAIN about what he needs to do.

(I email his teacher too.)

Friday afternoon.

"Teacher says I take AR test on Monday, no time today." 

Okay.

What about your AR book?

His countenance changes instantly. 

He looks at the floor.

He has forgotten.

Grrrrr......

This conversation just happens to take place at the same time I am checking his room so he can play. He was suppose to clean it up and vacuum and dust since I couldn't vacuum earlier in the day due to the lack of visible carpet on the floor. 

I am so ticked at this time that when I tell him his room is unacceptable and to start over as junk is shoved everywhere, he's vacuumed AROUND the shoes on his floor and the dresser and nightstand are teaming with piles of crap and parts and MORE JUNK that  when he says:

What is wrong with my room?

I lose it.

I proceed to push everything off the dresser, nightstand, onto the floor and throw all the shoes and crap out of the corners, clothes that didn't make it in the hamper all in to the middle of his room

THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR ROOM!

And I have to leave.
My heart is racing.

It was throw the stuff or wring his neck!

I know this is about more than a clean room. 

This is the issue we've had all week over the stupid AR book and test.

But I'm done.

I'm crazy done!

He cleans up his room like no other, including cleaning out his FIVE drawers of junk & top of his closet and throwing away an entire garbage sack of GARBAGE! 

(Which he did not do on his own accord but upon the 2nd inspection of his room - which looked pretty dang good except for the inventions resources parts junk that couldn't find a place in the designated FIVE drawers and entire top of his closet. I suggested he FIND room in the places provided even if it involves throwing things out!)

So last night. 

We hug goodnight and I suggest that tomorrow we try not to have any more crazy long talks. That we just have a nice weekend.
He's all sweet and gives me hugs and then comes back in for more. 

He really is a cuddly bug.

(I am trying to put this AR issue behind us, even though his reading this weekend will be stupid-crazy-over-the top ghoul book.)

I wake him up to get to scouts this morning (third class for his communication merit badge) and to jump in the shower as he missed his last night.

As he's getting out, I remember that there isn't any soap in the bathtub when I cleaned yesterday.

I go up and as he's drying off and I ask if he used soap.

Long pause.

And then.....

No.

Well, at least he's not lying....right?

So, I tell him he'll have to take another bath later, he doesn't have time now and that the shower he took this morning was useless because HE DIDN'T USE SOAP!

Grrrr....

(But a little wootwoot....at least he didn't lie!)

I make him breakfast and explain that I it must be hard being in trouble all the time. It's got to suck. (Yes, I used the suck word. I hate that word but in this instance, it was the best word choice.) I can't do anything about it. He knows the rules.He knows his responsibilities. He's lived here 18 months and he knows and understands everything there is to know regarding our expectations of him. If he wants to have a more enjoyable life, he will start figuring it out, following the rules and being responsible. If not we will have these sorts of talks/lectures every day. It's not fun for him and it's certainly not fun for me. I tell him I pray daily for patience with him, that I can just enjoy him and love him but maybe he needs to start praying too. Praying he can remember what it is he's suppose to do.(During each of this weeks talks lectures rants Alex looks contrite and tries not to cry. Eyes water, voice quivers but he doesn't actually lose it. I know he feels bad. He feels bad he's in trouble. Not for what he's done or what he's forgotten to do.)

Then he's off to scouts.

Austin was privy to the last part of our conversation and after Alex left I asked if he thinks I am too hard on Alex?

Sometimes. You get on his case for everything.

It's true.

I do.

But I find if I give Alex ANY slack, then he thinks that's the norm. He thinks if I let something slide, I will let it slide forever. He gets confused if I let him off the hook one day and then he does the same thing the next and I call him on it, so I've found it's easier to just call him on it.....every time.

I also mention Alex's moral compass. The issue that he feels bad he got CAUGHT not the fact that he feels bad he did something wrong. I ask Austin, how do you teach a child this? One that missed the first ten years of nurturing and moral values?

I don't know. I'm not a parent. I never raised a child before.

I tell him I haven't either. 

He looks at me puzzled.

I tell him, I'm raising children but none of them are all the way raised. I'm just learning as I go. I don't claim to have all the answers. 

You can tell he's thinking about it.

Then I ask him to tell me something.

What?
Tell me I don't suck.

(Again that dreaded "s" word.)

You don't suck.

Thanks Austin.

And I can say that without any guilt because I've been taught not to lie.

Aww....thanks Aust.

And he left for work.

Here's a picture of Alex skating...

I'm always getting comments on how much Alex looks just like us and how very, very cute he is. Which he is. And I've said this more than once. "Good thing he's cute because it's his saving grace some days!"