Think "Open-Open-Open"!

Yesterday, I wrote the following update to my post, published it then pulled it off because it was so depressing and I didn't want to depress any one else. I've decided to post it again today as I think we're all feeling the same thing anyway.

2nd Update: So after telling my BFAA Jen about our time frame. And she trying to talk peace and serenity back into my soul, I contemplated. When you're pregnant and you look back the nine+ months seem like a quick (often uncomfortable) blink but when your IN the pregnancy, time stands still and you think you'll be sick and fat and uncomfortable FOREVER!!

I know from my stand point as an adult, that August or September or whenever will eventually get here and we will eventually get to the Ukraine. But, remember when you were little? The start of school year-how long it seemed ahead of you? Waiting for Christmas or vacations? Time goes so much slower when you're a child. I swear it felt like three years in between Christmases. I can't help but think about Lex's point of view. If it's long for me, how much longer is it for him?
I know, I know. He's been in an orphanage for four years now, what's six more months?
It's six months of not being a part of a family, not being here with us, learning English, riding bikes, getting tucked in at night, and getting daily doses of bananas and most importantly... love.
I look at my nephew Brach, who is is eight months younger and it hurts my heart to think of him in an orphanage. That's what is wrong, my heart hurts for Lex. And no matter how prefect my papers are, how quick I collected, how fast I shipped, there is nothing more I can do.
I know about God's time, and my time and about patience and hindsight and all the comforting things people say. Perhaps, some day I'll look back at this post with Lex leaning over my shoulder, and he'll say, "See Mom? We both made it!"
But just for today, I'm going to crack out my chocolates and let my heart hurt....

Yep, that was yesterday. On a happier note, Elliana emailed that all my documents were in order and are going to the Ukraine for translation but then we're still waiting for the SDA to open in February.
I plan on calling Lex the end of the month but I dread his question. "Mama, when are you coming?" I was thinking I'd have some sort of answer or time frame by the end of January. I didn't realize how much I had really counted on getting him this spring. How he would be home with three months of summer to acclimate and learn English before going to school. How I mentally planned summer trips and activities with him in mind. I know I've brought this on myself. No one told me spring, I just got it in my head. It feels like someone just moved my "due date" out three months or more!
As depressing as I sound, I have not given up hope. I know that He is watching over these adoptions or else we wouldn't have made it this far. Who's to say the SDA won't suddenly open and just accept dossiers without submission numbers and dates? What if for 2009 they decide to just let everyone submit without all the  "take a number to get a date to to submit your dossier?" That would cut three months off the time frame!!?
Or else He is going to give me the strength to wait and endure this and some day I'll be able to connect the dots and see why things are like they are and why we had to wait.
Anyway, despite my grumblings, I'm doing better today. Going to focus on good stuff. Thanks for all the encouraging words. Feel free to pray for the SDA to open, I know I and a whole lot of anxious parents will be.