Really Long Alex Update

Friday while the kids were at camp I had this sudden burst of organizational energy and attacked their rooms. Both children are amazing pack rats and very cluttered. I have many faults but one thing I am not, is a clutter bug. I detest piles and disorganization. Maybe it's a sickness I have? I do realize I have unrealistic expectations from the other humans I live with but regardless-it is who I am. I'm not going to change anytime soon. I've learned to deal with it. That's just the way it is.

However, I do try to be reasonable....

I do give my children creative space and privacy-everyone has ONE drawer for their junk. ONE DRAWER! Not a closet, a dresser and an under the bed. A DRAWER! This is not for toys-there's a toy room downstairs for toys-this is just for stuff or in my mind....crap! They also have a locker on the main floor for coats, books, bags, shoes, cell phones, etc but are required to clean them out weekly. (However, that doesn't always happen-despite the fact it's printed in black and white on the job chart.)

Most my children are good at keeping the exterior of their room up to snuff-Alex included. To look at his room it's pretty tidy, bed made, nothing on the floor. Rylee-like Kambree-on the other hand has a hard time and often her room seems to be spilling out the door.

Rylee's issue is girly stuff. Lip gloss, hair bows, makeup, lotion, powder, barbies etc. It's spread all over her dresser and usually on the floor. She's also terrible about putting her clothes in the hamper. I pulled out too small or worn clothing, limited her dresser display of beautifying girly objects to a framed mirror to hold them, threw out some old school papers, straightened a book shelf, cleaned out the "throw all" top of her closet and wa la-clean tidy room.

Alex's room was another story. (Keep in mind I do this about every three months so it's not like I'm cleaning out a few years of clothes and junk-just a few months!) As mentioned to the untrained eye, it looks pretty tidy BUT in every drawer, on every shelf, under the bed, in the closet was.....JUNK!! Papers, wrappers, broken things, string, batteries, crappy little toys and clothes in every which drawer. No rhyme or reason. No organization. It was inner chaos disguised by outer compliance!

Now, one of my many talks with Alex-probably talk #5, #107 & #290-have been about putting clean clothes in the right place. I've also had plenty of talks about where his junk should go. So I was pretty grumbly while I was cleaning out his room. I cleaned out everything and despite my best intentions of not invading his junk drawer-I had to! Things were spilled and sticking to the bottom-like silly putty and some sort of blue paint. There was so much garbage-wrappers and old school work-I just had to sort through it all. Putting all the things I could tell that were of use in their proper places and organizing-for the tenth time-his clothing drawers. I left the rest-what I would consider GARBAGE-on his bed for him to sort through. (That would be the picture at the top of this post!)

I realize he hasn't had much in his life and that possessions are important to him. I am fine with possession of value. That actually work or that he plays with but this stuff?? Most of it I've never even seen. I also realize that he's creative and what I consider junk could be some part to some invention or creative genius but he MUST realize that his creativity/genius is limited to ONE DRAWER!! (A big drawer at that.)

So, when they got home from camp we went in on the computer and looked at pictures of people's homes with "compulsive hoarding" disorder and I explained that I didn't not want them to turn out that way. They both agreed they did not want to live like that either. Then they both cleaned out their lockers and Alex attacked his pile o'crap. After two hours he came down with a GARBAGE sack of actual garbage! (It took him two hours to sort through his treasures.) He proudly showed me his cleaned out junk drawer-which still has a lot of crazy Alex stuff in it-and then he hugged me and very sincerely said "Thanks mom."

(Sigh)

So much to learn.

Was that lecture #389?

On to #390....

The next night we were eating dinner and I caught Alex wiping his face on the neck of his shirt. Yep, shirt for a napkin. Not cool. I told him to get a paper towel and the next time I catch him doing that he would be doing his own laundry. I know he's done this in the past but I've never been able to actually catch him in the act. (I do however catch him using his hand as a napkin and wiping it on his pants all the time! That's not cool either.)

I bet you can never guess who learned how to run the washer today? Yep, within five minutes he did it again. Blame it on the juicy cantaloupe dripping down his chin or whatever but despite having paper towel in hand he did it again. He's so very quick at this wiping of the face on the shirt that if you blink you might miss it but, I saw it! I witnessed it for the second time in five minutes! So, today he did his own batch of dark clothes, wash, dried and folded. (He's decided that using a napkin might be easier.)

That was what I was hoping.

A week or so ago, during one of our many talks-not exactly sure which one-he broke down crying and told me he's a bad son. That he will never learn and he's no good for our family. I pointed out all the things he does well and then he confessed that he knows mom and dad loves him but his siblings don't. I asked him why he thinks that is? He thinks they don't love him because he cannot remember Russian. I was puzzled by this and assured him that they do love him but that maybe some of the things he does makes it hard to like him? It's true that he annoys them most the time-which is typical for an almost 12 year in general-but he's a little more than typical, he's down right irritating most of the time. I quickly realized that Austin and his friends are always asking him Ukraine words and he can't remember them and he thinks they don't like him because of that. That's not true-it's just that Alex can feel that he annoys his siblings and that's the only thing he can think of that it could be? So, I've decided that this little guy just isn't going to get it on his own. No one is going to teach him if I don't. So it's time to be blunt. To be honest. To help him figure out the dynamics of relationships and social graces.

We talked about how he would feel if I were upset and talking to him for something like, not doing his job and then Rylee butted in with a smug singsong voice saying, "Mom, I did MY job." how would he feel? Bad was his answer. "Well, you do that ALL the time to your siblings." Then later we talked about how he acts like he thinks he knows everything and has done everything. This came from the announcement that can drive a HUGE back hoe. ONCE he drove a small tractor on a farm in Ukraine with his brothers help and now he thinks he can drive EVERYTHING. (He also thinks he can beat up, punch, karate chop or whatever anyone-that he is invincible.) You can see how these things would annoy his older siblings right? Heck! It annoys me. After each of these talks-which I tried to approach honestly but kindly-it was like a little light went off in his head. He had no idea how gloating or boasting could be irritating.

I attribute a lot of this behavior to being raised in an institution where no one thought you were special-where you had to point out your good deeds, draw attention to yourself, point out your special abilities and that you probably imagined yourself much more powerful and invincible then you actually were.

I detest tattling (another huge sibling annoyance issue) but in the orphanage it is smiled upon and encouraged. Who's going to tell him this if his mother doesn't? No one.

I noticed today just how much he's starting to look like a pre-teen and not a little boy. I would like him to stay little longer-I feel like I haven't had enough time and that it will get harder to correct and help him as he gets older and more self conscious. I think some of our issues lately are attributed to hormone's and growing pains and his need to prove his independence from our many rules and regulations. He's just not ready for that-he hasn't proven himself and he doesn't know all he needs to know. I feel like I need to pack in what he missed the first ten years into the next two years. Am I crazy? It seems to me once they're fourteen-right where Devree is this summer-they're done listening, you just hope you taught them well, that they make good choices and be there to pick them up when they fall. (And pray hard for them!)

Last night I went to the airport as one of our families were returning with their two sons from Ukraine. 51 days in Ukraine! Christy you and you're family are amazing and you have kept me so entertained. (I showed up to the airport in Mrs. Darling hair and makeup.) As always, these homecomings make me remember bringing Alex home and just how far we've come.

Despite my many, many lectures (or maybe because of them?) he's come so far. Not just his English but his manners, his attitude, his self image, and the relationships he's working on. He actually wrote in his journal that he's starting to LIKE doing his homework. He's always willing to help and pitch in, he tires so hard, he's the first to get up, get dressed, get his jobs done, he handles being corrected over and over again with the patience of a Saint. He loves his life here and it shows in the twinkle of his eye, his quick smile and contagious laugh.

My cute friend Karen met him today at her son's mission farewell. (Elder Burton...you're going to be a fabulous missionary!) She has followed my blog faithfully and had never met Alex. She was telling him how she knows him through my blog and how I tell everyone what a good boy he is (I do say he's good every once in awhile....right?) and how lucky he is to be a Richhart. Alex was his typical shy self and said very little but afterwards he whispered to me with conviction, "I am Alex Benjamin Richhart and no one can take me!" Yes, I think he's pretty glad to be one of us despite his mothers OCD organization disorder, napkin issues, and my blunt "this is how it is" talks to help him fit in better with his siblings and society.

May he just stay young enough and open minded long enough to get it all!