Hope I did the right thing.....

I was reading on a blog about an adopted Ukraine girl that learned at school last week about the 7 year old Russian boy that was sent back to Russia. She was teased by her para that if she's not good maybe her parents will send her back too. Luckily this child is attached enough to know better.
I've been approached a number of times by well meaning people asking me my opinion and/or if I was aware of the situation. I've given them my two cents and then asked them to please not mention anything to Alex, we're choosing to keep him sheltered from this.
I just didn't want him to EVER think that was an option.
In my friend Amy's blog this week, she mentioned that her daughters (both from the same orphanage as Alex) told her children would leave the orphanage to live with Ukraine families and come back all the time if they were bad. I'm pretty sure Alex was threatened before he left Ukraine that if he is not good, we'll send him back. I just thought him not knowing at all about this little Russia boy would be best.
After reading Salva Bolga and her daughters experience at a school, I've decided hearing about this little boy would be better coming from me than a school mate or an unknowing/insensitive/inquisitive person. So, after school I took him aside and told him I needed to talk to him. He gave me a sigh. "My job?" No, it' not about your chores. (We've had numerous talks about his quality of work lately. Poor boy-he's sure he's done something wrong to deserve yet another mama talk!) No, it's not anything about anything you've done. I don't want you to freak out but I want to tell you what happened to a little boy adopted from Russia because I would rather you hear it from me than anyone else.
I then told him briefly how this little boy was adopted, had a lot of problems with his new family (I mentioned he was violent and threatened to burn down his family's house with them in it) and how he was put on a plane with a note and sent back to Russia. THEN I explained that this would NEVER happen to him. We would never send him back. He's our boy. If anyone ever says anything to him that it might happen to him you just say, "No, it won't my family loves me, they would never send me back."
He nodded and rushed into my arms and smiling up at me said,
I know because I am sealed and baptized!
That's right you are sealed to us forever.
I never burn down our house or hurt my family.
I know, I said. You are a good boy.
I'm trying be good mom. I'm trying.

Which was good for me to hear and remember. He is trying. Despite the fact that we repeat and repeat ourselves and struggle with the same issues over and over. He is trying. You can't just give up behaviors that you've cultivated and used for survival the first ten years of your life in less than a year. (Like lying.) And since he never owned anything, how would he know how to take care of anything or have pride in a job well done? And as far as homework goes....I certainly would be struggling to be doing 5th grade work in Russian with less than a year of language skills and certainly not happy to attack my homework each night. He IS trying and I needed to be reminded of that.

Here's our boring entry from last year:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-17th-or-day-31.html
(I'm doubting anyone but James and I are re-reading these but, just in case, I'll be posting links through the 30th when we arrived home.)

Austin's Shopping Trip

I took Austin shopping for shoes last night. He told me yesterday that his shoes were just too small and he can't wear these anymore. I tell him he has a closet full of shoes-I know this as I just straightened his closet last week -and he casually tells me that ALL of those shoes are too small. Of course he's telling me this as he's leaving for school-like I have some extra, secret pair stored somewhere for him to slip on?? Good grief. So I told him to come home WITHOUT friends and we'd go shoe shopping. He showed up after school with two friends.
I informed that we were going shopping after dinner WITHOUT friends and we did. We hit the sporting goods store first and then on to the mall for Sunday shoes. Austin HATES shopping. I started him off at Sees with a few yummy chocolates to sweeten the trip and then we were off. We found Sunday shoes but with his birthday coming up I thought we should do a little more shopping. Austin was pretty good at Aeropostale but was fading fast by the time I took him to Sears. On the way out he was sharing-in his Austin humor way-about how he has memories of shopping for Easter dresses for his sisters with me and sitting inside the round clothes racks, waiting, and waiting, and waiting while his sisters tried on dress after dress after dress. And how it is his personal goal to NEVER go into a store with his mom and sisters again!!
I made him stop at two more stores where we found nothing because he was so disgruntled and ready to leave. He finds no joy in the word SALE or CLEARANCE. What the heck?
He told me there are THREE stores worth visiting in the mall. Game Stop-0f course to look at video games. Love Sac-because there are comfy places to sit and Asian Gifts-because they have Samaria swords!
Despite his aversion to shopping he's very fun to be with. He's commentary on life is hilarious. I wish I could bottle it up and share it with you but when I type it, it just doesn't come across right. He made a comment about alternate life style choices and shopping that no matter how I type it sounds stupid and yet it was so dang funny! Anyway, I just love his quirky outlook, fun sense of humor and being his mom! Now I just wish his feet would stop growing.....

Here I was last year in Ukraine as I just became a mom to boy #2:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-16th-or-day-30.html

Russian Adoption Suspension??

Well, this morning the news said that Russian adoptions were suspended and now the news is saying they're not!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36543759

I thought I should post just in case my blog is your personal link to the world.....
(Teeheehee!)

Not much to talk about....

Not much to write about today as I ranted last night about Alex's letter from his teacher. I read where we were last year in Ukraine this morning and wouldn't you know it, we're talking to the very teacher that sent yesterday's letter!
How naive I was back then....
Here's is today's link.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-15th.html

I did get the utmost complement through the grapevine this morning. Apparently my "crazy mother" performance was the best "ask someone to a dance" anyone has ever heard of. Wow. Really? I am so honored. I feel like I just won an Academy Award!

In other news....the 7 year old Russian orphan that was sent back last week? Well, looks like ALL Russian adoptions are on hold because of it.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36543759

With regards to this story, I found this letter really hits the nail on the head-especially given what I find out in bits and pieces about Alex's past and the abuse both emotional and physical that he has had not only at the hands of his birth mother but in the orphanage.
This is from RainbowKids.com an International Adoption Advocacy Website

Sad, sad news over the last week. There has been great outrage, anger, blame and finger pointing over the disrupted adoption of a 7-year-old Russian child and his abrupt return to Russia over this last week. Today it has been announced that Russia will suspend adoptions to the USA. During this time, I have wondered, "where is the outrage for the thousands of children who are housed in hopeless institutions with minimal care and daily abuse from the other children?"

The exact conditions that may have traumatized this young child and greatly contributed to this situation, are barely mentioned. No one absolves the mother.She had options and chose to do something outrageous and selfish. But her actions are only one part of this. The unspoken rule is that those of us who work to find homes for these children must never, never criticize the governments that allow these wretched institutions to continue. Adoptive parents must be grateful...and silent, to insure that international adoption continues, and a few lucky children find peace in a family of their own. Volunteers must quietly work to make changes in the orphanages, for fear of offending those in power. Yes, this story makes me very upset, and sad for all of the children who will now continue to suffer. And for the families who have waited, longingly, to give their love to these children.

And now we wait, with our only hope once again in the hands of government policy makers. I suggest that the meeting scheduled for the 20th take place in the largest, most rural orphanage that can be found in Russia. Let our governments meet, and come to their decision, surrounded by the children's lives and futures that hang in the balance.

Letter from Urkaine

Alex received this letter from Ukraine today. We had sent a treat to a friend of his at the orphanage with some friends of ours going back to adopt from the same orphanage. They brought the letter home with them last Saturday and Alex picked it up today.
I assumed it was from Sasha-the boy we sent the treats too. Alex assumed the same thing too. Of course we knew it was written by and adult-probably the teacher. I think Russian is a beautiful written language, don't you?
I asked Alex what it said. He said it asked when he would be visiting?
Me: Is that all?
A: I don't know how to translate.
Me: Well, you don't have to translate word for word, just tell me in your words what it says.
A: I can't say words. I don't know.
Me: (Trying to be helpful) Well, does he say anything about the Swedish Fish we sent?
A: Oh. Yes. He say thanks for candies.
Me: That's all? This big long letter and that's all it says.
A: (Frustrated) Yes.

I go to the computer and fax it to our translator friend. Alex asks what I'm doing. I told him I don't think he can understand it and I'm getting it translated for him, he rushes into my arms and hugs me nodding.
I knew it. I knew he couldn't read it.
The letter is from his "class" written by his teacher. Here is what it says:

Hi our dear Losha,
We are always waiting for your letters, but never receive what we expect. We love you and remember you. How is your life? What interesting happens? How are your studies? You look very beautiful and grown up in the pictures. Please write us; you promised that you would write us letters.
Everything is good with us. There are a lot of new kids in the class. Now we are also studying English. Danya studies at Dnipropetrovs’k. He visited us. He has really changed—he is grown up and now does karate.
Please write to us and tell us how you spend your free time. Do you have a lot of friends? What grade are you in school?

Summer is coming soon and we will go and relax on the sea. Do you remember how wonderful it was? We all send you a kiss and a hug. Goodbye. We are waiting for your letters.

Yours,

5B Class

Wow.

Makes it sounds like living in an orphanage is pretty nice huh? Relaxing at the sea? And NOW they start learning English? Nice. I know I'm a little jaded as this is the teacher that hit my boy, made him walk naked through his class room and repeatedly told him he was stupid. Yet, she's sounding like a loving, kind teacher that really misses and loves him. Whatever. You can just go.....relax by the sea! Alex DOES remember how wonderful orphan life was. Everyday. It haunts his memories. Grrr.....I think I could take this lady out right now-good thing we're half a world away.
Alex's response to the translated version of the letter?
"Nice." he says. (I think he thought the letter would be mean or threatening.)
He doesn't know who this Danya is she's talking about.
And then he gave me a smile and went off to do his homework.
There was a picture enclose of him playing with some sort of toy village with some other children-I would scan it but my colored scanner's on the fritz. He looks so tiny and his shirt says-in English-"Survive" or "Survival". I thought that was pretty ironic.
Anyway, I won't say anything to Alex about my desire to knock this teachers block off but I had to share it all with my bloggy friends.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Alex just brought in his blessing journal. This is tonight's entry:
I am glad I have good life in America, in Ukraine I had bad life.

Thankful...

A few weeks ago-right after our trip in fact-I had Alex start a thankful journal. We actually call it his Blessing Journal. It was sort of James' idea-that he needs to be more grateful for what he has here and focus on what he DOES have as opposed to the many things he things he still needs. Like an Ipod.
Each day he has to write just ONE thing he is grateful for in his journal. One thing that is better here than it was in Ukraine. Some days he has a really hard time as he's so focused on just material things. I mentioned blessing are not just things we have but things we get to do or people in our lives.
His sentences usually go like this:
I did not have my own bedroom in Ukraine now I have awesome bedroom.
Here are-in order-the things he's thankful for:
(The sentences are his words with my help in spelling and sentence structure)
Alex is thankful for:
Cold Cereal
(He really like Honey Nut Cheerios)
DS
Own Bedroom
Video Games
Family
I did not have a family but now I have a nice and awesome family.
Food
I did not have a lot of food now I have some.
TV
Stuff
Clothes
I did not have a lot of clothes now I have my own closet with a lot of clothes.
Scouts
Presents
I did not have presents in my old country now in my new country I have a lot of awesome presents.
Journal
I did not have a journal in Ukraine but now I have a journal.
(Can you hear the sarcasm in that sentence?)
More friends
Cousins
Better Easter
Fort
Books
Sisters
I did not have three sisters before but now I have three sisters in America.
Movies
Nice Teachers
And last night he wrote a sentence about how he had a stupid brain in Ukraine and now he has a smart brain. We talked about how he has the same brain now as he had in Ukraine-that he did not have a brain transplant but what changed is people believe in him now and think he's smart. Here is his revised sentence:
People thought in Ukraine I was not smart but people in America, they think I am smart.
I asked who thinks you're smart Alex?
Everyone.
Who specifically, who thinks your smart? Write it down.
My mom thinks I am smart.
That is true not only do I KNOW he's smart, I think I'm pretty smart! So smart that I've decided we all need to keep thankful journals and write down one thing a day we are thankful for. I've already got Rylee started and I'm going to grab cute little notebooks and get everyone started for family night next week. Me included. You don't just need to come from an orphanage to be grateful. We really need to focus on all that we are blessed with. Even if it's cold cereal. Right?

Last year, today was the day I checked Alex out of the orphanage.
(See link below)
I was showing him pictures of last year-at his request but he was looking at them sort of like how you view pictures of surgery or graphic car wrecks-with a wrinkled up nose, look of disgust on his face and a glance like look-not sure he really want to see. He acts as though he can hardly remember what we were doing, where we were or who we were with. He's tried so hard to push Ukraine out of his head. Later that night he told me he "can't forget Ukraine memories" I told him I don't expect him to forget Ukraine. He is who he is because of all the things he's experienced just like Dad is who he is and I am who I am. He doesn't need to forget Ukraine. He won't. He just needs to thank Heavenly Father for getting him out of the orphanage, and finding a family that loves him. He shows love and gratitude to Heavenly Father by living a good life and trying his best. (Specifically in school and with his work ethic-yes this conversation was in the middle of yet another talk about chores and homework!) We talked about how bad he would feel if he built his daughter a tree house and spent hours working on it and hundreds of dollars and she said thank you, thank you but she never played in it. How would he feel? Bad. That's how Heavenly Father must feel when he gives us so much and we say thank you but we choose not to make the most of it. We choose not to study, not to try, not to listen, not to be the best that we can be.
Not the best metaphor, I know. But I had to get him to relate to it. He loves to build things and knows how hard you would have to work to make a tree house. Not sure he grasped the connection I was trying to make but there was a sweet spirit with us during this talk. Very little tears and lots of communication. I explained that the things I'm trying to teach him-doing his chores well and having the drive to do his own homework-are things you usually teach a child when they're five or six. I understand he didn't have a mom to teach him these things when he was five or six and it's okay that he's eleven and learning them now BUT it's been a year and I seem to be teaching the same five and six year old things over and over. There are so many more things I'd like to teach him-things an eleven year old needs to learn but he's got to figure out the little kid stuff first.
(Sigh)
This morning he was looking over his cold lunch I packed him for school and tossed his sandwich in the air, caught it and hugged it to his chest, "Mom you pack me a beautiful yummy sandwich!" He exclaimed with a beaming face.
"Thanks Alex." I said.
Then I might have mentioned how nice it is to be appreciated and how Alex always says such nice things about my cooking. Rylee possibly could have taken offense and defensively said, "He doesn't even know what beautiful means!" To which Alex perhaps replied. "Yes I do! I know what means." and to which I might have nodded and said, "Yes he does. He knows what beautiful means." Because I may have learned that food is beautiful. Especially when you are grateful for it!

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-14th-or-first-day-with-mom.html

Crazy Mother

As many of you know, I serve in the Relief Society presidency. I'm the second counselor. (For those unfamiliar with the LDS culture, Relief Society is a group for women, we meet each week on Sunday and we have activities and gatherings throughout the year-as second counselor, I'm over all these functions. Lucky me!)
Anyway, in our ward the presidency sits up front looking out at our sisters all during our Relief Society meeting. I really don't like it. I feel like we're royalty or something. I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason but I'd just rather sit in a normal chair and view the teacher like everyone else. This past Sunday our teacher brought in a TV to show a video clip and we're sitting right behind it. I suggested we go sit with our sisters this week. Our president said we could BUT when the movie started. Boo. I whipsered to the other counselor that I just want to be normal and sit in a seat like everyone else to which she jokingly replied, "Wendy, there is nothing normal about you!"
Hum....
I don't know about that.
I think I'm pretty normal.
Don't all mom's do normal things like this.....

Yes, that's me dressed up like a crazy mother to deliver that lunch box to a handsome young man during school lunch to ask him to Spartonian Ball for Kambree.

All mom's do this right? I mean, it's just a face mask, some rollers, my grandmas house coat and slippers.
Perfectly normal.....

Kambree got video-as per James request-but she stayed far away as to not let this poor boy know who was asking him. (See clip below but it's pretty rough)
Inside the lunch box it said:
"I'd be a crazy mother not to ask you to Spartonian Ball"
and then each lunch item had a letter of Kambree's name on it and he had to figure out who was asking him.
I had to check in at the office before the kids were released for lunch-yes, because I might be a crazed terrorist dressed as a frumpy housewife-so I'm sitting in the office looking oh, so lovely as people come and go, waiting for my text that Robbie is in place. After fifteen minutes, I get my cue, walk out and start yelling for "my son" with a funny Bronx/nasal/Midwestern accent going on and say something to this effect:
"Robbie? Robbie? Has anyone seen my son. He's about this tall and so very handsome. Oh, Robbie, there you are! Honey, you left your lunch home so I ran it over so you wouldn't have a hungry tummy. Oh, are these your friends? Hi, I'm Robbie's Mom. Robbie, you should have your friends over more often. We'll I gotta run sweetheart (and I squeezed his cheeks together) you have a great day!"
And I left.
Normal. Perfectly normal. I don't know what that other counselor is talking about!

Here's today links for last years adoption adventure in Ukraine.
Hum....I wonder if Alex knew what kind of crazy mother he was getting?

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/top-of-day-ten-of-ten.html

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/bottom-of-day-ten-of-ten.html

Vampires...

After watching "New Moon" Saturday night Alex told me he was sure he'd be having bad dreams and needed to sleep with me. No, I nicely explained. If you're going to be scared by THIS movie then we'll certainly have to watch romantic chick flicks from here on out. He quickly decided he could sleep on his own.

However, he asked:

Alex: Vampires real?

Me: No

A: No, tell truth Mom.

Me: No, sweetie vampires are NOT real. Neither are werwolf's, zombies, aliens etc. They're all just imaginary.

A: Look on computer.

Me: You want me to Google if Vampires are real?

A: Yes.

(Oh, I see. If the computer say's it, than it HAS to be true!)

I try to find something but the internet is full of all kind of crazy sites. I read a blurb about vampires being fictions but he's not really buying it.

Then I try to get him on logic.

Me: Alex, if there were really vampires, don't you think I would want to protect you from them?

A:Yes

Me: Don't you think I'd hang crosses all over and have garlic in every room?

A: Yes

Me: Because I would want to protect you and take care of you right?

A: Yes

Me: Do you see crosses hanging all over our house?

A: No

Me: Do you see garlic all around the house?

A: No

Me: So what does that tell you?

A: Vampires not real?

Me: YES!

And with that he went to bed and had no bad dreams!

Good grief!

Last year we were on the 9th day of our 10 day wait to get Alex out of the orphanage:

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/day-nine-of-never-ending-ten-day-wait.html

Problemo?

I know it's hard to believe that Alex has lost his language. I mean really, less than a year and he's been speaking it for over ten? Is it just in his head? Does he just want to be American so bad he's blocking it out? Lately he hasn't been so adverse to trying to remember words but he draws a lot of blanks. Here is an example of his current Ukraine language retention. .

A: Mom, I remember Ukraine! You know in Ukraine when say Spicybo?

(That's my phonetic spelling for the Ukraine word for thank you.)

Me: Yes.

A: Well you say Spicybo and then you answer and say "No problemo."

Me: Really?

A: Yes

Me: "No problemo" is Ukrainian?

A: (Looking puzzled) Yes.

Me: Honey, I'm not sure but I think that's Spanish. (Or maybe just a Spanish accent?)

Alex: Oh, no. I mean NO PROBLEM.

Me: No problem?

A: Yes.

Me: Honey, that's English.

A: (Sighs) Never mind. I can't remember.

See what I mean? He's too the point now where he THINKS he's remembering Ukraine and he's speaking English.

http://blessedwitharichhart.blogspot.com/2009/04/day-eight-of-ten.html

A Rylee Post

While eating dinner Rylee asked if she could share a story about her friends grandparents that served as mission presidents in the Philippines.

"Sure." I said. "As long as it's not gross, we're eating dinner."

"Oh, it's not gross. Well, one day Rachel's grandparents bought some hot dogs but they didn't taste like hot dogs so later when the went back to the store where they bought them they realized they were puffed up earth worms!!"

That's not gross???

Good grief.

We finally watched New Moon tonight. Yes, I waited for it to be out on Red Box as I really enjoyed the books but really don't care for the movies/actors/special effect the works!! (Although special effects were better in the 2nd one than the first. Same lame actors though!)

Anyway, after the movie I asked Rylee to say a prayer before we go to bed. She thanked Heavenly Father that we could finally watch the movie and she also thanked Him for not making any vampires and zombies.

Afterwards Devree remarked that she wouldn't mind having a few Jacob Blacks around (sorry you have to know the show to get this). To which Rylee replied, "Well, did you notice I didn't say thank you for NOT making werwolf's?"

Yes, my girls are defiantly on Team Jacob!

(And after seeing Jacob's amazing six pack-I'm thinking a cold, pasty vampire with too much lipstick doesn't stand a chance against this hot blooded, amazingly built-although not that great at acting-beautiful werwolf!)