Journaling

After Alex's three day grounding from video games he got up early and played Wii for about 20 minutes on the 4th of July before we got up for the parade. I had instructed him the night before to take a bath before getting dressed and had laid out his clothes for the day. When I came down and saw him dressed with plastered down wet hair, I asked if he'd showered. Yes, he said. Funny, I didn't hear the shower run. But I'm running around trying to get everyone up and ready to get to the parade. I then asked again, Alex, are you sure you showered? Yes, was his reply. I smelled his hair and arm and it didn't really smell clean but it didn't smell dirty either so I went upstairs to check the bathtub and it was bone dry along with the bar of soap. "Alex Benjamin Richhart, you tell me the truth, did you shower?" Yes, again he says. Then I tell him about the tub & the soap and ask him to tell me the truth, did he shower? He looks down at his feet and says in a very quiet voice "no". I told him no more video games for three more days. His eyes filled with tears. I tell him"If you had said the first time you hadn't showered, I would have said go take a shower and you would not have been grounded from video games but your grounded because you lied to me." I made this point very clear, he was not being punished for not showering but for blatantly lying.
During the next three days he was very sad-at one point I found him crying at bedtime, I asked what was wrong and he told me that he felt something was wrong with Ivan, that he doesn't speak English well, and he "No listens when Mom talk." Which I take to be that he doesn't obey me. I explained we could Skype with Ivan tomorrow and make sure he's okay, that he does speak English very well and that all he has to do is listen to me better and tell the truth. I then asked if there was anything I could do to help him feel better (he's still sobbing) and he says "Video games?" (Ah-ha! I knew it!) Nope, I said, you have one more day and I left him crying. I went back in about two minutes later to hug him goodnight and he was miraculously done crying. We hugged and I haven't heard a word since about Ivan, or any of the other things he was supposedly sobbing about.
I have now set up some guidelines about video games with the best being NO video games or TV before nine am. I mean, good gravy, he was getting up at six thirty to start playing! This newest set of guidelines has been genius! Now he wakes up around eight, does his jobs, breakfast, gets ready and patiently waits for the golden hour of nine and every day we have either tutor or swimming at nine-thirty so he gets in a half hour. This breaks up his two hour limit and makes it much easier to pace himself.
He's also taken to playing with friends in the neighborhood-in fact he tried to build a clubhouse for his friends-that was a scary phone call:
Alex: Me make house my friends.
Me: What? You want to make a house for your friends? What are you going to use to build it with?
Alex: Umm....
Me: Alex what tools are you using?
Alex: Umm... Me no remember, Brach talk you.
He then hands to phone to Brach. Brach tells me he has two saws, a hammer and a drill out. I cringe and ask if they're being safe and Brach tells me "We have on safety glasses and shoes, you can't be safer than that!" I told Brach we'd be home in ten minutes. By the time we got home the idea had been abandoned and the only signs of the so called house was a small hole in the grass and some small pieces of wood. Oh my, I think we have some projects to look forward too.
Monday while doing laundry I noticed that Alex only had ONE pair of underwear in his clean clothes. I called him and showed him the four of five undershirts (he wears to bed each night) and the one pair of underwear and asked if he is putting on clean underwear each night after his bath? He started to say yes, then hung his head and in a small voice said no. I put my arm around him and said, thank you for telling me the truth, from now on put on clean underwear every time you bath okay? He nodded. I think he thought I would ground him from the Wii again so I made a big deal about how I was so happy he told the truth. I know he's probably had to lie his whole life to avoid trouble and this telling the truth is a new concept and a hard one too.
Today we went shopping at the DI and Alex was in heaven! We went looking for clothes for Austin to wear on Pioneer Trek next week and Alex found a pair of Walkie-Talkies for $1. He was ecstatic! They're very crappy and you can hardly hear them but he is so excited. He told me he had asked Ivan for Walkie Talkies in Ukraine but Ivan said no. (Not that it would have mattered much-it seems everything Ivan or I gave Alex got lost, broken or stolen at the orphanage!) Alex told me how much he loves the DI, "Big store-little money!" He's so easy to please sometimes.
Earlier this week I went to lunch with the other mom's who have or are adopting from Ukraine. (We always have such a good time catching up and talking!) Alex asked where I was going and I told him. Then he said "Me scary." I asked why he was scared and he told me "Grandma eaten Cafe no come home." What? Your grandma was eating at a cafe and never came home? She just disappeared? He nodded yes. He was truly frightened, this isn't the first time he's told me "Me scary" when it comes to me leaving. Hum...I wonder what really happened to this grandma. He said it was his Dad's mom. I wonder if Ivan knows more about this?
Austin has had a hard time this week. He told me he just can't get full. He eats and eats and he's always hungry. And when he's hungry he's cranky. He must be growing...again. He's now taller than James and he's thick like James too and I'm always thinking he's James or James is Austin, it's like having giant twins in the house.
Kambree has been nannying for Kammy and starting to get things lined up for dance company. Grease rehearsals haven't been as fun as she thought they'd be as "there just aren't any really cute boys" but she's been very busy going out almost every night with friends or on dates. She's bummed today as she wanted to go to Lagoon but all her friends were working or broke. I told her she could take Austin but she doesn't want to take Austin as everyone thinks they're dating when they're together. I never had this problem with my younger brother because he didn't grow until late, but apparently this mistake happens often to Kambree and Austin. How funny.
Devee LOVED Oakcrest camp. I worry about her as she stays home so much. She just doesn't have a good friend to hang out with. She is in "Annie" and has rehearsals a couple times a week but she really needs to find more things to do. She needs a nanny job like Kambree!
Rylee and Alex have been in swimming lessons and Rylee is at the top of her class. We're always approached about her joining the swimming club after she completes her lessons but she's not really interested. I put Alex in beginning swimming and he has loved it. I decided to sign them both up for another three weeks and Alex's teacher suggested he move up to the advanced class.
We all went to the dentist and I'm happy to report we had NO cavities! Alex has lost all but one of his rotten/ground down teeth and since it's a baby tooth and not bothering him-the dentist said to just wait for it to fall out! Hurray! Everyone got ten dollars for no cavities.
James is gone for three long weeks. We miss him terribly. I try to make myself feel better by thinking of all the worse jobs he could have, like going to Iraq for a year, or working as a secret service agent on assignment for months at a time but we still just miss him. Next to me I think Alex misses him the most. He's always talking about his Dad. I don't know though, maybe Austin misses James just as much. Alex needs to get bigger so he and Austin can wrestle and rough house more-maybe then it won't be so hard to have their Dad gone? Probably not, when they're that big I'll want James around always to monitor their rough playing!
Summer is half way through and as much as I look forward to having my days to myself when the kids are in school I love this unstructured time. Rehearsals were canceled at the last minute for this morning so we all slept in until almost ten and then in our pj's we drove through the McDonald's drive through for breakfast! Ahhh..summer!