Love for Ukraine?

I've been faithfully following my friends blog as she adopts boys from the same region where we adopted Alex. So many of the places and experiences are the same. She commented on how she's having a hard time finding a love for Ukraine and just wants to whisk her boys out of there. I remember that feel so very well. I would scoff when people I met in Ukraine mentioned coming back for a vacation. A vacation are you kidding? This is not a place I would CHOOSE to visit! I remember telling my facilitator the only way I'd be back is if Alex became some super famous soccer player or something and Ukraine was honoring him. (Or he was coming over to play-and kick Ukraine's butt-because I would be the loudest cheerleader ever!)

Since then my thoughts have softened towards Ukraine. I no longer cringe when I hear Ukraine mentioned. I have a few fond memories of a few people and experiences but mostly I have Alex-whom I love and cherish and because he is Ukrainian, I will forever be grateful to his birth country-despite the fact I am not grateful for his past experiences or hardships.

But worse than my memories of Ukraine are Alex's. The things he went through-an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic family life and then abandonment in an orphanage with horrible and psychologically damaging discipline-you can't really blame him. He cringes when he hears his native language spoken. He says it sounds bad.

A while back I tried to help him think of good things about Ukraine and the only things he could come up with is Borscht and his half brother, Ivan.

I think he had more love and pride for his country when he was there but as he's come to live with us and see how our life is and feel love he realizes the hell hole from which he came and it hurts and he hates it. He told me weeks after arriving home "I wish I in yous tummy." . He gave up speaking Ukrainian within a month of getting home and insisted he didn't understand or speak it and he doesn't want us to tell people he's adopted. He just wants to be one of us-the same and pretend he was always one of us.

We've had a couple of times in the past when something has triggered a terrible memory and he'll sob in my arms and tell me "My brain cannot forget Ukraine." I tell him of course it can't and how sorry I am for his bad memories and if I could take them away I would. He calms quickly, he lets me comfort him and hold him and make up for some of the hurt and loss. The truth is I cannot take it away, I can only love him through it and help him find hope and feel safe.

Right now he's carving something out of wood for James for Fathers Day and he came and showed me and informed me that he was making me lots of presents for Mothers Day next year. I hugged him and kissed his cheeks and asked, "How did I get such a sweet boy?" and he said "Because I can carve?" I laughed and said, "Oh, yes. I only got you because you can carve." Then he gave me a deep serious look and said "Because God told you to get me and you love me."

I'm not sure he's uttered sweeter words.

And here is a sweet picture of that sweet boy!