We had a trauma Saturday night. It involved a bath, a boy and a test of wills.
Apparently Lex has been taking his baths by wetting his hair, patting some shampoo on his head and washing his hands. Hum...very clever.
Rylee caught him taking this so called bath and reported to me. So I typed out that he needs a real bath and marched him upstairs.He begins to pout. I start the water, strip his clothes off down to his underwear and I motion to him that he can wash himself or I will wash him. He just stands there pouting so I leave to get a washcloth so he can have some semblance of privacy and when I leave, he locks the door!
I can hear that he's in the tub and I ask if he's bathing and I hear silence. I pick the lock and throw in the washcloth. (I really don't want to freak him out with him being a 10 year old boy - when I believe I stopped being welcome in Austin's baths as well.) I go in and he is submerged in the tub with his underwear on! Good gravy!! Well, that is just fine. I get the hand held shower nozzle down and wet his hair and he begins to cry, no not just cry but that lovely wailing sound he made Friday night when I wouldn't let him stay up all night and watch videos.) However, I really don't care that he's crying. He can cry 'till the cow's come home, but he'll be crying and CLEAN! I scrub his hair and rinse it then get a scrubby bubbly with soap and wash his arms, back, legs, and when I get to the feet he begins laughing. Crying again until I get to the other foot, then laughing. Then I motion to his privates, shut the curtain and asked for his underwear, I hold out my hand behind the curtain, he gives me the scrubby, then the washcloth, finally I show him the dry underwear and he hands me the wet one's. I then give him a minute to wash and once I see that he is spraying the curtain with the hand held shower head, I turn off the water hand him a towel and he gets out all smiles and sweetness! Score 1 for the Mom! I'm only behind about 20!
Sunday was pretty uneventful. We went to church and he did okay. He sat through sacrament and would not go to primary so he sat with me in Sunday School. We left early to run over to a little Ukrainian Sunday School lesson at another ward house and he once again did not want to sit with the other orphans. He sat between James and I and about half way through started up with his "da-doma" pleading and then when the service was over he pulled me out to the car just as fast as he could go.
We went home and prepared our fruit plate to take to Jen's house. There were a ton of people there. I'm wondering just what they coach these orphans to say or act like back in the orphanage? We're eating and Lex is making faces at the food that we're eating and giving it a thumbs down or an it's sorta okay - take it or leave it - hand shake then pointing to me and saying "Mama" and giving me a thumbs up. Sort of like a you're a great cook tribute? It cracked me up because it seemed so rehearsed. He's really not all the crazy about my cooking either.
Anyway, after a quick spin on Jen's boys bike, food and watching Nastia open her presents. (Which she seemed baffled by the whole thing and at one point when I was looking for Lex to make sure he wasn't reprogramming some electrical device in Jen's house, I found her all alone in her room drawing with paper stuffed in her ears. Like the party was just too noisy for her.)
Lex was pleading to "da-doma" once again, which we did.
Once home it was time for bed and Lex didn't want to go. I pointed to the clock and said "No computer, TV or headphones after 8:00. Lights out at 9:00. ]" It as about 8:50. He looked put out for just a minute then pantomimed book and rubbed his finger down his nose (indicating a face tickle) of course I said yes. It's been our ritual to read a book then I sing him a song while I tickle his face with one finger, running it over his eyes, checks, down his nose....
We read the book with Ry, say prayers (which he has not said by himself yet, we offer him the opportunity and he just shakes his head) and then I start humming and tickling his face and he puts his hands on either side of my mouth and moves them, motioning for me to sing, not hum. How funny, I guess he doesn't mind my singing, I sing one song and he opens his eyes and asks for one more with is #1 finger. Okay. Then I kiss him goodnight and he's down for the night.
(Amazing, it's only 9:33-score another one for the Mom!)
He is sleeping better and not getting up so early.
Thank goodness.
I wish I had more fuzzy feel good moments rather than "What the heck am I thinking?" moments but I don't. This is hard. It's hard to think how much this is disrupting our lives. How is this going to work? How much patience I need to have and how he has no idea what kind of sacrifice it's going to be to get him back over here. This is like the morning sickness part of pregnancy when you think "What was I thinking? Why am I doing this? I feel so crappy!" and there's no turning back. I know the witness that I had, I know this is what I need to do and I know that my feelings of despair and panic is just the adversary hoping I give up. But I feel like this child thinks living here is going to be his golden ticket and it's not!
So here's what I've devised. I think it's only fair that he knows what he's getting when he comes back here. It's not all fun and games at our house. You don't cry, grunt, pout or stomp to get what you want. It's only fair to him to let him know what he's in for. So, this morning after he went to play at Masha's house and I went to gym for a long over due cardio on the treadmill, I sat him down and explained that he has been here for one full week and this week we're going to treat him like our own son and expect him to do a chore each day, study English and explain a few more family rules. He's okay with all I'm saying.AND that if he studies English for thirty minutes and does he's chore each day I will pay him a dollar each day he does it. (Like allowance but I'm not sure if that word translates or if he'll even understand?) He is all over the idea of earning a dollar.
So, should we do English now or later? Now, we start with me typing in words like shirt, pants, shoes and pointing to them and then saying the word in English which he repeats. Then he tells me "No school." I explain he does not have to go to school right now but when he comes here to live forever he will have to go to school. He shakes his head, "No school." Yes, in our family we go to school. He shakes his head. After repeatedly going over this and then finally resorting to "Would you rather live in the orphanage or come here and go to school?" I'm getting a very sad, crying boy that seems he'd rather stay in the Ukraine than go to school here. I am baffled, I must have translated something wrong. Perhaps it came across that I will be sending him to boarding school here or something? He's just so sad. Not the wailing, fake sad like the bath, a true - eyes full of tears -spilling down the checks - trying not to cry - sad. I decide it's time for a translator and I get Jordan (the guy who's been teaching Sunday school) on the phone. He talks with Lex at length and determines that it's not that he doesn't want to go to school here, he just knows he will never learn English so he will never BE ABLE to go to school here. I have Jordan translate about how I know he can, I believe in him, he can just learn a little at a time, we will all help him, he's a smart boy and he can do this etc. and I get head shakes. He just knows he can't do it. I thank Jordan and we go back to our shirt, pants, shoes lesson which he is all bleary eyed sad about and then I say let's take a break and I'll make lunch.
He runs upstairs and shuts the door and I can hear him crying...again. I make lunch and ponder. I bet this child has absolutely no self esteem about his ability to learn. He's in a special speech class at the orphanage and I bet - just like children in the United States that go to special ed classes - he is made fun of because of his difficulty with the letter S and his special class status. He has no faith in his ability to learn. He knows he has to go to school here but cannot fathom the idea of ever learning English so he has no hope? He knows I expect him to go to school so he has no other choice but to stay in the Ukraine?
Good gravy! Now what should I do? How do you teach a child to believe in himself? He is so very smart. He is curious, independent and knows how to work my digital camera better than I do. He has communicated so much without saying many words. He's only ten years old. I know he can learn English. I think I'll have Alex (the 12 year old boy that came over the 1st Sunday) come over and talk to him about how he learned English. That's all I can think. It doesn't seem to matter how much I offer to help or how much I believe in him, he has to find it within himself.
Well, Masha and Nastia are here. I put on Mr. Bean (as he doesn't speak too much just uses physical comedy) and I can hear that they're losing interest so I better run and play some more charades....
Apparently Lex has been taking his baths by wetting his hair, patting some shampoo on his head and washing his hands. Hum...very clever.
Rylee caught him taking this so called bath and reported to me. So I typed out that he needs a real bath and marched him upstairs.He begins to pout. I start the water, strip his clothes off down to his underwear and I motion to him that he can wash himself or I will wash him. He just stands there pouting so I leave to get a washcloth so he can have some semblance of privacy and when I leave, he locks the door!
I can hear that he's in the tub and I ask if he's bathing and I hear silence. I pick the lock and throw in the washcloth. (I really don't want to freak him out with him being a 10 year old boy - when I believe I stopped being welcome in Austin's baths as well.) I go in and he is submerged in the tub with his underwear on! Good gravy!! Well, that is just fine. I get the hand held shower nozzle down and wet his hair and he begins to cry, no not just cry but that lovely wailing sound he made Friday night when I wouldn't let him stay up all night and watch videos.) However, I really don't care that he's crying. He can cry 'till the cow's come home, but he'll be crying and CLEAN! I scrub his hair and rinse it then get a scrubby bubbly with soap and wash his arms, back, legs, and when I get to the feet he begins laughing. Crying again until I get to the other foot, then laughing. Then I motion to his privates, shut the curtain and asked for his underwear, I hold out my hand behind the curtain, he gives me the scrubby, then the washcloth, finally I show him the dry underwear and he hands me the wet one's. I then give him a minute to wash and once I see that he is spraying the curtain with the hand held shower head, I turn off the water hand him a towel and he gets out all smiles and sweetness! Score 1 for the Mom! I'm only behind about 20!
Sunday was pretty uneventful. We went to church and he did okay. He sat through sacrament and would not go to primary so he sat with me in Sunday School. We left early to run over to a little Ukrainian Sunday School lesson at another ward house and he once again did not want to sit with the other orphans. He sat between James and I and about half way through started up with his "da-doma" pleading and then when the service was over he pulled me out to the car just as fast as he could go.
We went home and prepared our fruit plate to take to Jen's house. There were a ton of people there. I'm wondering just what they coach these orphans to say or act like back in the orphanage? We're eating and Lex is making faces at the food that we're eating and giving it a thumbs down or an it's sorta okay - take it or leave it - hand shake then pointing to me and saying "Mama" and giving me a thumbs up. Sort of like a you're a great cook tribute? It cracked me up because it seemed so rehearsed. He's really not all the crazy about my cooking either.
Anyway, after a quick spin on Jen's boys bike, food and watching Nastia open her presents. (Which she seemed baffled by the whole thing and at one point when I was looking for Lex to make sure he wasn't reprogramming some electrical device in Jen's house, I found her all alone in her room drawing with paper stuffed in her ears. Like the party was just too noisy for her.)
Lex was pleading to "da-doma" once again, which we did.
Once home it was time for bed and Lex didn't want to go. I pointed to the clock and said "No computer, TV or headphones after 8:00. Lights out at 9:00. ]" It as about 8:50. He looked put out for just a minute then pantomimed book and rubbed his finger down his nose (indicating a face tickle) of course I said yes. It's been our ritual to read a book then I sing him a song while I tickle his face with one finger, running it over his eyes, checks, down his nose....
We read the book with Ry, say prayers (which he has not said by himself yet, we offer him the opportunity and he just shakes his head) and then I start humming and tickling his face and he puts his hands on either side of my mouth and moves them, motioning for me to sing, not hum. How funny, I guess he doesn't mind my singing, I sing one song and he opens his eyes and asks for one more with is #1 finger. Okay. Then I kiss him goodnight and he's down for the night.
(Amazing, it's only 9:33-score another one for the Mom!)
He is sleeping better and not getting up so early.
Thank goodness.
I wish I had more fuzzy feel good moments rather than "What the heck am I thinking?" moments but I don't. This is hard. It's hard to think how much this is disrupting our lives. How is this going to work? How much patience I need to have and how he has no idea what kind of sacrifice it's going to be to get him back over here. This is like the morning sickness part of pregnancy when you think "What was I thinking? Why am I doing this? I feel so crappy!" and there's no turning back. I know the witness that I had, I know this is what I need to do and I know that my feelings of despair and panic is just the adversary hoping I give up. But I feel like this child thinks living here is going to be his golden ticket and it's not!
So here's what I've devised. I think it's only fair that he knows what he's getting when he comes back here. It's not all fun and games at our house. You don't cry, grunt, pout or stomp to get what you want. It's only fair to him to let him know what he's in for. So, this morning after he went to play at Masha's house and I went to gym for a long over due cardio on the treadmill, I sat him down and explained that he has been here for one full week and this week we're going to treat him like our own son and expect him to do a chore each day, study English and explain a few more family rules. He's okay with all I'm saying.AND that if he studies English for thirty minutes and does he's chore each day I will pay him a dollar each day he does it. (Like allowance but I'm not sure if that word translates or if he'll even understand?) He is all over the idea of earning a dollar.
So, should we do English now or later? Now, we start with me typing in words like shirt, pants, shoes and pointing to them and then saying the word in English which he repeats. Then he tells me "No school." I explain he does not have to go to school right now but when he comes here to live forever he will have to go to school. He shakes his head, "No school." Yes, in our family we go to school. He shakes his head. After repeatedly going over this and then finally resorting to "Would you rather live in the orphanage or come here and go to school?" I'm getting a very sad, crying boy that seems he'd rather stay in the Ukraine than go to school here. I am baffled, I must have translated something wrong. Perhaps it came across that I will be sending him to boarding school here or something? He's just so sad. Not the wailing, fake sad like the bath, a true - eyes full of tears -spilling down the checks - trying not to cry - sad. I decide it's time for a translator and I get Jordan (the guy who's been teaching Sunday school) on the phone. He talks with Lex at length and determines that it's not that he doesn't want to go to school here, he just knows he will never learn English so he will never BE ABLE to go to school here. I have Jordan translate about how I know he can, I believe in him, he can just learn a little at a time, we will all help him, he's a smart boy and he can do this etc. and I get head shakes. He just knows he can't do it. I thank Jordan and we go back to our shirt, pants, shoes lesson which he is all bleary eyed sad about and then I say let's take a break and I'll make lunch.
He runs upstairs and shuts the door and I can hear him crying...again. I make lunch and ponder. I bet this child has absolutely no self esteem about his ability to learn. He's in a special speech class at the orphanage and I bet - just like children in the United States that go to special ed classes - he is made fun of because of his difficulty with the letter S and his special class status. He has no faith in his ability to learn. He knows he has to go to school here but cannot fathom the idea of ever learning English so he has no hope? He knows I expect him to go to school so he has no other choice but to stay in the Ukraine?
Good gravy! Now what should I do? How do you teach a child to believe in himself? He is so very smart. He is curious, independent and knows how to work my digital camera better than I do. He has communicated so much without saying many words. He's only ten years old. I know he can learn English. I think I'll have Alex (the 12 year old boy that came over the 1st Sunday) come over and talk to him about how he learned English. That's all I can think. It doesn't seem to matter how much I offer to help or how much I believe in him, he has to find it within himself.
Well, Masha and Nastia are here. I put on Mr. Bean (as he doesn't speak too much just uses physical comedy) and I can hear that they're losing interest so I better run and play some more charades....
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