(Warning. This is a long ranting post.)
So, I try to be a cool mother.
Not too cool-like "Let's go get our belly buttons pierced kids" but just semi-cool.
Unfortunately, my role of mother prohibits me from being even that.
Let me tell you about my day:
I got an anonymous text mid afternoon informing me that Austin was at All-A-Dollar. I called. He admitted he was buying stuff to decorate some girls room for her birthday. "Where are you suppose to be Austin?" Seminary. Get back to school now.
Not cool. But necessary.
So, after having 21 kids here last week at ONE time and then nine or ten the next day I decided I needed to come up with a solution for every one's thirst issue. Thirst for cold water that is. You see, I just bought a set of new glass glasses-I have a pet peeve about things matching-AND I like to drink out of GLASS glasses. But when you have teenagers out jumping on the trampoline trying to out stunt each other, wrestling or just tossing balls back and forth, they get thirsty. And when you have a gaggle of said teenagers, they use ALL my glasses and leave them all over the place. This is not working for me.
My first thought was to invent a drinking fountain that I could hook up to my outside garden hose but since my favorite inventor is out town for the next 9 days and I am only an inventor in theory not in actually designing, building or constructing-I scratched that idea.
So while at Walmart-getting dish washer soap -because I've had to run my dishwasher so much lately (BTW I hate Walmart and if it weren't so much more stinkin cheap to buy my laundry soap/cleaning supplies there I think I would avoid Wally World all together.) I found large plastic cups, four for $1 so I bought.....twenty!
I came home to a ten or so of Austins friends sitting around the kitchen bar, some eating cereal, some wandering, and many drinking out of my glass glasses. I have them help bring in my bags as I'm rushing to my computer to send a last minute email before leaving for my closing. I walk back in to see the boxs of tampons I stocked up on sitting on the middle of the bar surrounded by young men and a few young women.
How cool is that?
Nice.
I quickly put away my purchases and pull out the plethora of plastic cups, announce to the herd that if any of them have been to our house more than three times or anticipate coming back repeatedly in the near future that they need to pick a cup, label it with their name and it will be theirs for their drinking enjoyment!
(See that's a semi-cool mom thing to do....don't you think?)
True. I don't know every one's names-most the boys look the same to me and the girls vary from day to day. So that a tad uncool.
I then rushed off to my closing.
I did take Austin aside and tell him I cannot possible feed this many children on a regular bases and for no one to do anything stupid while I'm gone.
Not so cool but very necessary.
I announce to the herd that I'm leaving, not to do anything that will require a trip to the ER and remind them there is no kissing at our house.
Yes, I know that is un-cool. But whatever...
Devree reminded me she was making a cake for her friends birthday earlier and it was just coming out of the oven when I left.
Things seemed under control. Not too crazy. Busy but not crazy. I was cool to leave.
When I got home at 5:30 only two Austin friends were home.(Glory be and the saints be praised!) The cake was made, I had dinner in the crock-pot and I got Alex to read me his journal while I finish putting dinner on the table.
I felt like I had a handle on the night.
That was cool.
But things went quickly down hill.
While getting dinner on the table, Rylee was watching movie trailers in the kitchen-which were distracting Alex so I had her turn them down. She clicks on one called "Human Centipede" and the big kids erupted with "Oh, I heard about this, this is cool etc." We all start watching the trailer.
Umm... it was so not cool!
It was terribly evil and awful and I had to have a big talk with everyone about NOT watching movie trailers that are rated R. It seriously was evil and creeped even me out-Rylee is so very sensitive that she was scared to death. Tears start running down her cheeks. I am almost certain she will have nightmares tonight. I told everyone no more rated R movie trailers to which Jazmine rolled her eyes and told me "but it's cool." and I not being cool told her no it wasn't, it was evil and it won't be in our house.
Yep, my coolness is slipping fast.
After dinner Devree starts the dishes and I sat down with Alex and Rylee and tried to correct his journal while quizzing Rylee on her science test. Rylee starts crying that she just can't possible remember her test information, Alex is sighing because he can't think of a thing to write about for his extra sentences. We muddle through the journal & the quiz and I leave Rylee to read over her paper and go fold my 5th batch of laundry of the day while Alex is following me around reading his book out loud. (He cannot read on his own yet. Almost but not yet.)
Rylee comes up and proceeds to tell me something or ask me something but I can't remember what it was-I do remember she knocked over one of my piles of clean laundry.
I'm cool about it. No big deal.
Then Devree's friend shows up- the dishes are not done- I had no idea we were having the party HERE! Apparently telling me this little shin-dig is being held at OUR house isn't important?
That is not cool.
I try to regain my semi-cool self, thinking: it's just one girl, Jazmine and Dev. How bad can it be? I do tell Dev she has to get her dishes done before she serve's cake. Which of course is uncool. She does but what ever little bit of coolness I have tried to maintain quickly dissipates when they decide it would be great fun to take big pieces of the cake outside and smash it into each others faces then run through the house snorting with laughter and dripping with cake and frosting.
I am no longer cool, I am angry.
I was on the phone leaving a message with my title company regarding my closing-as my phone has been on vibrate since my closing and I have THREE messages. Alex is reading near by-as Jazmine comes squealing in with not only cake dripping from her face but a bloody nose from getting hit in the face too hard while having the cake fight.
It's about at this time that I realize that due to power outage this afternoon, some well meaning child set the clock on the oven FIFTEEN minutes late and now I am late to rehearsals.
Austin wanted to go hang out with friends-for the I don't know? Tenth night in a row excluding Sunday? Kambree was playing guitar hero and yelling for my library card and reminding me she still owes money for more dance company expenses, Alex was still following me around reading and Rylee was back to being sad over her homework? I"m really not sure at this point. Add to the mix three giggly girls still traipsing through the house covered with frosting and cake and one with a bloody nose!!
I lose it.
I yell.
(I actually called from upstairs on my cell phone to the home phone so I could discretely yell at Devree over the phone-and not in front of her friends-not that they didn't know I was mad-they knew-I bet my neighbors across the street know too!)
I told Austin he couldn't go anywhere and Alex had to finish reading to him.
I told Kambree she was in charge and there had better not be any rated R movie trailers or talk of that creepy movie.
I told Devree a few choice words about not asking permission, cake all over my house and never again!
And I left for my rehearsal.
Not cool.
Nope.
Motherhood and coolness just don't go together!
At my rehearsal of course we're rehearsing the Mrs. Darling part where she sings a sweet lullaby to her darling children and I try to unclench my jaw and dig deep for some sweet mothering feelings. I'm sure I did rotten.
Luckily it's a quick rehearsal and I'm home by eight.
You can see the look of dismay in every one's faces as I enter. They were sure I would be gone for at least two or three hours.
Uncool mom gone but wait, no! She's back! Argggg....
So, I try to be a cool mother.
Not too cool-like "Let's go get our belly buttons pierced kids" but just semi-cool.
Unfortunately, my role of mother prohibits me from being even that.
Let me tell you about my day:
I got an anonymous text mid afternoon informing me that Austin was at All-A-Dollar. I called. He admitted he was buying stuff to decorate some girls room for her birthday. "Where are you suppose to be Austin?" Seminary. Get back to school now.
Not cool. But necessary.
So, after having 21 kids here last week at ONE time and then nine or ten the next day I decided I needed to come up with a solution for every one's thirst issue. Thirst for cold water that is. You see, I just bought a set of new glass glasses-I have a pet peeve about things matching-AND I like to drink out of GLASS glasses. But when you have teenagers out jumping on the trampoline trying to out stunt each other, wrestling or just tossing balls back and forth, they get thirsty. And when you have a gaggle of said teenagers, they use ALL my glasses and leave them all over the place. This is not working for me.
My first thought was to invent a drinking fountain that I could hook up to my outside garden hose but since my favorite inventor is out town for the next 9 days and I am only an inventor in theory not in actually designing, building or constructing-I scratched that idea.
So while at Walmart-getting dish washer soap -because I've had to run my dishwasher so much lately (BTW I hate Walmart and if it weren't so much more stinkin cheap to buy my laundry soap/cleaning supplies there I think I would avoid Wally World all together.) I found large plastic cups, four for $1 so I bought.....twenty!
I came home to a ten or so of Austins friends sitting around the kitchen bar, some eating cereal, some wandering, and many drinking out of my glass glasses. I have them help bring in my bags as I'm rushing to my computer to send a last minute email before leaving for my closing. I walk back in to see the boxs of tampons I stocked up on sitting on the middle of the bar surrounded by young men and a few young women.
How cool is that?
Nice.
I quickly put away my purchases and pull out the plethora of plastic cups, announce to the herd that if any of them have been to our house more than three times or anticipate coming back repeatedly in the near future that they need to pick a cup, label it with their name and it will be theirs for their drinking enjoyment!
(See that's a semi-cool mom thing to do....don't you think?)
True. I don't know every one's names-most the boys look the same to me and the girls vary from day to day. So that a tad uncool.
I then rushed off to my closing.
I did take Austin aside and tell him I cannot possible feed this many children on a regular bases and for no one to do anything stupid while I'm gone.
Not so cool but very necessary.
I announce to the herd that I'm leaving, not to do anything that will require a trip to the ER and remind them there is no kissing at our house.
Yes, I know that is un-cool. But whatever...
Devree reminded me she was making a cake for her friends birthday earlier and it was just coming out of the oven when I left.
Things seemed under control. Not too crazy. Busy but not crazy. I was cool to leave.
When I got home at 5:30 only two Austin friends were home.(Glory be and the saints be praised!) The cake was made, I had dinner in the crock-pot and I got Alex to read me his journal while I finish putting dinner on the table.
I felt like I had a handle on the night.
That was cool.
But things went quickly down hill.
While getting dinner on the table, Rylee was watching movie trailers in the kitchen-which were distracting Alex so I had her turn them down. She clicks on one called "Human Centipede" and the big kids erupted with "Oh, I heard about this, this is cool etc." We all start watching the trailer.
Umm... it was so not cool!
It was terribly evil and awful and I had to have a big talk with everyone about NOT watching movie trailers that are rated R. It seriously was evil and creeped even me out-Rylee is so very sensitive that she was scared to death. Tears start running down her cheeks. I am almost certain she will have nightmares tonight. I told everyone no more rated R movie trailers to which Jazmine rolled her eyes and told me "but it's cool." and I not being cool told her no it wasn't, it was evil and it won't be in our house.
Yep, my coolness is slipping fast.
After dinner Devree starts the dishes and I sat down with Alex and Rylee and tried to correct his journal while quizzing Rylee on her science test. Rylee starts crying that she just can't possible remember her test information, Alex is sighing because he can't think of a thing to write about for his extra sentences. We muddle through the journal & the quiz and I leave Rylee to read over her paper and go fold my 5th batch of laundry of the day while Alex is following me around reading his book out loud. (He cannot read on his own yet. Almost but not yet.)
Rylee comes up and proceeds to tell me something or ask me something but I can't remember what it was-I do remember she knocked over one of my piles of clean laundry.
I'm cool about it. No big deal.
Then Devree's friend shows up- the dishes are not done- I had no idea we were having the party HERE! Apparently telling me this little shin-dig is being held at OUR house isn't important?
That is not cool.
I try to regain my semi-cool self, thinking: it's just one girl, Jazmine and Dev. How bad can it be? I do tell Dev she has to get her dishes done before she serve's cake. Which of course is uncool. She does but what ever little bit of coolness I have tried to maintain quickly dissipates when they decide it would be great fun to take big pieces of the cake outside and smash it into each others faces then run through the house snorting with laughter and dripping with cake and frosting.
I am no longer cool, I am angry.
I was on the phone leaving a message with my title company regarding my closing-as my phone has been on vibrate since my closing and I have THREE messages. Alex is reading near by-as Jazmine comes squealing in with not only cake dripping from her face but a bloody nose from getting hit in the face too hard while having the cake fight.
It's about at this time that I realize that due to power outage this afternoon, some well meaning child set the clock on the oven FIFTEEN minutes late and now I am late to rehearsals.
Austin wanted to go hang out with friends-for the I don't know? Tenth night in a row excluding Sunday? Kambree was playing guitar hero and yelling for my library card and reminding me she still owes money for more dance company expenses, Alex was still following me around reading and Rylee was back to being sad over her homework? I"m really not sure at this point. Add to the mix three giggly girls still traipsing through the house covered with frosting and cake and one with a bloody nose!!
I lose it.
I yell.
(I actually called from upstairs on my cell phone to the home phone so I could discretely yell at Devree over the phone-and not in front of her friends-not that they didn't know I was mad-they knew-I bet my neighbors across the street know too!)
I told Austin he couldn't go anywhere and Alex had to finish reading to him.
I told Kambree she was in charge and there had better not be any rated R movie trailers or talk of that creepy movie.
I told Devree a few choice words about not asking permission, cake all over my house and never again!
And I left for my rehearsal.
Not cool.
Nope.
Motherhood and coolness just don't go together!
At my rehearsal of course we're rehearsing the Mrs. Darling part where she sings a sweet lullaby to her darling children and I try to unclench my jaw and dig deep for some sweet mothering feelings. I'm sure I did rotten.
Luckily it's a quick rehearsal and I'm home by eight.
You can see the look of dismay in every one's faces as I enter. They were sure I would be gone for at least two or three hours.
Uncool mom gone but wait, no! She's back! Argggg....
At least every one's home.
The cake is gone and cleaned up.
The birthday girl is gone.
There are no friends home except the live-in friend.
Everyone is super nice and puts themselves to bed without being asked.
(Sigh)
Give me strength.....
4 of my blog friends said something...:
It is hard being mom. Cool or not it's a tough job and someone has to do it. I feel you pain.
Oh, what a day. As I always say, being a mom is not a popularity contest. I am counting the days when a certain someone in my house (about to be married) moves out and becomes the responsibility of a young lady who may not know what she's getting into. One day maybe they'll understand the difficulty of being a parent!
ehhhh youre not supposed to be cool ;) The fact that you are cool is a bonus. They had what was coming for them. I LOL'd a few times, sorry. Especially at the part where you called your daughter on the phone, THAT was cool!
:) Your posts always make me smile. I just had a visual the whole time reading it of what was going on in your house WHILE you kept your cool! I probably would have lost it long before you did. Oh, the joys of motherhood!
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