My baby graduated from high school today.
Wow.
Can she be that old? Wasn't it just yesterday I was pacing the floor, five days over due, trying to convince her to come out? I promised her I would be a good mom. I would love her and take care of her. Please, please, please come out I begged.
As nervous as I was to give birth I was so tired of being pregnant.
Oh, but she was stubborn-maybe she knew how inadequate I was and just thought "No, way. I'm staying in and long as I can."?
Two days later I was induced.
After she was born she had some complications (aspirated fluid) and my nine pound three ounce bouncing baby girl was in the NIC struggling to breath. I have never prayed so hard in my life. Is this what motherhood is? Loving someone more than yourself? Praying so hard and making all sorts of promises to God?
Luckily, she did recover and (knock on wood) I've never had to pray so hard and be so worried about her since.
Okay. I do worry.
But not in a life or death like situation.
She grew a little.
The first time I took her out on my own she was two weeks old. I took her to have her picture taken. Of course she was wide awake and happy when I got to the portrait studio but we had to wait and wait and she had fallen asleep. They had to wake her up for her pictures-although we did take a lot of sleeping ones-and then she started to cry. I broke out into a cold sweat. I was so nervous and stressed over her crying in public. I was sure everyone around thought I was a terrible mother. I think about it now and laugh. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was in for.
When she was first home and sleeping all the time, I would go and listen for her breath and touch her just to make sure she was still alive.
I also remember nursing her when she was days old and thinking. This is it. I've done everything there is to do. I'm married, I have a baby, there's nothing great left for me to do.
I didn't know it then, but I had a case of the "after baby blues". I would cry because she was so perfect, or over a silly commercial, or if James said something nice to me. I felt so dumb for being so sad because I knew I had so much to be grateful for-this beautiful healthy baby, my wonderful husband. My good life.
She grew a little more.
Eventually, we figured each other out and my hormones went back to normal and for the last seventeen years and nine months to this day Kambree has been apart of my life-everyday.
I had Kambree right beside me day in and out when she was a baby. She went to work with me and I'd sit her in her rocking car seat and bounce it while I did payroll and paper work. She would play on the floor while I cooked dinner or I'd carry her like a fragile princess snuggled into the warm clothes in the laundry basket. I learned to sleep with one arm around her protective so James wouldn't roll on her as I was just to tired to put her back in her bed. She was slathered in baby lotion and wore ruffly socks and matching bows before we ever left the house or went anywhere.
She grew even more.
I remember how she LOVED the big, purple dinosaur, Barney. How she would sing all the time and make up her own words when she didn't know the right ones. She became a big sister when she was just over twenty months old and she took that responsibility very seriously. She understood Austin when the rest of us couldn't. "Mom he wants a cookie." "Mom he wants a drink." Austin didn't talk until later in life because Kambree did all the talking for him.
She's always had a tender spot in her heart for animals. When other little girls played at dolls she played dogs. Once she collected a bunch of slugs that I refused to let her keep in the house-she also liked to collect potato bugs-well, the slugs slimmed away in the night and the next day she was in tears because her "pets" had run away.
She loved to get muddy and dirty and make messy arts and crafts. (She still does!)
She started dancing at age three and the first time she ran excitedly into her dance class in her tap shoes she slipped and feel right on her bottom. She still wanted to dance but refused to get off the chair-as she didn't want to fall down again. After a couple of weeks of sitting in the chair just doing the hand movements her teacher suggested we try again next year.
She kept on growing.
She's always been brave. She's the first to try things like jumping off cliffs in Lake Powell, getting up on water ski's, hanging on to a tube despite how fast and crazy her grandpa drives the boat to dump her off. She's all about adventure.
She loves camping and hiking.
She and her friends put on carnivals, spook allies, bake sales and babysitting clinics.
And she grew even older.
Although you've all seen pictures of Kambree on this blog and can attest to how beautiful she is outside, I know she's beautiful inside. I've always told her it's more important to be beautiful inside than out. Lucky for her....she's both!
And now she's practically all grown up.
She's my favorite critique and I trust her taste and opinion over any one else. I always leave the tags on my clothes until I get her opinion just in case she gives me a thumbs down and I need to return it.
I love that she comes home and shares her life with me.
She's always been trust worthy and although we butt heads about the condition and cleanliness of her room-that's really our only sore spot. We don't even argue about curfews or boys.
I'm feeling a little lonely tonight thinking of my baby girl leaving me next fall. I keep telling myself she's been preparing me for this, being so busy like she has the past couple of years. Sometimes I only see her briefly coming and going. She's been dancing on dance company, working, taking college courses, participating in young woman's and has a very active social life. But I know at the end of the day-be it oh, so very late-she is home and safe and I usually get a "I'm home Mom, goodnight." And if I'm awake enough to ask about her night I get a brief overview of how things went.
This last year, her senior year has been sort of like a backwards pregnancy's with lot's of lasts-rather than lot's of firsts. And as much as I've been excited for her and her new "birth"- going off to school, to dance on the drill team, to have opportunity's and experiences that will mold her into an even more fabulous young woman, I feel like I did when she was five days late only I've been trying to talk her into slowing down, staying home, being mine for just a little longer.
But she's still not listening and today I feel like I was induced.
She graduated from high school.
Is there a such thing as "after baby just graduated blues" and if so, is there a pill or a fix?
Because I'm feeling a little sad. Not for her. Just for me. It feels as if everything is changing and nothing will ever be the same.
Is eighteen years and a couple weeks enough time to teach her everything she needs to know? Did I keep my promise? Was I a good mom? Is she ready?
I just don't want to let her go. I want her to just start going backwards now and be my Breezyboop once again, and sing me songs and play dogs, tell me what Austin needs and turn my backyard or basement into a carnival or spook alley.
I want to walk into her room and wonder if there is actually carpet underneath this huge mess?
Is it so wrong to want her to stay mine and stay little. And know she's safe and home in her messy bedroom each night.
Wow.
Can she be that old? Wasn't it just yesterday I was pacing the floor, five days over due, trying to convince her to come out? I promised her I would be a good mom. I would love her and take care of her. Please, please, please come out I begged.
As nervous as I was to give birth I was so tired of being pregnant.
Oh, but she was stubborn-maybe she knew how inadequate I was and just thought "No, way. I'm staying in and long as I can."?
Two days later I was induced.
After she was born she had some complications (aspirated fluid) and my nine pound three ounce bouncing baby girl was in the NIC struggling to breath. I have never prayed so hard in my life. Is this what motherhood is? Loving someone more than yourself? Praying so hard and making all sorts of promises to God?
Luckily, she did recover and (knock on wood) I've never had to pray so hard and be so worried about her since.
Okay. I do worry.
But not in a life or death like situation.
She grew a little.
The first time I took her out on my own she was two weeks old. I took her to have her picture taken. Of course she was wide awake and happy when I got to the portrait studio but we had to wait and wait and she had fallen asleep. They had to wake her up for her pictures-although we did take a lot of sleeping ones-and then she started to cry. I broke out into a cold sweat. I was so nervous and stressed over her crying in public. I was sure everyone around thought I was a terrible mother. I think about it now and laugh. I had no idea what I was doing or what I was in for.
When she was first home and sleeping all the time, I would go and listen for her breath and touch her just to make sure she was still alive.
I also remember nursing her when she was days old and thinking. This is it. I've done everything there is to do. I'm married, I have a baby, there's nothing great left for me to do.
I didn't know it then, but I had a case of the "after baby blues". I would cry because she was so perfect, or over a silly commercial, or if James said something nice to me. I felt so dumb for being so sad because I knew I had so much to be grateful for-this beautiful healthy baby, my wonderful husband. My good life.
She grew a little more.
Eventually, we figured each other out and my hormones went back to normal and for the last seventeen years and nine months to this day Kambree has been apart of my life-everyday.
I had Kambree right beside me day in and out when she was a baby. She went to work with me and I'd sit her in her rocking car seat and bounce it while I did payroll and paper work. She would play on the floor while I cooked dinner or I'd carry her like a fragile princess snuggled into the warm clothes in the laundry basket. I learned to sleep with one arm around her protective so James wouldn't roll on her as I was just to tired to put her back in her bed. She was slathered in baby lotion and wore ruffly socks and matching bows before we ever left the house or went anywhere.
She grew even more.
I remember how she LOVED the big, purple dinosaur, Barney. How she would sing all the time and make up her own words when she didn't know the right ones. She became a big sister when she was just over twenty months old and she took that responsibility very seriously. She understood Austin when the rest of us couldn't. "Mom he wants a cookie." "Mom he wants a drink." Austin didn't talk until later in life because Kambree did all the talking for him.
She's always had a tender spot in her heart for animals. When other little girls played at dolls she played dogs. Once she collected a bunch of slugs that I refused to let her keep in the house-she also liked to collect potato bugs-well, the slugs slimmed away in the night and the next day she was in tears because her "pets" had run away.
She loved to get muddy and dirty and make messy arts and crafts. (She still does!)
She started dancing at age three and the first time she ran excitedly into her dance class in her tap shoes she slipped and feel right on her bottom. She still wanted to dance but refused to get off the chair-as she didn't want to fall down again. After a couple of weeks of sitting in the chair just doing the hand movements her teacher suggested we try again next year.
She kept on growing.
She's always been brave. She's the first to try things like jumping off cliffs in Lake Powell, getting up on water ski's, hanging on to a tube despite how fast and crazy her grandpa drives the boat to dump her off. She's all about adventure.
She loves camping and hiking.
She and her friends put on carnivals, spook allies, bake sales and babysitting clinics.
And she grew even older.
Although you've all seen pictures of Kambree on this blog and can attest to how beautiful she is outside, I know she's beautiful inside. I've always told her it's more important to be beautiful inside than out. Lucky for her....she's both!
And now she's practically all grown up.
She's my favorite critique and I trust her taste and opinion over any one else. I always leave the tags on my clothes until I get her opinion just in case she gives me a thumbs down and I need to return it.
I love that she comes home and shares her life with me.
She's always been trust worthy and although we butt heads about the condition and cleanliness of her room-that's really our only sore spot. We don't even argue about curfews or boys.
I'm feeling a little lonely tonight thinking of my baby girl leaving me next fall. I keep telling myself she's been preparing me for this, being so busy like she has the past couple of years. Sometimes I only see her briefly coming and going. She's been dancing on dance company, working, taking college courses, participating in young woman's and has a very active social life. But I know at the end of the day-be it oh, so very late-she is home and safe and I usually get a "I'm home Mom, goodnight." And if I'm awake enough to ask about her night I get a brief overview of how things went.
This last year, her senior year has been sort of like a backwards pregnancy's with lot's of lasts-rather than lot's of firsts. And as much as I've been excited for her and her new "birth"- going off to school, to dance on the drill team, to have opportunity's and experiences that will mold her into an even more fabulous young woman, I feel like I did when she was five days late only I've been trying to talk her into slowing down, staying home, being mine for just a little longer.
But she's still not listening and today I feel like I was induced.
She graduated from high school.
Is there a such thing as "after baby just graduated blues" and if so, is there a pill or a fix?
Because I'm feeling a little sad. Not for her. Just for me. It feels as if everything is changing and nothing will ever be the same.
Is eighteen years and a couple weeks enough time to teach her everything she needs to know? Did I keep my promise? Was I a good mom? Is she ready?
I just don't want to let her go. I want her to just start going backwards now and be my Breezyboop once again, and sing me songs and play dogs, tell me what Austin needs and turn my backyard or basement into a carnival or spook alley.
I want to walk into her room and wonder if there is actually carpet underneath this huge mess?
Is it so wrong to want her to stay mine and stay little. And know she's safe and home in her messy bedroom each night.
My entire life my Dad always told me he was going to put a rock on my head. I could never figure out why. I was so literal, "Why would I want a rock on my head? A rock would hurt." But this was his way of telling me not to grow up, to stay little.
And, as much as he told me he was going to-he didn't. He couldn't.
And I grew up.
And I had a baby.
And in just a few blinks of an eye, she has gone and grown up too.
I took lot's of pictures and will post soon.
And, as much as he told me he was going to-he didn't. He couldn't.
And I grew up.
And I had a baby.
And in just a few blinks of an eye, she has gone and grown up too.
I took lot's of pictures and will post soon.
7 of my blog friends said something...:
Well goodness gracious, I am all teared up! What a sweet, sweet post! Congratulations to your baby girl, all grown up and graduated. Is she going far?
My poor parents, up until Jan of my senior year, I swore I was moving to Australia. And then I met my (now) husband, and only went to NC lol. Reading this makes me feel bad for them, as their youngest, Im sure my mom was a wreck.
This is an very nice post about your daughter. She must be one special girl! Your post was very touching.
Well I am boobing like a baby. I feel my kids are growing up too fast, but mine are still home. Cherish these moments with her home this summer as they too will go fast.
Great post - very well written!!! Made me cry like a baby. Matthew, too, has grown up and is leaving in one month. I have no idea where the time goes and why they grow up so darn fast. I remember Kambree when she was little - always pressed, clean, and frilly. I have decided over the last year of watching Matthew - that is really what we want for our children, to have them be self-sufficient and ready to move on - and if we have done our job (which we both have Wendy) they will go out and be great adults and we have prepared them for this their whole lifes -- too bad we are not prepared as well as they are. It really breaks your heart and it hurts so bad. Hope we can survive!!
Wow Wendy thanks for sharing. Your a awesome and good mom. No matter where Kambree is or what she does. She will always be your baby and little girl and your always her mom. Always know she loves you and will always come to you when she needs to talk and things. Your great and you have a beautiful family. I want to add that Kambree is very lucky to have you as a mom and a very beautiful girl inside and out.
Watching these babies leave our homes is the hardest part, but at least Kambree is making good decisions and has a great head on her shoulders. If she is anything like her mom, she'll be a success at whatever she does.
These pictures was nice to see.......by the way Saturday the 19th.....for Eric if you are in the area.....
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