I am discovering more about myself as I go through this adoption process than I ever wanted to know. I already knew I was impatient, rash and jumped into things with both feet. I also knew I am a bit of a sentimentalist and probably read more into a situation than there is but what I didn't know (or at least now I surely know) is:
#1 I hate owing people. I don't mind being the one giving service, favors or what not BUT I hate asking people to do the same for me. I feel like I'm pulling ever favor in the book. Like sugar coating all my request to my accountant, employers, doctors, to fill out yet more papers only this time "Could you please have them notarized?" Favors from my professional friends, "So do you think you can notarize all these papers, some which don't even require signatures? I'm not sure why you would be notarizing them but..." Or "Could you help me figure out how to get documents appostilled in Louisiana?" to the human resource girl at my husbands work-who has never met me and probably never will. Or how about the translators. "Could you help me make a call at seven in the morning?" or "Could you translate this letter?" I just don't like it. And I haven't even started pulling favors for my 30-40 day trip to Ukraine.
#2 I hate feeling helpless and powerless. In my day to day workings, I deal with contracts and paper work and I handle them with ease and confidence. In this situation I am a fish out of water. What the heck is appostille? What is the difference in certified and notarized? You want documentation that I own a home? How hard can that be? County tax information is insufficient? I need to get a statement from the assessor stating how big, how many bedrooms, etc? Cut to phone call to assessors office: "We have no idea what you're talking about." I know I am not the first person in the county to adopt from the Ukraine. How can this be so difficult. Then my i171H form (that I waited for 10 days for) doesn't have the correct wording and information that it is being forwarded to Ukraine. So, another email to them with regards to this. Who knows when this document will show up with the correct information? And my tax guy-who recently suffered a major motorcycle accident-has not returned my calls for weeks. I have to have him make a statement and notarize it as to my self employment status. I have no control! And I hate it!!
But on a kinder note....
#3 I didn't know we would feel so connected to a little person thousands of miles away. It's as if part of my heart got on that airplane with him. I think about him constantly. Is he warm? Is he safe? Or while Christmas shopping things jump out at me that Lex would love (It's easy to shop for a child that has nothing.). And my children do the same thing. "Lex would like this. Remember when he did this? Why can't Santa bring Alexey for Christmas? He could stop at the Ukraine on his way to our house." And my bananas are turning brown. No one is eating them....
#4 I need to vent. Be it on this blog or on the phone with my new found friends/mothers also going through this or with my friends and family. I talk about this ALL THE TIME. So let this be my formal apology to all who are tired of me turning every conversation back to my adoption process. I am sorry, I'll probably keep doing it until my boy is safe at home but know that as the words spew from my mouth that I feel for you. It's got to be taxing to listen to me!
I'm sure I have much more to learn about myself as I travel this road. Thanks to all for you comments, emails, phone calls and concern. Keep 'em coming....I'm going to need 'em.
#1 I hate owing people. I don't mind being the one giving service, favors or what not BUT I hate asking people to do the same for me. I feel like I'm pulling ever favor in the book. Like sugar coating all my request to my accountant, employers, doctors, to fill out yet more papers only this time "Could you please have them notarized?" Favors from my professional friends, "So do you think you can notarize all these papers, some which don't even require signatures? I'm not sure why you would be notarizing them but..." Or "Could you help me figure out how to get documents appostilled in Louisiana?" to the human resource girl at my husbands work-who has never met me and probably never will. Or how about the translators. "Could you help me make a call at seven in the morning?" or "Could you translate this letter?" I just don't like it. And I haven't even started pulling favors for my 30-40 day trip to Ukraine.
#2 I hate feeling helpless and powerless. In my day to day workings, I deal with contracts and paper work and I handle them with ease and confidence. In this situation I am a fish out of water. What the heck is appostille? What is the difference in certified and notarized? You want documentation that I own a home? How hard can that be? County tax information is insufficient? I need to get a statement from the assessor stating how big, how many bedrooms, etc? Cut to phone call to assessors office: "We have no idea what you're talking about." I know I am not the first person in the county to adopt from the Ukraine. How can this be so difficult. Then my i171H form (that I waited for 10 days for) doesn't have the correct wording and information that it is being forwarded to Ukraine. So, another email to them with regards to this. Who knows when this document will show up with the correct information? And my tax guy-who recently suffered a major motorcycle accident-has not returned my calls for weeks. I have to have him make a statement and notarize it as to my self employment status. I have no control! And I hate it!!
But on a kinder note....
#3 I didn't know we would feel so connected to a little person thousands of miles away. It's as if part of my heart got on that airplane with him. I think about him constantly. Is he warm? Is he safe? Or while Christmas shopping things jump out at me that Lex would love (It's easy to shop for a child that has nothing.). And my children do the same thing. "Lex would like this. Remember when he did this? Why can't Santa bring Alexey for Christmas? He could stop at the Ukraine on his way to our house." And my bananas are turning brown. No one is eating them....
#4 I need to vent. Be it on this blog or on the phone with my new found friends/mothers also going through this or with my friends and family. I talk about this ALL THE TIME. So let this be my formal apology to all who are tired of me turning every conversation back to my adoption process. I am sorry, I'll probably keep doing it until my boy is safe at home but know that as the words spew from my mouth that I feel for you. It's got to be taxing to listen to me!
I'm sure I have much more to learn about myself as I travel this road. Thanks to all for you comments, emails, phone calls and concern. Keep 'em coming....I'm going to need 'em.
3 of my blog friends said something...:
Nice piece of writing here Wendy. It seems almost as if they make it so hard to finish the adoption that some families may get turned away just because they don't want to jump thru all those hoops to get it done. But i know that you will acomplish your goal and bring lexi home. You are very strong to do all of this. It takes tremendous courage and determination to go thru the rollercoaster ride of emotions that must come with the adoption process. I do wish they would make it a little easier. You would think they would just to give these children a good home that they desperately need. I wish you all the luck in tackling all that crazy paperwork stuff for I would be completely lost on who to turn to and what to do. May your process thru this be easier than it sounds.
Best wishes for this Christmas,
Paul W.
Vent away. We're all here for ya.
Oh heavens, it was nice to read your blog because it is my exact feelings! Why didn't we do this paperwork the first time, and why do you notarize papers without signatures and yet after we looked through it all we said lets get started. We are so attached it would be like leaving one of our kids behind, how can we not do it. I'm 100% with you on all 4 points.
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