Maturation!

So, I should be cleaning my house, working, figuring out something for dinner, or planning how to get through Thursday (I only have about a million things stacked on this day-one of them being my film shot-yes, I was cast as the vampires mother!) but instead I sit here blogging because this was just way too funny not to share.

So, about two weeks ago I got a letter IN the mail about Alex's upcoming maturation program at school. I looked at the calendar, noticed James would be away at work and checked the box yes, my child will attend and yes, I will be there and sent it back with Alex. 

Last week I got a note home for Rylee that the school has decided to invited the 4th grade girls as well. Boys and girls meet separately but unfortunately the 5th grade boys meet at the SAME time as the 4th and 5th grade girls. (4th grade boys are off the hook until next year!)  Hum....what do do. I really feel like I should be there with Alex as I don't know how much he'll understand and he might need some translating-mommy style AND I really feel like I should be there with Rylee because she is so very sensitive and I knew most everyone else would have their mom's there. 

I decided I'd just split my time between the two. 

Beforehand I thought I better make sure Rylee was clear on just what we were going to be learning about. I knew she knew the basics as living with older sisters even Austin knows the basics and since we out number the guys here we're often reminded-by Austin-that "I AM STILL IN THE ROOM!" when we talk about our cycles, need for chocolate or who's bathroom is out of  T's.

So Rylee couldn't help but know at least SOME of the mysteries of womanhood. But just to be safe I sat her down and gave her an overview. Yep, she knew it pretty much.

Now maturation has been the talk of the school. Apparently there has been a petition going around-drawn up by some boys-that attending maturation constitutes as abuse? What the heck? However, I'm sure Alex would sign, not because he thinks it's abuse or even knows what maturation is but because he loves to sign his name in cursive. I don't know whatever happened with this petition but it didn't cancel the maturation class.

So last night-while I'm talking with James on the phone-Rylee comes in and  in an attempt to stall her bedtime she asks me why I'm not having anymore babies. "Is it because my eggs are all gone?"

"What? Rylee? I am not talking to you about my eggs right now. It's way past your bedtime. Goodnight."

On the way out is dawns on her. 

"Oh, never mind. You still have your eggs because you still have that (.)"

Thanks Ry. I'm glad you figured that one out.

So, this morning I tell the kids, I'll see you at nine for the maturation program. 

Alex asks, "Mom, what maturation?"

"Oh it's just a little class on how your body works and what happens to you when you grow up."

Alex shrugs. No big deal. Or so he thinks.

Rylee rolls her eyes. She's not looking forward to this.

I start out with Alex. He's sitting next to Brach and Kammy and I are on either side of the boys. The movie comes on and talks about showering and wearing deodorant each day. I nudge Alex. He looks at me with a "this has got to be a conspiracy" roll of his eyes. Then the movie shows the male anatomy. Alex's eyes open wide, he looks at me, he looks back at the screen, then back at me and whispers loudly "Mom, this weird!" Brach at this point has his head in his hands and his elbows on his knee's. He refuses to look up. I look at Kammy. Bad decision, we both purse our lips, look forward and try not to look at each other again as we know we'll burst in to giggles over the heads of our appalled and grimacing little boys.

Alex tells me again, "Mom, this weird!" when they show what the male anatomy does when blood flows to it. Brach has still never looked up at the screen.

It's time for me leave.

I give Alex a quick squeeze and slip out to go with Rylee.

Her movie is in full swing and she has saved me a seat.

"So what do you think so far?" 

"This is weird!" 

Hum...that's the same thing Alex said.

At one point Rylee asks me if she can have chocolate when she begins this process. Funny, that's not something they talk about in the movie. But apparently a perk or at least Rylee has interrupted it as one

There were NO questions after the film. Silence. Dead silence. The girls were excused. There was a quick parent meeting. Kammy came in  and sat with me and Amy. I asked how it went with the boys after I left and she said they talked a little about girls and what they go through and Brach put his fingers in his ears and his head between his legs and Alex covered his eyes.

We laughed. Finally we could. Too funny. 

Maturation. 

What a way to start your day!