Yep, we're still here. Its been awhile since I've blogged. Mostly because things are so unclear in my mind as to where things are going with this. I was warned that this wouldn't be all bubbles and lollipops, I just thought it would be well....easier!
So, let me back track:
Problem #1 My necklace. I can't find it. Funny thing is I remember it sitting in plain sight on my dressing table, and I remember thinking "You should put that away." and I didn't. Now, I'm sure it's not worth thousands of dollars, perhaps not even worth hundreds of dollars but it has some sentimental value as my husband bought if for me and jewelry for James is far and few between. It's just a very delicate silver chain with a tiny diamond and two garnets (my birthstone). I've looked everywhere for it, I've asked everyone if they've seen it and I'm pretty sure (this will sound bad) that Lex has it. I mean if he wants to sell his shoes, how easy would it be to take this little necklace back and sell it? Part of me is, "It's okay, he needs it more than I do." but part of me is "How can he steal from me?" (I even went through his back pack and room when he was out riding his bike but I couldn't find it.) I typed to him if he's seen it and can he please help me find it? He just raises his shoulders like I don't know. I just feel sick inside about it - again not because it's of that much value - just how could he? I keep telling myself, I could have lost it wearing it, I'm sure I'll find it. But I have looked and looked and I'm a good looker! I'm telling myself if I could just find it, I would feel so much better. I'm just in such a quandary.
Problem #2 James. He's not getting warm fuzzies about this entire situation. It doesn't help that he had a rough week at work and that he came home to a broken valve on the gas fireplace, the least helpful parts department at the fireplace store, siding to put up on the addition, road blocks to manufacturing his invention, and that Lex can't understand him (no matter how slowly he talks) and just walks off when he's trying to talk to him. Then add to the mix that in Lex's attempt to communicate, he pouts and whines and comes across very obstinate, It's apparent that Lex has no idea how to deal with a father figure. I mean, he's been raised in an orphanage by women, he has no idea what a Dad is for or what to do with one. But James is the Pied Piper of children, they love him, he attracts them like flies. So for this little guy to not warm up or even acknowledge him is really a problem. Can you blame the guy? Then add to the fact that since the kids have been in school James and I have blissful days when he's home all to ourselves and we love every minute of it (we go to lunch, watch matinees, etc) and now, this little guy is demanding my time, attention and affection and James is feeling, well.....put out!
Not the spiritual, this is so right, warm and tingly experience I had hoped for or at the least, expected.
So, Wednesday, I'm having a little heart to heart with my Maker and telling him, I don't need a sign or anything, I just need that warm peaceful feeling that this is right (like I had on Friday after the director left) and I can't do this without James so could you please help him out too? (I'm having this discussion in my car, in line at the bank to make a deposit, not the best place but I'm alone and that is a rare thing these days!)
The next day I'm drying my hair with my head upside down and I spot something on the floor under my dressing table....guess what it is....yep, my necklace. It's upside down so I can't see the red garnets and I honestly thought it was a dust bunny or something. Keep in mind I've pulled out my dressing table at least twice looking behind it and through every drawer, and there it was...just sitting there. I of course break into tears....is this my sign?
It's Tuesday, and we're off to the Zoo. James stayed home to get things done and he's not feeling any differently so it's just easier to not include him or expect too much. We head out. I am so torn and feel myself pushing Lex away from my heart. I cannot do this without James and I cannot give this boy hope for a new life if I'm not following through and I'm just feeling sick to my stomach. I don't blame James, I don't blame Lex. I don't have anyone one to blame.
Lex runs from animal to animal and then he wants to go home. It's 11:00 we got there at 10:15 and he wants to go home already? I explain we're not eating until 12:30 and then we'll ride the train. (He's been bugging me about the train the whole time.) We try to hang out with Jen and her girls but he's so disinterested. At one point I try to talk to him about James but he doesn't understand. We're sitting outside the giraffe house (It's too smelly for Lex-he won't go in) just him and I and he understands I'm talking about "Papa" and he starts rattling off with "Papa-James, Mama-Wendy, Kambree, Austin, Devree, Rylee and Alexy"with a big smile and he makes a big circle motion. Like this is our family. I'm part of this big circle? Right? Oh, he's killing me.
Finally, I give up and take him to the lunch meeting place at noon and let him eat. (We did stop and spend his three dollars he had earned that was burning a hole in his pocket on crappy zoo souvenirs.)
It's nice to talk with the other host mom's and see how their children act. It's apparent that other orphans are having issues with Dad's too and that we're not alone in this. In fact I'm pretty proud of Lex, he's given me less problems then some and he seems so much closer to me than other moms and their children. However, there are a lot of teenagers and I'm sure they're not huggy and lovey like my ten year old love bug.
Of course when you're at these activity's you're asked how things are going, how you're feeling? I can't help but be honest. I'm feeling okay, but James isn't. What else can I say?
At home that night we have dinner and Lex takes a bath (actually a shower) all on his own. He comes down with his wet head and face glowing from his hot shower. We do Ry's homework and I make a copy of her cursive writing paper and Lex does it flawlessly. Then I quiz her on her 2 times tables and Lex gets so excited when he knows the answer he can't help but blurt it out and this of course upsets Rylee who was already crying because she missed two spelling words and had cursive issues. So it's just another feel good homework session at the Richharts.
Then Lex burps, then Austin then they have a burping war and begin running around laughing and being silly. James smiles at this. Then it's time for bed and I coach Austin to go give James a hug goodnight and Lex follows suit. Its a manly hug with some back pounding, but it's a start.
Today, I arranged for Lex to go to Jen's and to out to lunch with James. I make a vow to myself that I won't bring up Lex but since it's been my life for the past eleven day's, its hard not to talk about anything else. So after small talk James says let's talk about Alexy.....
There's a reason I married James. Because he's a good guy and he's amazing. We talked about his bad week, his problems with Lex, our future with Lex and although we're not out of the woods. I think things are going to be okay. Tonight he's going to have a computer talk with Lex. The first one ever. Poor Lex. He's going to hate the computer.....
Monday Night @ Visitors Center
(We watched the Testament but Lex lost interest with his Russian headset after about 15 minutes. So did the majority of the orphans. Well, at least we tried!)
So, let me back track:
Problem #1 My necklace. I can't find it. Funny thing is I remember it sitting in plain sight on my dressing table, and I remember thinking "You should put that away." and I didn't. Now, I'm sure it's not worth thousands of dollars, perhaps not even worth hundreds of dollars but it has some sentimental value as my husband bought if for me and jewelry for James is far and few between. It's just a very delicate silver chain with a tiny diamond and two garnets (my birthstone). I've looked everywhere for it, I've asked everyone if they've seen it and I'm pretty sure (this will sound bad) that Lex has it. I mean if he wants to sell his shoes, how easy would it be to take this little necklace back and sell it? Part of me is, "It's okay, he needs it more than I do." but part of me is "How can he steal from me?" (I even went through his back pack and room when he was out riding his bike but I couldn't find it.) I typed to him if he's seen it and can he please help me find it? He just raises his shoulders like I don't know. I just feel sick inside about it - again not because it's of that much value - just how could he? I keep telling myself, I could have lost it wearing it, I'm sure I'll find it. But I have looked and looked and I'm a good looker! I'm telling myself if I could just find it, I would feel so much better. I'm just in such a quandary.
Problem #2 James. He's not getting warm fuzzies about this entire situation. It doesn't help that he had a rough week at work and that he came home to a broken valve on the gas fireplace, the least helpful parts department at the fireplace store, siding to put up on the addition, road blocks to manufacturing his invention, and that Lex can't understand him (no matter how slowly he talks) and just walks off when he's trying to talk to him. Then add to the mix that in Lex's attempt to communicate, he pouts and whines and comes across very obstinate, It's apparent that Lex has no idea how to deal with a father figure. I mean, he's been raised in an orphanage by women, he has no idea what a Dad is for or what to do with one. But James is the Pied Piper of children, they love him, he attracts them like flies. So for this little guy to not warm up or even acknowledge him is really a problem. Can you blame the guy? Then add to the fact that since the kids have been in school James and I have blissful days when he's home all to ourselves and we love every minute of it (we go to lunch, watch matinees, etc) and now, this little guy is demanding my time, attention and affection and James is feeling, well.....put out!
Not the spiritual, this is so right, warm and tingly experience I had hoped for or at the least, expected.
So, Wednesday, I'm having a little heart to heart with my Maker and telling him, I don't need a sign or anything, I just need that warm peaceful feeling that this is right (like I had on Friday after the director left) and I can't do this without James so could you please help him out too? (I'm having this discussion in my car, in line at the bank to make a deposit, not the best place but I'm alone and that is a rare thing these days!)
The next day I'm drying my hair with my head upside down and I spot something on the floor under my dressing table....guess what it is....yep, my necklace. It's upside down so I can't see the red garnets and I honestly thought it was a dust bunny or something. Keep in mind I've pulled out my dressing table at least twice looking behind it and through every drawer, and there it was...just sitting there. I of course break into tears....is this my sign?
It's Tuesday, and we're off to the Zoo. James stayed home to get things done and he's not feeling any differently so it's just easier to not include him or expect too much. We head out. I am so torn and feel myself pushing Lex away from my heart. I cannot do this without James and I cannot give this boy hope for a new life if I'm not following through and I'm just feeling sick to my stomach. I don't blame James, I don't blame Lex. I don't have anyone one to blame.
Lex runs from animal to animal and then he wants to go home. It's 11:00 we got there at 10:15 and he wants to go home already? I explain we're not eating until 12:30 and then we'll ride the train. (He's been bugging me about the train the whole time.) We try to hang out with Jen and her girls but he's so disinterested. At one point I try to talk to him about James but he doesn't understand. We're sitting outside the giraffe house (It's too smelly for Lex-he won't go in) just him and I and he understands I'm talking about "Papa" and he starts rattling off with "Papa-James, Mama-Wendy, Kambree, Austin, Devree, Rylee and Alexy"with a big smile and he makes a big circle motion. Like this is our family. I'm part of this big circle? Right? Oh, he's killing me.
Finally, I give up and take him to the lunch meeting place at noon and let him eat. (We did stop and spend his three dollars he had earned that was burning a hole in his pocket on crappy zoo souvenirs.)
It's nice to talk with the other host mom's and see how their children act. It's apparent that other orphans are having issues with Dad's too and that we're not alone in this. In fact I'm pretty proud of Lex, he's given me less problems then some and he seems so much closer to me than other moms and their children. However, there are a lot of teenagers and I'm sure they're not huggy and lovey like my ten year old love bug.
Of course when you're at these activity's you're asked how things are going, how you're feeling? I can't help but be honest. I'm feeling okay, but James isn't. What else can I say?
At home that night we have dinner and Lex takes a bath (actually a shower) all on his own. He comes down with his wet head and face glowing from his hot shower. We do Ry's homework and I make a copy of her cursive writing paper and Lex does it flawlessly. Then I quiz her on her 2 times tables and Lex gets so excited when he knows the answer he can't help but blurt it out and this of course upsets Rylee who was already crying because she missed two spelling words and had cursive issues. So it's just another feel good homework session at the Richharts.
Then Lex burps, then Austin then they have a burping war and begin running around laughing and being silly. James smiles at this. Then it's time for bed and I coach Austin to go give James a hug goodnight and Lex follows suit. Its a manly hug with some back pounding, but it's a start.
Today, I arranged for Lex to go to Jen's and to out to lunch with James. I make a vow to myself that I won't bring up Lex but since it's been my life for the past eleven day's, its hard not to talk about anything else. So after small talk James says let's talk about Alexy.....
There's a reason I married James. Because he's a good guy and he's amazing. We talked about his bad week, his problems with Lex, our future with Lex and although we're not out of the woods. I think things are going to be okay. Tonight he's going to have a computer talk with Lex. The first one ever. Poor Lex. He's going to hate the computer.....
Monday Night @ Visitors Center
(We watched the Testament but Lex lost interest with his Russian headset after about 15 minutes. So did the majority of the orphans. Well, at least we tried!)
Lex listening to my ring tones to entertain himself at the Zoo!
Kambree and Lex
munching on Corn Dogs! (Take note of the ketchup on his plate and dog,
we've already gone through one Costco size container of ketchup!)
1 of my blog friends said something...:
I love the honesty and the willingness to 'fail' - it is so genuine, so human, and it is the reason that you will probably succeed.
Post a Comment