Dentist, Director & Dinner

I have to blog this info while it's fresh in my mind. 

We just had Naydia (the director of Lex's orphanage-the lady with the gold teeth) and Osknana (the interpreter) over for dinner. I was so nervous. I had asked what they'd like for dinner?  And I got "soup". So, I made chicken noodle soup, rolls, fruit and cake. I had taken Lex with me to get groceries and he wanted to buy them chocolate bars too. Everyone helped even Lex could sense the stress I was feeling and he helped with emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, and fixing the fruit platter.

James picked them up from a home in our neighborhood where my new found friend Jen has been hosting them, along with two orphans of her own since Saturday night. (Bless her heart! I feel so fortunate to not be hosting any adults-I can't imagine trying to bond with a child and figure out your feelings and his needs - and on top of that being a tour guide/chauffeur/cook/shopping companion. And having someone your hosting child can run to that speaks their language, instead of you. Good grief!)

Anyway, James brought them over and they were just wonderful. The director does not speak English but she was a wealth of information. Lex is registered as an orphan, meaning his parents have no rights and he is free to be adopted. She says he came to their orphanage from a younger orphanage. She thinks he's been in the orphanage since he was 3 or 4. She knows nothing of an older brother and she gave us a lot of insight as to what Lex's life is like in the orphanage.

The orphanage has 520 children in it. It's the largest orphanage in the Ukraine. Last year 3 orphans were adopted. Out of the 520 children 120 are actual orphans the others are children that parents have not lost their rights to or are trying to get their act together to get them back.(Later we found out it is an school for delayed language children - many have parents and just board there during the week and go home on weekends, holidays and summer break.) We've heard stories that some parents just cannot afford raising their children and just check them into an orphanage where they are guaranteed food and shelter and that many parents have problems with alcohol. I'm saying parents but most are single mothers. Even the interpreter is a single mother.

She talked about how he knows nothing about family life. He's raised in a group. The children go to school together in a group, eat together in a group, and go everywhere together in a group. She says. "He will need to be trained how to live in a family". He is in a special class because he has a speech problem. He has a problem with his S's? This explains why he sounds like he's clearing his throat when he says the "s" at the end of banana's.

Lex was attentive through the meal. Normally he eats quickly and rushes off to play. He helped clear the dishes, and then after sitting close to 45 minutes asked if he could play computer. He was close by so they could ask questions and I think he was very curios to hear what we were talking about.

The director lives on site and has been working in orphanages for 20 years. She seemed so kind and she promised if I send home clothes and things with him that he can keep them. I had Oskana ask why he won't wear his new shoes and he really wouldn't come out and say but she thinks he plans on selling them? (Later we found out it was because he LOVED the old cleats of Rylees.)  I guess I'll send Ry's old shoes with him as he's become pretty attached to them and at least they fit!

We spoke a lot about the adoption process which I wasn't sure they were going to be open too. They actually brought it up more than we did. (I had heard that Ukraine's were opposed to those out of their country adopting.) But Naydia said these orphans just don't have a chance for adoption unless those outside of the country adopt. They told me not to be afraid. She gave me her card with her numbers and told me I could call and send letters. I jokingly asked her if I could just keep him and she laughed and said I would be in big trouble and so would she. She was so warm and said we had a beautiful home and that Lex was very happy here.

When they left with James I shut the door and turned to Lex and with both said "Whew" and wiped our foreheads at the same time, then he jumped up into my arms and wrapped his arms and legs around me and smothered my checks with kisses. I guess if he didn't know we were considering adoption, he does now!

James had been quite skeptical earlier today. Lex can be whiny and sort of mule headed at times. James noticed this when I was trying to get him to read my computer about inviting the director to dinner, he wouldn't come read it and ran off sulking to watch cartoons. It's not that I haven't noticed this behavior, I just wasn't sure how to address it? But, once again time for a computer talk. (No wonder he didn't want to come read my simple question, I'm always lecturing him via the translation program!) We had a difficult talk about not pouting, whining and running off. He agreed to try to use his words and not run off.

Later I translated a note and put it on his bed telling him how much I liked having him in our home and how I wanted him to have fun here and that I really appreciate him trying to obey and be good. (There, now I had typed something more than a lecture or reprimand!)

We invited Masha & Nastia over to play (Jen's girls) and he of course showed how he can ride a bike and the remote to the garage. Jen had asked me to see if Lex would call me mom in front of her girls because this hasn't happened for her yet. So I had typed to him before they came over to please introduce us. I had to remind him and he looks at me puzzled and points to me and says "Mama", and to James and says "Papa" and walks off like what the heck, don't you know who you are?

We then went to our dentist appointment. I had typed to him asking if he wanted to know where we were going or be surprised and that his friends would be there. He opted for surprise. (Good, because I was pretty sure I'd have to take him kicking and screaming.) We went to a nice new building off of 13th South and 9th West to a place called Donated Dental. The waiting room was packed with orphan's. I had to laugh as all of us mom's have by now surrendered our camera's to our orphans and they just run around taking pictures of each other.

(Some of the other orphan's pictures. Note how Lex is taking a picture of Masha while she's taking a picture of him!)

Lex was so very nervous, he crawled on my lap and kept groaning and asked me by nodding at the door and saying "Mama" and squeezing my hand. I assured him I would come with him and hold his hand. At last our turn came. I held not one but both hands as his eyes filled with tears. He didn't cry, but he was so scared. I was scared too. His mouth looked awful to me. They cleaned his teeth and the dentist examined him and gave us wonderful news. The bad teeth are all baby teeth and will fall out on their own within a year. He did mention that he was a grinder and had ground his baby teeth down to almost nothing but that he must have stopped grinding as his adult teeth were just fine. I'm attributing this grinding to the stress and anxiety he has probably experienced at such a young age.

A quick X-ray reveled that he had a tiny cavity in an adult tooth and recommend asking our dentist for a filling before sending him back. I told them I hoped to have him back here in 8 months to a year and can the cavity go that long?  He said, "Absolutely!". He laughed when I said "We'll say welcome to the family, now let's go fill your cavity!"

(Lex on my lap waiting for his appointment.This picture was taken by his orphan friend Katya)

We went to McDonald's to celebrate his bravery and then to "Ma-ha-zing" to buy banana's and groceries. He asked for toy's repeatably in the store but I told him he'd have to earn some money and he put them back with out a fuss. He did whine/pout a couple of times when I told him no to food like Pop Tarts and other junky foods. I just said "nett" and imitated his behavior and he stopped. It worked! (Or at least today it worked!)

(At McDonald's.)

(Carrying ALL the groceries from the car)

Tonight he and Dev and Ry are watching "Speed Racer" which he picked out at RedBox and the feeling in our home is so peaceful. James after talking to the director understands his behavior and situation so much more and has gotten over his concerns and even feels badly about his previous reservations.

I on the other hand have had no reservations, I know he's mine. I know he's meant to be with us and I know this will all work out. What I don't know is how we're going to pay for this (yet) and mostly how I'm going to put him on a plane, send him half way around the world and wait for all my paper work to come together.

I feel like I'm having a reverse pregnancy. Normally you're sick, you feel some movement, your uncomfortable and then you wonder and wait for what seems forever to see what this child will be like.

I know what this child is like, I know how he smells, how he feels, what he's like and now I have to send him away and go through all the sickness and uncomfortableness and have no movement or connection besides letters and perhaps a translated phone call here and there. I won't know if he's safe, if he's feed, if he's okay, if he's scared, if he needs me....

I'm just hoping and praying that it's A LOT shorter than nine months!