April 20th/Day 34 Goodbye Ivan & Snezhana

This post is also on my laptop-check later! (Posted 6/18/09)

We had all talked about sleeping in on Monday but Alex was up at 6:45 and so, so was I. We tried really hard to stay quite but around eight we woke Ivan & Snezhana up-sneaking into the room next to theirs to check my emails. I offered to buy us all breakfast at McDonald's but Ivan doesn’t like McDonald's AND he pointed out-we have a ton of food left over!

So we ate more Easter Cake, tea and Snezhana fried up the potato dumplings which are even better the second day. I really am going to make these when I get home.

Alex and I were ready to head out as we have laundry to do and he was pleading for “da doma”. (Which is actually a Ukraine word not Russian and it’s one word “dadoma” whereas I always thought it was “yes home”. The word for home in Russian is “Dome” How confusing to have two languages. Everyone speaks and watches TV in Russian but all of Alex’s studies were in Ukraine. No wonder he hates to study!)

We had an English lesson on fruit as the table was covered with a plastic cloth of fruit. We stopped at McDonald's on the way to the bus station. It was Ivan’s idea but here is how he looked, he thinks McDonald's is unhealthy. I assured him I agree and we don’t eat there often-which is true-just ask my homegrown kids!

We had talked in McDonalds about Ivan & Snezhana coming to visit us. I told them I would check into how we “invite” them so they can get a visa. It would be awesome to have them visit but it may not be for a very long time as they’re trying to build their home and start a family.

Then we were off to the bus stop. (BTW Ivan backs into his parking spots too James. I knew you two were kindred spirits!)

So the moment I had been dreading was upon us. Saying goodbye. I had reminded Alex at the house to say goodbye to the dogs and to Andri Ivanovich and he did fine. We purchased our tickets and were getting on the bus as Ivan and Alex exchanged their goodbyes. Ivan told him to be patient with James and Wendy and to study and learn English. (This I got through Snezhana-I’m sure more was said but that was between Ivan & Alex) Then they escorted us to our seats-which was great because someone was in our seat and they made them get out. Ivan carried my bags which had multiplied as they sent me home with jam, Easter cake, fresh milk and a container of potato dumplings and roasted meat. (They also sent me an Easter Cake to bring to Utah! I hope it makes the journey!)

We said good bye again as they got off the bus, Alex had his baseball cap on and I turned his face up to me and his eyes were filled with tears. He didn’t sob or cry loudly but turned away and buried his face in his hands. I knew this was going to be the hard goodbye. I hugged him too me, I wanted him to tell him it was okay that he was crying-that I would worry if he wasn’t-that we would always stay in touch with Ivan but of course he can’t understand any of this so I just hug him and say it’s okay. Meanwhile, Ivan & Snezhana had walked around to our side of the bus to wave (we’re sitting right against the big window in the back) and they could see Alex’s crying and by now I’m tearing up too. It hurts my heart to see my boy so sad. So Alex is crying, and I’m crying and I’m sure we’re just a sight of sadness. We wave again and I can see that Snezhana is getting teary too.

I found Alex a tissue and we pull out and then it hit me just how brave Alex is! Everyone is always saying I’m brave, that they could never do this-adopt a child-let alone an older child and one that doesn’t speak English? But truly who is brave? Wendy the 40 year old that will live in her country, speak her language, live with her family and incorporate Alex into her life? Or Alex the ten year old little boy that will leave everyone and everything he knows good and bad and travel half a world away to live with people he’s know for short time, learn a language and a life he has never known and trust and believe that he will be loved and cared for? Who is the brave one? He is only ten years old, think of when you were ten…could you have done such a thing? What a trusting soul, what a beautiful, brave child.

Weeks ago while saying my payers I had such a strong witness of Heavenly Fathers love for Alex and how he had been entrusted to my care. When I look back on our path to this point, I have no doubt that we knew Alex in the life before this one and that he was meant to be a part of our family. This I know because I feel the spirit and I’ve watched the miraculous journey almost as a bystander as to how we got from my initial stirrings-that there was someone missing in our family-to this point. I just hope that the spirit is whispering to Alex that all will be well too. That this is where he belongs. That he is loved not only by us but by our loving Father in Heaven who knows him just as he knows all of his children.

It was a pretty quite bus ride. After the first few hugs during the tears he didn’t want to snuggle or lay against me. I think he just needed his space. We caught our second bus and walked home to our little scary apartment dropped our bags and then Alex threw his arms around me:

Alex “I love you Mama”

Me: “I love you too my Alex.”

Alex: “My mama...”